First, I want to thank my beta, Ron Weasley, for all of the help!
Disclaimer: The title is from a song by Mario and I'm just borrowing it!
Chapter 7: Let Me Love You
It was a late Saturday night, and everyone was going back to their own dormitories to get some much-awaited sleep. The whole of Gryffindor House had been having a party—for no apparent reason—and now everyone was ready to go to bed—everyone except Harry, however.
It had been over a week since he told Ron—and himself—that he was going to tell Hermione the truth. This, however, was easier said than done. He had had many chances this last week, because him and Hermione had been alone at least twice a day—Ron wanting to give Harry enough space. But whenever Harry felt he was ready to tell her, whenever he would look up at her and see her looking back at him with those deep, thoughtful eyes of hers, his throat would clog up, he’d get tongue-tied, and all he was able to do was merely clear his throat and continue whatever he was doing. He was getting sick and tired of it though, and he decided tonight was the night he would just come out and say it.
Hermione hadn’t had that much fun that week either. She hadn’t been her usual know-it-all self, and she had hardly uttered more than a sentence per day. Harry had noticed that whenever she thought no one was looking she would gaze absently into space, her face wistful. He wondered whether the news he had in store for her would shake her out of her torpor.
On this very night, Hermione was staring into the fireplace as usual, and she seemed to be completely out of it. She was wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants and matching sweatshirt, her hair tied in a lose ponytail at the base of her head. To Harry, she had never looked more beautiful. After a few minutes, she made to get up and go to her dormitory, but Harry grabbed her hand and turned her around.
“Hermione,” Harry started, wondering how on Earth he was going to do this, “I have something I want to tell you. Not here, though,” he said, looking around at the crowd of people around them. “I was wondering if we could go to the Room of Requirement.”
Hermione looked at him again, silently telling him that she was way too tired to go all the way to the Room of Requirement.
“Please,” Harry begged her, “it’s important.”
Hermione found she was unable to say no to that imploring glance.
“Fine,” she said in a resigned tone, “but go get your cloak. I don’t want anyone to see us.”
Harry was gone and came back in a matter of seconds.
Together, under Harry’s Invisibility Cloak, they walked to the Room of Requirement, and after walking three times in front of it, they saw a door spring open in front of them. It looked normal, just like any other old door. Harry took a deep breath and stepped in, Hermione right behind him.
They were inside a cosy, well-lit room, fairly small, with only one couch in front of a large fireplace and a small table next to it with two steaming, hot cups of tea. Hermione breathed in the aromatic scent of the tea and sat down on the couch, stretching. Harry followed her.
“So,” she said, after she had taken in every tiny detail of the room, “what did you want to say to me that was so important?”
Harry stopped in the act of picking up one of the cups of tea. He hadn’t been expecting her to ask him so soon, or so directly for that matter. He picked up his cup, raised it to his lips, took a sip or two, and lowered it, all the while watched curiously by Hermione.
He turned around in the couch so he was facing her. He took a deep breath and took her hands in his own.
“Hermione,” he said his voice quiet, “first of all I want to tell you how important you are to me, and that I would never want to lose you. You have been there for me every step of the way, and I don’t think I would have made it this far without you.”
He stroked her hand gently with his thumb and looked up to see Hermione looking very taken aback. Maybe this hadn’t been what she’d expected.
All right, so far so good, he told himself, now on to the next part. Oh God, how do I tell her?
“I’m happy you feel this way, Harry, but I don’t understand—” she whispered, clearly confused. Had Harry dragged her all the way here just to tell her he valued her friendship?
“But that’s not all, Hermione. I’ve realised that no one has ever supported me the way you have or given me better reasons to live life. You were the one who convinced me life was worth living, after…after what happened to Sirius.” Harry said looking her directly in the eye.
Okay, that was the easy part. I didn’t tell her anything she didn’t know already. Now…
Hermione was looking at him enquiringly. Something was definitely not right. She waited for Harry to continue. Only Harry seemed to have lost all desire of talking. His face was extremely red—which was saying something as Harry didn’t usually blush—and he was looking at her hand in his, avoiding her eyes.
“Um, Harry?” Hermione asked tentatively.
Harry glanced up at her, still not able to move his hand away from hers. He tried to speak, but his tongue felt extremely large in his mouth; whenever he would try to open his mouth, he found he couldn’t. It was the same feeling he’d gotten all of last week.
Just tell her! It’s Hermione, for God’s sake! She’s not going to laugh at you…or will she?
“Harry, come on,” Hermione said her voice a little worried, “do you want to tell me something?”
Harry nodded, avoiding her searching glance once more.
“Well, you know that you can tell me anything. And it must be important if you brought me all the way here. Now, tell me, what is it?” Hermione asked and her voice took on some of that bossy quality Harry knew so well. He smiled in spite of everything.
This is it…
“My…er…well…my feelings for you…er…they’ve well…changed Hermione.”
“Like…like how do you mean?” she stuttered, her eyes boring into Harry’s own piercingly-green ones. He noticed she was trying to remain calm.
Harry took a deep breath once more and tried to voice the thought that had been haunting him for nearly two months.
“Well…er…”
Love is such a strong word. But fancy doesn’t sound right either. Think, Harry, think.
“Harry, you’re scaring me. What is it?” Hermione was sounding quite worried now.
You’re sure going to be scared when you hear this.
“Um.”
There’s no other way. Love is the word.
“Um, well, you could say…I love you?”
“Love? Harry, are you all right? Do you…what do you mean?”
