Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the plot for this fic. However, I based this idea on Skippy’s List of Things Not to Do in the Army off of the internet and will be applying some of his items to HP terms.
A/N: What should I tell you to start out with? I have originally posted this fanfiction on FanFiction.Net in April of 2004, but I got such great reviews from them, I thought I’d share it with my favorite HP site. Please submit a review to let me know what you think of it and if you have any suggestions for my list. My AOL/IM screenname is EvrChanginAnthem. Feel free to reach me there anytime. You should also check out my website if you like all humorous things having to do with Harry Potter. It has an “If Harry Potter were a musical” section, memorial songs for Sirius Black, and a list of actors I wanted to play Sirius before they cast Gary Oldman. Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it.
Chapter 1 - Mum's Assignment
"Black!" shouted Professor McGonagall impatiently.
Sirius' head snapped up from his desk where he was doodling.
"You might want to listen to this."
"Mom," Sirius paused for dramatic effect as a few of his classmates snickered. James, Peter, and Remus, who were seated around him, merely rolled their eyes. "I hate to disappoint you, but I think I already know all there is to know about advanced transfiguration."
Professor McGonagall inwardly grinned, but outwardly grimaced. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, Mr. Black, just for lack of energy. You might want to pay attention to this if you're interested in leaving your..." McGonagall choked out the last few words, "...legacy behind."
Sirius arched an eyebrow and looked sideways at James.
Professor McGonagall continued. "Now, as I was saying, as seventh years, you will all be required to compose a letter to incoming first years before you will be allowed to graduate. You could include anything from a list of general tips that helped you succeed in your studies, helpful information about teachers and classes, or even a list of things not to do at Hogwarts. Be creative and helpful. Think of yourself as a first year, completely clueless as to what goes on inside the Hogwarts Castle. They will be due before you take your N.E.W.T.s at the end of the term. Yes, Mr. Potter?" asked McGonagall, noticing James' outstretched hand.
"Is this an english class now, Mom?"
Once again McGonagall tried to overlook the name. She was obviously getting tired of reprimanding them. "This isn't for me, Potter. It's a general requirement that Dumbledore has asked all seventh year students to complete this year before they graduate."
"I'm Head Boy, how is it that I didn't know about this?"
"Perhaps Black's inattentiveness has rubbed off on you."
James laughed out loud. "That's for sure. Look what you've done, Padfoot!"
Sirius put on his trademark faultless face and crossed his arms in front of him. "It's your own fault, Jamesey. If you didn't idolize me so much, and try to copy every single thing I do..."
"Alright, gentlemen, we get the point," interrupted McGonagall. "Would you like to continue your discussion in detention tonight?"
"No, Professor," said Sirius harmoniously with James' "Sorry, Professor."
"Good. Are there any other questions on this matter?" The class fell silent. "Thank Merlin. Class dismissed."
"How was transfiguration?" asked Lily, meeting them in the second floor corridor.
"James almost got me put in detention again," teased Sirius.
Lily rolled her eyes. "What did you do this time, Sirius?"
Sirius scoffed. "Me?"
"Lily, did you hear about that letter we're supposed to write for first years?" asked James.
"The one Professor Dumbledore was talking about last week? Sounds like fun, huh?"
Peter laughed. "She's right, Prongs. You don't pay attention."
"And you do?" asked James.
"Padfoot, are you feeling alright? Looks to me like you're thinking," said Remus, watching Sirius out of the corner of his eye.
"Don't be ridiculous, Moony," said Sirius. "I'm just hungry."
"Anyone else wanna go straight to the Great Hall?" asked Remus.
"I gotta get my potions done," said James.
"Me too," agreed Peter.
"Oh yeah," remembered Sirius, following them to the Gryffindor common room.
Half an hour later, James, Remus, Peter, and Lily had risen from their comfy seats by the fire to head down to dinner. They turned around to see Sirius concentrating heavily on his essay.
"Padfoot?" asked James.
Sirius reluctantly tore his eyes from the parchment in front of him.
"You comin?"
"I just have a bit to finish up. I'll be down in a minute, guys," he told them all.
"Need help?" offered James.
Sirius shook his head. When they had all crawled through the portrait hole, he continued to write:
Dear First Years,
Soon your teachers will be telling you my story, the story of the mischievous Sirius Black and his partner in crime, James Potter. They will warn you not to wander down the path of pranks and detentions, as I have. I am proud of what The Marauders have accomplished, and therefore, wanted to leave you with something to remember us by. I am giving you a list of things that I am no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts, which you all should consider doing on a regular basis to remind our dear teachers what they're missing:
1 - Not allowed to threaten anyone with "BLACK" magic.
2 - Not allowed to give myself or any other human on the premises of Hogwarts, especially Severus Snape, magical breast implants.
3 - Not allowed to let enchanted sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
4 - Not allowed to let enchanted sock puppets serve detention for me.
5 - Not allowed to refer to Headmaster Dumbldore as "Dad."
6 - Not allowed to refer to Professor McGonagall as "Mom."
7 - If the thought of something makes either myself or James Potter giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
8 - Not allowed to....
A/N: Just a short chapter to get the story going. How do you like it so far? In English class my senior year, we had to write a letter to incoming freshman telling them the do’s and don’t’s of high school behavior. I’m sure some of you have had to do that, too, though for me it seems like ages ago. Anyway, that along with Skippy’s List is where I got this idea from. Every chapter will have new additions to the list. If you have any ideas for the list yourself, please put them in your review. I will give you credit if I decide to use them, even though I already have plenty. Thanks for reading.
Luv, Liveley.