Many thanks to my beta Orlaith for this chapter. Thank you!
Now, I know you've had to wait a long while for this chapter and I'm sorry that it's a bit of a filler, but it was neccessary. Writer's block is a horrible thing and a kind of mistake happened, but anyway. Thank you so much to all of you who were patient and have stuck by with this fanfic, it means a lot!
Without further ado, here it is!
Chapter 9: Friends
“Hermione, we need to talk,” Anthony said, looking at her with an unusually serious expression on his face.
All of the seventh years were inside an empty classroom talking, studying, and gossiping, wanting to escape the pouring rain outside. Hermione was sitting on the floor, next to Anthony, her gaze fixed on Harry who was talking animatedly to Ron about the new Firebolt 11. Both were sitting on top of a desk in a corner of the classroom, not paying attention to anything else except their own conversation.
“Hermione? Hermione, are you listening?” Anthony asked her, snapping his fingers in front of her face.
“Huh?” was all Hermione could manage, her face still turned towards Harry.
“I said we need to talk,” Anthony stated, his voice irritated. It was getting quite annoying having to repeat things to Hermione at least twice before she registered what he was saying.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right. I’ve been wanting to talk to you too,” Hermione sighed, finally tearing her eyes away from Harry’s childish grin. She focused on Anthony instead.
“Well, has it … I mean … have you realized that it’s, well … not”“ Anthony was cut off by Hermione who sighed and nodded in agreement.
“Not quite working out anymore? Yes, I have.”
They looked at each other in silence for a while.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Hermione asked tentatively. She didn’t really understand what was happening to her and was hoping Anthony would help her find the answers she was looking for.
“Ok,” Anthony began, nodding at a girl who had just waved at him. “I think it’s no one’s fault really, but let’s just say you don’t always listen to me anymore. You don’t even have time for me and even when we do see each other … it’s like your mind is always on something else.”
Or maybe I’m just not the kind of girlfriend you’re looking for, Hermione thought. After all, Anthony hadn’t changed his attitude at all during the last months.
“You’re just not there for me anymore, either. Spiritually, I mean. It feels like I’m doing everything alone,” she responded.
Silence again. Hermione’s eyes left Anthony’s and found Harry’s once more. The people sitting everywhere in the classroom disappeared and all she could think about was him. Could he be the reason she was now distant with Anthony?
“No hard feelings?” he asked her.
“No hard feelings … Is there someone else?” she found herself asking Anthony.
“Um … well … sort of,” he replied a bit hesitantly.
“It’s that girl isn’t it? The one you were helping with her Transfiguration homework?” Hermione asked, and was surprised to see she wasn’t hurt when she saw Anthony blushing.
“We … I mean, I haven’t cheated on you, just so you know … but well … I think we could … you know,”
Hermione nodded. It didn’t come as a surprise that they were breaking up. After all, since Harry had confessed his feelings to her ” even before that ” since that memorable night of October 15th, she had been completely distracted. She didn’t know what was what anymore. Anthony had discovered his feelings and was acting upon them; why couldn’t she do the same?
"What about you?” Anthony’s voice broke through her thoughts. “Is there someone else?”
Hermione wasn’t able to respond. She knew she didn’t see Harry as just her friend anymore, but wasn’t sure whether she wanted to be more than just friends with him.
“Hermione?”
Anthony had long given up trying to understand his girlfriend. She had always been somewhat unattainable for him. She was always talking about things he could never understand, she always had the air of someone who wanted to do something important for the world. For the first time Anthony was seeing a different side of Hermione. She looked confused, sad, and angry with herself all at the same time and he wanted to help her. She had made him understand the greater things in life and he wanted to lend a hand to the person who had made his life wonderful, even if it was only for a short amount of time.
“Hermione, is there something bothering you?” he asked her delicately. “Please tell me if there’s anything I can do,”
She smiled slightly and wondered whether she could tell Anthony about her dilemma. She looked into his chocolaty-brown eyes and thought about all of the times they’d spent together. Would Anthony be angry if she told him about Harry? Probably not. She took a deep breath preparing to pour out her heart and soul.
“It’s this, actually. Well, there’s this guy… and he told me he… had feelings for me a while back. Now the thing is… is… I’ve always been really close to him and… well, I did tell him no, but ever since, I’ve sort of… wondered whether I did the right thing or not… and I know that I want to be more than friends with him and yet… I don’t know if I want to be more than friends with him…”
Anthony looked at her and he couldn’t help but feel surprised. Hermione had always had a way of catching him off guard. He smiled, thinking that the only person she could be talking about was Potter. It certainly wasn’t Weasley, because she had gone out with him the year before. He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of this earlier. The way Potter looked at the two of them when they were together, the fact that he’d barely talked to Anthony during the whole time he’d been dating Hermione, and now that he thought about it, the fact that Harry and Hermione hadn’t talked for quite sometime this last month. Hermione hadn’t been the same either. He would always catch her looking at Potter, and whenever Anthony would try to kiss her or draw her close, she’d pull away if Harry was anywhere in sight.
