Harry's Real Feelings
Harry woke from his nightmare with a start, panting and still saying his godfather's name over and over. He was sweating profusely, and was irritated that the dream had come once again. Ever since that fateful night, he had been having the same nightmare nearly every night, plaguing his dreams, taking away his sleep. The same dream always came, forcing him to relive the truth of his mistake night after night.
With shaking fingers, Harry put his glasses on his face and looked over at the alarm clock on his nightstand. It read 10 o'clock. The guard members were coming to get him in about nine hours. Nine long and treacherous hours. Harry sighed, feeling irritated. He wished he was a normal 16-year-old boy. Then he wouldn't have to worry about Voldemort, or Sirius, or anything except what he was going to do for the day.
Harry got out of bed and went to his school trunk, intent on finding something to take his mind off of his nightmares. He grabbed the first book that he found, his Charms book, and pulled it out, trying to remember what pages he wanted to read. It didn't matter that he didn't know if he was in Flitwick's NEWT level class--it couldn't hurt to read a few pages about Cheering charms--he knew that he definately needed a strong one.
Harry absently flipped through the pages of his Charms book, trying to find the right one, and he found himself utterly unable to conduct this simple task. Frustrated, Harry tossed the book back into his trunk. It wouldn't matter if he did it now or not; no one would find out how many OWLs they got for a few more days. Harry could just imagine Hermione's reaction when she recieved her 12 OWLs. He was sure that she worrying about it at this moment. He could imagine her panicking about whether or not she answered question 53 right on the Charms test. That was Hermione for you.
For the rest of the day, Harry grew more and more restless. At noon, he began counting down the hours until the Advance Guard would come to take him away from Privet Drive forever. Harry was sure that Tonks hadn't sent the Dursleys a fake letter again, because they hadn't mentioned anything about leaving to go any place tonight. Not that they would talk to Harry voluntarily anyway.
Finally, at 7 o'clock, Harry dragged his trunk downstairs to the front hall, carrying his beloved Firebolt in one hand. The Dursleys were just sitting down to dinner. As usual, none of them said a word to Harry. Silently, Harry sat on the stairs and watched the door, waiting. After 15 minutes of this, there was a loud, raspy knock. Before Harry could answer it, Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody pushed the door wide open and stepped in, followed closely by Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin.
"Wotcher, Harry! Is that all your stuff?" asked a smiling Tonks, whose hair was a brilliant green color that perfectly matched Harry's eyes. Harry felt a grin tugging at his face and looked in the dining room at the Dursleys, who had stopped eating and looking warily at the three wizards standing in their immaculately clean house. Tonks, seeing Aunt Petunia's disdainful look at her hair color, screwed up her face in concentration and changed her hair to a rich brown color, and she lengthened it to mid-back.
"Better?" she asked Petunia warily. If the Dursleys were scared before, they were now terrified. Laughing silently to himself, Harry nodded at her question and Moody levitated his school trunk with a flick of his wand as he muttered
"Locomotor trunk!"
Mumbling a quick good-bye to the Dursleys, Harry grabbed his broom and waited while Moody put the disillusionment charm on him once again. Harry felt the familiar sensation on his head and neck as the charm took effect.
Harry began to feel genuinely happy as the foursome left the safety of the house, mounted their brooms, and flew high up into the sky. Moody led the way once again, and Harry thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of being on a broomstick for the first time in nearly nine months. As the wind ruffled his hair, Harry thoughts strayed once again to Ginny Weasley. Tonks seemed to sense his slight discomfort and said quietly, "What's on your mind, Harry? It wouldn't have anything to do with a particular letter from a certain Weasley girl, would it?"
Harry was glad that she couldn't see him, because he was sure that he was blushing crimson. Stuttering slightly, he answered, "Y-Y-Yes. How did you know she wrote to me?"
"Well, because Hermione and Ron have been--well, you know, she's been feeling kind of lonely lately. We both know that she won't confide in her mother, so I was the closest thing she had to a friend. She told me all about the letter, but she was terrified she made a mistake when she wrote it. She got up the nerve at the last moment to write "love," and after she sent it, she was terrified about what you would think of her. Harry, what did you feel when you read that letter?" she asked, concerned.
Harry was surprised at Ginny's behavior. Usually when she made up her mind, she had no regrets. Reflecting on Tonks' question, Harry thought about it. What had he felt?
"Well, I was really surprised to hear from her. She's the only girl who's written to me that hasn't been Hermione. It was odd, but comforting to think that she cared. When I wrote back to her, I wrote it too." said Harry, trying to get the words out. His tongue felt thick in his mouth and his throat felt dry. Tonks beamed with pleasure and looked relieved.
"So, Harry, do you love Ginny?" she asked seriously after a long silence.
"Tonks, that's the part that mystifies me. See, I haven't ever really thought about Ginny that way, I've always had a crush on this other girl. But that girl doesn't like me. But I'm still not entirely sure whether I like Ginny as much as I think I do. I really need to sort out my feelings, because I know that I really like Ginny. She's a great friend, and someone I can confide in and be myself around. I'm just not sure I love her, which makes me feel like a git. I don't blame her if she got tired of waiting and changed her mind about how she feels about me. I just hope that her mind wasn't totally made up." said Harry carefully. Tonks looked over at him, her eyes glittering with happiness.
