Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list. By the way, if this chapter in any way seems familiar, I took parts of it from an old fanfic I don't use anymore, just in case someone's read it before. Yes, I am plagiarizing myself.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone. I didn't update as soon this time because I had exams. They're over with now, so I'm celebrating a whole month off! Hope you enjoy this chapter. It was one of my favorites in my old fanfic that I will never admit to anyone that I wrote. Warning: this chapter is a bit short. But the next one's already written and it's my favorite chapter, so it'll be a quick update if you all like this one. Be sure to let me know. Enjoy.
Chapter 6 - Prongs' Potion
"Sirius, are you gonna eat that?" asked Peter, eyeing Sirius' bacon with interest.
Sirius was sucking on his quill distractedly, and as Peter prodded his arm, he merely began to scribble onto the parchment in front of him:
26 - Not allowed to accuse Moaning Myrtle of sexual harrassment.
27 - Not allowed to trade Quidditch balls (i.e. the quaffle, bludgers, and snitch...actually James kept the snitch) for inflatable sheep.
28 - Not allowed to release enchanted inflated sheep into the dungeons to test the Care of Magical Creatures Professor's competency in his trade.
29 - Not allowed to die... Seriously, I'm not allowed to die or drown! (especially while testing a potion or swimming in the lake)
A flock of owls suddenly swooped into the Great Hall where most students were finishing up their breakfasts. Sirius spotted his black owl heading for him and let out a sigh.
"Hello, Wheaton."
After Wheaton had landed in his eggs, Sirius untied the Daily Prophet from his leg, glanced at the front page, and then threw it across the table to James.
"Cannons lost again."
"Suprise, surprise," said James, unfolding the paper and scanning the article.
"Sirius?" asked Peter.
Sirius began waving his fingers tauntingly as Wheaton playfully nipped at them.
"Wheaton?" asked Lily. "Where on earth did you get that from?"
Sirius shrugged. "I think it has dignity."
"Sirius?...Sirius?" tried Peter again.
"Jesus Christ, Pete!" snapped Sirius. He threw the bacon onto Peter's plate. "I'll see you on the field, Jay."
Sirius stood and hurried out of the Great Hall. He went straight down to the Gryffindor locker rooms.
"Did ya bring it?" asked Mundungus excitedly as Sirius entered the room.
Sirius put on a smile. "Bring what?"
"The potion, Sirius, the potion!" encouraged Mundungus.
"No, I left it in the dorms. I didn't want James to get suspicious I asked Rolanda to go get--"
Pinching her nose and holding a bottle of bright blue liquid as far away from her as her arm would allow, Rolanda Hooch suddenly burst through the door, her soft gray whipping behind her. "What in the hell is this stuff, Sirius?"
"Wouldn't you like to know," said Sirius, taking the potion from her and bringing an opaque red water bottle down from the shelf in his locker.
He quickly poured the blue stuff into the water bottle and then vanished the potion bottle. He set the red water bottle inconspicuously on a bench between two rows of lockers.
Rolanda and Mundungus were watching Sirius expectantly.
"You'll see. I don't want to give it away."
Mundungus began to laugh excitedly as the rest of the team started to file in, and Sirius gave him a reproachful look.
He spoke in an undertone, "Dung, you're going to give it away! Now am I gonna have to shut you up?" He rose his wand for full effect.
Mundungus shook his head, gave Sirius a smile, and then covered his mouth.
As James strode through the doors, Rolanda, Sirius, and Dung chanced a meaningful glance at each other before routinely changing into their Quidditch robes. James opened the locker next to Sirius' and also began to change.
Sirius picked up the water bottle on the bench and thrust it in front of James. "Here ya go, Jay, I filled your bottle already."
"Thanks, mate," said James as he took the bottle from him. "Everybody ready?" he called after he'd finished dressing. "Alright everyone, listen up."
James took a long swig from the bottle as everyone gathered around him. He made a disgusted face as he swallowed and threw the bottle aside. Rolanda and Mundungus started to crack up and hid behind Sirius as James prepared to give his pre-game speech.
"Now...toes need our really be on to we."
Mundungus and Rolanda suddenly erupted into laughter. Sirius bit his tongue to keep himself from laughing.
"Hell what the?"
Sirius suddenly doubled over holding his stomach, Rolanda was on the floor, and Dung sat on the bench and started to fan his red face.
"Do guys what you did? Right it fix now!"
The rest of the Gryffindor team now joined in on the laughter.
"I'm your ass gonna kick!"
A fresh wave of laughter spread throughout the team. This time James broke down and chuckled with them.
"I'm your ass?! Hahahahahaha!!!!!" choked Mundungus.
James finally realized that if he waited long enough between words, he could fool the potion into thinking he had finished speaking. He said each word one at a time with a sufficient gap inbetween. "Fix...it...now...Black!"
*"Help you, I will!" replied Sirius in his best Yoda voice.
This spurred a new chorus of laughter.*
"You just hafta let it wear off, Jay," said Sirius. "It's a word scrambler potion. Brilliant, huh? How'd it taste?"
James rolled his eyes. "It...tasted...like...arse."
"That would make sense. It smelled like ass, too," said Rolanda.
A few minutes before the match, the potion had worn off and James had turned back into "Drill Sergeant Potter," as Sirius called him.
"Sorry, mate, just thought you needed a little lightening up, ya know?"
"Thanks for caring," replied James coldly.
Sirius winked as a smile slowly crept across James' lips.
A/N: Hope you liked this chapter. I kinda got the idea from the Sheriff of Rottingham in Robin Hood: Men In Tights... "King illegal forest pig wild kill to in it a is!... I mean: don't you know, it is illegal to kill a wild pig in the King's forest!" Hilarious movie. I could just go on quoting that all day along with Monty Python. Let me know if you're interested, lol. (Oh, by the way: Padfoot Prohibited - 1978. Empire Strikes Back - 1980. So kill me. I had to put that line in there, but technically it shouldn't be allowed in a fic that was set 2 years before the movie was made, which is why I put it in italics. Ignore it if you're one of those people that can't stand that sort of thing. I usually can't either, but come on, it fit so nicely : ) Next chapter title: "Quidditch, Marauder Style." See if you can guess what that means. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. Thanx! Luv, Liveley.