Betrayal and Memories
~*~Fifth Year~*~
- Betrayed and stupid, that was all she felt, utterly betrayed and completely stupid; she could find no two words that described how she felt better than those. -
“I can’t believe you guys actually did it. You’re crazy, completely crazy!”
“Ah, yes, we are quite crazy, my dear. But craziness is a virtue, if I do say so myself.”
“Yeah… that’s deep, Sirius… real deep.”
Sirius laughed and shook Rachael playfully in the shoulder. Rachael was sitting with Sirius, Peter and James, marveling at what they had shown her just moments before; she could still hardly believe it. In fact, she was positive she wouldn’t have believed it if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes. Sirius, James and Peter had been trying for three years to become Animagi (three long years, as James described it) and they had finally done it. The three were bursting with pride at their accomplishment and they couldn’t wait to show Remus.
However, they were going to have to wait a bit before they could show Remus what they had done, as not one of them was too eager to go over to him at the moment. Remus was in the corner of them common room. Now, prior to three weeks ago that meant he was either immersed in an extremely good book, or he was recovering from a full moon and he needed the peace and quiet. However, three weeks ago Remus didn’t have a girlfriend and his girlfriend wasn’t Marilyn Brown. Now when Remus was found sitting in the corner of the common room it meant he was too busy with her to bother with his friends.
The four stole a glance at the corner of the common room and quickly looked away.
Rachael made a face of disgust at the two and turned to her other friends. “What does he see in her?” she wondered, looking quickly towards and away from them again.
Sirius laughed and took the liberty of answering her question.
“Well, let’s see,” he said thoughtfully, holding up his fingers, as he got ready to count them off. “She’s got a pretty face, beautiful eyes… Oh, and did I mention she’s a great kisser?” Sirius burst out laughing, and even more so when Rachael hit him on the back of the head, causing James to snigger rudely.
“Like you’ve even kissed her,” Rachael said matter-of-factly.
“Nice one, Sirius,” he snickered, causing Sirius to punch him in the shoulder.
“Hey, at least I have a girlfriend to hit me,” Sirius retorted coolly. “And now, if you don’t mind “” Sirius began jerking his head towards Remus, indicating that James should go and retrieve their friend now.
James hesitated for a moment, thinking of a million other things he’d rather be doing, but a sharp shove in the back by Peter made him scamper over. James hurried over, wanting to get this done as quickly as possible. He glanced back at Sirius, who merely inclined his head in response. James stood there for a second, looking at Remus in wonder, almost hating to interrupt the scene before him. But he had to if he ever wanted to talk to his friend. So, he cleared his throat particularly loudly and Remus snapped his head up towards James.
“Uh… sorry to break up your little snog session,” James apologised, though there wasn’t the faintest trace of remorse in his voice. “But we’ve got something important to show you, Remus.”
Remus looked at him curiously, unsure of what James was referring to. Truthfully, he really didn’t want to go and see. So he disregarded James’s comment, only until James took the freedom of grabbing Remus’s arm and dragging him over to the portrait hole where Sirius and Peter were waiting. With Remus now in their ranks the four were able to go to the Room of Requirement so they could show him their accomplishment. The Room of Requirement was a very important and useful room for the boys, as it saved them from many detentions. The Room of Requirement was a room that was equipped with whatever the seeker needed. Usually when the four boys were in there it was stocked with four beds that resembled their ones in the boys’ dormitory, as they were usually caught late at night with James’s Invisibility Cloak. So the moment Remus stepped inside the room he knew what his friends had done.
The room was decked out in an exact resemblance to the Forbidden Forest. Remus only knew this for the few times he hadn’t made it to the Whomping Willow and needed a place to hide for the full moon. All around him were trees of every kind “ oak, willow, maple, and on the trees were birds’ nests, and holes for the squirrels that nested there. On the ground was a trail of ants that were busy scuttling across the forest floor looking for their anthill. All around them, they could hear the sounds of the many inhabitants of the forest. They could hear the hooting of owls, the growling of wolves, and the stomping of the hooves of the many centaurs that lived in the depths of the forest.
Remus broke his attention away from the display of the Room of Requirement and turned to face his three friends, whom were all grinning at him. It took him a moment before he could say anything, as he was still too amazed at what they were about to show him. But, finally, he regained the use of his tongue and he could hardly keep the excitement out of his voice when he spoke.
“You guys did it?” he asked, wanting to jump for joy.
