It says hold on and take this ride
And set aside memories of all the times
When you collide
Then you’ll leave me here to die
Heres the things I meant but I never said...
Chapter Four: Misguided Youth
Harry furrowed his brow yet again as he thought more about the young girl that had just left his room. He stared at the pictures on the tag board for a while longer and then he finally opted to go downstairs and explore his new surroundings. He had come to conclude that he certainly couldn’t logically figure out why he was here, so he may as well try to figure out who these people were, outside of the obvious, and more like for him, try to figure out what they were like.
Harry walked down the white hallway yet again and then made the track down to the kitchen with his heart still pounding loudly in his chest. He cursed it for its overreaction because he already knew what was behind the door. So why was it still beating like crazy? He shrugged off the feeling, trying not to think about what he was about to do and finally managed to push the door open just in time to see Reign pouring herself a bowl of Boo Berry cereal as Sirius watched her silently over his newspaper. Harry watched mutely in the doorway as father and daughter dodged glances from one another before he too took a seat next to his own father and across from his mother, still trying his best to regulate his heart rate.
He grabbed the box of cereal after Reign had finished with it and poured some into the bowl that had been waiting for him. He took a few bites, in the mist of the uncomfortable silence that had taken over the room since he had first entered it. Soon he heard Sirius fold up his newspaper and felt the older man look straight at him with a level gaze. Harry tried to avoid his stare for as long as he could. Then his godfather spoke up and Harry found himself meet the man’s eyes. “Sorry if I scared you. Your father and I just wanted to surprise you, not make you shit yourself in fear.” Sirius said with a slight chuckle, which was greeted with a short and sharp laugh from Reign. Sirius glared at his daughter who just ignored him. Harry watched the two play their game for a while and found that he didn’t even know what to say to the two of them that could possibly help the obvious problem.
Harry took a few more bites of his cereal as he slowly calculated what he could say to these people as an explanation for his behavior. He sighed deeply and then spoke, “You just scared me, I wasn’t expecting you to be here and I overreacted.”
Harry’s father was now giving him a steady gaze equal to that of Sirius’ and suddenly Harry felt as if he were trying to find a lie somewhere behind his statement. After a brief moment the man before him appeared to be satisfied that his son was telling the truth, but then after another pithy moment he stated, “Now, Harry, if this is one of Reign’s pranks that you’re in on, just say so.”
As soon as these words had left James’ lips Reign stood up from her seat, clenching her hands in fists, with rage. “I resent that!” She screamed. Then she slowly looked around the table at each of the party members in turn, and lowered her voice, only slightly, and continued. “Why is it somehow my fault if he freaks out? I didn’t pay him to do it because I thought it’d be funny to see Sirius’ face hit the bloody floor. If that’s what you’re thinking! Harry did that little number all on his own.” She glared at Harry as if he had done something terrible to her and then she turned to Sirius and gave him the same even defiant stare. She lowered her voice even more and said. “I was going to attempt to be civil to you, but I’m not anymore.” Harry watched intently as the anger inside this young girl before him seemed to reach a boiling point. She then continued when everyone in the room knew she should have stopped. “You are a sad excuse for a father!” She yelled out and instantly she went quiet, in shock of what she had just said. Her gaze instantly went from Sirius to the floor where her eyes stayed as she began to mutter, barely audible to the other people in the room; the things she had really meant to say instead of what had came out.
“You see Harry more often than you see me,” Her voice cracked slightly as her hair fell in front of her face, covering up the glossy look her eyes were beginning to get. “I’ve tried to make you happy and it just doesn’t work...” Her voice cracked again as it began to fail her under the weight of the tears that were begging to fall from her eyes. She took a deep breath and tried her hardest to continue. “I’m you’re kid not-“She trailed off not able to finish her thoughts and then she left the room before anyone had the chance to see the first tear fall from her eyes. Harry’s mother stood up from her own seat and followed the young girl’s trek out of the room.
Once she had left the room Harry turned his attention to Sirius, whose eyes had also begun to well up. Harry, who had never seen Sirius cry in all the time he had known him, suddenly felt small and insignificant. He stood up from his seat, ready to leave the room as Sirius mumbled, “I made her cry” as if he were shocked by the affect he seemed to have on his daughter. Harry decided then that it was the perfect time for him to make his exit. He left just in time to here his own father state matter-of-factly. “You always make her cry.”
