Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list.
A/N: Yeah...major blockage when I wrote this chapter. I couldn't think of a single idea, so it's probably crap. Better crap than making you wait a month for a better chapter, I thought. Nothing like dissuading you from reading this, right? Okay, this chapter has Sirius Black in it...still with me? (Haha!) See, anything with Sirius Lee Black in it is worth reading, I think! I needed to update before I go on Puppet Retreat this weekend, which I am so excited about. You don't know what I'm talking about, but I don't really care, haha. Please leave a review and tell me how much this chapter sucks.
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Chapter 11 - Ooh, Barracuda
James was staring anxiously at the entrance to the Great Hall. All fifth and seventh years were present, sitting at their respective House tables. Dumbledore was standing in front of the staff table, waiting for everyone to quiet down. As Sirius entered and gave James a brief, but triumphant thumbs up, he sighed and winked at Peter and Remus. Sirius joined them at the table, then joined James in continuing to stare at the entrance.
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "If you would please settle down, there is some information we must convey to you about your upcoming O.W.L's for fifth years and N.E.W.T.'s for seventh years. They begin tomorrow..."
The Headmaster continued talking as James's and Sirius's eyes lit up. Snape was still shoving random papers back into his bag as he came around the corner. As soon as he stepped into the Great Hall, a song filled the air...
"So, this is the end, I saw you again...today! I had to turn my heart away! Smiled like the sun, kisses for everyone! And tails - it never fails!"
Everyone froze. They all looked behind the Headmaster, who looked just as confused as they were. It sounded as though it had come from behind him; it was a woman's voice.
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "As I was saying, the..."
No one was listening. They were all talking amongst themselves, except for four Gryffindors. Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus were staring at Snape and grinning. Taking out his wand, Sirius muttered something and one of Snape's papers flew out of his bag and back outside the entrance. Noticing, he went to retrieve it. As he stepped back inside the Great Hall, the song filled the room once more...
"You lyin so low in the weeds. I think you gonna ambush me! You got me down down down down on my knees...now don't ya, Barracuda?"
The exact same thing happened as before: everyone turned to Dumbledore, who, this time, looked down at his feet.
"Charming," said Dumbledore, and he continued informing them about their exams.
Again, Sirius pulled out his wand and again one of Snape's papers flew out of his bag and back to the spot on the floor. He grumbled to himself and retrieved it...
"And if the real thing don't do the trick, you better make up somethin quick! You gonna burn burn burn burn burn it to the wick...now aren't ya, Barracuda! Oooh, yeah!"
This time Dumbledore had figured out what triggered his socks to burst into song. "Please sit down, Severus," he said, before Sirius had a chance to levitate another of Snape's papers out of the room again.
Snape took his seat with the deepest color of red in his cheeks.
The rest of the meeting went as planned. Afterward, Professor Dumbledore called Sirius up to him. He sat, taking off his shoes and looking at his socks interestedly.
"Nothing like a good pair of singing socks, wouldn't you agree, Sirius?"
"I would, Professor," smiled Sirius, confidently.
"Do you think Severus Snape would agree?"
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Sirius pulled up a chair next to her in the common room and sat in silence for a moment. She did not look up at him or make any sign that acknowledged his presence.
Sirius cleared his throat and leaned closer to her, getting a look at what she was so deeply immersed in: history of magic notes. "Need any help with that?" he said into her ear.
She turned a page but still did not look up. "Thank you, but no."
Sirius sighed and quickly snatched the notebook from her lap.
Her head snapped up and she lunged for it, but Sirius kept it well out of her grasp. "Give me that, Black!"
"How come you don't like me?" he said, staring her in the face and dangling her notebook above his head with one hand.
She rolled her eyes and pulled out her wand. "What makes you think I don't like you? Accio notebook!" Her notebook soared from his relaxed grip and into her outstretched hand.
"Well you never talk to me in the halls, and..." he lifted her chin so she was forced to look at him, "you never even look at me."
He took advantage of the fact that she was staring at him so incredulously and once again swiped the notebook from her lap, lept up quickly, and sat back down upon it, smirking at her the entire time.
"God dammit, Black! Can't you just leave me alone?"
"Not until I get some answers."
"I have a lot of work to do! O.W.L.'s start tomorrow! Please, Sirius."
He smiled cheekily at her. "What are you gonna do for me, Ashe?"
She jumped from her seat quickly. "You wanna know why I don't make an effort to talk to you?"
"Sure. Lay it on me."
