CHAPTER 14
The Unforgivable Curses
[Harry, Ron, and Hermione, along with the rest of the fourth year Gryffindors, walk into Moody’s Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Harry, Ron and Hermione are right up front, with Neville a row behind them. Moody clunks into the room.]
MOODY: Put away your books. You won’t need’em.
[Excited, the class puts away their books. They all look toward Moody eagerly.]
MOODY: We’re going to talk about the Unforgivable Curses. Who knows’em?
[Ron, Neville, and Hermione raise their hands. Moody rests his normal eye on Ron, and points to him with a gnarled finger.]
MOODY: You there, Miss.
[Ron looks around, thinking Moody might mean somebody else. But no, Moody is still pointing to him.]
RON: (confused) Er, what do you mean, “miss?”
MOODY: I’m sorry, I’ve got a cold.
[There’s some giggling from the class, which Moody silences with a glare before he continues.]
MOODY: Do you know an Unforgivable Curse?
RON: Um, my dad told me about one…the Imperius.
MOODY: Yeah, the mind-control one. Not the one I’m looking for, though. How about you, Miss?
[He points to Neville, who’s looking nervous and a little pale.]
NEVILLE: Er…
MOODY: (impatiently) I’ve got a cold.
NEVILLE: Oh, right. The…uh…Cruciatus Curse.
MOODY: Yep, that’s another of’em. You’d know about that, it’s your major plot point, isn’t it, son?
NEVILLE: I…well…
MOODY: Never mind. It’s the last curse I really want to get to…You there, the one who’s really a Miss.
HERMIONE: Avada Kedavra.
[A hush falls over the classroom at those words. Neville makes a little squeaking noise. Moody fixes both his eyes on Hermione.]
MOODY: Ah yes, the last and worst. The Killing Curse. No blocking it, no reversing it. This young miss right here (points at Harry) is the only one who’s ever survived it. Just so you’ll all be ready to recognize it, should it ever happen…I’ll demonstrate the Avada Kedavra.
[The students stare at him, stunned. Quietly, they all edge back, not wanting to be the test subject.]
HERMIONE: But sir…It’s illegal! Use of them against another human being is worth a life sentence in Azkaban!
MOODY: Dumbledore wants you all to be able to recognize these curses! You all need to practice CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!
[The students jump.]
MOODY: And besides, who said I‘d be using it on a human being? I’ve got this here toad…
[Moody takes a very familiar-looking toad out of one of his pockets, holding it up for the students to see. Neville looks faintly sick.]
NEVILLE: (gasps) Trevor!!
MOODY: What?
NEVILLE: I…Sir, that’s…
[Harry, Ron and Hermione glance at the toad, then at Neville, then at one another. It IS Trevor the toad. They share Neville‘s shock.]
HERMIONE: Sir, that’s Neville’s pet!
MOODY: Can’t be; it was runnin’ around loose. I wouldn’t Avada Kedavra someone’s pet. Here.
[Neville whimpers as Moody places Trevor the toad on the teacher’s desk. He seems unable to protest, so Ron and Harry decide to take over.]
RON: Excuse me, Professor Moody, but I really think that’s Neville’s Trevor. He’s been known to escape every once in a while.
HARRY: I think so too, Professor. Why don’t we practice on something else? If we have to at all…
[Moody gives Harry a significant look, which makes him fall silent.]
MOODY: Why don’t we practice on something else? Because the damn toad’s already on the desk. Now, observe.
[Neville hides his face in his hands, unable to watch. Ron and Harry try to protest again, but Moody raises his wand, and…]
MOODY: AVADA KEDRAVRA!!!
[A flash of green light. Trevor lies dead on the teacher’s desk.]
NEVILLE: Oh no…Trevor…(begins to cry)
[Harry and Ron gape open-mouthed, as some other students give Neville sympathetic looks. Hermione looks close to tears herself.]
HERMIONE: Professor Moody, what did you do?!
MOODY: Avada Kedavra. I thought you were the smartest witch in the year.
[Hermione blushes and blinks furiously. Ron, furious, stands up, with Harry quickly following.]
RON: Hermione meant: How could you kill Trevor?!
MOODY: I didn’t.
HARRY: Yes, you did! I can tell that’s Trevor, he’s been in our dorm for four years now!
MOODY: Er… (realizes he’s indeed killed Trevor). I didn’t kill him.
