“Achoo- Vernon- we need to…. Achoo! Talk!” sneezed Ethan as he stumbled into Vernon’s room. Vernon was staring out the window in awe as millions of owls pecked at his large window.
“Why are there *achoo* owls all over? I’m allergic you know. I’m also *achoo* allergic to socks, grapes, and cotton candy…” At this the owls began to throw themselves at the window in desperate attempt to get in. Dudley was also flying on top of the owls, screaming happily in his cotton candy outfit.
“I also received a good many letters from Mr. Webster, all repeating the same message in various terms- ‘I am alive!’ Some say, ‘I am reincarnated!’ ‘I am revived!’ And another one, ‘I am animate!’”
“STOP!” yelled Vernon as Ethan’s lisping voice, the owl pecks, Harry and Ron’s giggles, Lupin’s surprised yelps, and Dudley’s excited screams entered his ears. Everyone went quiet, except for Dudley who went right on screaming, because apparently he didn’t know the meaning of stop. And I will believe that with all my heart, because I know Dudley.
I don’t know if he even knows English.
“Just… stop,” breathed Vernon as he settled in his chair. “Listen to you all! I’m Nobody! Who are you? Are you nobody too?”
Piercing stares came to him in all directions. “I think you need some professional help, Vernon,” whispered Ethan quietly, and steered him back into his chair. Vernon sunk down and let out a mournful bawl.
“Why did I have to take Harry? Everywhere he goes, he gives me trouble, Petunia gives me not very helpful comfort, Dudley gives me dumb answers and you give me a psychology meeting!” Ethan managed to calm him down, and finally the room was deadly quiet. No one spoke, or dared to breathe.
Except the birds.
The window crashed and glass flew around everywhere. Wings of all shapes and sizes descended down upon Vernon, dropping mail all over. Harry grimaced as did Ron, but a little smile crept into their lips as their ink stained hands were put coyly behind their backs.
“What is this rubbish?” snarled Uncle Vernon as he ripped open a letter. “I am pleased to inform you that your son has reached the size of a baby whale. He is now eligible for the ‘I’m a Baby Whale Club’ on Broadway! Remember to bring cotton candy suit. Signed sincerely, Denise Austin???” He savagely tore it apart, and read more letters resembling the first one.
“We are happy to tell you that your wife has achieved the highest neck of the century. Fill out this form and put her in a box labeled ‘Giraffe for Zoo’ if you would like to see her be fully credited for this triumph.”
“Dear Sir, we have discovered your son is a regular Albert Einstein, and would like for him to take some tests. Bring him to the headquarters of Mensa on Friday at exactly 14 hundred hours to receive the I.Q. test. Don’t be alarmed if he scores lower than 70, it’s the intelligence within that counts.”
Vernon stopped reading the letters right then, since they were all filled with more insults. Harry and Ron were giggling like mad as they doubled over while Lupin stood over them, frowning, although we all know who wrote the letter that went like this-
“Mr. Moony advises Mr. Dursley to keep his sister Marge out of sight or else someone may mistake her for an enemy’s hot air balloon and shoot her down.”
“Oh my, look at the time,” interrupted Ethan quickly as he ushered everyone out. “It’s time for drilling these young kids in the way of drills! Get it… drilling… drills? Eh… maybe now’s not the best time for jokes. Are you coming, Vernon?”
“Yes,” grumbled Vernon as he waddled to the door and surveyed the damage those owls made. “I guess I’m going to need a new window, aren’t I?” he murmured as he left. Dudley, who was sitting on Daddy’s desk started to shriek, “Dad, I’m smart as Einstein!” Of course, poor Dudley had no idea who this was, but extremely excited nevertheless. “And Mom has the highest neck in the universe? What an award!!!”
Vernon sadly shook his head as he closed the door and left Dudley to his amazement.
“Okay, Harry and Ron, it’s time to get quizzing on drills!” smiled Ethan. “I’ll ask you the first question, and whoever buzzes in first gets to answer first. Sounds fair enough? After I ask 10, whoever has the most wins. This is just a practice, so don’t get too competitive. Okay?”
Ron and Harry didn’t look too thrilled, in the matter of fact Ron had drifted to sleep. Harry winced at this sight, but didn’t wake him. He knew it was almost impossible to wake a Weasley once in slumber.
“First question! What is…”
“Wait a minute here, Mr. Ethan, but this game isn’t quite fair,” said Lupin as he entered swiftly.
“Why not?” asked Ethan, genuinely confused.
“Well… I mean… Ronald here is sleeping,” gestured Lupin.
“So?”
“How can he answer?”
“Surely in the subconscious mind, Ronald is working on the problem. Actually, Harry has a disadvantage on this red haired mate.” Harry almost laughed out loud, but instead turned to Lupin for his opinion.
“I tend to think of it the other way around, since Harry’s mind is much more open when his eyes are too,” replied Lupin.
“But Ronald doesn’t even have to think! If given a problem, the mind will somehow convert it in an answer suitable for the question. Amazing, don’t you agree?”
“You know, Ethan, this might sound odd, but I would feel much more comfortable if Ron were awake.”
"You have nothing to worry about… what did you say your name was? Because I swear, I never hired you for a job here.”
“I have to say, Mr. Ethan, that I think Professor Lupin is right,” squeezed in Harry.
Ethan opened his mouth the respond when Ron jolted and awoke. “Poor Ronald, you really had an advantage on that Harry fellow but you had to go and wake up,” Ethan said, but quickly added, “Don’t worry, though. It will be a fair match now, won’t it Mr. Lupin?”
“I think so,” murmured Lupin as he exited the room, much more confused than he had been a few minutes before.
“Buzzer check. Harry, hit the buzzer… excellent! Ronald... adjust the cord… no the other one… on your buzzer not Harry’s… okay! Are we ready to begin?”
Harry gulped and Ron yawned. “Yes,” they repeated simultaneously.
“Good. First question now boys…”