Severus’s classes felt like quicksand. The more he struggled, the deeper he sank. He was torn between wanting them to finish soon and never wanting them to finish at all. The last time Severus had a proper detention he had almost killed Sirius Black. He didn’t want to admit he had almost been killed himself. He wondered what he would have to do this evening. He hoped it wasn’t cleaning. Whilst he had to confess he had spent many an hour happily polishing, he wasn’t up to hard labour tonight. He also didn’t want to have to spend the evening with Argus Filch. Apart from cleaning, students usually helped in Herbology (tending to the most dangerous plants) and Severus had been known to assign detainees a recovery task which required them to travel all over the school only to find out that what they were looking for resided where they started.
At dinner time, Severus ate very little. Weasley also seemed to be nervous. There was a glazed faraway expression in his eyes. Then Snape remembered that was always there. He munched away in silence, drinking more pumpkin juice than anything else.
“So what do you think of Hufflepuff’s chances in the next match, Harry?” Lee Jordan asked over the table.
Severus was surprised out of his reverie but recovered himself to reply. He snorted. “They’re getting crushed like the insects they are!”
He had heard James and Sirius use that sort of terminology all of the time in his younger years. Usually these days he would simply say “It doesn’t matter how the other teams fare, so long as Slytherin wins”. The insect comment had obviously still been the wrong response. Jordan looked confused and ever so slightly worried.
“Okay then Harry.” He turned away and continued talking with the Weasley twins.
“Harry, are you asking for trouble? What if a Hufflepuff student heard you?” Ron whispered cautiously. He had been paying attention then.
“It was a joke, Ron. A joke. Haven’t you ever heard one before? It’s a phrase which produces a response of pleasure in the audience.”
“Considering it wasn’t remotely funny I don’t think it could have been a joke, Harry,” Ron replied with a frown. “Come on, we better set off.”
They arrived at the Defence Against the Dark Arts room before Professor Flitwick. Ron still gave Snape a sideways glance. Severus felt the need to apologise.
“I didn’t know how to reply,” he mumbled. “I wanted to seem… I don’t know… cool.” The telling thing was that Severus supposed this must be the truth. James and Sirius had always been laughed at and appreciated. It suddenly occurred to him that Harry had never said anything remotely like that in his stay at Hogwarts so far.
“Harry… half the school already thinks you’re cool, and the other half think you’re a loonybin. You don’t have to prove anything. It’d be best if you just acted as yourself, mate.”
“That’s very good advice, Mr. Weasley,” Professor Flitwick said as she glided in. Ron and Severus looked down at her with reverence. Severus’ cheeks were flushed an unusual shade of pink. He wasn’t used to receiving poignant advice from people many years his junior.
“We’re ready to do whatever you say Professor Flitwick,” Weasley said awkwardly.
“Excellent, because my plan for the two of you is to prepare a presentation to give to the class next Monday.”
“A presentation?” Severus echoed questioningly.
“That’s what I said Mr. Potter. A presentation on one of the set spells we’re to study next week. You remember them from the study plan don’t you?” Severus nodded, even though he didn’t remember a thing. “I’m going to give you an idea of the books to find and I want you to prepare enough material for both of you to speak for twenty minutes each. Here, take a look at this list and get started.”
“This isn’t just going to take all night, it’s going to take all weekend!” Ron moaned once Professor Flitwick had left them alone in the room. Severus nodded glumly.
***********
Weasley stuck another piece of gum to the side of the desk.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
“Yeah, and I wish we didn’t have to do this crud, but we can’t all get what we want, can we?”
“Shut up, Weasley.”
“No, you shut up Potter.”
“I told you to shut up first.”
“Yeah and I’m going to have the final say.”
“How can you when I’m still speaking?”
“You won’t be speaking after I have my final say.”
“This isn’t doing either of us any good.”
“You never do any good anyway.”
“Like you’re one to talk.”
For some reason, Severus was grinning at Weasley, and Weasley was beaming back. The leaf of parchment in front of them was blank, with only a drop or two of ink in the corner. Severus waved Harry’s wand absent-mindedly and cleared the ink away.
