Chapter 12: Incoherent
Harry was by her side in an instant, trying to take her into his arms, but she was reluctant. He tried to soothe her, to tell her that everything was going to be all right, but she was unwilling. He wanted to show her that it was okay to cry and let her feelings out, but she refused.
It was hard for Hermione. Once near Harry, his presence so obvious, his smell overpowering the whole of her, she felt like she wanted to scream and rage at the Heavens. “It’s not fair!” her mind cried out. It wasn’t fair that her mother was dead and had left her alone; it wasn’t fair that her father had become helpless when she needed him most”it just wasn’t fair. Leaning her head on Harry’s shoulder, his hands in her hair, his voice speaking comforting words that she could not understand, she felt tears form in her eyes. Pushing him away, she wiped them away angrily and told him she needed to rest.
Harry had never felt worse.
* * *
Harry was walking the grounds, his invisibility cloak thrown over his shoulders in such a careless way that he wouldn’t be surprised if it had been thrown off by the strong wind being blown in his direction. Hands deep in the pockets of his cloak, one tightened around his wand, he made his way slowly to Hagrid’s cabin. He wanted to feel the safety and security that Hagrid’s hut had somehow always provided. While he knew that Hagrid was on his trip, he hoped that Alohomora would work and then he could think quietly with Fang’s head on his lap.
He didn’t know yet how Hermione would react but he had enough experience on the matter to know that it would not be easy. He only wished that in the future she wouldn’t act like she had tonight. He really didn’t like being pushed away, especially by her. However, he did understand, which was why he wanted to be able to help her. He had once promised that he would be by her side no matter what and he wanted to live up to that. He wanted her to feel like she could trust him like he trusted her, not only with her secrets, but also with her feelings. He didn’t want her to hide like he had once done”he was scared that this experience might scar her for life, like so many of his own experiences had wounded him.
Climbing the few steps to Hagrid’s hut he pulled his wand out and whispered, “Alohomora.” The door opened and Harry was actually surprised”he hadn’t expected the spell to work. As he stepped over the threshold he looked around for Fang but wasn’t able to spot him. He called out his name, but received no bark from the boarhound. He thought it was odd, but maybe Fang was taking a stroll on the grounds. Settling himself on a chair, Harry looked around, missing Hagrid’s massive form and the way he used to talk to them about everything. He especially missed his rock cakes.
Harry lit his wand so he could feel more at home, but it was not to be. The hut offered none of the warmth he had hoped”it was just cold and empty without Hagrid. Harry wanted to write to him, but was afraid that any letter might draw undesired attention. As he was getting up to leave, an envelope lying on Hagrid’s table caught his eye. It was covered in cobwebs as though it had been left there for quite some time. Curiosity getting the best of him, Harry moved closer and picked it up. It had been opened once and the letter had been stuffed back into the envelope, as if the reader had been in a hurry. He opened it up to see Dumbledore’s familiar handwriting:
Hagrid,
I need your help. Please meet me in the Hog’s Head in half an hour. I am afraid the event we have long talked about has been verified. You know the importance of it.
Albus
Harry hastily stuffed the letter into the envelope and with long steps left the cabin to tell Ron that something had been going on.
* * *
Hermione was lying in bed as memory after memory washed over her. The first thing she could remember was her mother singing to her in a sweet voice, though far off-tune. She had thought that was by far the most wonderful voice, and had often wondered why her mother hadn’t become a singer. The rest of the memories were those that any child was likely to have; watching while her mother cooked as her feet dangled beneath her, her mother crying at her first day of school, learning her alphabet while her mother watched over her. Always lingering was the perfume of sweet mimosa and vanilla that had hung around her mother everywhere she went.
Then the letter had come, the Hogwarts letter that changed everything. She was away from home now, and often for the longest of times. Even when she had had the chance to spend time at home she had preferred to stay away, near Harry and Ron, near the world where she knew she belonged. She preferred to stay in the world she had created for herself, and now that was her greatest regret.
Hermione remembered the last time she had seen her mother. Helen Granger had been truly frightened when her daughter told her that they were all in danger, Hermione most of all. Hermione had left that day, not even staying a week, before joining Harry, Ron and the Order. She had told herself that her mother would understand.
Now, lying awake, dread threatening to overwhelm her, she thought that maybe her mother hadn’t understood. Had Helen felt like she was losing her only daughter? Had she felt this sense of pain that Hermione was feeling right now? Had she been resentful towards the magical world that had taken away her baby and turned her into an able and grown woman?
Hermione would never know and yet she made herself a promise. She would never shed a tear. It was a sign of weakness she didn’t want right now”it was something she didn’t need. She hadn’t cared enough about her mother when she had been alive and she wouldn’t let herself be destroyed by the guilt now. She had to be strong because life went on, with or without her. Even as she promised herself all of this, even as she tried to stop the tears threatening to come, even as she told herself that it was for the best, something cold settled in her heart. She didn’t know if it would ever truly leave.
Love's Embrace by mspadfoot89
Chapter Notes: I'm Back! This chapter was a little fishy and sort of hard to write, so let me know what you think! Thanks to my beta, Sneaky_Rhae for all her help!