Chapter 05 ~ An Encounter With A Pet and Her Owner
It has been about, oh I don’t know, a week or so since the McGonagall and Lavender Brown incident, and I have been hanging low…yeah, right. I’ve been crazy!
Let’s see what I have already done, shall we?
I have:
1.) Put gum all over the trophies in the Trophy Room
2.) Stolen six of those trophies (all of the Head Boy and Girl’s)
3.) Stole the Heads badges (oh, what fun that was!)
4.) Wrecked the Transfiguration room (Once again, FUN!)
5.) Annoyed the bloody hell out of Potter and his friends (once again, to much fun to check off!)
6.) Tied a first year to the steps (Oh, I love the sound of screaming)
7.) Put gum on Mcgonagall’s back (what a terror I am)
Hmm, what else have I done?
8.) Annoyed Snog Queen…well I found her snogging…again (ha, ha, ha how funny!)
9.) Chucked some muggle cereal called, Fruit Loops, at kids going down the steps and into the Great Hall (although, for those muggles, they found out what I was throwing at them and so they thought it would be funny to catch them and eat them…stupid me. Well they didn’t get off that easily…so number ten…)
10.) (For the kids who ate the cereal!) I tied them upside down, took their wands, and I threw eggs at their faces…than pies…than butterbeer…than more pies…than flour and feathers!
11.) Ate the napkins in the Great Hall (…why? I don’t know)
Oh I crack myself up!
Hm…I’ve done loads, but there’s to many to count…but now I am bored stiff.
Hm, I wonder if Mrs. Norris found my treat
* Glides off to the seventh floor *
Oh my merlin! That’s not Mrs. Norris!
Mrs. Norris is bouncing off the walls! I guess she found my “present”.
* Watches as Mrs. Norris runs around the whole area of the seventh floor and than…she goes over to the statue of some dude, and takes a long whiff of it… *
Haha! The ad in the muggle magazine was right! This so called “catnip” makes them crazy! Although…even though I did get 75 ounces of it…and it said to only put a small tablespoon of it…I put all 75 ounces of it in the statue!
Oh my merlin! How bloody funny! Now she’s…humping the statue? HAHA! OH MY MERLIN! I have never seen a cat do that! Oh wow! Haha…
“Mrs. Norris!” my voice rang.
The cat looks at me with a dazed look. Boy, she looks like she’s far, far away!
“Oh, deary me, a high cat…now that’s something that we have never had at Hogwarts.”
Now the stupid cat looks at me like I am crazy…which I am not!
Hm…I think the cat needs a new hair color…the gray and black doesn’t suit her
*Changes the cat’s color *
“Yes, Mrs. Norris, Glow-in-the-dark LIME GREEN does suit you better!”
The cat looks like a bloody miniature ogre! Ha!
“Meoow…”
Stupid thing can’t even talk…
“My sweet, where have you gott-,” came the voice of Mr. Filch.
But he happened to stop.
“What’s wrong, Smelly Filchy?”
“You! You!” he said pointing a finger at me.
Once again! The wobbling finger thing! I thought only woman did that! Obviously, he’s a woman too! Ha! Figured out his mystery!
“What the bloody hell did you do to my cat?”
Now…the finger is still wiggling at me. That is SO annoying. You have no clue how annoying it is! Believe me, it’s so annoying!
“I didn’t do anything to your stupid cat.”
The finger continues to wobble…wobble…wobble…like a worm…
“YES YOU DID!”
Wow, many people yell at me. Now, ol’ Peeves doesn’t do a thing! And his finger is still wobbling at me!
“No, I didn’t.”
Wobble…wobble…wobble…
“Uh, no.”
“You evil, skiving, little…”
Wobble…wobble…wobble…wobble…
“…blink of a…stupid poltergeist, annoying…”
Wobble…wobble…wobble…
“…Malicious.”
“Now, I can hardly say that I am malicious, Smelly.”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT!”
Wobble…wobble…wobble…
“Call ya what?”
“You know what! Now, fix your own cat!”
“I. Can’t.” he said through gritted teeth.
“And why’s that, CatFilch?” I asked, looking through my legs, upside down.
“Because…”
“You are a woman?”
Wobble…wobble…wobble…
“No!”
“You act like one…”
Wobble…wobble…wobble…I swear I am going to eat that bloody finger if he doesn’t stop wobbling it at me. Hasn’t anyone learned anything?”
“I AM NOT A BLOODY WOMAN!”
Wobble…wobble…wobble…
“Yes, you are!”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Am not!”
“Are too! Are too!”
“Am not! Am not! Am not! Am not!”
“Are too! Am not!”
“ARE TOO!”
Ha! Merlin, people are so stupid!
“HA!”
“You tricked me!”
Wobble…wobble…wobble…
“Now, you listen hear, you poltergeist.”
Wobble…wobble…wobble…
“You are to change my cat back, now!”
Wow, he looks like he is on the verge of tears! Wobble…wobble…
“No.”
“YES!”
“No.”
“Yes. Now!” he said, through gritted teeth.
Wobble…wobble…wobble…wobble…wobble…ok! That’s enough of the bloody wobbling! The finger wobbling is starting to piss me off!
Soo…I bit it…I bit his finger. Yea, I bit CatFilch’s finger!
Wasn’t too tasty either. What’s up with the teacher’s and using horrid tasting shampoo and/or soap?
“OW! YOU BLOODY POLTERGEIST THAT WAS MY BLOODY FINGER!”
“No, kidding…use different soap next time. And uh, never wiggle your finger at me…”
I left with a snap of my fingers…leaving CatFilch to look for his beloved…mooncalf.
Author's Note ~ Hope you liked this! My brother helped me write it, and it's my favorite chapter of all times!
The Word 'Wobble' now makes me laugh soo hard!!!