Ch. 7: YEAR SIX (APRIL CONT)
Breathing hard from anger and frustration she watched his retreating form. As he disappeared into the night she just blinked at him and then suddenly, as everything caught up to her at once, she sank to the ground with her face in her hands sobbing…
~o~
As the portrait hole swung open fiercely, the laughter of the three Marauders sitting around the fire was silenced by an irate James bounding up the stairs in a temper.
“Hey Prongs, what’s up?” called Sirius cautiously, exchanging a meaningful glance with Remus. He was answered with a violent slam of the door.
“So he found Lily then?” said Remus calmly. Peter flinched as they heard another loud crash from upstairs, and Remus sighed solemnly, taking a sip of hot chocolate.
*
“ARGH!” roared James kicking his bedpost.
His heartache overcame his anger as he breathed deeply; closing his eyes he sat on his bed, trying to make sense of everything that had just happened…
“…since the very beginning you have been egotistical and conceited in every situation…you think you’re better than everyone else because you can play Quidditch and girls will swoon for you, well not me. I’m not impressed by your arrogance…the way you treat others…like you’re better than them… disgusts me.”
He moaned painfully and put his head in his hands. She thinks I’m arrogant? Remus had begun to berate him this year when he said something cocky, telling him it would come back to bite him in the arse “ he, of course, had paid his well-meaning friend no mind. James fell on his back letting his mind swarm with thoughts. One particularly clear day in fifth year kept pushing its way to the front. Half a smirk crossed his face as he remembered Snivellus hanging upside down, his scrawny chicken legs protruding from the pair of graying underpants clearly on display for the student body. Then he remembered her “ how those startling green eyes had burned furiously…
“You think you’re funny,” she said coldly. “But you’re just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter…I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid.” *
Surely she could tell that every time he rumpled his hair it was for her, every time he played with a snitch it was to impress her, every time he teased her to go out with him it was only a cover so she wouldn’t see how vulnerable he was, how desperately in love he was.
He reached for the pillow and smothered his face in it, trying to make the memory go away, trying to erase every time he’d been an immature, arrogant bullying toerag. There were only a few weeks before summer -- he sat up quickly looking around the room, determined to make amends. Without any idea what he was going to do he began to wander around the room, treading carelessly over the clothes scattered on the floor and avoiding the books he had previously hurled on the ground in anger (which had caused quite the satisfying crash, and even better, his fellow Marauders were sure to have heard the disturbance “ assuring him a few hours of much needed solitude.)
Nothing, even the hatred she had expressed so fervently could entirely annihilate his hope; love that pure can never completely be extinguished. Impulsively he grabbed a piece of parchment discarded on the ground and a half-broken quill smashed by the books. He sat by the window looking out at the lake, to where all his hopes had rested only an hour before.
Somehow he was going to fix it. Somehow she would see.
~o~
He didn’t speak to her for the remainder of the year; he didn’t come near her if possible. He even avoided his annual dramatic goodbye and passed her without a glance as she stepped off the train at Kings Cross station. James carried the letter with him for a month before he found the courage to send it. It shouldn’t have been as hard as when he had finally expressed his love, but after such a forceful rejection he was rightfully hesitant to make any contact with her.
~o~
It was a cool summer night and Lily was resting in a hammock in her back yard, enjoying the solitude when a small owl arrived bearing a worn letter. Lily opened it curiously but froze as she recognized the handwriting “ it was messier than usual, as though written with a shaky hand, but it was undoubtedly his. At first she intended to throw it away without even reading it, but curiosity got the better of her and with a deep breath she looked back at the note.
Lily,
Don’t throw this away. You’ve made your feelings quite plain, but I have to clarify what happened with Cliff. I should have explained, well I did try, but you wouldn’t listen. Please just read this, you deserve to know the truth.
It was nearly the end of school, at the Hogsmeade trip when Cliff told you he was studying in his common room. I was in Hogsmeade with Remus. Peter was prohibited from coming due to some ridiculous charge about exploding cauldrons in Potions, Sirius was off with Kate, and you were back at Hogwarts. Seeing as it was the last trip it was packed, so we decided to take a walk and get away from it all for a while. Well, something important to the story that you don’t know, I have an invisibility cloak.
