"To be quite frank with you all, I have come to you to see for myself that you're all still alive."
"Of course we're still alive, Addalynn. How could we not be?" asked James.
They gathered around her and listened intently to the stories of her nightmares, for she only spoke in whispers. It was now three in the morning, as the bell tolls. The storm continued.
"James, how has Lily been?"
"Lily?" said James in disbelief. "What does she have to do with any of this?"
Addalynn leaned forward to him, her face hovered mere centimeters away from his. The blue in her eyes was dull and lifeless; the green as dead as the autumn leaves. He did not even feel her breath upon his skin.
"She will be your undoing. Keep her safe at all costs, James. If something happens to her, so it will happen to you." Then her unblinking tears fell once again.
James opened his mouth to protest but she cut him short, "I know what I know and I don't know why. It's frustrating, really. Knowing, but not knowing reason."
Remus stepped forward from the fireplace and for the first time in almost a day, he looked Addalynn in the eyes straight on. "You know me, Addie. You know me in a way that no one else does. You know James and you know Sirius and you know everyone else, everyone you've ever met, don't you?"
Addalynn looked away from him, ashamed. "Yes."
"Then why do you not tell us everything if you know you can trust us?"
Now she was truly shattered. She knew she kept that secret from them. That one secret that could, and would if presented with the chance, undo everything.
Her tears increased as did her shaking. Within each tear lived a piece of her dying soul. With each shudder came a whisper of death.
"Help me, Remus, James, Sirius…. Help me…I can't do this alone…"
"Do what?"
"Live! Living alone is a terrible fate for anyone. As I waited today in the hospital wing I thought about my choices. I weighed every option. I know Voldemort wants to use me and I know that he is waiting for me to become wild- untamable. He will wait until I become dangerous to others and to myself before he collects me." She took a moment to breath, and then she continued, "As soon as I become frustrated enough with controlling myself my powers will take over. I will no longer have a conscious sense of self. I will have no control over my actions or my thoughts. I'll simply become consumed by power that cannot be contained by mere will. Then he will break me, break my spirit and I will succumb to his every whim. It's what he's waiting for. He's waiting for me to lose my mind."
"What can you do so far with your powers?" asked Sirius, kindly steering away from less desirable thoughts. Addalynn released a dreamy light smile.
"I can feel the life that is around me. I can scarcely understand what it is, what I can do. But I imagine that it is as if my soul were feeling the souls of the people around me. When my emotions heighten I can feel them more intensely. Their essence pierces me like an arrow through its target. It always lands where it intends."
James and Remus exchanged glances. Though they hadn't spoken a word to each other, their silent exchange had confirmed their belief that Addalynn had great influence over people. It was how the students had taken to her unannounced presence so well.
"Do you think this is why our friendship has formed this solidly so quickly?" asked Remus.
"I believe so. For some reason, I can feel you three better than I can feel anyone else. My contact with strangers is powerful enough for me to understand every emotion they're feeling at that particular moment, but with you all around me I can barely concentrate on anything else," she sighed with frustration, "and all I am able to feel is you. What your emotions are, where they're flowing, where they're coming from, how they're moving, your heart beat, and your breathing…..everything comes together and merges inside my mind."
"That sounds difficult to deal with," stated Sirius simply.
"No, no it's not," she said to him. When he looked at her inquisitively, she felt she should explain. "When my…essence, so to say, is synchronized with yours it becomes a single entity. Or at least that's what I think, there's no way for me to be entirely certain. It seems to be the only conclusion I am able to make. So once that happens, it's as natural to me as breathing- but I'm still curious about it because I'm fully aware of it when it happens."
All of them took a moment to soak everything in. James had a sort of bespectacled appearance in his overall face mixed with wariness in his dark eyes. The firelight reflected off his glasses. A few moments later Addalynn spoke again, her voice more grave.
"I may have only seen the surface of my abilities or this could be the extent of it. But it will become more potent and, eventually, it will kill me."
Remus looked up at her once more, "Kill you? How?"
"Remus my emotions are getting out of hand. Before this year I can't remember a time when I wasn't in absolute control over my feelings. If I feel too much of a single emotion it will crush me. I am unpredictable at the moment and I don't know what will happen if my mind accidentally taps into my abilities and puts them to use," she said defensively.
"Can you do anything else besides just…well, feeling people?" said James.
Addalynn looked at him with hesitancy written across her features. Slowing down her breathing she reached out with her left hand to his right temple. Their eyes locked immediately and they became unaware of anyone else except for themselves.
Remus and Sirius became resolutely still as they watched the two connect.
Inside of James' mind was a vast collection of intelligence and honor. Everything about himself was screaming for her attention. Memories, emotions, pictures, family, objects- everything was reaching to her. For an impossibly long moment, James felt exuberant with energy, with passion. For that moment, he and she were all that existed.