He saw her eyes widen as she stared at him, reading the answer in his eyes. She was now very aware of Harry’s eyes on her and of his hand still stroking hers. This was Harry in front of her—her best friend. Her best friend certainly didn’t love her. This had to be a joke, it was too much. She thought about laughing and telling Harry he nearly had her fooled, but stopped short at the sight of him. His expression looked pained; there was deep admiration and real love in his eyes as he looked at her. He was blushing furiously and his hand seemed to be shaking in hers. Hermione could tell this was no joke. She took her hands out of Harry’s grasp and absent-mindedly took the hair tie out of her hair and ran her fingers through it. She was searching very hard for words, but she appeared to have lost the power of speech.
“You…you can’t love me, Harry,” she said shaking her head as though trying to ward off the thought, “You just can’t.”
Harry remained silent, watching her think. What could he say now? All he could do was wait.
“Harry, how on Earth…how…why…” Hermione stuttered incoherently. “Why are you telling me this?” she finally asked, looking at him desperately.
“Well, it’s just…I mean…I just can’t take it anymore! Watching you with him, and…and…” He took a deep breath again, to steady himself. Hermione didn’t seem angry, just confused. She seemed to be struggling to understand what Harry was so desperately trying to tell her. It was her kind and compassionate expression that made Harry say everything he’d been keeping locked up for so long.
“You have no idea of what I’m going through. You don’t know what it’s like to be eaten up by jealousy or…or watch the woman you love in someone else’s arms. And the worst thing is I…I can’t stop feeling this way. Don’t look at me like that! Do you think I haven’t tried? I just…it looks like you will always have my heart, Hermione; there’s nothing I can do about it. But I want you to be happy, so I will only give up on this if it doesn’t make you happy, Hermione, but think. Please think about it.”
He stopped, realising he had said too much, given too much away. He had never intented to tell her every single thing he felt, but it had all just poured out of him, and he had not been able to restrain himself. Feeling slightly horrified at what he’d just said, he watched her jump up and start pacing around the room.
Hermione, meanwhile, was doing some serious thinking. She could just tell Harry she didn’t love him, that she loved Anthony. He certainly would want her to be happy. He had just said so. But something stopped her from doing just that. Her mind seemed to be spinning really fast; she was extremely confused and she buried her face in her hands, feeling worse than she had ever done.
She felt Harry come up behind her and she jumped at his touch. Harry, realising he’d done something wrong, withdrew his hand from her shoulder, trying his best not to look torn apart.
“Why, Harry? Why now? Now that I’m finally happy! Now that I have everything I’ve ever wanted!” she burst out, angrily. Harry, after all, had no right to tell her he loved her, when she was getting along just fine.
“Well, I’m sorry!” he yelled back at her. Something inside of him was telling him to shut up, that he’d gone way too far. But Harry did not stop talking. It seemed he had reached breaking point and was far beyond his usual line of reasoning, “No. You know what? I’m not sorry! What should I be sorry for? Loving you? And tell me, Hermione! Look me in the eye and tell me that you really are happy!”
He grabbed her arm, turning her around and forced her head up with his free hand. She looked back at him and spoke, “I am,” but her voice was so low, he could hardly hear it. She was so confused, Harry’s eyes seemed to fill up her whole mind, she couldn’t think anymore.
“Let me be there for you, Hermione,” he said his voice softening. “Just say the word, and I will never leave your side. Let me hold you and protect you, let me love you,” Harry whispered, raising his slightly trembling finger and tracing the curve of her cheek, like he’d wanted to do for so long. She seemed to shiver under his touch.
“Oh, Harry, how can I put this?” she cried desperately, not tearing herself away from Harry’s grip. “I’m with someone else. I can’t possibly…I mean…I couldn’t return your love…I’m sorry…I just…I don’t think we can be together,” she finished lamely.
Harry felt as if his heart had been ripped away from his body. Hermione sounded serious to him. He knew he had no chance, knew that there was no way Hermione would say yes to him, but hearing her put it into words was worse than he could have ever imagined.
“If this is what you want, it will not ruin our friendship, Hermione,” he found himself saying, though his voice seemed far away and distant. “I won’t let it. You won’t have to feel uncomfortable around me. If this is what you want, I will lock this love away—forever.”
Hermione was astounded by the harsh way he pronounced his last words. She had never known Harry to be like this. But did she really want Harry to stop loving her? She was prodding her own feelings, trying to find the right answer before it was too late. As if knowing what she was thinking, Harry spoke up with his voice still harsh.
“I will never stop loving you Hermione—never. I wouldn’t be able to. You know that. But I can’t risk our friendship. So unless…unless you tell me it’s not too late…” He glanced at her, his voice growing soft once more. He was noting the perplexed look on her face. He still hadn’t let go of her, and Hermione had made no attempt to get away.
Again, Harry felt astounded at how sure he sounded, at how much he had said without really meaning to. He had never felt comfortable around girls, never had he known how to act around them. Yet with Hermione something inside him just took over, and his emotions poured out of him before he could stop himself.
Not aware of doing it, Harry found himself pulling Hermione closer to him and putting his hand on her waist. With the other hand he grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him. Hermione’s eyes shot upwards to meet Harry’s, just like her heart had just shot upwards in her throat. Harry lowered his head slowly, giving her time to protest if she wanted to. But she didn’t seem to want to do anything. She didn’t know what to do. Her mind was swirling with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, and she found herself leaning into Harry’s kiss. Inches apart, Harry whispered, “Just say the word, Hermione, and I will be forever yours.”
Hermione couldn’t find the strength to say anything. She simply closed her eyes as their lips met for the first time. He kissed her softly, tasting the sweetness of her lips, his arms tightening around her waist, never wanting to let her go.
A/N: Oooh, I'm so nervous nervous about this chapter! Please leave reviews and tell me what you think of it! Also, I would advise not to get too exited about the ending of the chapter. Troubles aren't quite over.