Well after about five straight repetitions of “Born to be Free” by “Ron bird”, the trio down at the bottom was beginning to get thoroughly annoyed.
“I say we leave him,” growled Sally, as Ron began to sing with new gusto. Even Godric's pity was beginning to fade.
“There’s nothing we can do,” Godric said mournfully.
“Wait!” cried Harry, “I’ve got a plan!”
Five minutes sings by, literally…
“Oh landlubbers? Where are you?” Ron bird sang.
“We’re over here,” came a voice from below.
“Well, here I come!”
“Wait! We’re a little to the right!”
“Here?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t see any landlubbers here…”
“Ready? GET HIM!”
Harry, Godric and Sally burst from the undergrowth, bows and arrows in hand, looking like Legolas gone wrong. They pointed their arrows at Ron, three arrows sang from bows, with strings attached, one made a loop around Ron’s ankle.
“Good shot Godric, you’re not completely useless after all…” Harry said, grabbing the rope.
“Who said I was useless?” Godric thundered.
“I will if you don’t pull,” Sally growled.
“Oh, right,” Godric yanked on the rope that was hooked around Ron bird’s ankle and he was knocked off the branch and began to fall. “My, this sure is loads better than simply letting him jump,” Godric commented sarcastically as Ron began to sing “I’m free!!!!!!!”
“Yeah didn’t think about how to catch him,” Harry said scratching his head. Suddenly, an idea hit him.
WHOOSH
“Harry why are you on the ground?”
“Sorry I fell over, an idea hit me.”
“Sure.”
“No, seriously, here’s what we should do.” Harry and Sally quickly wove a rather lopsided fishing net out of the remaining rope.
“Correct my understanding of gravity, but shouldn’t Ron have fallen yet?”
“What’s gravity?”
“Stupid medieval mindset.”
“You’re never going to believe this,” Godric said in a revered tone.
“What?” snapped Harry, fully prepared to hear “Gravity exists” or some other such Godric crap. Instead, his gaze halted at the tennis shoes dangling over his head.
“Ron bird likes flying,” sang Ron swaying back in forth over Harry’s head, on the branch he had caught after he had gotten a little tired of “flying”.
“Blast! You mean we made this entire net in a matter of mere seconds for nothing?”
“Yes, birds don’t need nets.”
“Damnit Ron, I’m trying to save your life here, now, you are going to fall in this NET!!!”
“Calm down, Harry, mate,” Sally said, patting Harry’s shoulder in a reassuring way.
“Hold the net, we made it, we’re going to use it!” Harry grabbed one of Ron’s ankles and pulled.
PLOP!
“Just had to center him right over the BIGGEST HOLE IN THE NET, didn’t you Harry?” Sally asked, enraged.
“Never mind that,” Harry said hastily, “just cure him.”
“Oh Harry! It’s just terrible, you must help”Ron, why have you got feathers in your hair?” Hermione asked, puzzled. Ron turned beet red and muttered something about falling into a hornets’ nest. Fortunately, Hermione was too distraught to look into his story.
“Calm down, Hermione,” Harry said soothingly, “just tell us what happened.”
“Rowena, she seduced me,” Hermione began, bursting into to tears. Ron was now the one to look distraught.
“How the bloody hell could she seduce you? I’ve been trying to figure out how to for quite some time now!”
“Well, she said it was the only thing she was good at,” Hermione sniffled, “then she figured out how to work the Time-Turner and … and”” Hermione broke into a fresh set of tears. Harry patted her back while Ron glared at him.
“She found out how to use the Time-Turner!” Hermione wailed.
“Is that it?” asked Ron, “I thought it was going to be something more apoplectic, like, no dinner tonight or something.”
“No, don’t you understand, she used to Time-Turner to go ahead in time, that means that Helga is cooking tonight!” Hermione sobbed.
“I picked up some new recipes in Tiberia!” Helga called out from the “castle” cheerfully.
“NO!!!” five voices cried in unison.
Rowena felt very satisfied with herself, no more of that correcting brat, no more of those three “teachers”, or that stupid red haired pig, she was free of them forever! She had certainly given the Time Turner enough twists to do it. She paraded through the castle halls at Hogwarts looking around with cool amusement. The Time Turner dangled from her neck like some kind of medal.
“Excuse me, could you please tell me why you are walking the corridor so late at night?” came a voice from behind her. Rowena turned and found herself looking at a much aged version of”
“Hermione?” the words came out more as a gasp.
“Incorrect, 5 points from Granger House. I am Hermione Granger B, my first copy got lost. Please be more polite when talking to your Headmistress,” corrected Headmistress Granger B.
“Who wants to sample some of the ‘cerveau de vache a la mode’?”
“NO!!!”
“B-but, I don’t understand, surely there must be some mistake, you were in the past…weren’t you?” Rowena stuttered.
“I don’t really know what happened to the original copy, but after she and her two sidekicks disappeared, some Granger supporters found one of my, well A’s, hairs and used it to reincarnate me.”
“Granger supporters?”
“Yes, though they were originally called Potter supporters, I don’t know why, they probably mistook the last name. Anyways, they were looking to reincarnate ‘The Boy Who Lived’, me, obviously. To do so, they needed hair, and they came upon some such hair under Saint Ron’s bed, a locket full of it, in fact. They thought it was the Potter boy’s because there were rumored to be more than friends. So they used it in the potion and voila! Here I stand, 50 years later.”
“Saint Ron?”
“He was made a saint after they found my hair under his bed.”
“Come now, Ron, you look a bit peckish,” Helga said, waving the spoon in Ron’s direction.
“He just keeled over when he got a whiff of it,” Harry informed her.
“It’s your lucky day then, isn’t it?”
“And what were you saying about Granger House?” Rowena asked, thoroughly confused.
“It is the house that all the most intelligent students go, some sticklers were saying it should be Ravenclaw, but she was practically non-existent in Hogwarts history so we eliminated her.”
“NO!!!”
“STUPEFY!”
“Thanks Sally, for a moment I thought I was actually going to have to eat it.”
“We could always roast HER for dinner, I assure you that she contains no brains whatsoever. Anyone feeling peckish?”
“Look, see this?” Rowena asked, showing Headmistress Granger B the Time Turner, “This little baby is going to get me back to where Granger A is, then we’ll bring them back and you won’t even exist!” She fervently began to twist the hourglass.
Headmistrees Granger B started whacking her with her cane, trying to pull the Time Turner from her grasp. She succeeded.
"NO!" cried Rowena, but she was already fading into the past. In a matter of seconds, she was gone, and the Time Turner sat twinkling innocently in Headmistress Granger B's palm.
“OW!” Ron yelped as Rowena landed on his stomach.
“Sorry,” she apologized, “time travel is a difficult thing.”
“What happened? Where is the time turner?” Hermione asked, enraged.
“Long story, short end is that your evil half stole it, but sent me back.”
“What?” Ron asked stupidly.
“You’re stuck here with me!” Helga sang, waking up and shoving a spoonful of cow brain into Ron’s mouth.
“NO!”
How will they get back now? What is Headmistress Granger B’s evil plan? Stay tuned!