“Indeed, we did,” said Sirius proudly.
“Took us long, though,” said James in a voice suggesting that Remus should pity them.
“But we wanted to,” Peter said quickly, throwing James a look.
Remus smiled and then before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “Well, are you going to show me?”
“Jeez, Remus, hold your horses!”
Remus waited patiently as his friends began their transformation. During their training they had to do many things to detect what animal they would be. They had to shout out the various calls of every animal in the book and even eat the kinds of things they ate, which caused them many trips to the Hospital Wing. But now all they had to do was concentrate on the animal they could become. Even though this proved to be rather difficult, it was definitely better than digesting a worm. Sirius concentrated on a large black figure, four legs, pointy ears, a large snout, and yellow eyes. Before Remus could even react, there stood a large black Labrador where Sirius had once stood. James, on the other hand, concentrated on a large white figure, with pointy brown antlers, a long body and four rigid legs and in a matter of minutes there stood a white stag in James’s place. Peter, who was almost through with his transformation, concentrated on the last bit of his animal, a pink wormlike tail, and there was the finished product of a rat where he had been standing.
Remus stood and watched them, completely and utterly dumbfounded at what he was witnessing. He could hardly believe what he was seeing. His mind could hardly process that where his friends were once standing there were three animals that could only be identified by their specific markings. Sirius’s marking was a faint scar on his nose that he received when Peeves the Poltergeist decided to inhabit a suit of armor and chase Sirius around the school. They could never really notice it before but it stood distinctly now through the pitch black fur. James’s markings were the shape of his glasses around his eyes and Peter’s was a birthmark on his foot that was shaped like a triangle. These were the only ways that you could tell who these animals were or even if they were really animals.
Remus moved over towards the animals and looked at them. He shook his head slowly, trying to make sense of this. But he realised that he didn’t want to make sense of it, his friends had done it and that was all that mattered.
“Wow, that was disturbing,” he joked, only to have Sirius dash over to him and attempt to knock Remus over. But Remus was too quick for Sirius, even in dog form, and stepped aside just in time for Sirius to narrowly avoid a collision with the tree Remus was standing in front of. Looking deterred by his near-collision, Sirius transformed back into his human self, while James and Peter followed the suit. James dusted off his robes and went over to Remus.
“Full moons will never be the same for you again.”
And indeed James was right; full moons were never the same, although the first full moon could have been a little more successful. The night started off as usual. Remus would go down to the Hospital Wing before the moon rose, and Madam Pomfrey would smuggle him out of the castle and down to the Whomping Willow. However, unbeknownst to her, there were three others following, though they were shielded by an Invisibility Cloak. Following stealthily behind the nurse were James, Sirius and Peter, all shaking with excitement at the prospect of their first full moon as Animagi. So the second Remus disappeared under the frozen branches of the Willow and Madam Pomfrey had retreated back to the castle, the three boys dashed through the passageway before the branches started flailing again.
James led the way through the passage, making sure to keep a good distance away from Remus before his transformation. Soon enough they found themselves on the first floor of the Shrieking Shack. They stood stock-still for a moment when they heard the painful shouts of their friend as he made his transformation and, thinking it was as good a time as any, they turned into their Animagi forms and quickly made their way up the stairs. While going up the stairs, Sirius and Peter would’ve burst out laughing if they were in human form, as watching a stag trek stairs was very amusing.
Before they knew it, they found themselves facing a fully-grown werewolf, who was glaring down at them as though if they didn’t move that very second he would rip them to pieces. The werewolf advanced on them, sniffing out his visitors, who were thinking about running away before he pulled any fast ones. Once he completed his sniffing he growled in what they figured was a friendly growl. Taking advantage of this, Sirius stepped forward, as did James, and Peter hurried forward on the ground. James engaged Remus in a game of werewolf/stag wrestling. It was fun at first, both to watch and play. James and Remus started out chasing each other around the room, but they soon moved out into the hallway as such a small room wasn’t comfortable enough to accommodate a full-grown werewolf, stag, large dog and even for a small rat.
Remus and James chased each other around on the landing while Sirius and Peter barked and squeaked in delight at the sight of their playfully quarreling friends. James and Remus proved to be quite the matches for each other, neither one letting up so the other could win. But, in the end, the stag proved to be a better match for the werewolf when James sent Remus tumbling down the flight of stairs where he landed with a sickening crack. The three boys watched, horrified at the accident that had just taken place. They immediately transformed back into their human forms, absolutely sure that the werewolf would not be waking up any time soon.