But it seemed Hermione was having doubts. Her and Potter had been friends for six years and it was probably really hard for her to see him in a different light. But if Anthony knew Hermione ” and he thought he knew her at least a little bit ” she wouldn’t throw something away without thoroughly analyzing it first.
“Hermione, do you, or do you not, have feelings for him? It’s that simple.”
“I… yes, I think I do,” she whispered, keeping her eyes on the floor.
“That’s what I thought,” he smiled mildly. “Well, then what is it? Are you afraid? Tell me. What is it you’re afraid of?”
Hermione found it hard to reply.
“I don’t know. I really don’t know,” she whispered, eyes swimming with tears.
“If you’re afraid that your relationship won’t work out and then you’ll lose him as a friend as well, don’t be. You know full well that Harry will never abandon you,” Anthony said looking at her with compassion.
She shook her head helplessly, not even surprised that Anthony had figured out who she was talking about.
“It’s not that. I’m… that’s not it. I’m scared of… of losing him. Of… Anthony you know how it is these days. With Voldermort…”
“You fear him dying? But why would you staying away from him, help Harry not die?” Anthony replied looking confused.
Hermione flinched at his use of the word ‘die’. Die and Harry definitely did not belong in the same sentence.
“It wouldn’t. I just… if I got really close to him and then… if I lost him… I…” Words failed her.
“Oh, I see. Now you’re making sense. You don’t want to have a stronger relationship with Harry because you’re afraid that he’ll… er… go, and then you’ll be hurt more than if you were just friends with him? Well, let me just say that’s very selfish of you, Hermione,” he smirked.
“No, it’s not! Its””
“Hermione, I thought you were supposed to be smart? If you have feelings for him, for goodness sake, do something about it! What you’ve just said makes absolutely no sense. If you’re scared for Harry, then this is the best time to do something about it. If he does go, you’ll regret any decision to stay away from him for the rest of your life,” Anthony finished, amazed at his own perceptiveness.
Hermione wasn’t speaking, but looking at Anthony intently.
“Life is short, Hermione. You have to take advantage of situations, because you never know what’s going to happen. Especially now. We just never know…” Anthony spoke again.
The bell rang, as if to emphasize the bells that were ringing in Hermione’s head. She followed Harry, who had just gotten up and was leaving the room, with wide eyes, not daring to believe her own feelings, Anthony’s words, nothing. Anthony was right. She couldn’t let Harry go, she just couldn’t.
She practically threw herself on Anthony ” as people passing by looked at them surprised “ thanking him over and over for all of his wise words, for helping her when she needed it most, and for encouraging her to follow her heart.
“I guess we’re still friends then, right?” he asked her after she’d pulled away from him.
“The best,” Hermione beamed at him and got up to leave. Just as she’d reached the door and was about to open it, she turned back.
“Anthony? It’s sort of been a while since this happened. You don’t think … his feelings have changed, do you?” she asked him worriedly.
“Nah, of course not. I saw the way he looked at you when he was leaving. No chance.” He smiled at her.
Hermione started for the door once more.
“Good luck!” Anthony called out behind her.
She waved back at him and walked slowly to Gryffindor Tower, taking her time and watching the storm outside of the tall windows. She glanced at the Quidditch pitch, remembering Harry’s match in their third year which had taken place in similar conditions. Looked at the lake being pounded by the rain, remembering her and Harry’s walks around it. Looked at Hagrid’s hut which was currently emitting large puffs of smoke from its chimney, remembering her and Harry’s late-night visits. Shaking her head and smiling she thought she should have realized before all that Harry meant to her and all that he stood for in her life.
***
Hermione entered the boys’ dormitory as quietly as she could. She could see that some of the boys were asleep and she didn’t want to wake them up. She slowly went up to Harry’s bed and tried to tell whether he was sleeping or not.
“Harry?” she whispered lowering her head, curls falling over her eyes.
“Hermione, is that you?” came a whisper from the bed next to Harry’s.
“Ron?” Hermione asked, quite forgetting to whisper.
“He’s sleeping,” Ron said waving his hand towards Harry’s bed. “He said he had a headache. Was there something you wanted to tell him?”
“Um, yes, but I’ll wait until he wakes up,” Hermione said, making her way to the dormitory door.
“What did you want to tell him?” Ron inquired.
“Nothing, I just … You’ll hear about it later,” Hermione answered averting her head.
The next words that came out of Ron’s mouth made Hermione’s insides wither and she turned away as quickly as she could. She closed the door behind her, pretending she hadn’t heard what Ron had said. Throwing herself on the couch in front of the fire she thought that it was no wonder it hadn’t worked out with Ron; he could be such a pain! How dare he think that she’d wanted to hurt Harry! Though, that hadn’t been what he’d said, of course.
You don’t know what you’ve put him through.
It’s true, Hermione thought. I’ve made his life so difficult. And why? Just because I was too afraid, because I was being selfish, because I was overanalyzing everything. Oh God, how could I? We’ve lost so much time… I can’t believe I’ve been this stupid. But it’s all over now. It will be alright. I know it’s going to be alright.