It took Harry a moment to properly register who the man sitting in front of him was.
“Hello, Harry.” Remus’s face was tinged with sadness; he too looked like he hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in months.
“Hello, Professor.” Harry rubbed his eyes drearily, and reached out for his glasses.
“Come, Harry, I’m not your Professor any more. Feel free to call me Remus.” The older man gave a brave attempt at a smile.
“Why are you here? It’s not time for me to leave already is it?” Harry tried to hide the hope in his voice.
“I’m afraid not. It won’t be too long until we have you out of here, but for now you must stay. I came to see how you were. I didn’t get much of a chance to say anything to you at the station; it wasn’t really the time or place for a private conversation. I suppose I just wanted you to know that I understand the loss you’re feeling, I had to lose them all too, your mother, father and now Sirius. I’d known him for over twenty years, and for twelve of those I ignored his existence. I paid far too much attention to what others told me, I didn’t think about the man I knew, the man who was my friend, one of my best friends. A man I knew would rather die than betray the people he loved. I turned my back on him when he needed me the most. You can, of course, imagine how I feel now about all those wasted years. You must be suffering in very much the same way.” Remus looked up from his feet and stared directly into Harry’s eyes. It felt almost like he was trying to perform Legilimency, even though Harry knew he wasn’t. Suddenly, before he could stop it, words were rushing out of his mouth.
“It’s all my fault…” He’d been thinking it for so long now that a wave of relief swept over him as he finally put a voice to his fear.
“You must not think that, Harry….”
“I know, I know, that’s what everyone has told me, but if it wasn’t for me and my uncontrollable need to be some kind of stupid hero then he wouldn’t have been in the Department of Mysteries and he wouldn’t have died.”
“Maybe that is true, but, Harry, the reason you went to the Ministry is because you wanted to save him. You thought he was in danger. You weren’t to know that it wasn’t real. You did what you believed was the right thing; your father would have done the same, as would your mother. It takes tremendous courage to make the decision to risk your life for another and you made that decision unquestioningly, you didn’t need time for second thoughts. Someone you loved was in danger and you had to do whatever you could to help them and that is a bravery which lives in very few people. It existed in Sirius, which is why he went to the Department of Mysteries. There are a select few of us who know how important you are to the Wizarding world, Harry, and we will strive to protect you at all costs. Not because we know that you can save us but because we want to save you, you have suffered so much in your short life, more than you should have had to.”
“He was the closest thing I had to my family and now he’s gone I’m all alone… again.”
“You are never alone. I know that it may not feel like it sometimes, but you are very much loved, Harry, and you have been since the day you were born. You may not feel like you have a family, but you do. It is not a name that creates the bond of family, Harry, it is love. I happen to know that Molly and Arthur look upon you as one of their own and she would be most insulted if you were to tell anyone that you didn’t have a family. Let me also tell you how disappointed your mother, father and Sirius would be if I wasn’t to be there for you when you needed me. When I look at you it almost feels as if your father is alive again. I want you to know that if you ever need me, no matter what for, or when, I will do whatever I can to help. It is my duty not only as a close friend of your fathers but also as a friend of yours.”
“Thank you, Prof…Remus. It’s nice to know that someone understands. I think Ron and Hermione were offended by me shutting them out, but I knew they couldn’t understand and you can’t explain how it feels to see someone you love die it’s like….” he trailed off lost for words.
“Emptiness. Like a piece of you has vanished forever.” Remus once again looked at the floor.
“That’s it exactly. I feel empty,” Harry tried to fight the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes but the sudden dampness on his cheeks told him he had lost the battle. Remus moved closer and pulled Harry’s head to rest on his shoulder, fighting the urge to cry himself. After a few moments Harry lifted his head.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“Don’t be, I feel a bit like that myself sometimes.”
“I just keep thinking about Christmas and him running around Grimmauld place singing ‘God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs’. It seems so unfair that so soon after that he was dead.”
“I know; I hadn’t seen him so happy since our days at school. Can’t you see how much happiness having you near brought him? You were the single most important person in his life and it gave him so much joy to see you grow up, made him proud to witness the man that you are becoming and to know that he was a part of that. That happiness is something you should remember, something you should cherish forever because you created it. I have many fond memories myself and one day, when there is more time, I will share them with you. Memories are a wonderful thing, Harry, they last forever and no one can take them from you.” There was a long pause before Remus continued. “I’m afraid I need to be going; I have some business to carry out for the Order. If you need me for anything, just get in touch. Hopefully you won’t be here too much longer; Professor Dumbledore just wants to make sure that everything will be safe. Take care, Harry, and remember if you need anything at all...” Harry nodded vigorously at him.
“Thanks again, Remus, I’ll be in touch.” With a small pop Remus disappeared. He left Harry comforted by the knowledge that he wasn’t as alone as he thought, and there was at least one person in the world that understood what he was feeling. It was a much more peaceful young wizard who slipped off into a deep and dreamless sleep.
Harry Potter and the Girl Who Lived by mrsgeorgeweasley
Chapter Notes: A/N this is dedicated to Mrs. Tirrell who died 23/12/04, she was a woman who loved her grandchildren and would be very proud of them.