“Smooth one, James,” said Sirius irritably; stooping down to see what damage had been inflicted on his friend.
“Hey, it was an accident!” James defended, holding up his hands as though Sirius might throw a punch at him.
Peter shook his head at his two friends and decided to speak up, or else they weren’t going to get anything accomplished.
“Maybe we should leave him here?” Peter suggested, gesturing down at the unconscious werewolf. “It would look a little suspicious if we brought a werewolf down to the hospital wing.”
James and Sirius broke their glances away from the wolf and looked at Peter.
“Pete’s right,” said Sirius. “We should just go.” And with that he led the way back up to the castle.
The next day Remus awoke to find himself in the Hospital Wing, his arm in a sling and an ice pack on his head. He tried to sit up, as he tried to recollect the events of the night before, but his head surged with an unbearable pain and he slumped back down into his pillow. He sighed and rubbed his aching head, his memory of the night before slowly coming back to him. He and James were wrestling in the Shrieking Shack… Sirius and Peter were watching them and apparently not one of them had noticed the flight of stairs behind them and… and Remus fell and his head hit the landing.
Remus only had to wait three minutes after he woke up for James, Sirius and Peter to come bursting in the Hospital Wing, with James making a dramatic apology. Remus rolled his eyes in disgust at James’s profuse apology; he was almost sickened by it. He could just say a simple sorry, Remus thought as James went on begging for forgiveness. James was leaning on Remus’ bedside, his hands folded as he pleaded over and over while Sirius and Peter watched him, with the same expression as Remus.
“I’m sorry!” James said for the millionth time. “I didn’t mean it; I didn’t even know the staircase was there!”
“Merlin, James, shut up already!” Remus blurted out, ignoring the stabbing pain in his head as he did so. James raised an eyebrow and looked at Remus, stunned. “I heard you the first thousand times!”
The three decided to spend a good few hours in the Hospital Wing, as it was a Saturday and they had all the time in the world. They talked about the night before and how it had been really fun, before Remus went tumbling down the staircase that is. They decided that becoming Animagi was probably the best thing they had ever done (besides making up a brilliant nickname for Snape “ Snivellus) and that when the next full moon came they would have to go back to the Shack. Although they would take much safer tactics than they did before; they didn’t want someone getting hurt again.
However, James, Sirius and Peter had to leave, much sooner than Remus would have liked. James had to go to Quidditch practise, Sirius had to go and tackle a Defence Against the Dark Arts assignment and Peter needed to go and tutor a Ravenclaw friend in Potions. So, Remus was left all alone, though he had no doubt in his mind that his sister would be up there soon enough.
Rachael walked through the portrait hole and into the common room, intent on getting her Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook. Professor Sauter had assigned them a lengthy essay on the importance of learning Dark Art defences and it was due that Monday. She hadn’t even started hers yet. She walked over towards the staircase leading to the girls’ dormitory, but something on the other side of the room caught her eye. She turned around slowly and stood horrified at what she was witnessing. She had to try with all her might to run out of the common room and pretend that she hadn’t seen anything. But when she saw who one of the people was she couldn’t help but go over and give the two people a piece of her mind.
“Wow, I guess you really got a lot of work done on that essay, didn’t you, Sirius?” she snarled, causing a startled Marilyn Brown and an embarrassed, not to mention guilty, Sirius to jump up. Sirius whirled his head around and his face turned an unnatural shade of red. Marilyn, on the other hand, didn’t look the least bit disturbed, and this only infuriated Rachael even more.
“Tell me, Sirius,” Rachael said her voice struggling to contain her rage. “Did I disturb you at all?”
“Yes, you did, actually,” Marilyn said nastily.
This angered Rachael even more. It was a well-known fact that these two did not get along well and this only fueled the fire of hatred even more.
“I wasn’t asking you,” she snarled. “I was asking him.” She glanced at Sirius, completely ignoring the fact that Marilyn was slowly edging away from them, not wanting to get more involved than she already was. Sirius avoided her eyes and looked down at the floor as he ran a nervous hand through his hair, trying to make up a decent explanation. When Rachael knew that no explanation would be coming, she shook her head and ran out of the common room, only to have Sirius follow her. Rachael quickened her pace, not wanting to Sirius catch up with her. He did manage to fall into step with her, only by stepping on the hem of her robes.