"This is why. Can't you just have a normal conversation with a girl? If you want to be my friend, that's fine..." She hesitated, but decided to just get it out. He needed to hear it from someone. "But if you're just trying to sleep with me, then give it a rest. I'm not interested in being just another notch on your broomstick...got it?"
Sirius swallowed hard, got up from his chair, and handed her charms notebook back to her. "I was offering to help you, Raven."
"Right. And I said I didn't need any." She took it from him, staring him in the face.
He took a step closer. "You are direct, aren't you?"
"No more direct than you are," she swept past him and started to pack books and rolls of parchment and notes into her bag.
Sirius sighed and watched her black hair flowing behind her as she quickly trudged up the stairway to the girls dorm. He could go after her. He knew that being a boy, he wasn't allowed in the girls dorms, and if he tried to force entry, the stairs would change into a slide, making them impossible to climb. But obviously, Sirius Black had ways of getting around this tiny detail. The stairs could obviously not refuse to let animals into the dorm even if they were male, considering that it would be absurd to only allow the girls to bring female pets.
He normally would have gone after her; girls like it when you chase them. But something she said stung him. Since it was true, he couldn't figure out why he was so bothered by it. He had a reputation of being something of a ladies' man...okay, that was putting it lightly. But until now, it never occured for him to mind. He actually encouraged the rumor. If girls thought he was just going to dumb them after a few weeks, or even days, that only made the job easier for him. However, he hadn't actually been with as many girls as everyone thought; only James knew the truth. For some strange reason he really wished Raven knew the truth as well. But she'd never believe him if he told her.
He sat back down in one of the chairs by the fire. He sat on something. Snatching it out from underneath him, he saw that it was a page from her charms notes. This would give him an excuse to go after her, he thought. He glanced at the neat scribble on the page. It was filled with notes on cheering charms. He knew very well that cheering charms were on his O.W.L. two years ago. He folded the parchment and decided against it. She's probably asleep. He'd give it to her at breakfast.
But Raven wasn't at breakfast. Sirius looked up and down the Gryffindor table twice. It wasn't hard to miss her best friend, Jordan, who was sitting right next to Remus. They were deep in a discussion about switching spells. He decided he'd ask her.
"So where's your friend?"
She looked up at him, but apparently deciding to play dumb, rose an eyebrow. "Which one?"
"Um, you know, the hot one," Sirius answered.
Jordan let out a quick laugh and the surveyed him through furrowed brows. "And to think she actually felt a little bit bad about what she said to you last night."
"She did? Is that why she's not at breakfast?"
"She's not at breakfast because I couldn't wake her up this morning."
"Huh?"
"She stayed up so late studying, she told me to wake her up five minutes before our first exam."
Encouraged by the fact that she had felt bad about what she said so bitingly the night before, Sirius jumped up quickly. "I'll wake her up, don't you worry!" He started out of the hall.
"No, Black, wait!" Jordan looked worriedly at Remus. "She'll kill me."
"Sirius, don't--" called Remus.
But Sirius had already reached the end of the table and was quickly climbing the staircase to the seventh floor and into the Gryffindor common room. Making sure there was no one around, he transformed into the giant, black dog and trotted quickly up the steps leading to the girls dorm. When he got to the fifth landing, he transformed again and knocked on the two giant oak doors.
"Oh please let her be in her skivvies," he thought to himself. There was no answer...so he entered, peering cautiously around the door, ready to shield his eyes if he had to. "Raven?" he asked into the room uncertainly.
There was a moan from the opposite side of the room and Sirius crossed hesitantly to Raven's four poster bed, where she lay sprawled on her stomach, her hair swallowing up the pillow and face beneath it.
"Maybe I should go," he thought. But before he had time to even think about leaving, Raven sat suddenly bolt upright, staring straight at him questioningly. Her blankets fell down to her lap and Sirius was disappointed to see that she was only mildly indecent, wearing a black tank top.
"Wha..." Sirius jumped. "Hi."
"What are you doing in here?" she said, swatting at her long hair to get it out of her face, and pulling the blankets that had fallen down back up to her neck.
"I...you...sorry if I scared you."
"I could feel someone watching me. How did you even get up here?"
"Oh, I have my ways," said Sirius, mysteriously.
"I can see that. I can also see that what I said to you last night has made no impression whatsoever. I still need to know what you're doing in my dormitory."
