Disclaimer: Accidentally in Love is a song from Counting Crows and I'm just borrowing the title.
Chapter 4: Accidentally in Love
Harry lied in bed watching the shadows on the ceiling and thinking. Today he had realised…what had he just realised? That he had feelings for Hermione? Was that even possible? His mates’ snores were so loud, they were disrupting his thinking.
His mind went back to those few moments he had stared up into Hermione’s deep brown eyes. For those few moments Harry had felt himself losing sight of everything and everyone, except for the girl in front of him. His heart had swelled up, and he’d felt like all he wanted to do was reach up and touch her soft, silky skin, bring her closer to him, and never let her go.
Now he ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. It was clear to him what he felt for Hermione. Just like mere hours before, he had been in total confusion, now he knew that the one person he wanted to be with (he tried hard not to think for the rest of his life), was none other but Hermione Granger. He just felt surprised that he’d never realised this before. That he had never wanted to be more than just friends with Hermione. She had been constantly by his side, and the only time they’d ever truly not talked since becoming friends, was when Crookshanks had supposedly eaten Scabbers. Never had she left him alone, and the constant nagging, Harry just realised, was all for his own good. Her advice had always been helpful, and if he had followed it, Sirius wouldn’t be dead. His insides squirmed with guilt as he tried to push the thought away.
He now felt he needed Hermione, needed her just as much as the air he was breathing, if not more. He needed to have her beside him, he needed to feel her skin beneath his fingers, and he needed to hear her say that she too, felt the same way.
But she can’t, he told himself, she can’t love you, she can’t be there for you the way you want her to. She’s with another man, and even if she wasn’t she’d probably be disgusted that her best friend would…she might even laugh at you, you idiot.
He imagined telling Hermione the truth. No doubt, she’d say that she didn’t like him back. But that would lead to so much more. It would lead to Hermione being uncomfortable around Harry and eventually it would lead to distance. Their friendship would fail”Harry didn’t want that. If he couldn’t have Hermione with him the way he wanted, he could at least have her friendship. He could at least talk to her everyday.
Harry was now furious; furious at Hermione for doing this to him; furious at himself for being too late; furious at Anthony for being with Hermione just when he’d realised his true feelings; and furious at Ron, for being right about this whole God-damned thing.
He could never be with Hermione, he would never try. He would just have to get through this alone, like he’d gotten through everything else in his life. He couldn’t put an end to their friendship, and he couldn’t do this to Hermione, especially not now when she was happy with Goldstein. As he turned over in his bed, he made himself a promise”he would never tell Hermione his true feelings for her, even if he had to suffer the consequences.
“As you can very well see, the Protean Charm allows for…”
Tiny Professor Flitwick was sitting on his usual pile of books and was explaining how the Protean Charm worked. Harry and Ron, having mastered the charm because of Hermione, weren’t really listening. Harry was busy trying to rid his mind of thoughts of Hermione, or indeed busy trying to stop staring at her. It was amazing. After six years of them being best friends, Harry felt like he was indeed, seeing her for the first time.
Meanwhile, Ron was busy observing Harry and trying hard not to laugh. It was obvious to him that Harry loved Hermione, and always had, he had just never noticed it. Ron wondered whether he realised it even now. He turned, and there was Harry, trying to keep his face away from Hermione, blushing slightly.
Ron, having Hermione’s best interests at heart, thought that Hermione and Harry were meant for one another. Once, he’d thought that he and Hermione were meant for each other, but that hadn’t worked out. As he watched the two of them sitting next to each other, Ron’s brain started working furiously fast to make up plans of setting them up.
Hermione, on the other hand, sat happily at her desk, not aware of anything unusual. She was listening to Professor Flitwick, her eyes never leaving his face. Next to her, Harry sneezed. She said, “Bless you” not even averting her head. Moments passed.
Suddenly, for the first time, Hermione felt a curious sensation, as though eyes were on her. But the glare was not unfriendly. She slowly turned her head, trying not to seem obvious and met a pair of astoundingly green eyes, now boring into her own. For a moment she seemed unable to move; she seemed frozen, and she found she didn’t have enough will-power to tear her eyes away from Harry’s. Suddenly they heard a snort of laughter right next to Harry”Ron was unable to hold back his laughter any longer.
