Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list.
A/N: Wow, no complaints about the Truth or Dare thing? I was expecting at least some since it's sort of a cliche topic...but a fun one to write! So I will continue with it. Enjoy!
Chapter 10 - Blue Moon...y
Sirius was sitting quite pompously on top of the table in the corner of the Gryffindor common room with his legs crossed. Jenelope was giving him the stink eye. He pretended to be deep in thought, but when he caught her staring at him, he smiled toothily at her and licked his lips.
"Jenelope," he said, now raising his eyebrows at her.
Jenelope's dirty look turned into a pleading one. "Sirius, don't be a prick."
"Payback time. Truth or dare?"
She gave him a look of pure hatred. He knew she was as much of a daredevil as he was. If she picked truth, he would know she was afraid of him. Neither Sirius or Jenelope ever picked truth. Jenelope just thought that truth was boring and made it a point to always pick dare. Everyone assumed this was also Sirius' reason in never picking truth. But they were wrong. Sirius was afraid of what people might ask him, afraid (because they always put a truth spell on the room before starting a game) of what he might say, and that's why he always chose dare.
Jenelope did not know this, and, narrowing her eyes on him, she wasn't going to let him intimidate her. "Dare."
Sirius smiled ever so sweetly and in one quick movement was seated on the bench next to her. "You have a choice: me or Peter."
She didn't flinch. "Excuse me?" Peter's head jerked up from the table where he was trying to get a look at someone's charms essay that had been abandoned.
"Do you wanna snog me or Peter?"
Peter went red and fell backwards off the bench.
"Sirius!" cried Lily and Liva at once. But he ignored them, fixing his eyes on Jenelope.
She answered him shakily, "Sloppy seconds aren't my style, Black."
"Well, I'm not asking you to shag me, now am I?"
Jenelope's nostrils flared and she stood up rigidly.
Sirius looked up at her, drumming his fingers on the space of bench in front of him. "I'm waiting."
"Fine!" she said shakily. Sirius rose an eyebrow. "...but in private." The other eyebrow now arched.
He grinned as he stood up. "Follow me."
They went up to the boys dorm lavatory, since the seventh year dorm was still occupied by the other, less-mischievous, sleeping Gryffindors. Sirius led the way in and, as Jenelope closed the door, he leaned up against the counter where there were a line of sinks and soap dispensers.
"You do like your privacy, don't you?" he said, growing a smile across his face.
"Let's just get it over with, Black." Jenelope closed the distance between them, yanked down on his shirt, and began kissing him roughly.
Sirius was taken aback slightly, but recovered with record speed, sliding his tongue into her mouth and turning so that she was now up against the counter.
As she drew back for breath, he let out a small chuckle. "Forgot you liked it a bit rough."
Although she again rolled her eyes at him, this time she was smiling. "Sirius, shut up."
He smiled back. "I've discovered the best way to shut you up is to kiss you."
"Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing up here?" she asked.
"Yeah, but you could have been doing it with Peter."
She wrinkled her nose. "And if I had chosen Peter?"
"I would have been insanely jealous and would have come up here anyway to throw him out and save you from his slobber."
She giggled. "To replace it with your own?"
"Naturally." They kissed again, more fervently.
Down in the common room, the remaining five were sort of shifting their gazes from one person to the next, with extremely annoyed looks on their faces.
"Gods, James, sometimes your best friend can be a real asshole," said Lily, more than slightly perturbed.
James scoffed and put his hands to his hips. "Lily, if you ever call Peter an asshole again, you can just forget about being my girlfriend."
"Oh really, James?" She rose her eyebrows questioningly at him.
His hands dropped to his sides. "No."
"I meant Sirius."
"I know. Did you expect me to disagree with you?"
It had been twenty minutes since Sirius and Jenelope headed for the stairs.
"He's just using her," whined Liva. "It's the same thing all over again. He gives her a little bit of attention, and she's head over heels again until the next week when she catches him in the broom cupboard with a fifth year Ravenclaw and swears she could never like Sirius Black ever again."
"I'd say he's probably giving her more than a "little bit" of attention just now," supplied Remus, dryly.
Lily and Liva groaned. Peter suppressed a laugh.
"Well can't anyone control him?" begged Liva.
"Sirius doesn't understand what he's doing. He...has selective sight. He only sees what he wants to see," explained Remus.
They sat in silence for the next five minutes. Then Liva shifted in her chair. "Well, honestly..."
She broke off because they finally heard someone coming down the boys steps. Jenelope reached the bottom first, with a whimsical look on her face. Sirius came behind her. He was positively glowing. James turned to Remus and rolled his eyes. They sat on the bench as closely as possible to each other.
"Well, I can't remember when I've had more fun, but if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed," said Lily, heatedly.
"Lil, sit down," said Jenelope.
"Yeah, Evans, nothing happened. I was showing her my...toothbrush," tried Sirius.