“It’s not what it looked like!” he defended lamely.
Rachael gave a harsh laugh and rounded on him with a look in her eyes that made Sirius want to run away from her forever.
“Not what it looked like?” she said sarcastically. “Oh, I’m glad it wasn’t what it looked like! Because for a minute I could have sworn it looked like you, my boyfriend might I add, was kissing Remus’s girlfriend!” She looked at Sirius, waiting for him to fess up and admit that he was indeed doing just that. “Wasn’t that what you were doing? I said… wasn’t it?”
“Yes it was,” he said, his voice filled with guilt and regret, but Rachael didn’t care. “And I didn’t mean to… it just happened.”
"You didn’t mean to? How could you not mean to kiss someone? What, did she faint and you decided to give her CPR? Because if that was any one of your pathetic excuses, then I don’t know why I ever trusted you in the first place.”
Sirius stepped forward and looked at her firmly, standing his ground. “I didn’t mean to do this. She was saying how upset she was over Remus getting hurt and I dunno… it just happened. I didn’t mean it,” he said, his voice not wavering for a second.
Rachael didn’t care if his voice wavered or not. “Oh yeah, she was real upset, then. How could you not mean to?” she asked incredulously. “You said yourself that she was a great kisser!”
“I was joking, for Merlin’s sake!”
“Well, you sure won’t be joking about it now, will you?” She turned on her heel and began dashing away back towards the Hospital Wing. Sirius watched her advancing back, thinking for a second about what he could say to make her believe that he was really sorry. But, in the end, that was the only thing he could say.
“I’m sorry!” Sirius called after her.
“Go away, Sirius,” she called back, quickening her step.
“But I-”
“Go away!”
Betrayed and stupid, that was all she felt, utterly betrayed and completely stupid; she could find no two words that described how she felt better than those. She didn’t understand why Sirius would do such a thing. What had possessed him to do that? He not only betrayed her, he betrayed Remus as well. She didn’t ever think Sirius would ever betray Remus, as their bond was only matched by his friendship with James. She was disgusted with him for what he did. In fact, she was so disgusted she was having difficulty in deciding if she should even talk to him. She couldn’t stand what his stupid act did to Remus. What Sirius did was slowly eating away from him. After all, he had been so convinced that he would never be able to find someone because of his illness and, even though Marilyn hadn’t the faintest idea of what he was, he thought that wouldn’t matter even if she did know. But, no matter how much Remus was suffering; she doubted he was suffering as much as she was.
Remus didn’t know Marilyn as well as she knew Sirius and the fact that Sirius would actually do something like that made her consider rethinking their entire friendship. She didn’t want to believe what he did, but she had to if she wanted to be able to figure out how to handle the situation she was in. She leaned back on her bed and stared out the window, admiring how much the weather resembled her mood. It was cold and dreary outside; there grey skies and rain slowly pattering against the window. She wasn’t going to cry about it though, so she ignored the rain. She knew crying about it wouldn’t help, and she didn’t want to. It wasn’t something to be that upset over. In fact, though she was upset, she was more annoyed and confused.
That was why she needed a parent to help her with this. This was what made her wish she had one who she could talk to. A parent could help her decide if she should forgive Sirius or just forget that she had ever met him. She didn’t want to forgive Sirius though, unless she got a real reason for what he did. If she forgave him without question, she would still feel betrayed. But she had no parent who could help her with this, so she was left to think about it herself. The only problem was that, at the moment, all she could think of was avoiding Sirius. It had actually been working quite well, as she hadn’t seen hide or hair of him outside of class.
She rolled over onto her back when she heard the door open and quickly grabbed her reading book on the nightstand. She flipped to a random page and acted like that was what she had been doing the whole time.
“You okay?” Lily asked as she crossed the room and removed her cloak.
Rachael pretended to mark the page and closed the book. “Yeah,” she said in a false cheerful voice. “I’ve never been better.”
Lily raised an eyebrow and sat down on her bed. “You’re still thinking about Sirius, aren’t you?”
Rachael considered lying for a moment, but nodded her head shamefully. Lily was angry with Sirius as well, but she knew it wasn’t something her friend should dwell on.
“There’s nothing else to think about,” Rachael admitted, sitting up and resting her head in her hands.