[Ron and Harry stare at Moody in disbelief.]
HARRY: But we just saw you!
RON: Don’t lie to us, professor!
MOODY: I NEVER LIE, BOY! This toad’s…resting.
RON: Professor, I know a dead toad when I see one!
HARRY: And we’re looking at one right now!
MOODY: No, he’s RESTING.
RON: He’s stone-dead! (Neville whimpers) Sorry, Neville.
MOODY: I’m telling you, that toad ain’t dead! He’s resting, is all.
[This is too much for Harry, despite Hermione’s frantic whisperings of “Harry, you’re going to get in trouble!”]
HARRY: All right then, if he’s resting, I’ll wake him up!
[Harry gets up and bends over Trevor. Ron follows. Harry shouts at the top of his voice:]
HARRY: HELLO, TREVOR!! LOOK, I‘LL GIVE YOU SOME BOWFLIES IF YOU MOVE!!
[Trevor doesn’t move. Harry and Ron glare at Moody, who nudges Trevor with his wand.]
MOODY: There. He moved.
RON: No, he didn’t! That was you nudging him with your wand!
MOODY: I never!
HARRY: Yes you did!
HERMIONE: (whispering) Ron, Harry…Stop yelling at the professor!
RON: Hermione, he killed Neville’s pet! (Neville whimpers) Sorry, Neville.
HERMIONE: But he didn’t know…
HARRY: The point is that Trevor’s dead, and Professor Moody killed him!
MOODY: I never did anything!
RON: (bending over Trevor) HELLO, TREVOR!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
[Ron picks Trevor up, and then lets him flop back down on the desk, lifeless.]
HARRY: Now that’s what I call a dead toad.
MOODY: No, no…he’s stunned, is all!
HARRY: Stunned?!
[Neville comes to the front of the room. He picks up Trevor and cuddles him.]
NEVILLE: Professor Moody, I’ve had about enough of this. Trevor is definitely deceased. He is not resting, and he is not stunned.
HARRY: Good for you, Neville. You tell him.
[Moody himself seems a little unsure about why he’s letting this continue for so long, but apparently he’s determined to prove his innocence. Ron, Harry and Neville wait for Moody to answer. Finally:]
MOODY: Well, maybe he’s just…pinin’ for the garden pond.
RON: (in utter disbelief) PINING for the POND?
HARRY: What kind of talk is that, professor? Why did Trevor just flop on the table when Ron dropped him?
MOODY: Because he’s PININ’!
NEVILLE: He is not PINING! He’s passed on!
RON: This toad is no more! He has ceased to be! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker!
HARRY: He’s a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If Neville weren’t holding him in the air, he’d be pushing up daisies!
NEVILLE: His metabolic processes are now history! He’s off the lily pad!
RON: He’s kicked the bucket, he’s shuffled off the mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-TOAD!!
[A pause follows Ron‘s final outburst. Moody looks a bit impatient.]
MOODY: Well, I’d better replace him then.
NEVILLE: Thank you.
HARRY: Was that so hard, professor?
MOODY: Here. (rummages in pocket) I’ve got a slug.
[Pause.]
RON: (sweetly) Can it hop?
MOODY: No. It’s a slug, boy.
RON: THEN IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!
HERMIONE: Ron! Stop screaming at the professor!
[Moody chooses to ignore Ron, and focuses on Neville.]
MOODY: Listen, Neville…My cousin’s got a pet shop in Diagon Alley. She’ll replace your toad for you.
NEVILLE: I…
HARRY: (whispers) I’d take it, Neville…I think it’s all you’re going to get.
HERMIONE: (kindly)You can share Crookshanks, Neville.
HARRY: And Hedwig.
RON: And Pig. But…there’s really not a lot of him to share.
NEVILLE: Oh…(he glances at the lifeless Trevor in his hands) All right, I suppose.
[Neville, Ron, and Harry walk back to their seats. The argument has used up the entire class.]
MOODY: Yeah…well, I suppose you’re dismissed. Very interesting first lesson, I’d say.
[Everyone gets up to leave. Most of the Gryffindors are offering their condolences to Neville as they walk out the door, as Ron shoots another glare at Moody. When Harry, Ron and Hermione reach the threshold, they hear Moody behind them.]
MOODY: Remember: CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!