Lily stared at the words for a minute, and as flashes of odd moments over the years and pranks she could never understand passed through her mind, comprehension dawned on her -- so that’s how he does it, she thought rolling her eyes.
Well, they couldn’t see us, but we could see them. Lily, we saw Cliff whispering with Mariah, and she was blushing pretty noticeably. Well, they looked around them, to make sure they were alone, and he took her hand and they slipped into an alley and, I’m really sorry Lily, but they started snogging right then and there.
She couldn’t react, he cheated? Shaking her head furiously she decided it was impossible, how dare James lie to her! She crumpled the paper tightly into a ball and chucked it across the garden with a power that would have impressed even Gryffindor’s chasers. In a minute though, she was swinging clumsily out of the hammock as she rushed off, searching frantically in the direction it had flown. She squeezed between two bushes lining the side of her house, her bare arms getting scratched in the process. The sun had finally set and she cursed under her breath, unable to see anything. This is ridiculous! Without a thought to the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, the International Confederation of Wizards’ Statute of Secrecy, Hogwarts or the Ministry of Magic, or anything other than reading the remainder of that letter, her wand was out in a second as she exclaimed “Accio letter!” The tiny ball flew at her, bouncing off her stomach and landing gently at her feet. Exasperatedly she bent down and picked it up, smoothing it out the best she could. She said “Lumos!” softly and continued reading eagerly.
If you don’t believe me, Remus knows everything “ seeing as he was the one who convinced me not to beat Cliff to a ruddy pulp in the first place “ he insisted you would want to deal with him yourself. I tried to tell you, I came back to find you as soon as I could, but you wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t bear to see you hurt so I took matters into my own hands.
I found the git and threatened him. I told him that I knew what he had done with Mariah, and not only would I hex him with so many curses that even Madame Pomfrey couldn’t put him back together, but I would tell you and the whole school what dung he was if he didn’t stay away from you. He started getting angry, saying I wouldn’t, he’d take care of me… so I let him have one. I told him he’d get another if he told you what I’d done, and, well, that’s what happened. I don’t know what you thought, but, it’s the truth. I can’t imagine how awful this must be to hear, but you had to know
As to the rest of what you said, I have no excuses, and can only apologize sincerely.
James
In shock she stared dumbly at the paper for a moment letting it all sink in. She gulped and then biting her lip, relit her wand and read it through twice more. Slowly she noticed the taste of blood coming from biting so hard in agitation, and licking it she sank against the side of the house, hidden completely behind the bushes. A twig scratched her face, but she barely noticed. She leaned her head against the wall and clutched her legs to her tightly; her eyes blurred with tears as she tried to convince herself he wasn’t worth it, and though tears and the thought of his black eye were a small consolation, for some reason she couldn’t seem to comfort a pain in her heart that she couldn’t entirely attribute to Cliff…
*Of course this memory is directly Jo’s. It’s from OOTP, American ed. Pg. 647. Not mine!
Well guys, over two months later here’s the next installment. I have a ton of excuses, some far better than others, but I’ll leave you with only one “ the fact that I wrote and rewrote and rewrote this chapter too many times to count, and then when I was finally satisfied…. I somehow managed to lose it. Staring at the blank screen trying to start all over after so much work was just too much so I kinda gave up for a bit, and by the time I was ready to try again I figured I didn’t have any readers left anyway (judging by the measly 5 reviews in the last chapter…) Aaaanyway, that’s my sob story, good news “ with renewed vigour I searched my computer again tonight and found it filed under “Ch. 17 Government notes”… well, that’s apparently what happens when you take a harry potter homework break at 3 am…
Thanks to my amazing beta stickm, she is an incredible asset and has helped me immensely!
If I have any readers left, please leave me a review -- if you’re a writer yourself then you know how much it means to see someone actually enjoyed your effort. I’ll get the next chapter up quickly “ the story is completed so there shouldn’t be anymore hold ups! I appreciate your patience guys!