“Well, I have something for you to think about.” Rachael looked at her friend curiously. What could Lily possibly be about to tell her? She had a hunch though as to what it might be. “You know how it’s Christmas break next week? Well, I talked to my parents and they thought it would be nice if you came and spent the holidays at my house.”
Rachael bit her bottom lip in frustration. Why did Lily keep bringing this up with her? She knew the answer she would get. Every year, since their second year, Lily would ask Rachael to come and spend either Christmas or Easter at her house and every year she got the same response. Rachael just didn’t feel right going to her friend’s house when she didn’t have a home of her own to invite Lily to.
“Lily,” she began, but Lily quickly cut her off.
“Come on, you’re my best friend and my parents have never even met you. Besides, you’re going to be here all by yourself!”
She had a point. Remus was going home with James, Peter was going to visit some relatives in Spain and Sirius was going home as well “ not that she cared. Sighing in defeat, Rachael nodded her head.
“Fine, I’ll go.”
The Hogwarts Express screeched to a halt and almost immediately students began pouring out into the corridors, dragging their luggage along with them. Not one student could wait another minute on the train. They were too eager to go see their parents whom they hadn’t seen since September. Rachael, Lily, Remus, James and Peter exited their compartments and hurried to find their luggage. Upon finding it, they exited the train with the last pack of stragglers and scoured out the area in search of their families. James was the first to find his, who were standing off by the entrance to the platform. He grabbed Remus’ wrist and yanked him over, while the both of them shouted hurried goodbyes to their friends. Peter found his next and, with a quick goodbye and Merry Christmas, he went off to greet his family.
Lily looked around the crowded platform, thinking that she would wait to wish their friend Alice Gordon happy holidays. However, she decided she would never find her in the mass of students and therefore led the way out to the main train station. Walking, unnoticed, through the barrier between platforms nine and ten, they spotted a group of three people, all with bright red hair. Lily smiled and pulled Rachael over. So this is the Evans family…
“Lily!” said the red haired woman enthusiastically. Lily ran over and her mother pulled her into a hug.
“How was school?” the red haired man asked as he embraced his daughter.
“Good,” Lily answered as she acknowledged the red haired teenager with nothing more than a simple nod of the head.
Mr. Evans looked over at Rachael, who was hovering uncomfortably in the background and turned to his daughter. “Is this your friend?”
“Yep, Rachael Lupin, meet my mum, dad and sister, Petunia,” Lily introduced, gesturing to each member of her family in turn. Rachael smiled and muttered a pleasant hullo. Mrs. Evans smiled.
“Hullo dear, it’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” said Rachael politely.
“Well,” said Mr. Evans, clapping his hands together. “Let’s not stand around here in the crowd. We parked the car over there.” Mr. Evans led the way over to an old station wagon parked just outside of the station.
The three girls got into the backseat of the car and found it to be quite a painful squeeze. It was clear that two fifteen-year-olds and a seventeen-year-old were not meant to share the space in the back. But they managed and were soon off for the Evans household. During the drive, Lily’s father tried many times to engage the girls in conversation, but they were futile attempts as none of his topics were really engaging. He gave up soon enough and turned the radio on to find a Rolling Stones song playing on one of the stations. Petunia scowled at her father’s choice of music, but Lily and Rachael greatly approved.
Although the overall atmosphere of the ride wasn’t pleasant, Rachael found it enjoyable looking out the window at all of the scenery. As she had not been outside of the Hogwarts grounds in three years, other than leaving it to visit Hogsmeade, she found it fun to see all of the buildings bunched up together on the town streets, and she didn’t even mind seeing the smog from the cars. As she looked around at all of the shops and banks, she wondered how she could have ever found them so confining. Looking at the buildings reminded her of the orphanage. She hadn’t been there in three years and was surprised to suddenly find herself wanting to go there. The very thought of even thinking such a thing shocked her, though it really shouldn’t have since the day she left she was a little reluctant to leave. Maybe while she was staying with Lily she could go and visit; she knew they couldn’t live too far from there.
Soon enough, Mr. Evans was pulling the car into the driveway of a white one-story house and Mrs. Evans, Lily and Petunia were unbuckling their seatbelts and preparing to get out of the car.
“Well, we’re home,” said Lily to Rachael as she followed her sister out of the car. Mrs. Evans went inside to cook dinner instantaneously and Petunia followed her, merely to get away from the girls. Mr. Evans, on the other hand, stayed outside to help his daughter and Rachael get their trunks out of the trunk of the car. Lily and Rachael dragged their trunks up the walkway and Lily led her friend down the staircase they saw upon entrance through the front door.
