…I don’t know if any of that made sense to you, I’m still trying to figure most if out myself. I haven’t been able to pay proper attention in class today, and I’m sure Snape will be more unreasonable than usual after last night’s conversation, so it’s a good thing I no longer need good marks in his class. (Though Hermione still insists I put forth the effort…)
I’ve decided to come clean with both Ron and Hermione about the engagement, actually. I think it’s about time, and I’m not much in the favour of keeping too many secrets anymore. Not on top of everything I’m already dealing with. So as soon as I get the chance, I’m going to tell them. There reactions should be interesting, to say the least.
Have some essays to work on, I promise to write more later.
Miss you,
Harry
By the time Harry finished writing in his notebook to Katie, he felt as though he had composed an epic novel. His quill hand was cramped, and he had worried that he might run out of pages. It had certainly been quite the task to fill her in on the recent events that had taken place, but he felt much better after confiding it all to her.
His next task of disclosing information he felt would be even more difficult, and he tried his best not to imagine Hermione’s particular reaction when he informed her of his most recent life-altering decision.
He put away his green notebook and it’s accompanying quill and ink, and proceeded downstairs the common room with his book bag to get started on his homework, pondering to himself when would be the best time to break his big news to his best friends, quickly deciding that there was no time better than the present.
Harry proceeded down the staircase with building anticipation, but to his unpleasant surprise, caught his footing in the hem of his robes, and found himself tumbling downwards. Quickly he let go of his things and flailed his limbs desperately trying to catch hold of something, but had no luck; he seemed to keep falling, until he reached the floor of the common room with a thud. There was a flash of light in his vision, and he automatically began to worry if his image receptors had been damaged in the crash.
It was Hermione’s shriek of panic, coupled with Ron’s ‘Bloody hell!’ that reached his ears first, as he lay on his back bruised in body and dignity.
“You alright, Harry?” Neville asked as the population of the common room gathered around him.
“Hmmmg…” he groaned. In his skewed vision he saw a bushy haired figure kneel by his side.
“You haven’t broken anything, have you?” she asked quickly.
“Don’t think so. Just… pain,” came the incoherent response.
“We should get you to the Hospital Wing,” Ron said quickly, and he motioned to Seamus to help hoist Harry up.
I suppose my news will have to wait, Harry thought with annoyance, cursing his bad luck and reminding himself never to go near a Mackled Malaclaw again.
As it turned out, Harry had fractured his wrist, but was otherwise okay. With a few ‘tuts’ from Madam Pomfrey, and a goblet or two of potion, he was free to return to Gryffindor Tower in only a small amount of pain.
Much to his displeasure, upon knowing he was mostly okay, his fellow Gryffindors found it appropriate to make a laugh of the entire matter.
“Just you wait until we tell Siobhan about this,” Ron said with a grin, receiving a grumbled response from Harry. He would certainly prefer is she didn’t find out, but doubted there was much chance of her remaining ignorant of his staircase accident.
“And I can’t wait until Creevey develops that film,” Seamus said with a snort of laughter.
“What film?” Harry asked.
“He managed to get a nice shot of you just as you tumbled off the last step,” Seamus explained. “Bless him, always toting around that camera.”
Everyone in the common room snickered.
“I’m so glad you all find this amusing,” Harry said, looking around for Colin and assuming he was off developing his film at that very moment, but also realizing that someone else was missing from the room. “Where’s Hermione?”
“She went to the library just a few minutes ago,” Ron said.
“Damn,” Harry said aloud, unintentionally.
“What’s the matter?” Ron asked curiously.
“Oh… nothing. I just wanted to talk to the both of you about something. It can wait.”
“Really, what about?”
“I’d rather just wait until I can talk to both of you together…” Harry avoided.
“Oh alright then,” Ron said with a shrug. “Up for a game of chess?”
“I’d like to … but I should probably get started on my homework.”
“Damn you and your responsibility,” Ron grinned. “Yeah I s’pose you’re right. I should get some work done myself.”
Harry spent the next hour on his Transfiguration essay, awaiting Hermione’s return from the library so he could have his chat with the two of them. Unfortunately, just as a fatigued looking Hermione entered the common room, Harry turned and found Ron snoring atop his own parchment and sighed inwardly.
Why do they have to make things so difficult? he thought, moving to shake Ron awake.
