Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list.
A/N: Wow, I sure got a lot of confused reviewers with that last chapter. "James was a seeker, not a chaser!!!!!" Sorry, but no. That's only in the Sorcerer's Stone movie, and I have no idea why they did that. Hermione shows Harry a trophy that says James was a seeker. That only happens in the movie. I go by the books, and JK Rowling has said on quite a few different interviews and chats that James was a chaser. If you don't want to take my word for it, I'll send you one of the interviews in which she said it, just let me know in your review. If you want to know why James plays with the snitch in the flashback in OotP if he was the seeker, the answer is simple: he loves Quidditch. Linebackers are often seen throwing a football around, warming up players, etc. It's the same thing. Besides, he can't very well go around carrying a quaffle with him to play with. It's too big. Hope this info was helpful to you! Sorry that was so long, but I had to explain things - onto the chapter!
Chapter 5 - Badgering Bellatrix
"Oh look, my darling baby cousin," said Sirius sarcastically.
The four of them watched as Sirius' younger cousin, Bellatrix, strolled arrogantly across the grounds, pointedly not looking in Sirius' direction. The usual Slytherin entourage was accompanying her. She was very beautiful, with long black wavy hair and a slender figure, but her eyes showed her true colors. They were dark, venomous, and almost always squinting critically at everyone around her. Bellatrix and the the six or seven Slytherins with her stopped in front of two girls lying on the grass under a birch tree. One looked similar to Bellatrix, except that her hair was as straight as could be and her eyes could only be described as the exact opposite of Bella's: blue and benignant. The other girl's hair was short and brown with eyes to match. The two of them looked up questioningly at Bellatrix.
"Now Bellatrix, I told you a million times I wasn't gonna let you copy my astronomy! Just when will prefects like you learn that cheating gets you nowhere," said the black haired girl nonchalantly as she gathered the papers that were spread on the grass in front of her and got to her feet. The girl next to her did the same.
Sirius motioned for James, Peter, and Remus to follow him as he snuck closer to them. "I have a feeling I might not want to miss this."
Bellatrix let out a cruel laugh. "Guess that explains why I'm a prefect and you're not, Raven!"
"Being the smartest fifth year in the Slytherin house isn't much to boast about, Bella. In fact, I'd keep it on the down low if I were you."
"Why you snotty little bitch! How many times have I told you, Ashe, that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble one of these days?" whined Bellatrix.
"About the same number of times as I've told you have the face of a saint..."
Bellatrix stared at her in confusion, and then looked at her Slytherin entourage for an explanation.
"...A saint bernard," Raven finished. The brunette burst into laughter and Raven smiled sweetly at Bellatrix.
Bella practically growled at her. "You know, Raven, it isn't easy to keep your mouth and your mind open at the same time!"
Raven rolled her eyes and took a step closer to Bellatrix. "Black, my friend, I appreciate the wit, but from trash like you I take no shit. C'mon, Jordan." She nudged past her and retreated into the castle, with the brunette following her.
Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter turned and exchanged glances. Sirius watched Raven's long black hair blow over her shoulder as she approached the castle.
"Who was that?" he asked dreamily.
Since James and Peter shrugged, Sirius turned to Remus. "Raven Ashe," he responded. "She's a fifth year."
"You know her?" Sirius asked.
"Met her in our third year. She's nice."
"She's hot," blurted Sirius. "And she hates my cousin just as much as I do! She's a Gryffindor! How come I've never seen her before?"
Remus shrugged. "She kinda keeps to herself, I guess."
"Must be why Bella takes every chance she can get," said James.
"Hey, Moon-pie, wanna fix me up with her?" pleaded Sirius, raising his eyebrows twice.
"Not at chance, Sirius."
"Why not? You like her or somethin?" Sirius narrowed his eyes on Remus.
"Well, no. I just think she's too nice of a girl to get mixed up with you...especially when you only want one thing."
"Where do you get that impression? She wasn't very nice to my cousin just now!"
"Are you complaining?" asked Remus.
"No, not at all. Anyone who hates Bella as much as I do should be congratulated! Yes, I must find her right now and...congratulate her!" He tugged on Remus' arm. "C'mon."
Remus rolled his eyes and unhooked his arm from Sirius'. "Find her by yourself."
"Remus Lupin, you're my best friend and you're not even going to be my wing man? Why would you deliberately do such a thing?"
"Because I'm smart," teased Remus.
Sirius grinned and put his arm around Remus. "Moony, Moony, Moony, how many times do I hafta tell you this? Just because you're smart doesn't mean you can't act stupid! Look at me!"
"Yep, you sure do act stupid, Padfoot," Remus said.
"You see? I pretend to be stupid! But I'm really smart as a tack!" explained Sirius.
Peter turned to James with a bewildered look. "Smart as a tack?"
"I think he means sharp as a tack," corrected James.
Sirius gave up trying to explain his brilliance when he saw Bellatrix walking past them again. "Well if it isn't my favorite little cousin," he called to her.
Bellatrix whipped around and gave Sirius an icy stare. "Well if it isn't the blood-traitor runaway," she replied, giving him a fake smile.
"And proud of it," he shot back at her. "How are dear old mum and dad?"
Bellatrix scoffed. "Happier than they've ever been."
Sirius' nostrils flared as he visably gulped, but continued, "Glad to hear it. That was a very enteraining performance you just gave."
Remus and Peter snickered and James began to clap. "Brilliant," he agreed.
"Shut up!" she growled.
"Shut up...Shut up?" asked Sirius.
He turned to look at his best friends and they all chanted together, "I don't shut up, I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up!" The four of them made gagging and puking noises as Bella scoffed again, threw her hair over her shoulder, and marched up to the school.
"God, she's almost as much fun as Regulus," chuckled Sirius. "C'mon, let's sit, I gotta add some new items to my list."
The four of them sat in a circle next to the lake.
"James, where's Lil?" asked Sirius as he scribbled an item onto his parchment.
"She said I was distracting her from studying," he grinned.
"Ah," said Sirius. "Okay, done for the day." He held up the parchment in front of his face so the guys could read his additions.
21 - Not allowed to magically wash the hair of hygienically challenged students, even if they are greasy, slimy gits (coughSnivelluscough) and even if I am doing it "for the greater good of the student body."
22 - Not allowed to bribe Hogwarts kitchen house elves into sending the Slytherin table rotten food.
23 - (Next day) Not allowed to bribe Hogwarts kitchen house elves into sending the Slytherin table no food at all.
24 - Not allowed to host an "Inter-house Challenge Slip 'N' Slide Tournament" using the house tables and 147 buckets of water in the Great Hall.
25 - ....................???
Yay, PoA is out on DVD! It seems like only yesterday I went to the sneak preview with 16 other people. We made shirts that said "Got Harry?" on the front and spelled "We Luv Harry Potter" on the backs. They had some guy doing "Harry Potter magic" tricks and asking trivia questions, hehe. I was the only one who knew them all. I think some parts made it the best movie I've ever seen, and some parts made it...well, suck. They really screwed up a lot of things, like spelling "Moony" wrong on the Marauder's Map! "Mooney" is an ice cream brand for God's sake! Heh. But Gary did an amazing job as Sirius, although I still don't think he looks the part. Gary Oldman's one of my favorite actors, but I like it better when he plays bad guys. Well, hope you enjoyed the chapter. More to come! Luv, Liveley