Almost immediately (in the eyes of Sirius and Remus) Addalynn removed her hand from James' temple. Upon the release James slumped over with exhaustion, his breathing labored.
"Wh-what was that?" James managed to wheeze.
"That was a transfer of all your knowledge, memories, emotions, and a lot more than that, into my mind. But I promise that I took nothing from you- I did not hold on to you long enough nor did I make any move to do so."
After catching his breath, James spoke again. "In that single moment, you were everything to me……my very existence seemed to depend on you."
Addalynn looked ashamedly down at the floor.
"That is what I feared. No one aside from God should hold such a power. It makes my wonder why I have it…" she said sadly. "I am sorry, my friends. I am cursed with this tribulation by which I am consumed."
She looked down at the floor, tears gathering at the edges of her eyes. The boys each exchanged glances for a moment, then moved closer to her. Remus reached out his hand for her face, but he hesitated for a moment, wondering what might happen if his skin came in contact with his own, then guided her chin up, forcing her to look into his eyes.
"Teach us. Show us how to help you," he said.
"It's far too dangerous for all of you-"
"No, Addie," interrupted Sirius. "It isn't."
And so begun Addalynn's training.
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Suddenly everything went helplessly black. She felt her legs give way beneath her as her body bent over to the floor. Luckily James was there to catch her.
He put one arm around her shoulders and the other under her legs and gently set her down whispering, "It's okay, Addie, I've got you…I've got you."
As soon as she was safely cradled in James' arms she awoke from a world of nothing. Upon opening her eyes, she tried to remember what had just happened. She looked up at James' face in confusion, her reflection lingering in his glasses, obscuring his concerned eyes.
She was in a strange room that bent to the will of its occupants. They called it the 'Room of Requirement'. It was late Saturday evening and they had all just finished with their homework after dinner. Sirius had called for a 'study session' outside of the library. For the past two hours, she remembered, they had been working on helping her control her powers.
They had been experimenting with activating her ability's energy and stopping it at will. She had been reaching out to Sirius when she fainted from the exhaustion it caused her. Nausea had crept across her body; her cheeks were flushed with the blood of a racing heart. To stop the dizziness in her head she closed her eyes and leaned back into James' arms. Her breathing was irregular so she focused on each intake of air…in and out…slowly, rhythmically.
"Addie?" Remus called. "Are you feeling alright?"
"Yes," she managed to reply, "Much better than last time, anyhow."
"Okay, then, boys, I think we're making progress," said Sirius. A wide grin spread across his face as he looked at his fellow mates, who grinned in return. Eyes still closed, a smile spread across her lips as well.
"I think I'm ready to try again," she said, opening her eyes. James and Sirius took her hands and helped her up.
Her footing was unsteady once they got her on her feet so Sirius had to catch her before she fell forward again. After making sure her legs could hold her own weight the boys stepped away. Sirius suggested that she try reaching to James this time and stepped a bit closer to her in case she fainted again. Remus stood only a few feet away in order to observe the entire process, looking for any anomalies or similarities to the previously performed trials.
It was difficult for Addalynn to focus just on a single person when her mind was screaming to touch everything. The feeling had become more and more overwhelming over the past five weeks, but the more she practiced, the more control she gained.
Holding her shoulders steady her lungs expanded for a deep, concentrated breath in, then back out. Keeping her mind focused on James, she was slowly able to make everything else disappear.
Her body protested the required concentration but she ignored it and pushed on. Everything but James needed to go away. If she could make it past this one hurdle, she would be a step farther than she'd ever been. She fainted in her previous attempt primarily because she was shocked at how weak her body was. Now that she was aware of her condition, she was more able to control it. Finally, James was the only one there and their minds connected for less than a second when the connection shattered and everything came back into Addalynn's mind.
She opened her eyes in shock and let out a soft 'oh' of surprise before falling onto Sirius, who's arms wrapped themselves instinctively around her shoulders. James had bent over, hands on his knees and his eyes shut.
"James? How are you?" she asked.
"Oh, I'm fine," he said, "My vision's just a bit blurry is all."
"Are you sure that's all?" she pressed. He nodded his head in response.
"How are you feeling, Addie?" asked Remus. He stepped up to her and Sirius, a hand on the back of her neck.
"I'm fine…." She started, but was cut off by Sirius.
"No you're not, you're shaking like mad."
"And you're still really flushed," stated Remus as he placed a caring hand on her cheek.
All of the sudden a sharp pain stabbed at her temples. Subconsciously she held on to Sirius as tightly as she could until the pain stopped. She screeched an almost inaudible 'ah!' before being rendered incapable of speech from the two daggers boring themselves into her head, just next to her eyes. Then it stopped, but she did not release Sirius from her petrified grip and nor did she open her eyes.
James worriedly peered at her behind his round-rimmed glasses. "Addie?"
