screech boom CRASH! The loud noises echoed through the newly built Great Hall, waking it’s occupants.
“Wha’ was that?” asked Ron stupidly, sitting bolt upright.
“Sounds like someone building something,” Hermione muttered sleepily, “that’s what it sounded like when I was building this castle.”
“How come we didn’t hear it then?” asked Ron.
“We must’ve been preoccupied,” Harry answered, now awake due the noises outside. You could hear stone crunching against stone, glass shattering and metal sliding.
“Oh…yeah…” Ron answered, ears burning red from the Ron-bird event.
screech boom CRASH! The noise could be heard again, bits of stone and plaster began tumbling from the un-enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall.
“That’s it,” Harry said, getting up and pulling on his robes, “I’m going to go see what they’re up to.”
“Try to see if you can get one of them to help us think up an alternate route through time,” Hermione said, sitting up in her sleeping bag grouchily, “I had an interesting dream in which Ron and I”well let’s just say that Rowena interrupted our”I mean, the moral of it all is that there can be other ways to get back home without Time-Turners.” Hermione hastily finished, face burning bright red.
“What were you dreaming about me for?” Ron asked curiously.
“Nothing,” Hermione answered blushing furiously.
“Do you dream about me often?” Ron persisted.
“NO!”
“Harry, he wasn’t asking you,” Hermione said, and then turning to Ron, “Do you dream about me often?”
Ron’s ears/face/neck flushed bright red. “I asked you first!”
“Okay, guys,” Harry began, holding up his hands.
“WE DON’T CARE WHETHER OR NOT YOU DREAM ABOUT US, HARRY!” Hermione yelled at him with a lot of force, Harry looked scared to answer, finally Hermione, in a small voice asked, “Do you?”
“NO!” Harry answered, “What I was going to say was that since this whole random romance scene is totally non-relevant to the plot, not to mention choppy and there are suspicious noises outside, we should prioritize. Now I for one am getting up and leaving.”
screech boom CRASH! More stone fell from the ceiling, it sounded as though something very heavy and skidded over the roof of the Great Hall.
“Me too,” Ron said, getting up hurriedly as some of the ceiling began falling down onto his hair, “you don’t think they’d be burying us alive, do you?” As if to answer his question a very large chunk of stone landed right behind him.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” retorted Hermione, but nevertheless she too jumped out of her sleeping bag.
Outside was a truly spectacular sight. Turrets and arches and towers were being placed here and there, flying through the air. Spells were shooting around haphazardly. Stumbling through the chaos were Harry, Ron and Hermione, trying to make sense of it all. Finally they happened upon Rowena, who was panting hard and gazing up at what was easily the tallest tower, full of turrets and such, though not all of them were placed at the regular angles.
“What are you guys doing?” Hermione asked breathlessly as two turrets opposite them crashed into each other, knocking one another aside.
“After meeting your older, evil half,” Rowena panted, “I decided that I had better make sure I am the one who gets all the fame and glory, not that silly old witch.”
“So you’re building an big tower? You’re like a little kid in a sand box saying ‘my castle has more rocks on it!’ It’s ridiculous!” Hermione spat in disgust.
“That’s what you say because you’re not winning!” laughed Rowena, summoning up her strength to make another arch materialize out of thin air, it spun around and landed haphazardly next to a turret that happened to be laying out horizontally rather than vertically.
“I think I’ll go…er…find Sally,” Harry said, backing away slowly from the crazy architect (aka Rowena).
“I’ll find…um…Godric and see if he needs any help…” Ron said, quick on take-up.
“Help? Godric is getting help?” Rowena asked, panicking, she grabbed Hermione’s arm, “you’re helping me then!”
“Oh bloody hell,” Hermione muttered disgustedly, scowling at the retreating backs of Harry and Ron.
“Hey there Sally how goes it?” Harry asked half-heartedly, it was obvious that it wasn’t going well.
Whereas the other heads of houses had tall towers with multiple turrets/arches/statues of themselves Salazar Slytherin had one simple tower and a pile of stone rubble at his feet. He kept angrily pointing his wand at the stones and muttering. A few turned green, but that was about it.
“Not well,” he muttered through gritted teeth. He pointed his wand at another stone and it made a feeble somersault. Giving up in exasperation, he cried out in frustration, “How are the others doing it? Rowena has many towers, even if they are in at odd angles and Helga has a masterpiece. Godric is being his same old egotistical self with his tower, but it’s better than nothing!”
“Well, Hermione is helping Rowena…”Harry began before Salazar cut him off with a yelp.
“WHAT!?! ROWENA IS ACCEPTING ASSISTANCE?! THAT’S NOT RIGHT!” and upon spotting Harry, he grabbed him and yelled, “YOU’RE HELPING ME!”