"Harry, I think you've just made up your mind. You just said that you love Ginny. I think you just don't know if she shares your feelings. Harry, you need to tell her what you feel. If you don't, you could lose her forever. Chances like these don't happen twice, Harry. Well, you know Mad-Eye as well as I do, and it looks as if he's heading towards some clouds." Tonks laughed. Harry looked ahead at Moody and grinned at her, but knew that she couldn't see him.
"OY! MAD-EYE! Sorry, but no clouds! We're nearly there!" Tonks yelled to Moody, who turned and looked at her with a grunt of disapproval. Harry and Tonks just laughed. Lupin had flown ahead of them to talk to Mad-Eye.
For the rest of the ride, Harry felt light, as if he were walking--well, flying-- on air. When they finally arrived to 12 Grimmauld place, Harry felt nervous. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell Ginny how he felt, but he knew that he had to do it. Tonks opened the door, and they all stepped inside the dimly lit hallway quickly.
Ginny was there, and she immediately took everyone's cloaks and dutifully hung them in the hall closet. Harry tried not to be rude and goggle, but she looked so enchantingly beautiful, he kept wondering when she had grown up.
Her hair had grown long, it was nearly half-way down her back. She no longer had the body of a twelve-year-old, but one of a mature young woman. Harry couldn't help but look at her, and he tried his best to not to stare openly. He knew just as well as the next person (excluding Ron) that getting on Ginny's bad side was an extremely stupid choice.
Tonks poked him in the back hard, and he grinned at her nervously. Quickly, Tonks stepped in and said from behind him, "Ginny, why don't the two of you carry Harry's trunk up to his room? It's rather heavy."
Both of them nodded and Harry took one end while Ginny took the other. As the two of them started up the stairs, Harry looked back and Tonks was smiling at them. At the top of the stairs, just out of the sight of the adults, Ginny stopped abruptly and dropped the trunk, pulling her wand out of her robes and pointing it at him.
"Potter, if you didn't mean what you wrote to me, believe that I will find out. And when I do, I will curse you to high heaven, come what may." she said threateningly. Harry gulped and mumbled, "I meant what I wrote."
She obviously didn't hear what he had said, because she asked, wand still outstretched, "What was that, Potter?"
"I said I meant what I wrote." he repeated. He watched as her face blushed crimson, and felt his own grow hot. He felt so stupid, because he didn't know what to do next. Ginny grabbed him and gave him a hug, and he hugged back, breathing in the sweet scent of her shampoo.
Suddenly, she gasped. Harry turned around, startled, to see Ron and Hermione standing behind them, his face as red as his hair and a happy smile playing lightly on Hermione's lips.
"Well, if you want to snog, don't let me stop you! Hermione said you two've been writing, but I didn't know it was this serious!" Ron hissed angrily. Hermione slapped his arm, and his tone changed abruptly.
"Ahh...d-d-did you think I was serious, Harry? Why is it that whenever I'm joking, people think I'm serious, but when I'm serious, they think I'm joking?" Ron asked, laughing nervously. Harry knew that Ron was just kidding around with him, but he didn't want to anger him further.
"Nice to see you too, Ron. And I know you two have been, erm, "talking" a lot lately, as I wrote in my letter to the both of you. Er, do you two mind if Ginny and I have a little private time?" he asked. He really needed to talk to Ginny, and the sooner, the better.
Ron gave a knowing look before saying, "Sure, mate. Just don't do anything you wouldn't want me to know about. Hermione and I will go into the girls' room and you can go to ours, since you have to take your stuff in there anyways. C'mon, Hermione, I need to tell you something, erm, really important." As he grasped Hermione's arm, Harry noticed that his ears were turning red.
Ginny and Harry sniggered as Ron and Hermione walked away, and they took Harry's heavy trunk to its prospective place. Sitting on his bed, Harry didn't know what to say to Ginny, who sat down across from him on Ron's bed.
"Harry, I want to tell you something, and you have to promise to listen and not interrupt," said Ginny patiently, moving over to sit next to Harry.
Harry nodded, and said, "Of course I'll listen. You don't have to worry about me being as bad as Ron." Ginny laughed, then turned serious once again.
"Okay, as long as you promise. Harry, I know you've known for a long time that I have feelings for you. I also know that Hermione told you last summer that I had given up. That wasn't true--I decided that I didn't want to wait around for forever, so I told Hermione that. She promised not to tell you the truth. So, last year, I went out with Micheal and Dean, trying to forget. But Harry, I just couldn't do it. Last week, I broke things off with Dean. We never really hit it off, and I think he got the feeling that I didn't like him so much, and he was right Harry. I realized that I like you more than even I thought. think that Hermione sensed how I felt, because she was always hinting around that things were going to be over between you and Cho, that I should think about saying something to you. But I knew that you weren't ready to be with me. If you had been ready, you would have realized it long ago."
Harry finally put it all together. With sudden appreciation for Ginny, Harry pulled her close and kissed her, long and sweet. Pulling away, he saw tears in her eyes. Laughing, he said, "I'm not that bad of a kisser, am I?"
Laughing and crying at the same time, she said, "Of course not, Harry. But we can't take things too fast, you know. I want to be able to stay friends, so let's not jump into things."
"I know, Ginny. I won't screw this up, I promise." he said.
Embracing her once again, Harry remembered the one thing standing in his way--the prophecy. And he had to tell her about it.
"Ginny, I need to tell you something important. It affects both of us, as well as Hermione and Ron. You stay here and I'll go and get them to join us. It's really important for you to know everything."