Downstairs was the basement that had been converted into a family room. In the family room were wooden paneled counters with shelves full of books inside of them. Along with those books was a bookshelf in the far right corner near the foosball table and television set. On the left side, next to the landing, was a door with a sign on it. The sign was decorated with pictures of wands, wizard hats, black cats and cauldrons and in the centre of the drawings was a slogan that said, “Lily’s Room: Beware of Paranormal Activity.” Rachael laughed and trailed Lily into the room.
“Nice sign,” Rachael commented with a laugh.
“It’s the only thing that keeps Petunia out,” replied Lily in an exasperated voice.
Rachael placed her trunk on the cot that had been set up and looked around, taking in her friend’s room. Lily’s room had a theme of any and all animals; all around the room was some species of an animal. On her bed was a yellow and blue bedspread with birds and butterflies scattered across it, along with that was her dog shaped pillow. She had posters of wolves, kangaroos, koala bears and saber toothed tigers dispersed across her wall and on her dresser (which Rachael could swear resembled a tiger) was an owl shaped lamp sitting next to the empty cage of Rosey the owl.
“Nice room,” said Rachael, folding her arms across her chest. “I guess you like animals.”
“No… really?” Lily retorted. “I love animals. If I could, I’d probably have a lion for a pet instead of an owl.”
Rachael chuckled. “Bet Petunia would love that.”
Rachael helped Lily unpack her trunk before they went upstairs, deciding that they would help Mrs. Evans with dinner. They would be eating early that day, as Mr. Evans wanted to take the family out to go to see a movie and then the mall. Usually Lily wasn’t that big of a fan of eating before five. But, in this case, she didn’t mind at all and wanted to have dinner on the table as soon as possible. So it only took them a half hour to go upstairs and find Mrs. Evans chopping up a tomato.
“Need help?” offered Lily. Mrs. Evans looked over at her daughter and declined politely. “Come on, dinner’ll get cooked much faster.” Mrs. Evans smiled at her daughter’s persistence and allowed the girls to make the salad.
The two had fun making the salad. They pretended that they were in Potions class and the cucumber they were supposed to be chopping was a daisy root. They were busy discussing how precisely they should slice it.
“Now, I believe if we skin it so only a fraction of a centimeter comes off, we will have the perfect potion,” said Lily in a deep voice, imitating Professor Binstom the Potions Master. “You see, once we do that we must cut two inch thick slices and place them in their exact spots on top of the lettuce, which has already been chopped to perfection.”
“But, Professor,” whined Rachael. “We can’t do that, we not psycho enough!”
“Was that smart talk I just heard, Miss Lupin? Do you want me to deduct fifteen points from Gryffindor? I’m sure your friends won’t mind, since you cost them ten points last week.”
“Hey, that was Snape’s fault!” Rachael shouted, taking the napkin on the table and flinging it at Lily.
Mrs. Evans walked over and placed down the plate of chicken parmesan on the table and called up the stairs for Petunia and Mr. Evans to come down. In not even a second, the two were in the kitchen and sitting at their respective places around the table. Once everyone was seated, food was passed around and Mr. Evans attempted to make conversation, which they soon found out wasn’t a good idea.
“So, Rachael,” he said, looking up from his meal and at Lily’s friend. “What are your parents doing for the holiday?”
Rachael and Lily exchanged nervous glances and immediately she did some quick thinking. She was just lucky she had practise from when she had to make up excuses for Remus’ absences. What would Mr. Evans say if he knew her mother had only just been released from house arrest?
“Well,” she stammered. “My mum is… she’s… she’s visiting my sick grandma in Romania.”
Mr. Evans nodded slowly. “And your dad?”
“My dad? He’s sort of… kind of… dead.”
Mr. Evans’ fork stopped in mid air and he turned an embarrassing shade of red. Rachael tried to smile as if she wasn’t bothered by it, but it was a futile attempt. “I’m sorry… when did he die?”
“About three months ago, but it’s okay, I’m fine with it, really I am.”
But it was a lie; she wasn’t okay with it at all, the pain was still weighing within her. She remembered the day clearer than any other. She remembered it clearer than when Remus got bitten by the werewolf. It stood out in her mind more than the days she met Lily, James, Sirius and Peter, than when she followed Remus to the Willow, than the day she was beaten by her mother. That day was the clearest in her mind.