“No, don’t,” Hermione apprehended. “He seemed awfully tired today, I think it’s best he gets some sleep.”
“It’s just… I wanted to talk to the two of you about something.”
Hermione looked sympathetically at Ron.
“Can it wait until the morning?” she asked. “If it’s not too important, that is?”
“Yeah, sure…” he answered. “It can wait.”
He watched as Hermione conjured a blanket and covered her boyfriend where he slept in an armchair, before he trudged sleepily upstairs, very carefully avoiding the hem of his robes.
“I cannot believe you Ronald Weasley! You should know better than this! You have no clue what you’re getting yourself into. Those memories were abandoned for a reason! And allowing your sleep to be disturbed by these visions? As if you need that on top of everything else we have to deal with!”
“Could you at least keep your voice down? You’ll wake Harry!”
“Well, he needs to hear what you’ve been up to? Do you think this will sit well with him? He was just as worried about you at the beginning of term… purposely staying awake to avoid the dreams… and here you are forcing them upon yourself. With all he has going on, do you think he really needs to be worrying about you?”
Ron was silent, and Harry “ who had of course been awakened by Hermione’s shrill reprimands “ felt his stomach churn with guilt. Slowly he sat up in his bed and looked at the rowing couple, the source of their argument all too clear. Upon seeing him up, a tearful Hermione approached his bed apprehensively.
“I’m sorry, Harry, for waking you… I’m just.. so..”
“I know, Hermione.”
“You won’t believe what Ron’s been up to…”
“Hermione. I know.”
She blinked her large brown eyes, and stared at him open mouthed, before furrowing her brow in suspicion.
“What do you mean… you know?”
“I know Ron’s been off his potions. He.. er… asked me about it before he started. Or stopped. Or … er… yeah.”
“He asked you about it? I suppose that means you gave him the all clear?” she said, quickly becoming as vehement with her friend as she was with Ron.
“He was very reluctant about it,” Ron said nervously in Harry’s defence. “I had to “ ”
“He still said it was alright, didn’t he?” Hermione hissed in disbelief, before turning her appalled face to Harry. “How could you let your friend do that to himself?”
“He insisted,” Harry answered. “Look. Ron feels this is something he needs to do… and I know that if it was me, I wouldn’t want anyone trying to stop me.”
“We’re here to protect one another, Harry,” Hermione said, seeming more upset than angry now. “Not let each other do foolish things for the wrong reasons.”
“I thought we were supposed to support one another,” Ron cut in. “If none of us ever made sacrifices, we might not be alive today. And we certainly wouldn’t have learned all that we have about Voldemort.”
“The sacrifices we’ve made in the past have been necessary, Ron. This is not necessary. If anything you’re bringing more trouble on Harry and yourself.”
“Who are you to decide what’s necessary and what’s trouble? You can’t make all of our decisions for us, Hermione, so stop trying.”
“Ron…” Harry said, seeing Hermione’s hurt… “All that isn’t necessary...”
“Don’t worry about it, Harry,” she said tremulously, her eyes still on Ron’s red face.
Finally she unfroze herself from where she stood in the middle of the room and, unsuccessfully covering her sobs, fled from the dormitory.
“Nice job,” Harry said in angry sarcasm. “You think you’d be just a bit more understanding. She’s just concerned about you.”
“Oh, like you’ve never said anything against her…”
“I’ve never been that harsh. And besides… I thought you two were supposed to be there for each other through everything. I thought that’s what your relationship was about.”
“Well, sometimes she’s just not that easy to deal with!”
“Neither is Katie “ but I wouldn’t tear her down over her wanting to help me! What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Don’t pretend to understand my relationship with Hermione. It’s completely different than being friends with her, and it’s completely different than what you have with Katie.”
“You certainly don’t know everything about what I have with Katie, so don’t even try using that…”
“Look, sometimes love just isn’t enough, Harry… to get you through the hard times.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“I know that I would give anything for Katie.”
“And I would do the same for Hermione. I would sacrifice my life for her. I love her… but it doesn’t mean I should sit around and let her bark orders at me. She needs to understand the meaning of the word ‘equal’.”
Harry glared at the distraught Ron, and neither spoke as it seemed they had reached a stalemate. The only thing that was certain in Harry’s mind was that it was definitely not going to be the right time for his announcement anytime soon.
