Chapter 04 ~ The Wrath of Professor McGonagall
Oh, what a beautiful morning! Christmas! I hate it…but I absolutely positively can’t help it today! The Head’s finished putting up the decorations last night, but of course after I fell asleep…so I didn’t have time to “play” with them! Ha!
Well it’s only a quarter after nine; children should be at breakfast. Ooh, I wonder if they put up the glass balls this year! Ooh, I must go see.
* Starts to glide towards the Great Hall *
Oh shoot! There’s Professor McGonagall wearing her tall black wizards hat. It’s so pointy and straight and so black and…so annoying! It annoys me! There’s never a speck of lint or dirt on it and it’s always so…straight! It’s annoying me!
I wonder what would happen if I did this…Ha! Better!
* Snickers from the students *
“What’s wrong with all of you? What’s so funny?” Professor McGonagall asked.
“Professor?” came the voice of that preppy Lavender Brown. “Have you seen your hat today?”
She ruins everything!
“Why, Lavender, I see my hat every morning.”
“Well, did you get a new one?”
“Why no. I have had the same one for twenty-five years.”
“Well…Professor…it’s pink.”
Merlin! She’s ruining all of the fun! I’ll kill her! No, worse, I will make her life hell…oi! I need to make plans!
“It’s what?!”
She’s taking off her hat…and…
“PEEVES!!!”
Oh, how I love the shrieks of professors and of ickle firsties!
“Yes, Professor Headmistress?”
“What’s wrong with this hat?”
I looked through my legs, upside down.
“Why, I don’t know. But you do have eyes, why don’t you tell me?”
Oi! She’s mad! There is steam coming from her ears…literally!
“PEEVES! DON’T GET SMART ON ME!”
“Well, Professor Headmistress, I am not smart. Therefore how could I act smart?”
Oh, I love this job!
“PEEVES! THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR WISECRACK JOKES!”
“Now, I highly doubt that I am being a wisecrack…being as I am not wise nor am I a crack. So I am not a wisecrack…now if you don’t mind, please stop calling me names that I am not”
Oh, oh, oh…how I love playing innocent!
“PEEVES WHATEVER THE BLOODY HELL YOUR LAST NAME IS GET OUT!”
Well…I don’t have a last name.
“Now, Professor Headmistress, I don’t have a last name. And you have just cursed in front of all of these students. And why are you yelling at me, when you can simply change the color back with a simple charm. You ARE a Transfiguration teacher, and must I say, you are a witch. So, don’t yell at me.”
I smiled, oh how good am I?
I snapped my fingers, and turned her hat into a chicken and than glided away, with a boasting smile!
~Later on…in the hall with Lavender Brown~
Now where is that snitch? Ah, there she is…there’s my pride and joy for the rest of the day!
“Oi, Lavender!”
Oh, now why the petrified look?
“What do you want, Peeves?”
Now, is that attitude? You don’t give attitude to ol’ Peevesy, oh no you don’t!
“Oh, no you didn’t!” I said to her.
“Excuse me?”
“You gave me attitude.”
“Soo.”
“Well, such things needn’t to go without punishment…so what shall I do with you?”
“You’re not a professor. YOU can’t give me detention.”
“Ah, but I shall.”
“Uh, no.”
“I need to get into the common room, now move.”
“Hm, what’s your favorite color?”
“Pink and purple.”
“You know those are my favorites too.”
I snapped my fingers.
“Now, that’s a nice color. It suits you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Your hair color.”
“What?”
I pulled out a mirror, which just so happened to be in my pocket for no peculiar reason.
She screamed! Oh, I love the sound of screaming!
“PEEVES! What the bloody hell did you do to my hair!”
Oh, how funny!
“Why, I didn’t do anything!”
“YES, YOU DID!
Ho, ho, ho. Now, why would she be yelling at me? I didn’t do anything…I swear I didn’t.
“No, yelling is not nice. And so are accusations.”
“But you’re the only one here!”
“How do you know that?”
“Because!”
“Now why are all of you so stupid?”
She pointed a finger at me and wiggled it. Ha! It looks like a worm!
“Now, you listen here yo-.”
Oh, I love the ending of sentences. See, I also like worms. And I think they make for a wonderful pants accessory.
“PEEVES!”
Oh my merlin!! How funny! Oh, I am soo good! That’s the best one yet. pants full of worms!
She starts to yell again.
“PEEVES! THIS IS SO DISGUSTING! GET THEM OUT! OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! GET THEM OUT! THIS IS GROSS! OH MY MERLIN! THIS IS HORRIBLE! GET THEM OUT!”
Oh, yelling is like bells to my ears.
“You wanted worms.”
“NO I DIDN’T!”
“But - don’t they feel good? I mean, all the squirming, and them moving.”
“No!”
“You know, you may want to take a shower too. Seeing as worms are dirty.”
“PEEVES!”
“Now, don’t yell at me. It’s not my fault that you don’t shower enough that worms are now in your body…probably reproducing.”
She gave the look! She gave me the look! Oh how I live off of that look! She gave me the grossed out, pissed off, get-out-of-my-face look!
“Now…you do know what reproduction is, right? Your mum and dad sat you down and discussed it all with you, right? If not, ol’ Peeves here would LOVE to explain.”
She stomped off…but she left some worms behind. Oh well, they can always be transferred to her bed…by total accident.
Oh, how I crack myself up…
* In the Great Hall twenty-minutes later *
Hm, what should I do next?
“Peeves!”
Oh, no. It’s Professor Straight, Pointy, Black Hat McGonagall.
“Yes, Professor Headmistress?”
“What have you done with Ms. Brown? She came crying into my office!?”
Oh, now she was giving me attitude. Now, why doesn’t anyone like me?
“I haven’t done a thing, dear Professor. I have been in here.”
“I’m sure you have been.”
Now, was that sarcasm? Peeves doesn’t like sarcasm, oh no he doesn’t.
“I’m asking you again. What did you do to Ms. Brown?”
“Nothing.”
“Does the word ‘worms’ ring a bell?”
I tapped my chin, pondering deeply…yeah right!
“Worms…worms…worms…nope!”
“Peeves! You are a menace!”
“You said she cried?”
“Yes!”
“Oh, wow, was it really that mean?”
“So, you admit to it!” she said, pointing that finger at me again.
Now, what is it with women and pointing their fingers, and wiggling them around like they have worms for fingers? Now, this is pissing me off…goodness don’t they ever learn?
“No.”
“Yes!”
“No.”
“Yes!”
“Yes…”
“No!”
Ha! I tricked her!
“See, I didn’t do it…you just said so yourself.”
Now why the dumbfounded look?
“Now, Professor Headmistress, are you angry? Because you know you have steam coming from your head.”
“Peeves! First my hat, than worms in Ms. Brown’s pants!”
“You didn’t like the hat? Well, than I can help you there.”
I took her hat and I…ate it. Yes, I ate the hat…the shampoo she uses is wrecked too, bloody disgusting in my opinion.
“PEEVES! That was my hat!”
“I know. Buy a different shampoo, the one you’re using is horrible tasting.”
“PEEVES!”
Oh, but I didn’t hear another word. I glided out, leaving her in her steam-full glory. Ah, the life of me is great!
Author’s Note “ So, sorry! The 4th chapter got deleted! I was so mad when I saw this! And I have been on vacation with my family, and I got home and saw what happened! I am so very very sorry!
I hope that this chapter makes up for all of it! Also, chapter 5 is done! But I am stuck for chapter 6, so if you have any ideas at all, put them in a review! Combined ideas area plus too! Thanks! So sorry! Review!