Chapter 4: You Just Want Lily
Merely weeks after Petunia became a friend to the Marauders, the summer break started. After Petunia had finally realized that, yes, she could be friends with these boys and with James, she had calmed down and the Marauders had been able to get to know the real Petunia. And, as impossible as it seemed, they seemed to like her.
Sitting in the train home, Petunia chatted with James as the other three boys went off to find the food trolley.
"You know, Petunia, if you could... well... no, I can't ask that." James seemed embarrassed and anxious.
"What?" Petunia asked eagerly.
This couldn't be what she thought. Or, maybe... no, there was no way that James, probably the most popular boy to have ever attended Hogwarts, had any feelings for her other than friendliness. Even that was more than she (or anyone else) had ever expected. Petunia was sure that any other feelings were just one-sided. But maybe... after all, he hadn't needed to save Petunia from Snape. And, he did befriend her out of the blue. It was possible. Wasn't it?
"What?" she pressed, "Would you tell me already!"
"Okay, okay, well... I was wondering if you... no, I can't ask... okay, fine."
It was very unlike James to be this nervous; after all, he was usually the one who was always cool, calm and collected. Except when it came to Lily of course. But this couldn't be about her. A little bubble of hope began to inflate in Petunia's stomach. Maybe, if this wasn't about Lily it was about Petunia? She waited, hopefully and with bated breath.
James looked at his folded hands lying on his knees. Then, very quickly he said: "Could you put in a good word for me with your sister?"
Petunia could feel the bubble burst. So he was after Lily. The irony struck her like a physical blow to the head. Trying to hide her disappointment, she asked a question that had been in her head for a long time.
"James, you saved me because you wanted to impress Lily, didn't you?" She hadn't meant to sound so accusing. Or maybe she had.
Startled, James looked up. He was blushing furiously.
"Well, yeah, I guess that was my original motive, but, well now if you were attacked I would help you even if you were Snivellus' sister." He attempted a feeble chuckle at his even feebler joke.
"Well, if that's the only reason. Now I know, don't I? You just wanted to get closer to Lily," she was crestfallen and let it show, not caring what James thought or found out.
"If that's how you want to see it. You heard what I said, I'm not going to repeat myself." James, too, was starting to sound angry.
"Admit it, you just wanted to get closer to Lily. You have a crush on my sister! Admit it!"
"Yeah, well, why shouldn't I like Lily? She's great! What's wrong with you? So what if I have a thing for your sister?" he was shouting now, too.
"You were using me!" Petunia was livid.
"I wasn't! I like you, Petunia. You're my friend! Just accept what I said, will you."
"NO, I won't! I know the truth! I know you like Lily, I know!"
"SO WHAT? WHY DO YOU CARE?"
"You were using me!" She was trying to regain her calm.
James, however, was working himself into a steam.
Just as he was about to shout something nasty towards Petunia, though, Peter, Sirius and Remus entered the room carrying piles of candy.
Petunia turned her back on James and looked out the window. For the rest of the train ride, James and Petunia remained icily silent, refusing to tell the others what was wrong, while Peter, Sirius and Remus took turns making forced conversation and stuffing their faces with candy.
When they arrived at the station, Petunia made to grab her trunk and it fell on her toes. James was by her side immediately, helping her get the trunk off and helping lift it from the car. However, halfway through this act, he broke off, as Petunia glared at him.
"Fine!" he muttered and stopped helping Petunia, who struggled with her trunk until Remus noticed her and took pity.
Sitting in the car on her way home with her parents, Lily and June, Petunia was still fuming. James was using her, she was sure. And to think she had believed that he actually like her. It was so unfair.
'But, didn't he try to tell you that it wasn't true? That he does like me?' a small voice in her head said.
Why had this fight occurred so late in the year? They wouldn't be able to settle it until September. But did she want to settle it? Wasn't she sure he had only been trying to get closer to Lily? He had saved her from Snape to impress Lily, not because he cared about her. Besides, she doubted that Snape would have even hurt her. Did it matter? No, she decided. What mattered was that James had done something he considered noble, not for her, but for Lily.
Now she thought it over, though, Petunia came to only one conclusion: she would most certainly not be putting in a good word for him with her sister.
The biggest problem with this fight was that, no matter how hard Petunia tried to be just plain mad at James, a part of her always still liked him. In her juvenile way, loved him even.
Petunia was torn out of her reflections by June's whining voice.
"And so he turned me down. I can't believe it. Remember during O.W.L.s? He was sitting just ahead of me, and he was leaning back, he was so sexy. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. So I thought he would've noticed by now, but no. What is it? Am I ugly? Am I fat? Am I not sexy enough?” said June, "Or maybe, he's just shy," she added as an after thought.
Lily rolled her eyes.
"Look, June, Sirius is so not shy. Don't lose hope, maybe it'll work out next year.” Petunia was quite sure that June didn’t catch the sarcasm in Lily’s voice, nor the annoyance. Neither should I, Petunia reminded herself. 'Well, she is my sister' the voice added, feeling the need to comment on everything, apparently. Petunia ignored it.
"Another girl? How can the guy cheat on you if he turned you down cold when you asked him out? About five times. You sound like you're going steady or something," joked Lily. Again, Petunia heard some annoyance in her voice. Was Lily growing up, just a little? Seeing how ridiculous her friend was, Petunia thought spitefully. Then, she felt a little guilty, and she wasn’t sure why.
"Oh, how I wish it was so," sighed June melodramatically, "My love, why do you hurt me like this?"
This time, Lily was giggling wholeheartedly. June joined in the laughter, and there they sat laughing their heads off on the back seat of the car, while Petunia sat in the front, angry with James, annoyed with her happy sister and confused as to why she still wanted James to like her. Why she still liked him. Why her stupid, stubborn heart refused to give up hope.