“Er, hello Godric, lovely, um …tower you’ve got there,” Ron said hesitantly, staring up at the 100-foot statue of Godric Gryffindor, complete with windows and rooms inside for people to walk through. The statue depicted Godric brandishing a sword with an expression of valiance and victory on his face, he was wearing a lion suit, much like one would find on pictures of Hercules. Unfortunately the statue looked nothing like the real Gryffindor, with his fake marble muscles and the expression of strength was totally wrong. It left Ron speechless, well for a moment at least.
Then he burst into laughter.
“Oh, hello there young Ron,” said Godric noticing him for the first time, “like the statue? I think it portrays me perfectly.
Ron just rolled around on the ground, howling with laughter, tears of mirth coming to his eyes.
screech boom CRASH!
“What was tha’?” asked Jimmy Joe, panicking slightly.
“Oh, nothing really, just some wizards building something or other. It sounds a lot like my brother Percy when he sings in the shower too,” answered Ginny Weasly, walking alongside the young peasant.
“W-wizards?” Jimmy Joe asked, afraid again, “y-you mean their real? Actual s-spawns of S-satan?”
“No you silly fool,” answered Ginny impatiently as they made their way through the Forbidden Forest (it was a lot bigger in the Dark Ages than it was present day. Also a lot less populated, we can blame deforestion and polution, not to mention an antimagic society for the current state of the Forest.) to the source of the noise. Ever since she had come upon him in the forest he had been following her asking all sorts of silly questions. “You can shoot fire from your hands, that makes you a wizard as well! Are you a spawn of whatever?”
“Am I?” asked the stupid peasant, looking confused.
“Oh bloody hell,” Ginny swore at his stupidity.
“See! You said h-h-h””
“Hell?”
“YES!”
“You are an idiot, go back to your farming. I have to tell some people something.”
“Then I will help you!”
“W-what? No you won’t!”
“Yes I will!”
“No you won’t!”
“Yes I will!”
“No you won’t!”
“Yes I will!”
“No you won’t!”
“Yes I will!”
“Just go away!” Ginny cried out in frustration, banging her head against the nearest tree.
“Yes I will!” Jimmy Joe spat out his automatic response, then paused, “Wait a minute! I didn’t mean that!”
“Hmrph,” Helga muttered unhappily. True, she had the best tower yet. Unlike Rowena’s, all her turrets were straight, and it wasn’t egotistical like Godric’s, nor was it non-existant as Salazar’s was. Still this could all change, and they had help, it really wasn’t fair.
“Urf, gerroff me!” came a voice to her left coming from the Forbidden Forest. Helga turned to see two people emerge from it. She brightened. Help at long last, she thought.
“You’re completely USELESS!” Salazar roared in anger at Harry. Alone all Sally had managed was to create a pile of rumble at his feet, but at least his original tower had been left alone. Now, with Harry’s help they had managed to wreck the remaining tower. “Now Slytherin house with be the laughing stock of the school!”
“Um...,” Harry said, cowering, "as of now, Slytherin tower is non-existant..."
“SHUT UP! Is there anything you CAN do?”
“Um…I can …produce a Patronus?” Harry offered unhelpfully.
“Oh, grand, then I suppose that can build a tower?”
“Er…no.”
“ARGH! You’re so STUPID!!!”
“At least we still have a Slytherin meadow!”
“What are we going to do with that? Grow a Slytherin hedge-house?”
“But I don’t have time for building towers, I need to tell my friends some important information!” cried Ginny Weasly impatiently as Helga prodded her in the back with a wand.
“Friends, schmends,” Helga said waving her hand airily, “I don’t have any and I’m perfectly fine.”
“I don’t have any either, miss,” Jimmy Joe stated looking up at Helga adoringly. She had recently taught him how to hold a wand and given him one as a gift. The fact that the wand was Ginny’s and Helga had stolen it from her is not important to the plot right now. Nor will it ever be…I don’t think…
“See?” Helga cried out, “this sweet lowly peasant doesn’t have friends either and he is perfectly amiable.”
Ginny muttered to herself, but there was nothing she could do without her wand. So she envisioned dropping the large blocks of granite Helga was making her carry onto the two of them.
“Ouch! That was my toe!” Helga shrieked. Ginny had “accidentally” done what she had been daydreaming about. “I need an amputation! I need severe medical care!”
“Oh you drama queen,” Ginny said, rolling her eyes.
“What are those sparks shooting up from Helga’s tower?” Hermione asked curiously.
“Oh, she’s probably creating a false alarm to distract us from beating her in the tower contest,” Rowena sniffed, “probably just realized we all have help and she doesn’t.”
