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Evil Villainy for Dummies by Hermiones_Revenge

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A/N: Alas, in this chapter we do not only discover why Goyle is Neville’s nemesis, but also how Neville confronts him! This is the second to last chapter for those of you who are interested “ I really can’t keep a story like this going for too long. Anyway, enjoy!



Neville knew that dwelling on his fears of confronting Goyle was useless, so he decided to get to the library as soon as possible to get things over with. Hopefully, he thought to himself, there wouldn’t be many other people there. It was going to be hard enough for him to stand up to Goyle on his own; having a crowd of gawking spectators surely would not make things any easier. Pretending to feel confident, he entered the library and hoped for the best.

Neville spotted him right away. There he was, Gregory Goyle, sitting stupidly in Neville’s usual library seat. Ever since their first year, Neville had sat in the same seat in the library on certain afternoons to try and complete some of his homework. Then, on that fateful day, he had entered the library and discovered none other than Mr. Goyle sitting in his particular seat. At first, Neville had thought it would only last for a day. However, he soon realized that Goyle was there to stay.

“This is my seat,” Neville had said to him one Saturday afternoon about a month or so before. “I do my homework here…I can’t do it anywhere else!”

“Go away,” was all that Goyle said in reply.

Though he had been a bit intimidated by Goyle’s bulk, Neville pressed on. “You don’t understand, I’ve tried to get things done in other seats but it just doesn’t work! I can’t focus on schoolwork sitting anywhere but right there!”

Goyle grunted. Then, in one swift movement, he had snatched the quill out of Neville’s hand. If it had been any other quill, Neville wouldn’t have minded, only the quill that Goyle had taken had been Neville’s lucky quill. It was the only thing that helped him pass classes like potions and transfiguration.

“Erm…I kind of need that,” Neville had meekly said.

By that time Goyle had gotten overly annoyed. He wasn’t sure exactly what Neville wanted…all he knew was that someone was bothering him and he wanted this distraction to go away. So, in one swift motion he stood up, lifted Neville off the ground, and tossed him to the side.

Neville shuddered at the memory of it. Since then, his homework assignments had been far from his best, and he had failed two potions tests and a transfiguration quiz. He needed to get back what was his, once and for all…

Walking with his head held high he approached Goyle.

“Could you move, please?” Neville said calmly to him. “You’re in my seat.”

Goyle looked up at him and grunted.

“I know the only reason you’re sitting there is because you don’t want me sitting there,” he continued.

Goyle laughed and nodded.

Neville began to think. Something in his handbook would certainly come in handy here. Henchmen…he needed henchmen…but he didn’t have them. However, he thought to himself with a grin, Goyle didn’t know that.

“I don’t want to have to do this,” Neville said with a sigh, “but I believe you’re forcing me to get my henchmen.”

“What?”

“My henchmen!” Neville repeated, rolling his eyes. “I have a big group of guys who’d be glad to help me get rid of you! They do whatever I tell them to do and trust me, you don’t want to get them angry. My henchmen get quite rowdy when they’re angry.”

Goyle stared at him for a moment, scratching his head. “You’re lying.”

“Think what you want!” Neville snappily replied. He then put his evil laugh to use, proud of how far he had come with it.

Goyle looked both confused and slightly apprehensive after Neville had finished his evil laugh. Though he wasn’t the sharpest quill in the ink, he knew that most people didn’t laugh the way Neville just had unless they are serious about something. This Neville character was up to something…

“My henchmen will enjoy getting rid of you, they’ve been quite bored lately,” he went on. He then moved his hand to his chin and employed his new evil plotting look.

“What are you thinking about?” Goyle asked. Even in his stupidity he was aware that the expression on Neville’s face showed that he was planning to do something maniacal.

“Oh, nothing.” Neville snickered.

Goyle was confused. This kid…did he really have henchmen? And he was planning to do something crazy…maybe he should just give up the seat.

“You know,” Neville said, interrupting Goyle’s thoughts (Goyle’s head had begun to hurt “ he wasn’t used to thinking), “I could just use my henchmen and evil plan on someone else if you just give me back my seat and my quill.”

The quill…Goyle thought for a moment. It was a really good quill, sometimes he thought it might even be lucky. “No,” he replied. “Get lost.”

For a moment, Neville paused. He hadn’t expected Goyle to resist for so long and wasn’t sure what to do next. Then suddenly, a brilliant idea came to his mind. It was obvious that Goyle’s mind was already a bit muddled from all the thinking he had been forced to do, and surely he wouldn’t be able to stand much more mayhem. Neville decided to use some of his pointless evil tactics to attempt to confuse him, in hopes that he would end up so befuddled that he’d be forced to leave.

Neville poked him in the shoulder.

“What was that for?” Goyle demanded.

“It’s a precautionary measure,” Neville replied. “In case they try to take me again.”

“Wait…who?”

“Wingardium Leviosa!” Neville levitated Goyle’s book.

Goyle gazed dumbly at his floating textbook. “Hey…bring that back down!”

With a flick of his wand, Neville brought the book crashing on top of Goyle’s head.

“Hey! Do you wanna get killed?” Goyle stood up, snarling angrily.

Neville had saved the best for last. “Listen here,” he said to Goyle. “The answer is twenty-four, but you didn’t hear it from me. If you’re not sure of what I mean, send a howler to yourself about the ‘mayonnaise incident.’ Five minutes and fourteen seconds after it arrives you should receive an owl from a man in Reykjavik, explaining what to do with your left socks and the ball of yarn. After you read the letter, rip it up into little shreds and give them to the first person who asks you what time it is. Then you have to go to the great hall and sing your name to the tune of the Canadian national anthem. Once you’re done, go back to the Slytherin common room and a box should be waiting for you, containing twelve liters of tomato paste. Everything should make sense then.”

Goyle rubbed his head. Tomato paste…Canada…Aunt Bernice?

“Aauagh!” he bellowed, covering his face with his hands. “I…I…take your seat and quill back!” And with that he tossed the lucky quill onto the table and sprinted out of the library.



Praise for Evil Villainy for Dummies

“The most well-written handbook I’ve seen in years.” - Griselda Moosicle, author of Dancing with Doom

“In this little manual, Knowles makes the art of evil villainy easy for people of all backgrounds to understand. Even if you are not an aspiring villain, this handbook is an enjoyable, educational read.” - Evil Villain’s Digest

“Only one word can describe this. Swedish meatballs. Wait…that’s two words…” “ Lucius Malfoy, Death Eater

“You loser, I did all the work that went into putting this book together and you passed it off as your own!” “ Delia McGallagher

“Never before have I seen so much useful information compiled into a single source. This is the most practical reference book I own.” “ Octavius Jones, editor of The Cleveland Cackle

“If not for this book, I would be nowhere near where I am today.” “ Lord Voldemort, who wishes for this comment to remain anonymous

“Sheer brilliance.” - The Evil Shadow of London



A/N: Alas, one more chapter to go! Of course you should review, like always. I need power for that review-powered jet-ski!