Sirius held up the bit of folded parchment that was her cheering charms notes. "You left this in the common room. I thought you might need it, cheering charms were on my O.W.L.'s."
Raven took the parchment and stared back at him. "So you just thought you'd come bring it and get into bed with me or something?"
"The thought had crossed my mind," he teased. He wasn't quite sure whether she knew he was joking or not. "Actually, I just wanted to talk to you about..."
"Look, I wasn't trying to give you a hard time, okay? Sometimes I just say whatever is in my head without even thinking about it much. It's a curse."
Sirius smiled charmingly at sat at the foot of her bed. "I think that's my favorite thing about you so far."
Raven did the eye roll. "Sirius, get off my bed."
"Why do you avoid people?"
"I don't avoid people," replied Raven, straightening up in her bed and combing through her long hair with her fingers.
"You do. I just figured it out. I never even noticed you until this year, you're rarely at breakfast, and the only time I've really seen you is inbetween classes when you're talking to Remus or when you decide to study by yourself in the common room in the middle of the night."
"I just don't like distractions, alright?"
"You don't like people," Sirius generalized, raising his eyebrows at her.
Raven sighed at looked at him searchingly. "I don't trust people."
Sirius seemed slightly taken aback. He hadn't expected her to say that. How can you trust no one? "You can trust me."
Raven smirked. "I can't trust anyone."
"You trust Remus. I know you do. You two always look like you're deep in a conversation when I happen to wander back into the common room every night."
"Okay, I trust Moony," she admitted.
Sirius stared at her questioningly. "Why..." he cleared his throat, "why would you call him, uh, Moony?"
Raven was saved from having to answer him by the arrival of a terribly bad-tempered-looking Professor McGonagall.
"Black! What in the name of Merlin are you doing in the fifth year girls dormitory?!"
Sirius over-balanced and fell backwards off of Raven's bed in his surprise. "Wha..." he started, getting to his feet, "How did you even know I was up here?"
"None of your business," she responded dissmissively. "I was informed by another fifth year student. I don't even want to know how you got up here, I just want you out!" She turned to Raven. "Ms. Ashe, I'm surprised at you!"
Raven merely smiled and narrowed her eyes on McGonagall. "Thank you."
Sirius stepped forward. "She didn't do anything. She was asleep. I came to giver her back some charms notes I borrowed last night."
"A little late to be perusing fifth year charms notes, wouldn't you say? Your N.E.W.T.'s start in half an hour."
"Tell me about it," answered Sirius conversationally, running a hand through his black hair.
"Out!" she said, pointing at the door.
"Yes, Mum." Giving Raven a farewell glance, Sirius stepped out onto the staircase. Not daring to take his dog form as McGonagall was sure to follow directly behind him, Sirius whooped happily as he slid down the stone slide that had once been the staircase. Coming to the bottom, he rolled over himself and landed slightly painfully on his bottom. He got up, rubbing his butt to watch Professor McGonagall also slide down the slide - obviously not bothering to wait for it to change back into stairs - clearly enjoying herself. She landed more gracefully than Sirius, not falling on her backside, but found her footing just in time and stood.
"Sirius, I would have thought by now your mischief would have started to tamper off."
Sirius smiled inspite of himself. "Apparently not, Professor."
"Apparently not," she agreed. "Stop being so much like...well, so much like yourself! Detention, my office, tonight at--"
Sirius interrupted her, "But Professor, it's Quidditch--"
"Oh what's the point anyway?" It was Professor McGonagall's turn to interrupt. "There are only a few weeks left of school and if you haven't learned better by now..." She gave him an appraising look and then smiled. "Well, good luck on your exams, Black."
Sirius grinned widely at her. "Thank you, Professor."
Before going back down to breakfast, Sirius pulled a worn piece of parchment and quill from his robes. He sat at the nearest table and scribbled, smiling to himself:
51 - Not allowed to tell Lily Evans thanks for last night in front of James Potter and therefore provoke the latter to hex me.
52 - Not allowed to hand out my old, soiled socks to fifth or seventh year girls as good luck charms on their O.W.L.'s or N.E.W.T.'s.
53 - Not allowed to charm Dumbledore's socks to sing "Barracuda" whenever Severus Snape walks into the same room as him.
54 - Not allowed to be myself.
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The song was, "Barracuda" by Heart (1977).
A/N: Yes, I know, I know...not as funny as it usually is...it's complete crap...give me something more than that, okay? Thanx for the great reviews, you have all been and continue to be wonderful to me! Luv, Liveley.