“I’m buying you a new quill,” he stated with a small frown.
“I’d prefer a new broomstick.”
“Hah! I’ll see what I can do. I don’t suppose you’ve had any ideas in the last two nanoseconds?”
“Not a one.”
They were holed up in a corner of the Library, with a pile of books the size of the tower of Pisa. Madam Pince had looked at both of them angrily when they had appeared at the dawn of day, armed with quills, parchment and a reading list of books they had to find. Both of them had decided to discuss the presentation in the evening and actually properly prepare the next day. Severus had made sure Weasley had actually got up like he was supposed to. Severus would usually have completely gone against the idea, but he saw the sense of Weasley’s proposal. It would be silly to start when you were still trying to get over the shock of having to achieve such a momentus task.
It was now late morning, however, and Severus was beginning to regret not getting down to business sooner. They did only have a limited time, and they were going to look like prats if they weren’t prepared. Their discussion in the evening had started out being about the subject material but quickly became all about the Wimbourne wasps. Severus wasn’t entirely sure how that had happened.
They had all of the information in front of them, and Severus knew a fair amount about the spells already, but they didn’t know how to form the whole thing into a presentation suitable for class. They didn’t even know which spell to choose. Severus was incredibly surprised he hadn’t thought of a way yet. He did do this sort of thing for a living, after all. He had always wanted to be the Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor as well. So far, the only remotely interesting ideas had come from Weasley, who had proven to be quite creative when it came down to it.
“Maybe if we started writing down a list of the pros and cons of each spell?” Severus asked, dipping his quill back into the ink.
“Okay. Well, the first spell is sonitusbovis.”
“Right. It’s a bit of a silly spell, really isn’t it? I’m not really sure why we’re doing it in Defence Against the Dark Arts.”
“This book says it’s mostly used as a distracting spell, before you do something really helpful.”
“Well, I can see why. I mean, you can’t take anyone seriously when they just start making sounds they don’t mean to.”
Ron giggled, “especially when it’s for a fairly harmless animal that we tend to eat at least three times a week.”
“Oh I don’t think of them as food. I like to think more about the food they produce.”
“I wouldn’t call it a food. More of a drink.”
“Yes, anyway. Shall we say ‘silly’ for con, and ‘distracting’ for pro?” Severus asked, starting to press the tip of the quill to paper.
“Yep.”
“Right.”
“The next spell is ossis rumpus dolor. This is excellent in the sense that it will put your attacker in excruciating pain, thereby making them stop attacking you. It doesn’t really appear to have any bad aspects. It doesn’t require too much Wizarding power. You could do it, for instance. Even I could do it if I wanted to strongly enough. And it can’t be deflected easily.”
“Yes, but it takes ages to say and you have to get the inflection just right. Can you imagine being up against a dark wizard, firing spells at you, and trying to say it?”
Ron and Severus continued in this manner, Ron teasing who he thought was his best friend Harry in ways he would never attempt with his Potions Master. Severus found himself smiling for no apparent reason. He was still quite annoyed that it looked like it was going to take the entire day to even get half-way through the project the beautiful yet cruel Professor Frances Flitwick had assigned them, and yet he felt quite happy to be doing something which required the use of his cognitive faculties. He wouldn’t admit that he was also enjoying Weasley’s foolish humour.
By lunchtime the two males had a nice list weighing the pros and cons of each spell. They had finally decided upon the one to use in their presentation. They had also thought of some methods they could employ in the class which would be sure to interest the students and make Professor Flitwick think they had actually taken the time they had. Severus was hungry so he suggested they go to lunch for a break, and Ron gave no complaint. They were both famished after having skipped breakfast to work. They hadn’t eaten anything that morning but for a bit of cake left over from a latenight Gryffindor feast sponsored by Fred and George.
Making their way to the great hall, Severus saw his own form having a heated discussion with a first year. He smiled. Eventually he’d be able to do that again. In many ways, he couldn’t wait. But for now, he just had to concentrate on Defence Against the Dark Arts.