The next few days were incredibly uncomfortable for the three friends. Harry found himself confiding all his thoughts to Katie in their journal, while Hermione and Ron seemed to upset to speak to anyone. Even Siobhan, who usually pretended not to notice any odd behaviour, could be seen eyeing them with concern.
“What happened?” she asked Harry quietly at lunch that Sunday.
“We had a bit of a row,” he answered despondently.
“All three of you?”
He nodded.
“Must have been quite the fight,” Siobhan said, sounding almost impressed.
“It was.”
He looked to the end of the Ravenclaw table where Hermione was sitting with Luna and Seamus.
“They’ve been spending an awful lot of time together, lately,” Harry observed aloud, trying desperately to think of anything else.
“Finnegan and Loony?” Siobhan asked, following Harry’s eyes to the picture of the two of them. “Yeah. I heard they’re going to the Halloween Ball together.”
“How’d you know that?”
“When you’re quiet, you hear things.”
“Oh.” Harry gave her a small grin.
“So,” Siobhan said, clearing her throat. “About the ball…”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve never gone to any of the other balls… at Hogwarts. Of course, my mother always made me attend those stuffy balls we have at the castle “ ”
“You live in a castle?” Harry asked wondrously.
“Yeah. Just a small one… it’s been in the family for centuries. Very drafty,” she replied dispassionately. “Anyway, as I was saying, I never went to one of the balls here. Didn’t seem like my thing, not having any friends and all… But I’m actually looking forward to this one.”
“Would never have guessed.”
“Shut up,” she defended playfully, causing Harry to laugh for the first time since his argument with Ron and Hermione. “Listen. I was wondering if you’d… be my date. As friends of course… I just thought it would be nice to go with someone…”
“Relax, Murphy,” Harry grinned amusedly. “I’d be happy to go with you. After all, the whole point is house unity, right?”
“Right,” Siobhan said, looking away in a rare moment of shyness. Her eye seemed to catch on something that interested her, though, because she quickly nudged Harry and nodded in the direction of where Hermione had been sitting at the Ravenclaw table.
He turned to see Ron and Hermione discussing something quietly, and he was happy to see that Ron was holding her hands and watching her with great affection.
“Seems like they’ve worked things out, at least…” Siobhan said, as the two stood up and left the Great Hall, hands clasped with one another.
“I certainly hope so,” Harry said optimistically, his stomach flip-flopped as he got the feeling that, with the repaired relationships, it might soon be time to reveal his secret.
Harry paced the common room uneasily, waiting for Ron and Hermione to return from wherever they had been for the last several hours; he had planned out his apology to each, to be followed with his happy announcement. He felt that the time was passing all too slowly, and those that had travelled in and out of the common room gave him the kind of looks one might give a mentally unstable interloper.
Impatiently, he sat down in an armchair, where he fidgeted anxiously. He took a glance at his watch: four o’clock. Where had they been for three hours?
Finally, the portrait hole opened and in streaked Hermione “ but not how he had expected. Her face was pink and tear stained, and her hands were balled into tiny fists as she rushed to her staircase.
“Hermione, wait “ please!” Ron followed quickly behind her.
“Leave me alone!” she weeped, before storming up the stairs.
“What happened?” Harry asked.
Ron looked at his best friend, quivering.
“It’s over. I ended it,” he said, visibly upset.
“Ended what?”
“Us. Hermione and me. We’re over.”
Harry couldn’t believe what he was hearing. And it sounded as though Ron didn’t believe he was saying it, either.
“Why would you… what… surely things weren’t that bad?”
“I don’t know, Harry. I just… I couldn’t do it anymore. I love her… and I can’t live without her. But this relationship is just too hard. I mean it was too hard. At least this way some of the pressure’s off and we can still be friends.”
Part of Harry wanted to rebuke Ron for what he had done, but he saw his friend’s misery and instead sat down, and tried to help him get it out in the open.
“Is that what you told Hermione?” he asked.
“Yeah. We talked for hours. It all seemed to be going reasonably okay. But then… I don’t know. When I finally said what I was really trying to say, she just broke down and stormed off...”
He paused for a moment, looking around helplessly at nothing in particular.
“She’s heartbroken,” he said, his voice wavering.
“She’s strong.”
“Not as strong as she pretends to be,” Ron said desolately. “Am I a total bastard for doing this to her, Harry?”
