Evil Villainy for Dummies by Hermiones_Revenge
Neville collapsed onto his bed and pulled out his newly purchased book. According to what he had read so far, he possessed potential, though he wasn't sure how to harness it. It didn't matter really, for he wasn't planning on becoming a full-fledged evil villain. His intentions were different.
But if he were to become an evil villain, the name "Neville Longbottom" just wasn't going to cut it. The name "Neville" hardly struck fear into the hearts of men. And Longbottom? No global conqueror would be caught dead with a last name that contained the word "bottom." If he were to become evil he would have to change his name to something mysterious or enigmatic...but what though? He could pull a Voldemort and rearrange the letters in his name...
Unfortunately, the only two titles he managed to create using this approach were "Vontlom ill Gebt" and "Lil Nevogott Lenbom", neither of which were the least bit intimidating. He did seriously contemplate shortening the second one to "Lil Lenbom" for a good amount of time however.
Sighing, Neville opened the book and began to read.
Chapter Two
Finding A Purpose and a Nemesis
All right, you're evil. So what?! There are plenty of evil people in this world who sit around and do nothing, snacking on their cockroach clusters while making fun of their neighbors' relatives. You, however, do not wish to be one of them. You wish to do something important with your new-found evil potential.
Every evil villain needs a purpose. Some want to purge the world of muggles and mudbloods, some want to take control and become the ultimate ruler of all they see, and others want to become insanely rich by putting subliminal messages in popular songs that cause all who hear them to want to consume large amounts of pudding. It doesn't matter what your goal is, all that matters is that you have one. Preferably, an evil one.
Having trouble thinking of your evil goal?
Here are some things that might trigger an idea in your mind.
Squirrels and chipmunks roam the streets of your hometown, living in your trees without a care.
Dancing is both fun and good for your health.
Global domination would allow you to control anything and everything that happens. Wouldn't you like to know that you are the high and almighty ruler of all you see?
Muggles
You are better than everybody else. Isn't it time you let them know it?
Hopefully that helped. Once you formulate your evil goal, take out a sheet of nice stationary and jot it down so that you don't forget.
You have an end to journey towards, that's great! However, you must realize that now that you have the beginnings of an evil plot, you are going to need a nemesis.
No matter what you want to accomplish in your evil endeavors, there will always be someone to stand in your way. This person will be against everything you stand for and will go to extreme lengths to defeat you whenever it is necessary. Though this may sound like a bad thing, it isn't! Every evil villain needs a nemesis for the following reasons:
1.) Evil villains like to rant, and if they have someone to rant about, everything is just so much easier.
2.) You get your name out there. Your nemesis will constantly speak of how they "have to defeat you" and consequently will spread the word that you are evil.
3.) Things become more personal .
4.) If your evil plan does not go well, you still have a chance to succeed in the world of villainy by making the life of your nemesis rather unpleasant.
But WHO will be your nemesis? Your nemesis can be either one person or a group of people. If you chose a group however, make sure it is small. Examples of appropriate small groups would be the Potters, the illegal immigrants that live in your neighbor's basement, or the chess squad. You want to hate your enemy on a personal level, and this is just not possible if you're trying to personally hate a large amount of people. Examples of inappropriate groups would be the town of Hajawaka Kentucky, all inhabitants of the Polynesian Islands, or the entire country of Iceland. It is all right if you are working against a large group, highly dislike them, or continually send them angry letters, but it is not right for you to call them your personal "nemesis".
The following list is of well-known evil villains and their respective arch enemies.
Lord Voldemort = Harry Potter
Draco Malfoy = Harry Potter
Lucius Malfoy = Harry Potter
All right, the whole Malfoy family = Harry Potter
The mayor of Hajawaka Kentucky = pie
The sister of Hermione's Revenge = Ohio (note: there are some exceptions to the large group rule)
Mimes = Hermione's Revenge
Cornelius Fudge = Harry Potter
Spiders = Ron Weasley
Snape = Harry Potter
(Harry Potter seems to have a lot of enemies…)
This list should get your imagination going? Who will be YOUR arch nemesis?
Neville put his book down and gazed upward at the ceiling. He new his nemesis...
A/N: Wow, you read all the way through to the end? I'm both shocked and impressed! Anyway please review, because reviews make me happy, and if you haven't already please check out my other stories.