“Do you have a spare quill Hermione?” Harry found himself asking. His brain seemed quite empty of everything except that angelic face, though he thought to himself, quick thinking.
Hermione handed him the quill. If she was not mistaken, she had just felt helpless for the very first time in her life. What was happening? For the umpteenth time that week, she shook her head, trying to clear it of all emotion, and forced her attention back on Professor Flitwick.
Harry couldn’t think at all. All he could do was visualise her face over and over in his mind. He had never known this feeling; never known love so complete, so total, so pure and clean; never had he felt so powerless, not even when facing Voldemort. This went beyond anything he had even imagined before. Even though he only had the knowledge of his love for her for one day, it was already slowly eating him up from the inside, leaving him struggling for breath. Again he felt that powerful need to have her beside him, to touch her, to tell her the truth. If he survived this, it would be a miracle. He let his head fall on his desk with a loud THUNK. He could think no longer.
“Mr. Potter. What do you say you come up here and try to perform the spell for us?” Professor Flitwick’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Er…”
“You can do it, Harry. You know you can. Go on.” came Hermione’s voice from beside him. Looking at her face full of hope and support, Harry got up and went to the front of the class.
“Well, here goes,” he said, his eyes never leaving Hermione’s face.
“WHAT? She knows? Ron, why on Earth would you tell her?” Harry yelled in the middle of the Entrance Hall, making everyone in the vicinity turn their heads and stare curiously.
“Come on, Harry. I think Ginny has a right to know, don’t you? I mean, she was the one who had a crush on you, and she’s the only one who might help you out. How else do you expect to win Hermione’s heart?” Ron spoke calmly, leading Harry towards the Great Hall for lunch.
“Ron, this is what I wanted to talk to you about. I don’t want to win Hermione's heart. I could never make her throw away our friendship. I mean, look at her!” Harry said, pointing at the Ravenclaw table where Hermione was sitting next to Anthony, happily talking to him. “How could I take that away from her?”
“Harry, you dolt, did it ever occur to you that she might be a lot happier with you?” Ron was beginning to get frustrated. His friend could be such a dumb ass when it came to relationships.
“No, it hasn’t. I love her too much to””
“Hold it!” Harry heard Ron shout. “Did you just say you love her? Harry you love her, don’t you? Do you really? Come on, you can say it.”
Harry said nothing. He had just said “love”. He loved Hermione. It was as simple as that. He hadn’t planned on telling Ron, though. It had just slipped out. He loved Hermione, and yet she didn’t love him back. As if to emphasise this point, Hermione chose that exact same moment to lean in and give Anthony a deep and meaningful kiss, leaving most of the Ravenclaws astonished. Harry closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to steady himself and looked away.
Ron, understanding Harry’s silence all too well, said nothing.
Meanwhile Ginny had come into the Great Hall and sat herself down next to Ron, opposite of Harry. She grinned at him and leaned forward over the table to speak to him.
“Ron told me,” she said, “that you have feelings for Hermione. Now here’s the thing. I know that you feel you would never come between her and Anthony, because Hermione’s happy. But, Hermione has been acting a little strange Harry. So I think you have to fight for her, because chances are you’re going to win.”
Harry just looked at her blankly. How on Earth did Ginny know what he was feeling? And why, why did everyone tell him to go for it? To fight for her? He just shook his head at Ginny, and without saying a word walked out of the Great Hall. Anthony had chosen that precise moment to drag Hermione away from the hall and into one of the little chambers outside it, and unfortunately Harry had noticed.
“We’ve got to do something about them,” Ron exclaimed exasperatedly, “and I know just the thing.” He leaned over and started whispering his plan to his younger sister.
“Ron! It’s way too dangerous! What if they’re caught? No way, nuh uh, I am not helping you.” Ginny said angrily and crossed her arms across her chest.
“Fine! Fine, be like that! I’ll do it myself! But you have to promise not to tell them a word. Promise me, Ginny!” he yelled at her.
“Ugh! You make me so mad! Fine, I promise!” Ginny said through clenched teeth and with that stomped out of the hall as well.
A/N: Well, this chapter was mostly for making Harry's feelings clear and a couple of clues are dropped in it as well. However, I feel it is definately not one of my best chapters.