"Oh yeah?" she narrowed her eyes on him and then turned to Jenelope. "What color is it?"
"...Black," answered Jenelope.
"Black? I've never seen a black toothbrush before," said Liva.
"I know," answered Jenelope, "that's why I asked to see it."
"Uh-uh, whatever, it's your turn, Jenel," said Lily.
"Oh right." She snapped out of it. "Lupin?"
Remus' head jerked up. "Uh...yeah?"
"Truth or dare, Remus."
"Oh...crap. Dare."
Remus also tended to avoid truth questions, just in case anyone decided to ask him if he turned into a vicious monster once a month or something like that. That is, if he was playing with people other than his animagi best friends.
Sirius was currently in the clouds, scribbling items on his list:
46 - Not allowed to start a nudist colony in the prefect's bathroom on weekends.
47 - Not allowed to offer sex ed classes to first through third years and other older "teenagers full of angst" who feel they are "lacking in carnal knowledge."
48 - Not allowed to imply that "Dad" (Professor Dumbledore) is "getting lucky" with "Mom" (Professor McGonagall) tonight in the middle of Transfiguration.
49 - Not allowed to hum "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye as I walk past Professor McGonagall ("Mom") and Professor Dumbledore ("Dad") "conversing" in a "strictly professional" manner in the hallway.
50 - Not allowed to charm Hogwarts statues to kick all Slytherin's "where the sun don't shine" as they pass by.
Jenelope smiled. "I dare you to..." she thought for a moment, "go down to the entrance hall..."
Remus flinched and gave her an intimidating stare - well, intimidating for him anyway.
"Ya know that suit of armor by the giant picture of Yanni the Yeti?"
"Um...yeah..." he said uneasily.
"Yeah, go down to the entrance hall, and beg the suit of armor to take you back."
"Er, what?"
"Ya know, like you were having a relationship with it and it broke up with you and you're just so devastated, that you're begging it to take you back," she explained.
"Right..." he said, smiling a bit. "Okay. Any volunteers to distract Pringle and Mrs. Norris?"
"Sirius and I could--" started Jenelope.
With a sharp prod from Lily, James interrupted her. "I'll do it, mate."
As James went under his cloak to head off the caretaker and cat, Sirius consulted the Marauder's Map and let everyone else down safely to the entrance hall. There were two suits of armor, one on either side of the Yeti painting.
"Um...which one?" asked Remus.
"Whichever you find more attractive, stud," said Sirius, sarcastically. Remus rolled his eyes and grinned.
"And make it convincing or you'll have to tell the other one you're having its baby," threatened Jenelope.
"Oh my God," said Remus as he quickly strode up to the apparently more attractive suit of armor on the right side of the Yeti.
He walked up to it, took a deep breath, then dug in his robes for a piece of parchment. When he found a spare bit, he pulled it out and stuck it in front of the suit of armor's head.
"Oh, so this is how you break up with me, huh?"
"Heh," laughed Sirius.
Remus continued, pretending to read the note, "'Oh, but can we still be friends?' After all we had together, you're telling me it's over just like that? How can you do this to me?"
The rest of them started to giggle. "You gotta do better than that, Lupin," warned Jenelope.
"Billyyyy!" Remus pretended to cry, grasping the the statue's arm. "I thought...I thought we were going to be together forever! Don't you remember?"
"Billy?" whispered Peter. Sirius shrugged in response.
"You told me you loved me!..." He was freely adding bogus sobs now. "And I believed you!... I am so stupid!... Why, God? Why???" He sank to his knees for full effect.
"You said I was your love bunny! Didn't I mean anything to you?" Remus looked lovingly into the slit in the helmet where the eyes should be behind it and waited for an answer. "...Fine. I can take a hint," he said, getting back to his feet. "Goodbye forever, Billy!"
With that, Remus turned on his heel and walked back up to the common room without a word to anyone.
Sirius followed behind him through the portrait hole. "Love bunny, huh?"
A/N: Did I ever tell you that I get my inspiration from movies and RPs? Well, I do. Free Sirius icons to anyone who knows what I got "Billyyyy!!!!" from. "I should have made love to you when I had the chance!" Thank you all so much for your great reviews! I feel compelled to warn you that there are only a few chapters left. I might try a sequel, but I'm not too sure if I'll have time right now, so I was wondering what you guys thought. I was trying to think of some type of list I could have running throughout it like I do in this fic to tie them together. I was also debating on a Sirius/Raven relationship, but there's a slight risk she would develop into a Mary Sue, which I hate, but don't seem to notice if I'm the one doing the writing. Another idea I had was Sirius with another character, who is the girlfriend of... damn, I don't wanna give it away... the girlfriend of someone he definitely doesn't get along with. If you have an opinion on any of that, please share it in a review. Thanks for reading! Luv, Liveley.