Chapter 4: Harry’s Promise
“Harry, dear “ do you mind if I take this cauldron home? Only it’s perfect for stewing rat spleens…”
Harry looked up from his trunk, which he was packing for school, to his bedroom door, where Mrs. Weasley was standing with a medium sized pewter cauldron that she had taken from the kitchen.
“Why would you be taking it home?” Harry asked distractedly, trying to make space for his extra spell books.
“Well, I’m rather fond of it “ and since I’ll be going back to the Burrow in a few days “”
“What? No, Mrs. Weasley,” Harry said. “I want you to stay here…”
“Harry, I can’t possibly…”
“Mrs. Weasley, it is much safer at Grimmauld Place. I know the Burrow is your home, but until this war has settled, I would really like if you stayed here.”
“Harry, that could be a very long time…”
“Then you’ll stay here for a very long time,” Harry said. “The Burrow isn’t safe “ it’s out in the open, surrounded by forest, and Death Eaters already know where it is.”
Harry paused for a moment, and then let out a deep breath.
“Mrs. Weasley “ you’ve been like a mother to me, in fact, you’re the only mother I’ve ever known…” he said. “I don’t want you risking your safety any more than necessary.”
Mrs. Weasley smiled tremulously at him.
“Alright dear, if it’s that important to you, I’ll stay here,” she said. She looked at Harry for a moment, before waving her wand over the cauldron, which disappeared with a pop. “Now “ have you all your things packed?”
“Yeah,” Harry said, grinning. “I’m all set…”
“Looking forward to your last school year?”
Harry hesitated while considering the question “ then he realized for the first time in seven years… he was not looking forward to returning to Hogwarts.
“Actually “ no, not really…” he said, sighing deeply and sitting down on his bed.
“Why not?” Mrs. Weasley asked concernedly, stepping into Harry’s room.
“Well “ for one, I won’t see Katie for months. Lupin won’t even be there, not that Alex isn’t a great teacher… she is,” Harry said. “And of course, I’ll be overloaded with work… I have N.E.W.T’s, and then defense lessons twice a week “ not to mention Quidditch. Ron and Hermione will be busy with their Head duties, and I usually when they’re not around, I’d hang out with Katie or… Ginny.”
Mrs. Weasley sat down next to Harry.
“It’ll be alright, Harry,” she said. “If nothing else, you’ll be even safer at Hogwarts than you are here…”
“I’m not so sure.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well “ how many times have I been in danger here?” he bitterly. “Not once. But I was attacked twice last year at Hogwarts, not to mention abducted to Voldemort’s Headquarters straight from the grounds…”
Mrs. Weasley, wincing at the name, bit her lip.
“Well “ I suppose its good you’re not walking about thinking you’re perfectly safe,” she said.
“Because that’s not the case at all,” Harry added.
The both sat quietly for a minute, until Harry took a glance at his watch, stood up and closed his trunk.
“Katie’s supposed to be here in a few minutes,” he said. “It’ll be our last chance to spend some time together…”
“Okay dear “ are you going to come downstairs, or shall I send her up when she gets here?”
“Actually “ if you could just send her up, I’d appreciate it,” Harry said.
“Alright, Harry “ I’ll see you later,” Mrs. Weasley said, as she left his room and closed the door behind her.
Harry Banished his trunk under his bed, and collapsed onto his mattress. He felt emotionally exhausted. Saying goodbye to Katie in a few hours wasn’t going to help, either. It was though his entire life was constantly filled with a collision of conflicting emotions, and he wasn’t sure he could deal with it much longer. He only wished he had some part of his life that was secure and stable. Something he didn’t have to worry about.
A knock came on the door, and Harry quickly sat up.
“Come in,” he said.
Unsurprisingly, it was Katie who entered.
“Hey,” she said, quickly jumping onto Harry’s bed and planting a kiss on his cheek. “How are you?”
“Angry, happy, scared, determined, sad, worried, bored… pick something…” he said tiredly.
“All that?” Katie asked.
“And more…you?”
“Well “ I went to an orientation for my Healer Training Program today…and guess who’s in my group?
“Who?” Harry asked.
“Cho.”