Harry shut the door softly behind him and slowly made his way up to his room, pondering these five simple words. What could possibly cause this many problems between blood relatives? His brow furrowed slightly as he continued to think on it. He could here his mother talking softly with Reign from within the girl’s room that was down merely a few feet from his own. He could hear the girl sniffle slightly and his mother trying to comfort her, which ultimately made him feel slightly better about the whole ordeal he was now having to go through.
He stood outside his new bedroom’s door and stared at his doorknob seeing his warped reflection within the gold knob. He looked so odd to himself without his scar. He slowly felt the smooth skin where the mark of his fame used to be and sighed deeply in confusion. He didn’t know whether he liked being stuck in this new place or not. He heard the door to Reign’s room open and he looked up to see his mother step out of it. She smiled weakly at her son and continued on down the flight of stairs. Harry watched her form disappear down the stairs and knew that she was heading for the kitchen, most likely to give Sirius a good yelling at. He knew this was most likely the case because he had seen a similar, granted much angrier, look on her face once before, in Snape’s memory that he had had the misfortune of seeing.
He looked down the hall a few feet at Reign’s door, he could still hear the soft crying leaking through the door. He wanted to know what was wrong. He needed to know if he was going to function in this world that was nothing like his own. He sighed slightly, making up his mind, and wandered back down the stairs. He reached the kitchen door and simply stood outside of it knowing that if he had heard their laughter through it earlier, he would certainly hear the conversation going on now.
“Yes, I probably should have paid more attention to her over my last few visits.” Sirius said, Harry could tell that it was as calmly as he could.
“Probably?” Lily said indignantly. “Sirius, she’s right, you do spend too much time with Harry. Granted we appreciate it, but there are other people in this house who need you.” Harry tried his best to fill in the blanks that he had missed since his mother had first entered the room, which was merely seconds before he had gotten there himself.
“I know that, and I know what she wants but, unfortunately, I can’t do that.” Sirius yelled finally losing his temper.
“It’s not like you can’t-“
“James, I can’t take her into hiding with me. We both know she’d die!” The man stopped and Harry assumed that he was trying to control his rising temper. “I can’t stand it myself.” He started more softly, lowering his voice to level to an average decibel level. “I hate not being able to do anything for her, but I do this for you. This is what comes with being your secret keeper.”
Harry’s mouth dropped at this revelation and instantly his mind began to spin with new thoughts. He pushed these thoughts quickly aside and continued to listen to the people in the other room. “And we appreciate it. But maybe your daughter has a point.”
Lily cut her husband off and went on with his statement. “You should pay more attention to her and less to Harry.”
The room fell silent as they waited for Sirius’ reply. Harry stood outside striving to hear, hoping that he wouldn’t miss it and suddenly he heard the man speak in a defeated tone. “Yes, I know this, and I’ve tried but she doesn’t talk to me anymore, she yells, and she doesn’t listen.” He sighed deeply and the sound of someone standing from their chair filled the void as it filtered through the door to Harry’s ears. “So, I give up.”
“SIRIUS!” Both Harry’s parents yelled in shock. Again the room fell silent. Harry started to back away from the door knowing that he had heard enough for today but still not entirely ready to leave he stayed put.
“I didn’t mean that.” Sirius said. “I’ll try to talk to her but she won’t listen.” He stopped and then added as an afterthought. “She’s too much like me.”
Harry watched as the door began to open slightly and he quickly ran up the stairs to his room as quietly as he could. Shortly after he had entered his room he heard the footsteps of the three kitchen dwellers in the hall outside his room. He sighed heavily as they knocked on Reign’s door. He walked back over to his desk and sat down in his chair and just stared at the photographs lining the tag board.
So Sirius was secret keeper. That explained why his parents were alive and somewhat, why Sirius’ daughter was so upset with him. Harry’s eyes drifted to the girl’s picture and his mind began to reel once again. He still wanted to know more about the situation he was in but he wasn’t entirely brave enough to go and ask them about it. So, instead, he simply situated himself, and stared at each of the photos, trying his best to figure out the stories behind them on his own.