Chapter 66: Ginny’s Thoughts
“Hey, where have you been? I didn’t see you all day...”
“I’ve been studying, in the library…”
“You look exhausted.”
“It’s nothing to how I feel…”
It was true, Katie did look exhausted. There were visible dark circles under her eyes, which looked like they were fighting to stay open, and her hair was frazzled, as though it hadn’t been taken down from its ponytail in days.
“Maybe you should get some sleep…” Harry told her.
“Harry “ N.E.W.T’s are in two weeks…”
“And it won’t be any good if you fall asleep while you’re taking them…”
“I promise, I’ll get plenty of sleep before my exams “ but now I …need to study,” she yawned and closed her book and began rifling through a messy stack of parchment.
“Did you eat today?” Harry asked her.
“Yeah “ Euan was nice enough to bring me up a sandwich from lunch…”
“What about breakfast and dinner?”
“Look “ I ate, I’m good…”
“Katie! You have to eat…”
“I’ll eat tomorrow…”
“I’ll be right back…” Harry told her.
“Uh-huh…” Katie said distractedly.
Harry quickly left the common room and started downstairs towards the kitchens. He didn’t care if Dumbledore and the Marauder's Map might disapprove; he was getting Katie a decent meal. For her sake, Harry couldn’t wait until she took her exams and didn’t have to worry about it anymore.
Harry reached the fruit-bowl painting and tickled the pear; the entrance to the kitchen opened and he was met by many scurrying House-elves.
“Harry Potter, sir!” he heard a familiar voice squeak.
‘Hey Dobby,” Harry grinned. “Can you do me a favor?”
“Anything for Harry Potter, sir!” Dobby squeaked.
“I need a nice meal for Katie “ she didn’t eat breakfast or dinner…”
“Oh, certainly!” Dobby said, and he sent a few House-elves to gather some food. “Harry’s Bell must keep up her strength for her exams…”
“How do you know about that?” Harry asked, taking a cup of tea an elf was offering him and thanking her.
“Dobby is seeing Harry’s Bell in the common room when he cleans, sir!” Dobby squeaked sympathetically. “Most of the times she has fallen asleep, sir, and Dobby covers her with a blanket… but she is seeing Dobby sometimes too, sir “ and tells that she is very serious about becoming a Healer, and must do well on her noots…”
Harry thought sadly of Katie; she really was more concerned about her exams than most of the seventh-years, and Harry suspected it was more than just the pressing standards required to enter Healer-training; he thought it might have something to do with her mother’s death, too.
“Ms. Bell is also telling me that she will miss her Harry Potter next year…” Dobby continued, as the other elves scurried around him.
“What do you mean?” Harry asked.
“She says she will be leaving Hogwarts next year, so she won’t be able to see you, Harry Potter, sir…”
An elf handed Harry a plate of food, and he was barely aware of taking it. Dobby’s statement had caught him off guard “ he hadn’t even thought about the fact that Katie would not be around next year. He had been so preoccupied with everything else, it hadn’t occurred to him at all. He thanked the elves for the food, and said goodbye to Dobby and left the kitchen for Gryffindor Tower.
Harry had been upset at the thought of facing next year without the presence of Professor Lupin, and now he was hit with the realization that Katie would be gone, too.
“Chocolate bunnies.”
The Fat Lady swung open to let him back into the common room. It was eerily quiet accept for the sound of muttered incantations and book pages being flipped. Katie was still sitting in the same place he had left her, looking as though she was fighting sleep even harder than before.
“I got you something to eat,” he told her, and set the plate down in front her.
“Oh… thanks, sweetie…” Katie said gratefully.
“Sweetie?” Harry said, grinning. “You’ve never called me that before.”
Katie blushed a little.
“Just felt right…” she said.
“Listen Katie… I wanted to talk to you about something,” Harry said. “It’s important.”
Katie moved away from her work and kneeled next to the armchair Harry was seated in. She looked worried.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I just realized,” Harry said. “You won’t be here next year…”
“Oh,” she said. “Yeah… I know, I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit lately, myself…”
“Well…” Harry said.
“Well what?”
“I don’t know. It just…er… seems like it’s something we should talk about. I mean, we’ll be going a long time without seeing each other.”
“I know,” Katie said. “But I’ll see you this summer of course, and at Christmas, too. And we can write “ and maybe on a few of the Hogsmeade visits I can go to the village, and meet you…”
She said all of this quickly. She looked really nervous.
“I know…” Harry sighed. “It just doesn’t feel like enough…”
Harry put his head down into his hands, and they were both quiet.
“So “ do you… want to break up?” Katie said.
Harry lifted his head, and was startled to see she looked as though she could start crying.
“What? No…” Harry said, trying not to laugh. “No “ of course not! I’m just going to miss you…You know Katie, you can be a bit too sensitive sometimes…”
Katie hit him.
“Ow!”
“Who’s sensitive now?”
---
“Ginny! Calm down, you’ll get it…”
“Harry “ My Defense Against The Dark Arts practical examination is after lunch,” Ginny panicked. “How in the name of Merlin do you expect me to get this down by then?”
“You have two hours, Ginny…” Harry told her calmly. “Now, relax for a second. We have to figure out what it is you’re doing wrong…”
“Maybe I’m just devoid of magical talent…” Ginny said, collapsing hopelessly into the armchair behind her.