“You’re kidding?”
“Not in the least,” Katie replied.
“I had no idea she wanted to be a Healer…” Harry said.
“Well, what did the two of you talk about when you were together? Because she told me she’s wanted to be a Healer since she was a child.”
“We talked… once,” Harry said. “We argued mostly.”
“And I wondered what went wrong with the two of you…” Katie teased.
“So, are you friendly with her now?” Harry asked.
“We talked…” Katie said. “We have a lot in common “ we're both training to be Healers, we both play Quidditch “ then there’s you of course.”
“You are nothing like Cho,” Harry said. “Not that I dislike her or anything “ but believe me, if you were anything like her, we’d have broken up a long time ago.”
“Lucky me,” Katie said. “Now, tell me “ what’s going on with you?”
“For the first time in my life, I’m not looking forward to going back to school…”
“Not looking forward to going to school? Congratulations “ you’re normal now.”
“I suppose you have me there,” Harry said.
“So, what’s really wrong?” Katie asked.
“Is it that obvious?” Harry sighed.
“No,” Katie replied. “I’m just really good…”
“You’re not a Legilemens by any chance?”
“No “ that’s you. Now, tell me “ what’s wrong?”
“I’m just confused,” Harry said, lying back down on the bed. “Lupin for instance… I wish he hadn’t gone to Manchester. He’s the only one who really misses Sirius like I do, and he’s really great to talk to “ but at the same time, I’m really happy he’s gone, because it means he might be cured…”
Harry let out a deep breath.
“And then there’s the portrait. Now matter what I tell myself, I can’t stay away from it “ and I don’t know if it’s helping me or hurting me “ it’s comforting, but… well, it’s painful, too. It just reminds me he’s gone…”
Harry paused again.
“It’s always something “ you know? Like Bill and Fleur getting married on Ginny’s birthday…”
Harry trailed off.
“I know there’s more…” Katie said softly, lying down next to Harry.
“I thought you were dead, Katie,” Harry said throatily. “I was sure I’d lost you. But then, it was like this miracle and you were alive, and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier about anything…”
“But it doesn’t change the fact that Ginny’s gone,” Katie finished.
Harry didn’t respond; he just closed his eyes.
“You don’t feel guilty, do you? About being glad that I lived?”
“Sometimes I do,’ Harry told her. “But I know I shouldn’t…It’s not something I can change. It’s not something I would change.”
Harry wrapped his arms around her, and they were quiet for a few minutes. There was one final thing pressing on his mind, and it was probably the most burdensome. It was the war, and Voldemort. It was the fact that, since Sirius died, he’d attended four funerals. He’d witnessed Hermione have an emotional breakdown in the middle of the Great Hall, and he’d watched as Ron cried for his dead father. In the end, though, he knew it would come down to him.
“I’m terrified out of my mind, Katie…” he said quietly.
“Of what?” she whispered.
“Of what I have to do,” he replied. “I have to kill him. I don’t even know when, or where, or how. I don’t know how many more people will die, or how long this is going to go on. All I know is that we’re all in danger until…”
“Shh…” Katie said softly. “Don’t think about it right now. You know that there’s nothing you can do right now. Just do your best in your defense lessons, and remember what’s important…”
“And what’s that?” Harry asked.
“Stop blaming yourself for every moment …Voldemort… is alive,” she said, struggling with the name. “Instead remember that, if it wasn’t for the prophecy, things would probably be exactly the same “ we’d still be waiting on someone else to destroy him. But when the day comes that you fulfill your duty, you’ll be saving everyone “ Harry, the lives lost aren’t your fault, but the lives saved will be thanks to you.”
Harry looked at Katie in amazement “ not only had she never before said ‘Voldemort’, but she had just spoken the most comforting words ever offered him. He couldn’t help but see some amount of truth in her words and he felt the horrible clenching feeling in his stomach that so constantly tortured him lighten significantly.
“That was brilliant,” he said.
“I know.”
She kissed him, and Harry felt even more at ease.
“Is there anything in your life that you are sure about?” she asked.
“You,” Harry said automatically. “And Ron and Hermione…”
There was a bang on the door.
“DINNER!”