She didn’t want to believe Dumbledore when he told her and Remus the bad news. Their father, who was still working in America, had an accident concocting a potion. It turned out that his partner had added one too many daisy roots and when Professor Lupin tested it, it poisoned him. He died in his sleep that night. It pained Dumbledore to tell them this. He had been very close with the professor when he worked at Hogwarts and still kept in touch with him outside of school. But it could never pain him as much as it did to Remus and Rachael, they couldn’t stand to believe what they were hearing. Their father was dead and there was no way he was coming back.
“Are you okay? You seemed distracted all night.”
Lily was right. Rachael had been distracted all night, through the movie and their walk to the mall; she was a walking zombie. She didn’t even notice when Lily spotted a Rolling Stones poster and shoved it under her nose. She couldn’t even remember what happened in the movie they saw. Heck, she didn’t even remember what movie they had seen. Her mind was fogged with the memories of the days following her father’s death and how bleak they were, how they were plagued with misfortunes and a little fortune. She was more than distracted, she was stuck in a nightmare and she wasn’t even asleep.
“Yeah,” she replied in a dazed voice. “I’m great.”
Lily studied her friend closely for a moment, before declaring that she was going to take a shower, knowing that Rachael needed some time alone. Once she was sure Lily was out of the room, Rachael curled up on her cot and took a shuddering breath, trying to clear her mind of what was coming. But she couldn’t, she let it come. She remembered the day of her father’s funeral; she remembered the dark clouds and the solemn faces of her friends and the Headmaster as he gave his eulogy. It was a day she never would forget, even though she wished she could forget it at that very moment.
“Gregory Lupin was a very dedicated father… He was always there for his children and always wanted to be with them. He always came through for his family, especially when times were rough, he would never let his children down. He was a man who we never wanted to see die…”
Rachael kept her head bowed as she listened to the professor talk, knowing that every word he said was true. He didn’t want to leave her and Remus, but he had to. Rachael took a deep breath and looked up from the ground at the few people who were assembled around the tombstone. Remus was next to her, he was watching the Headmaster speak, though he looked like he would much rather be anywhere else. James stood next to Remus, watching Professor Dumbledore, but also keeping a hand on Remus’ shoulder; Sirius and Peter were across from them, looking firmly at the ground as they took in the eulogy. The other members of the funeral party were professors from Hogwarts. As Professor Lupin was an only child, he had no brothers or sisters, and the twins had no grandparents at all to attend the funeral.
“And remember; never forget one of the few good men left on this planet. Never forget Gregory Lupin.” Professor Dumbledore looked up from the grave and with one gesture of the hand, the funeral party dispersed to separate corners of the cemetery.
Rachael stood in her spot a moment, and saw Remus go off to speak with Professor Dumbledore, probably discussing their father’s will. She didn’t even want to think about that right now. What she needed was a quiet area to sit and think. Despite that the cemetery was always quiet, the low buzz of murmuring was distracting, and so she went looking for a secluded bench.
She broke through the small group of people, stopping only for a minute to exchange a few words of sympathy with Professor McGonagall and then she was off to sit on the bench she had just spotted between the trees. Stopping one last time to trade a few words with Professor Flitwick, she was able to make it over to the bench and sit quietly with her face in her hands. Even without the noise she couldn’t think straight, she couldn’t get her thoughts to come together. Her father was dead, that was all she thought that made sense… he was dead.
It all happened so fast that she hadn’t had time to process it. One minute she and Remus were cheering on James in a Quidditch match and the next she found herself in the Headmaster’s office learning that her dad had died. It just wasn’t fair to her. Why did her father, of all people, have to die? What had he done to deserve such an early end? He was barely forty-eight and God saw it fit to take him from the world? He was such a good man with a kind hear. He was the kind of father one would have to search far and wide for. Why did he have to die all because of some stupid mistake of his co-worker? She wished she could meet the man who unintentionally killed her father, not to yell or make accusations, but just so she could know who caused her father’s death.
But, in all honestly, she really didn’t know what to do. What was there to do? She was never going to see her dad again, no one was. Remus couldn’t, James couldn’t, Sirius and Peter couldn’t. He was gone forever all because of one little mistake. She hadn’t seen him for three years and, every time she thought about him, she would hope for him to come back to England so she and Remus could go and finally rejoin the last member of their real family. Now that was never going to happen. Why was life so unfair? It didn’t make sense to her why the bad guy could live but the good guy could die, who made up these twisted rules? She didn’t know who did, and she didn’t care either, all she knew was that whoever made up the rules had just taken away the one person who meant the most to her, and she was never going to get him back.