“I think we all know that’s not true, Ginny…” Harry said. “You obviously have some kind of block with the spell…”
Two weeks had passed since the Pettigrew incident, and N.E.W.T.’s and O.W.L.’s had approached. Harry had been helping Ginny prepare for Defense against the Dark Arts, but for some reason she was having trouble with almost all her spells. Harry had been trying to teach Ginny the ‘incarcerous’ spell for the past two days, and she hadn’t appeared to be making any progress.
“Harry “ you said that with the past four spells…” Ginny sighed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. How am I ever going to pass my O.W.L. if I can’t do these spells?”
“I’m telling you Ginny… you just have to relax, it’s probably just something in your mind “”
Harry stopped suddenly, as though the solution had been obvious all along.
“Ginny “ do you… I mean, er… would you mind if I “ If I had just a look inside…”
“Inside what?” Ginny asked.
“Your mind.”
“How on earth “ oh…” Ginny stopped, looking contemplative for a moment. “Yeah, I suppose it couldn’t hurt… just be careful where you look, or go “ or whatever…”
Harry let out a deep breath and sat down in front of Ginny, and looked straight into her brown eyes.
He tried to focus, but Ginny giggled, causing her to close her eyes.
“You know, I need eye contact for this to work…” Harry said, raising his eyebrow.
“Sorry “ it’s just weird…” Ginny said. “I’ll try not to laugh.”
She straightened her face and looked back at Harry. Harry looked straight back at her and repeated his question inside his mind. He wasn’t even sure if this is the way he was supposed to go about doing it, but it had worked the other times.
Why can’t you perform these spells…?
Instead of the other times, when he had been greeted by a single memory, Harry was suddenly greeted by a surge of thoughts.
Ginny was moving towards the veil in the Department of Mysteries;she was watching the jeweled bird egg hatching repeatedly.
Time… he heard Ginny’s voice say.
“Ginny “ I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you…”
Ginny was hugging her father on a Christmas morning;she and Luna were giggling in Trelawney’s class;she was looking, enraptured, at a hazy image in a crystal ball.
"His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad..."
Harry was smiling at her; Michael Corners; Dean; The Slytherin Chaser.
“But you have to learn to protect yourself, because we never know what will happen…”
Ginny was writing in Tom Riddle’s diary.
“Your brothers will always be here for you, Gin…”
Percy was shouting at Mr. and Mrs. Weasley; Ginny was reading Mr. Weasley’s letter.
“You need now, more than ever, to be able to defend yourself, sweetheart. You’re strong, and I know you’re powerful. It is important for you to use that…”
There was a flash of green light and a shadow of Mr. Weasley falling to the ground.
“I think I know why you’re having trouble…” Harry said suddenly, jerking himself from the stream of Ginny’s thoughts.
‘What? How?” Ginny asked. “Why? What did you see?”
“Your dad…” Harry said quietly. “He told you you had to learn to defend yourself, didn’t he?”
“Well, yeah “ but that doesn’t make sense…”
“I mean, I don’t get the ‘psychological’ stuff, Ginny,” Harry said. “But that’s the problem, it has to be. You’re thoughts are full of it; I don’t know, maybe you’re just worried, or scared you won’t succeed…”
“Or maybe…” Ginny said slowly, drawing herself away from Harry. “I don’t want to protect myself.”
“What d’you mean?” Harry asked.
“Exactly what I said “ maybe I don’t want to protect myself. Maybe I don’t have any motivation left to want to stay here…”
“When you say ‘stay here’…”
“I mean stay alive.”
“Ginny!”
“What? What’s so wrong with that? What could possibly be so bad about death than it’s worse than what we’re going through now, Harry?”
“Ginny, I know things are bad, but it’s not always going to be like this…”
“How do you know?”
“I know, Ginny…” he said. “I just know.”
Ginny laughed softly, looking down at the floor.
“What’s funny?” Harry asked.
“Nothing “ just, it’s usually Hermione and Ron, and Katie and me always having to cheer you up, and stop you from being overdramatic about everything. And here I am saying I want to die…”
“But you don’t anymore, right?” Harry said cautiously.
“No, sorry, Harry. I was just being an idiot. Of course I don’t want to die… I just miss dad, is all…”
“I know you do…”
Ginny let out a deep sigh.
“Well, we should probably head to lunch now…”
“What about the spell?” Harry asked.
“I’ll give it one more go after lunch “ but I think you’ve solved my ‘mental block’, so hopefully I no longer have to worry…”
“Good, cause I’m starved,” Harry said, laughing.
They turned to leave the common room, and just as they were about to go through the portrait hole, Ginny stopped Harry.
“Are you sure everything’s going to be alright, Harry?” she asked one more time.
“I’m sure,” Harry said, smiling reassuringly.
Ginny smiled back, and they finally left the common room. They walked casually down the Fat Lady’s corridor, and suddenly Ginny froze, her hand grasping Harry’s arm; her eyes focused on something far way. Harry searched, but couldn’t see what she was looking at. Then, a voice came from inside of her, a voice that was not like her own. It was deep and ominous.
“THREE TIMES THE DARK LORD’S FOLLOWERS HAVE TRIED, BUT THEIR ATTEMPTS HAVE COME TO NO FRUITION. A FINAL PLAN WILL BRING TO HIM THE BOY-WHO-LIVED, AS WELL AS THOSE CLOSEST TO HIM…”