Harry and Katie started as Ron’s voice echoed loudly in the hall outside, followed by the sound of his thumping footsteps going downstairs.
“We should head down,” Harry said, grinning as he sat up.
“Good “ I’m starved…” Katie replied.
They got up and walked to the door, but Harry stopped just as they opened it to leave the room.
“Will you stay tonight?” he asked.
“Yes, of course…” Katie answered.
She kissed him again, and they stood quietly in each other’s arms for a few moments.
“DINNER!” several voices shouted from downstairs.
Harry pulled away and rolled his eyes.
“We’re coming!” he yelled back, and he and Katie raced downstairs to the kitchen.
“Oh “ it smells wonderful, Mrs. Weasley!” Katie said when they entered.
“Well, I thought I’d give Ron and Harry a good home-cooked meal before leaving for school…”
“The house-elves don’t do badly themselves though,” Ron said.
Harry imagined what Hermione would have said to this, and gave a small laugh. His mind then wandered back to the last thing Katie had asked him: Is there anything in your life that you are sure about? And his answer had been: You.
No matter how much uncertainty and conflict he harbored inside, there were some things he could be sure about, and Katie was one of them. He had to make sure that he didn’t lose her.
And there’s only one way Harry could think of to make sure he never did. It seemed like an absurd idea, but the more he thought about it, the more he began to really consider it.
“You’re awfully quiet…” Katie said suddenly.
Harry looked up at her, and the moment his eyes met hers, he realized that he no longer felt the idea was ridiculous whatsoever. He also knew he would have to do it tonight “ before leaving for school.
“Just thinking…” he said.
He then stood up from the table and excused himself.
“Mrs. Weasley “ I’ll be back, I just realized I forgot some things for school…”
“Where are you going, dear?” Mrs. Weasley asked him.
“Diagon Alley,” he said.
“Shouldn’t you take someone with you?” she asked.
“No “ I’d actually rather go alone,” Harry said nervously. “Don’t worry, it’ll take me a second to Apparate there, and it’s still quite early, so it’ll be pretty crowded.”
“Oh, alright then,” Mrs. Weasley said. “Be careful.”
“Harry ?” Katie started
“I’ll be back soon…” he said to her, before leaving the kitchen quickly.
---
“So, what was with the grand exit at dinner?” Katie asked when Harry entered his bedroom, finding her lying on his bed reading a copy of Witch Weekly.
“I had some thinking to do and something to pick up…” he told her.
“What were you thinking about?” she asked, throwing her magazine on the bedside table and sitting up.
“You,” Harry said. “And school, and the war…”
“Continue…”
“I was just thinking about how you’re one of the things I’m sure about… and how I don’t want to lose you.”
“What makes you think you’ll lose me?”
“Because, I have a tendency to lose the people I care about…”
“Well, if you like you can shrink me and keep me in your pocket.”
“That’s not the idea I had in mind,” Harry replied.
“You’re not going to break up with me to protect me again,” Katie joked “Because I’ve already given you my thoughts on that…”
Harry didn’t say anything, he just looked straight back at her, not sure of how to form words.
“Harry “ that’s not what you’re doing, is it?” Katie asked, serious now.
“Remember… how you said sometimes you have to make your own happiness?” Harry said, throatily. He was more scared than he’d ever been, even facing Voldemort couldn’t compare to the churning feeling his stomach and the trembling taking over his limbs..
Katie merely nodded, apprehensively.
“Katie,” Harry said. “I want to promise you that as long as I live, no harm will ever come to you…”
“And how are you planning on living up to that promise, Harry?” Katie asked. It sounded as though her breathing was now as shallow as his own.
“Err…” Harry said.
Probably should have planned this out a little more, he thought.
Are you sure about this? asked a cautioning voice in his head.
Yes, I’m sure. Of course I am. This is exactly what I want.
Harry’s hand fumbled in his pocket. His other hand fiddled nervously with the comforter on the bed.
“Harry?”
Harry took a deep breath, stopped fiddling with comforter, and withdrew his hand from his pocket “ revealing a small wine-colored satin covered box, which he opened and held out to Katie.
“Will you marry me?”