Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, which is based on Skippy's List.
A/N: Yay, I'm glad everyone likes this fic so much. I'd like to thank Skippy, of course, for lending me his hilarious list. Thank you, thank you! This chapter was sort of the product of writer’s block and going to my best friend’s Venner performace. (Venner = high school dancing/singing group that did “Dancing Queen” just to prove they could.) You’ll see what I mean by that when you read the chapter. Hope you enjoy.
Chapter 3 - Midnight Serenade
"But Professor, couldn't I just sleep in another dormitory? They're out to get me!" Sirius clung to Professor McGonagall like a five year old frightened of the dark.
"Mr. Black, for the last time, there are no evil clowns living under your bed! Now stop waking me up!" exclaimed Professor McGonagall, wearing a lime green housecoat, slippers, and cap. She gave Sirius a quick shove out of her office and slammed the door.
"But Mom! Couldn't I just sleep in the girls dorms?" whined Sirius. "I'm deathly afraid of clowns, especially evil ones!"
"Goodnight, Mr. Black!" screech McGonagall through the door.
Sirius smiled widely as he threw an Invisibility Cloak around his shoulders and made his way back to his dorm. He heard a menacing meow behind him and turned to see Mrs. Norris running towards him. She could not see him, but he knew she could sense his presence.
While still under the cloak, he transformed into a large black dog and waited for her to swat at the cloak, snagging it off of him. Not daring to growl and alert her master and the current caretaker, Pringle, he merely barred his teeth threateningly. Mrs. Norris froze and drew herself up to full height. Padfoot raised a paw and struck Mrs. Norris rather gently in the belly, sending her sliding a few feet backwards. She spit at him and then retreated quickly down the hall to fetch her master.
Transforming only to pick up the cloak and throw it around himself again, he muttered under his breath, "Merlin, that felt good," and then returned to dog form in case she came back for a rematch.
James and Peter were waiting for Sirius anxiously. He entered the room in dog form with the cloak still around him and then as he let it slip off, he transformed into himself again.
"Why were you in animagus form?" asked James, freezing as he saw the door open.
"Had to head off Mrs. Norris," answered Sirius. "I rather enjoyed it."
"Well?" asked James, galloping excitedly around the room.
"Did you get detention?" asked Peter, equally excited.
"Nope," Sirius shrugged. "But at least I got another thing to add to my list!" He happily bounded over to his bedside table and scribbled on the piece of parchment that was there. "Whose turn is it?"
"Mine," said James bravely. "Was she really P.O.ed?"
Sirius laughed. "Don't know what she was so upset about, myself. It's a Saturday! She doesn't hafta get up early to teach or anything."
"Teachers are always up at the crack of dawn, Padfoot, no matter what day it is," reminded James. "We found that out in our fourth year, remember?"
"Okay, Prongs, I got one," said Sirius, ignoring James' comment.
Peter and James leaned forward as though hanging on Sirius' every word.
"Go down to the hospital wing and serenade Moony."
"What?" protested James. "What do I have to sing this time?"
"Your choice. But it better be good, or it'll be Professor Pitstain next time," warned Sirius with a smirk.
"It's Professor Pintaine, Sirius," corrected Peter.
"Isn't that what I said?" asked Sirius innocently. "Oh, that reminds me..." He again began to scribble on his piece of parchment.
"Alright," said James, getting up and taking his Invisibility Cloak from the floor where Sirius had dropped it.
They snuck down to the hospital wing quietly, without running into problems. Once inside the ward, Sirius quickly popped his head into Madam Pomfrey's office, found it empty, and gave James a silent thumbs up. He crept along the empty beds until he came to Remus' usual spot.
Remus had kicked off the covers and was sleeping in a rather odd position. His legs formed a "4" - his right leg straight out and the left bent at the knee touching his right knee with his left foot. His arms were around his head, gripping his pillow at the top. He looked as though he were about ready to put on his pink ballet slippers and do a few pirouettes.
James was struck with a sudden inspiration, seeing Remus in his ballerina pose. He began to sing, "’You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen. Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah.’"
Remus' eyes suddenly fluttered open and he broke into a smile, beginning to laugh. Sirius and Peter began to dance across the ward as James' continued singing.
"’You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life. See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen.’" James trailed off. "...I don't know the rest of the words."
"That's okay, man, really," said Remus, sitting up and digging in his ear.
Realizing the music was over, Sirius brought Peter up from their dip and wandered over to the bed next to Remus'. He plopped down on it, crossed his feet, and placed his hands behind his head.
"So, feeling better?" asked Sirius.
"Just thought we'd cheer you up," explained James.
"Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let us in this morning," Peter added.
"Well, I would have been mortally offended if you guys had actually let me get a good night sleep to recover," teased Remus. "Whose turn is it now?"
"Mine," said Peter, shifting nervously at the foot of Remus' bed.
"Any detentions yet?"
"We're not doing it for detentions this time," said Sirius, "we're doing it for research."
"Research?" asked Remus.
"Yes, for my Hogwarts essay."
"Oooh, right," said Remus. "How's it coming?"
"Well, I got a few more," said Sirius. He fished in a back pocket of his robes and handed Remus the parchment.
- Not allowed to fall in love with Madam Pomfrey.
14 - Not allowed to send anonymous love letters or fan mail to Professors.
15 - There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
16 - Not allowed to ask Professor Pintaine if he's been smoking crack.
Remus read the new additions silently, with a grin plastered on his face. "By the way, I think Pomfrey has the hots for you, Sirius."
"Nah, she just thinks I'm funny," said Sirius, waving a hand in the air and then running it through his hair as he laid back on the hospital bed.
"Yeah? Well she asked me if you were keeping out of trouble. You know that's disgusting, don't you?"
"What's disgusting? She's only like twenty-five."
"And you're seventeen!" reasoned Remus.
"Lupin, relax!" shouted James. "He's kidding."
"No, I'm not; she's twenty-five! I asked her!" justified Sirius.
"Just for the record, Sirius. There's nothing going on, right? I honestly wouldn't put it past you," said Remus, half joking.
Sirius put on his faultless face. "Hey, I may be easy, but I am not sleazy!" Then his expression turned solemn. "Seriously, no, guys. If I wanted an older woman I'd go for McGonagall."
Remus rolled his eyes and chucked a pillow at Sirius. His reflexes quick, Sirius brought his foot up and kicked the pillow into the air. He, James, and Remus followed it up and back down as it landed on top of Peter's head.
A/N: This fic is going to skip around a bit, and I'm guessing that's going to bother some of you. I'm not going to go into details describing how Sirius earned each number on his list for two reasons - I want you to use your imaginations and I'm not that creative, nor do I have the time. This fic is just sort of breezing over the Marauders last year at Hogwarts. The sequel to this, if I decide it’s good enough to post, will be a little more like a story. Thanks for reviewing. You guys are great. By the way, I'm sure most of you know the song. I hate it, but it fit, so I put it in because it was either that or writer's block. "Dancing Queen" by Abba. Also, for those of you who didn’t know, Apollyon Pringle was the caretaker in Marauder Era, but I’m assuming Mrs. Norris is a kneazle and lives longer than normal cats. I’m also assuming that has been around Hogwarts a lot longer than Argus Filch. Hope you liked the chapter. Luv, Liveley.