“Are you sure we shouldn’t go and help her?” Hermione asked tentatively, “something might actually be wrong…”
“Don’t leave me!” Helga cried as Ginny made an attempt to escape, she was laying on the grass moaning in pain. Now she rolled to grab Ginny’s ankle and hold her down.
“Stop it!” Ginny cried out, thoroughly annoyed, “I was just trying to get you some help!”
“I’ll go do it!” Jimmy Joe volunteered eagerly. Helga nodded and he ran off, leaving Ginny alone to tug her ankle from Helga’s grasp, but it didn’t work.
“Let go of me!”
“NEVER!” Helga yelled, clinging to Ginny’s ankle. She dropped her wand to hold her ankle with both hands. Ginny made an attempt to grab it, and fell over instead just as Jimmy Joe ran back, panting.
“They”” wheeze pant “didn’t believe me”” wheeze “”said you were trying to kidnap their “” pant pant “helpers.” He collapsed on the grass, landing on top of Helga’s toe by accident.
“OW! You did that on purpose!” cried the ‘wounded’ victim.
“This is getting ridiculous,” muttered Ginny, she grabbed Helga’s wand and scrambled to her feet. Helga grabbed onto her knee. Ginny pointed the wand at herself and said, “Sonorous”
“What are trying to accomplish by doing this?” demanded Helga indignantly, but Ginny ignored her. She knew exactly what would get all the heads of the houses running to her.
“HELGA’S GETTING EXTRA HELP ON HER TOWER!”
Pop!
Pop! Two wizards appparated instantaneously in front of her.
“Its about time,” Ginny thought.
“WHAT’S THIS ABOUT EXTRA HELP?” roared Gryffindor.
Pop!
"HELGA! YOUR STUPID PEASANT TREPASSED ON THE SACRED SLYTHERIN MEADOW!"
Well, after they got Helga’s toe fixed, (no she did not need it amputated) and restored the trampled grass, the Heads called a temporary truce and dined together, along with their two new students.
“So, um Ginny,” Hermione began, “how did you get here?”
“It’s a long story, but shortly after you guys disappeared, this weird old lady who sort of looked like you appeared in my dormitory one night. She asked what year it was, if you can believe such a random question as that, and then she started flipping her Time-Turner. That’s when I noticed that it looked exactly like yours”” Ginny started, but Ron interrupted her.
“How did you know it was Hermione’s Time-Turner, how do you even know that Hermione has a Time-Turner?”
“Well, I saw her take it off before she went to bed once, she couldn’t sleep with it really, and she didn’t think I saw it. I had just thought it was a necklace.” Ginny said, then continued with her story, “”so I grabbed at the Time-Turner and found myself being transported back through time, next thing I know, I accidentally let go and was stranded in the middle of the Forbidden Forest with that stupid peasant over there.” She nodded to Jimmy Joe who was busy wolfing down dinner and asking questions of Helga. Like where do wizards come from, etc.
"Godric, does that stupid peasant even count as a wizard?" Salazar asked, grumbling about Jimmy Joe's annoyiness.
"Well, we have to let all wizards and witches eager to learn join our school." Godric said, puffing up his chest in an effort to look more like his tower.
"But come on, why not just exclude this little puny peasant?" Salazar pleaded. "We could expel him, he did trample on sacred ground after all."
"You cannot pick out wizards simply because they come from a less fortunate lineage," Godric insisted pompously.
"He stepped on my grass," Salazar pouted to his mashed potatoes.
But they didn't respond, because they were mashed potatoes. And no wizard is stupid enough to enchant his food to talk back to him. Well there was one in the 16th century, but he was Isaac the Insane, so you can guess what happened to him.
“So Hermione Granger B is on the loose again,” Harry said, grinning a little, he and Ron found the idea of Hermione’s older, evil twin very amusing. Hermione not so much.
“Oh shut up, she wouldn’t have existed if Ron weren’t supposedly coveting my hair,” she shot back to Ron, who was laughing. Upon Hermione’s comment, his ears turned red.
“Do you covet my hair?” he shot back defiantly.
“No.”
“Harry he wasn’t asking you!” Hermione cried exasperatedly, “stop trying to shove yourself into the center of attention.”
They continued bickering until Rowena announced that they all needed their rest to work on the castle tomorrow.
“Oh Merlin,” Harry swore, “I hope Headmistress Granger B finds us before they recruit us for help again.”
“Y’know,” said Ron to the dark, un-enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall, “History of Magic would be so much more interesting if Binns would slip in these little details. I would love to see my name in a history book. They never tell us anything about all the Heads being mental.”