“Not a total bastard…” Harry said glumly. “Besides… you two have taken time off before…”
“No, Harry,” Ron interrupted, before his hopes were heightened. “This is it. I don’t think we’ll ever recover from this. I think… that maybe we’re better off this way.”
He looked entirely hopeless; Harry found it depressing. He couldn’t imagine how Hermione was feeling at that very moment.
“You know… I need you two with me…”
“And I promise I’ll be there. And I know Hermione will be, too. If there’s one thing you can count on from us, we’ll work through our struggles to support you.”
“I trust that “ but I don’t want you both miserable.”
“We’ll work through it. We were friends before, we can be friends after.”
“After falling in love?” Harry pressed. “You can really just… pretend that never happened?”
“We won’t pretend anything. We’ll just… learn from our mistakes. Hermione and I were too volatile to be involved…”
“It’s easy to say that now. You’re trying to justify this…”
“I’m not trying to justify anything.”
Harry suddenly felt uncomfortable; clearly Ron saw a future without Hermione, and it just wasn’t something he could accept for the two of them. He could still clearly conjure the memory of the time had caught them in the common room, naming their future children.
“When did we get so good at talking about feelings?” Harry said, shifting the subject as best he could.
“It’s what a year of having girlfriends has done to us,” Ron said, his lopsided grin returning to his face.
“It’s hard to believe it’s been that long.”
“Seems like just yesterday we were idiots stumbling over our words.”
“I think that was last week, actually.”
They both gave uneasy laughs.
“She was your first love, Ron… and she should be your only love, too,” Harry said quietly.
“We’ll see.” he answered. “I don’t think so. But, we’ll see.”
By that evening, the news of Ron and Hermione’s break-up had spread to all of the residents of Gryffindor Tower in hushed voices. It was as though someone had died. Even the students who had not personally known the Head Boy and Girl seemed down about it.
Harry felt he should talk with Hermione about all that had passed, but as it was impossible for him to go to her dormitory, it proved very difficult. He’d even sent Lavender and Parvati to ask for her, but they’d returned with only a message that she didn’t want to talk to anyone, which Harry took to mean she didn’t want to face this rumours and whispers that she knew would be flying around. So he sent them up again, this time with a simple message on a scroll of parchment, and hoped she would concede.
That night, as Harry sat in the deserted common room in the dark hours of early morning, he heard muffled footsteps descending the girls’ staircase. He turned to find a red-nosed, puffy-eyed shell of the young woman he recognised as Hermione, and he quickly stood to greet her in a compassionate embrace.
“How are you doing?” he asked gently.
“I take it Ron told you about… everything.”
“I got the basic idea, yeah,” came his regretful answer.
“How is he?” Hermione asked.
“He’s upset,” Harry told her honestly, as the two walked to the couch in front of the fireplace and took seats before the dying embers.
“Serves him right, I suppose,” she said bitterly.
“You don’t mean that, Hermione.”
“I didn’t see this coming “ did you see this coming?” She started to cry, and Harry leaned her head over onto his shoulder.
“I don’t think anyone would have seen it coming,” he sighed deeply.
She was completely devastated, he could see. And so he prepared himself to offer only words of comfort, and nothing else. It was all she needed. Someone to lean on, and so he would provide it for her in the same way that she had always fought so hard to help him in his own days of pain and suffering.
“It’s my fault, I pushed him away…” she said, sobbing even harder.
“You were only doing what you thought best for him…”
“Exactly. What I thought best for him. Didn’t exactly stop to think about what he might want.”
“Stop blaming yourself,” Harry said, emotionally jaded, though he was sure it was nothing compared to what she was feeling.
“I “ just don’t know where it went wrong,” she sniffled. “I love him so much, Harry.”
“I know you do,” Harry comforted. “And he loves you, too. I’m sure this is just… something he felt he had to do. But it will get better. I’m sure of it.”
“Of course it will get better,” Hermione said shakily. “I’m just being silly right now. Emotional. But… I’ll get over it, and I’ll move on. We’ll both move on, and everything can be just like it was…”
She trailed off, gazing into the cold fireplace, then she turned to him and he saw the emptiness in her eyes.
“But right now… it feels… everything feels lost.”
Harry wrapped his arms around her, and once more she let tears overcome her.
“I promise to stay with you until you’ve found your way, again,” he vowed, and didn’t let go until the sun had risen.