He did not know why he was here, alone,
On the dark mountainside peak.
If he was to jump, even he didn't know,
He wanted to, to end the mess that was his life.
Snape debated in his head what he wanted to do,
He decided, he would wait,
As he couldn't quite bring himself to jump.
He was quite alone on the mountain,
No one to bother him here,
Just the way he liked it.
Quiet and lonely, but calm and still.
His life was bitter and twisted,
Riddled with the thing he hated the most - emotion.
He sat down to think back on his life,
In his last living moments.
He had been bullied as child,
By his abusing father and then again by his peers,
They seemed to hate him and he didn't know why,
Then worst of all by Lord Voldemort.
When Severus had first become a Death Eater,
The Dark Lord had promised them all glory,
People would look up at them and tremble,
Flinch at the sound of their names.
And they would be honoured by him,
Honoured beyond their wildest dreams.
Beyond all recognition.
That was what he had said.
Severus didn't realise that his job would involve killing,
Killing innocent people in their masses,
Sometimes for fun, never for a good reason,
There is never a good reason to kill.
He had tried to back out,
But he couldn't the dark lord was strong,
Snape didn't need him as an enemy,
He had enough of those already,
His old classmates, and people he had encountered over the years.
So he stayed.
Severus hated himself,
Every aspect of himself, from his greasy dark hair,
Right down to his long hooked nose.
Students seemed to poke fun at him wherever he went,
And he had no friends, but he was used to that by now.
The only person he had ever loved had gone,
He couldn't have loved her anyway,
She went against everything he stood for,
Everything he believed in.
And she was married, married to another man.
If you asked Severus why he loved Lily Evans,
He couldn't bear to call her Lily Potter,
He would be at a loss to answer,
He had loved every aspect of her,
And she was the closest thing he had to a friend,
She had stood up for him so many times,
When James had started on him.
Yet he had called her names,
Why, he didn't know,
Probably to save himself,
If she liked him back, and he knew he couldn't have her,
It would have been a personal hell for him.
No, she was better off without him.
But seeing Harry at Hogwarts?
That was agony.
Every time he looked at Snape,
He could see Lily's eyes staring back at him,
That part was good; she had had lovely eyes,
But the rest of Harry,
He was practically James,
And it made Severus think of what could have been.
He had decided now.
Snape imagined the look on people's faces,
When they found his mangled body lying helpless on the rocks below,
And he smiled, a sick, sad smile all the same but he smiled.
He was ready.
**********************************************************************************
Dear Professor Dumbledore,
This is the last time you will hear from me, and this letter contains my last wishes. I have thought long and hard about this, and I do not feel I am rushing into anything, but I really do not see the point in living any longer. There is no one in this world that I love, or who loves me, so my death will not be of great significance to anybody. Please do not come after me, as I have fully made up my mind. Please do not be upset in any way; it's like you always say, 'to the well organised mind, death is the next great adventure.' Thank you for all the help you have given me over the years.
Yours,
Severus Snape