"The nerves just outside my eyes, they were burning like mad. Like a pair of daggers burrowing into my temples," she said, slightly out of breath.
"I think we should stop for today," suggested James. "You need to rest."
Knowing she was at a loss to argue, she nodded feebly. Suddenly she noticed how tired Remus looked. His appearance was more ragged than ever.
"Oh my, Remus, tomorrow night's the full moon! I completely forgot, you should be resting," she said.
"No, Addie. My time is better spent helping you sort this all out," he said with a strained smile.
She smiled back, knowing she could never had hoped for better friends than the three she was with right now. "Thank you, Remus."
With Sirius' help she managed to make it all the way back the Fat Lady's portrait. By the time they got there she was alright to walk on her own. James waited expectantly for the Fat Lady to acknowledge their presence, but the corpulent, befuddled lady was too busy laughing hysterically with her friend Violet to notice his finger tapping impatiently on his hip.
"Excuse me," he said. The two portrait ladies let out an obnoxious burst of laughter. Violet tipped her wine glass over a little too far and sent a good amount of red wine splashing onto the floor.
The pair continued to babble on about a bunch of indistinguishable nonsense until Sirius lost it and made his sentiments clear to the two tipsy women. "Ladies! Would it kill you open up?" he shouted. The Fat Lady turned to him, empty wine glass in hand and asked in a sing-song voice, "What's the magic word, handsome?" Violet let out another violent wave of laughter and lost all control of her wine glass, sending it to the floor where it sat in fragments of glittering crystal.
"Babbling Bowtruckle," he said loudly, but then added to James, "Which is exactly what they're acting like.
"Spot on!" she said, and opened the portrait for them.
The four walked through the portrait hole to an empty Common Room with a dying fire. It was well past eleven o'clock and there were only three late night study crammers seated in various places with open books, their parchment scattered in a fury around their feet or across a table.
"I think I'll head for some feasible amount of sleep, for once," Addalynn announced. "I'll see you all in the morning." Then they all headed up the stairs to their separate dorms.
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The instant Addalynn had opened the door the 6th year girls' room, a wave of whispers and giggles swept over her ears. She smiled to herself- they were attempting to be quiet about their slumber party.
All huddled up in a corner of the room were Lily, Ruby, Meisha, Elizabeth, and Nicky. Sweet's wrappers had been carelessly tossed about on surrounding floor. Evidently someone had just spat out something terribly humorous because all six of the girls had resorted to clasping a hand tight over their mouth, or muffling their laughter in a large pillow. After the bout of giggles had subsided (for the most part, at least), the girls all looked up at Addalynn and generously beckoned her forward.
Addalynn's smile widened- some healthy, teenage fooling around would do her some good. She dropped her book bag onto the floor at the foot of her bed and sat cross-legged on the floor between Meisha and Lily.
"What no-good are you all up to?" Addalynn asked exasperatedly.
Ruby was the first to speak, thrilled at new blood to tease. "We're passing around this potion," she held up a medium-sized bottle, three-quarters of the way full with a dark blue liquid, "and asking the drinker a question. It only takes one sip. It's not nearly as strong as Veritaserum, but it works well enough. You have five minutes to answer a question before it wears off." After her last word she burst into another fit of giggles which caused another widespread fit.
"Want to join in?" asked Meisha, a mischievous smile on her lips.
Addalynn thought for a moment. This could get bad if asked the wrong question. She looked at Lily for reassurance.
Lily shook her head, "Don't worry- with this stuff you don't have to answer, but if you do, you won't be able to lie."
"Fair enough, I'm game," she decided.
"Okay then, you're next," said Nicky. Ruby reached across the circle and handed the bottle to Addalynn.
Cautiously, Addalynn swirled the liquid around in its glass encasement, examining it with curiosity and hesitancy. Raising an eyebrow and pursing her lip, she took a small swig of the dark blue liquid.
Ruby smiled, "Who has a question for her?"
"I do," said Alice. "I hate to be so cruel, but I'm dying to know this. Is the only reason you hand out with the Idiots Four, that is, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, because you've hopelessly fallen for one of them?"
Addalynn smiled, "No."
Alice appeared surprised. "Really? All of us have had a crush on one of them at some point…."
"Well, there's more to life than boys."
"Alright then, if you had to like one of them which would it be?" pressed Meisha.
Addalynn sat in silence, determined not to answer such an unfair question. She merely smirked tauntingly at the dark skinned girl. "Your turn," she said, handing Meisha the bottle.
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Sirius tossed and turned in his sleep, his mind unable to find peace. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her fall. She was so helpless when she fainted. Her face would go blank, her eyes would roll back into her head and her eyelids would close, then she would fall to the ground lest he was there to catch her.
All he could think about was how vulnerable she was. She had more power than most could imagine, and yet, she was more vulnerable than anyone.