“Hey,” came Sirius’s voice from beside her.
She turned her head to see Sirius walking over to her. She slid over on the bench to make room for him and said, “Hi.”
“I was just talking to Remus,” Sirius continued quietly. “He’s doing okay, or at least that’s what he says. So I thought I’d see how you were.” He looked at her expectantly, waiting for an answer.
“Oh… yeah I’m fine, just great.”
Sirius narrowed his eyes at her, seeing right through her lie. He could tell by the look in her eyes and the tone in her voice. If she was anything at all, it wasn’t fine. He sighed and turned to face her.
“No you’re not,” he said. “Come on, talk to me. If you can’t tell your brother or me about how you’re feeling who can you tell?”
“It’s just… oh I don’t know… I don’t know what to think,” she stammered, struggling to keep her voice in check, trying not to cry like she wanted to. “My dad’s dead! How do you think I feel? I feel so rotten and horrible. What’re Remus and I supposed to do? Our dad’s gone forever and we can’t get him back. I just don’t know what to do… Every good thing that’s been in my life just goes and leaves. Remus used to have a normal life before that stupid werewolf bit him. My mum left us. Now my dad dies. Everything good just disappears. It just keeps happening. What if I lose you guys too? What if you, Remus, James, Peter and Lily just disappear too?”
She took a deep breath and rubbed her stinging eyes, knowing that Sirius saw she was on the verge of hysteria, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care about anything anymore. All she cared about was her dad, her dead dad who she was never going to see until she, herself, died. That only meant that it was going to be a long time before she saw him again, and truth be told, she didn’t want to wait… but she knew she had to.
“Come on,” said Sirius, his voice softening a little. “You and your brother are going to be fine… You’ve been through other bad stuff and you’ve gotten through it. You just have to wait this one out. I can’t say I know how you feel, but I know you’re not going to feel better anytime soon… But don’t worry, we’re not going anywhere, we’ll always be there for you. And look, if you feel like crying, don’t be embarrassed.”
But Rachael didn’t need Sirius to tell her that. She just let it all out, every last one of her horrible feelings poured out. Sirius looked down at her sympathetically, putting his arm around her and patting her comfortingly on the back. He listened patiently to his friend’s sobs, not bothering to stop her. He knew this was something she had to get out now more than later.
“It’s okay,” he whispered consolingly. “Everything’s going to be alright. You’re gonna be fine…”
“We finally found you,” said James an hour later.
Sirius looked up to see James and Remus walking towards him. Rachael had fallen asleep and Sirius, not wanting to wake her, hadn’t move. His friends found him staring lazily into space. Remus took a seat on the bench and James stood in front of it, looking down at Remus.
“We weren’t looking for you the whole time,” said Remus, explaining that James was exaggerating. “We were with Peter for a while before he had to leave, then we came looking for you.”
Sirius nodded. “So… how’re you feeling?”
“Fine,” Remus answered quickly, not wanting to bother Sirius about how he really felt. He had probably heard the same from his sister already; there was no need for him to hear it again. “After the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow me and my sister have to go with Dumbledore to the hearing of our dad’s will… That should be fun…”
“I forgot about the Hogsmeade trip. You guys are going?”
“It’s better than sitting around the castle thinking about the hearing. Besides, we haven’t been to Hogsmeade since Valentine’s Day.” Remus sighed and stood up, gesturing to Sirius to wake his sister up. “Dumbledore wanted us to get back to the castle soon. We shouldn’t make him wait any longer than he has to.”
It only took Sirius a matter of minutes to wake her up. She groggily sat up and looked around, realising that they were still in the cemetery.
“We’re still here?” she asked sleepily.
Remus nodded and held out a hand to help her up.
“But we’ve gotta go,” he said. “Come on.”
Remus led the way through the grove of trees, with a quick wave back to James and Sirius. They turned to look at his father’s grave on last time. He and his sister agreed on only going to see it on Christmas and his birthday, knowing that their dad wouldn’t want them dwelling on his death too much. So Remus needed to get one more look at it before they left.
1927-1975
Respected professor, master of potions, and loving father of two
A man to never be forgotten