Chapter 5 A day with the Potter bunch “ PART B
A/N: I think this disappeared somehow after I submitted it so it took a while
***
Completely creeped out by the fact that his father was enjoying Irish-dancing in Azkaban, Draco carefully tucked the mirror into the pocket of his robes. “Come on, we’d better catch up to them.”
“But what’ll we do when they ask us where we were?” Vince blurted out an illiteration.
“We’ll tell them we were trying on Dobby’s tea cozy,” Greg joked. The other two glared at him.
“Don’t mention the D word before me,” Draco said darkly. “Really, Gregory, you should know better…that stinky old creature broke my mum’s heart when he got freed…he was the only person she would trust with her silk blouses.”
“To iron or to wear?” Vince asked, quoting a scene from a muggle TV show, Full House.
“To IRON!” Draco snapped. “Now, I have the perfect plan. I need…a Time Turner,” he said loudly, and immediately spotted one near his hand.
“What’s a Time Turner?” Vince asked.
“It turns time, duh!” Draco snapped. “Now, we’ll just go back…five minutes, and that should be right when we were still walking the hallway with the three of them.”
He motioned for the other two to come near. It was very hard to fit the slim chain around all three of their necks, since Vince and Greg had necks the size of elephant legs, but finally they were back in time.
“What the…” the three of them heard Harry’s voice in the hallway. Then Ron’s. “Bloody hell! Where’d the three of them go?” and then Hermione’s, calling, “Come out, you three! Come out!”
Smirking at each other, they quickly caught up to the Gryffindors. “We’re here,” Draco drawled, immensely amused that the three Gryffindors spun around so quickly that they resembled Taz the Tasmanian Devil’s tornado.
“That was NOT funny, Malfoy!” Hermione Granger said loudly, staring at them with dislike.
“Oh, no,” Draco said cheerfully. “Vince here had…er…dropped something, so we went back to pick it up.”
Suddenly, he could hear sounds in The Room. Knowing that his past selves would be coming out in a couple of moments, he hastily ended the conversation. “Now, weren’t we going to the library? Now, come on, let’s move it, people.”
Hermione gave him one last suspicious look, and they set off for the library.
***
“Okay, I don’t know about you two, but I cannot stand this,” Hermione said desperately as she, Harry and Ron gathered in the Improper Use of Unicorns section of the library for a secret meeting. “Having Malfoy and those two thugs follow you around all day…it’s a pain in the neck!”
“Blimey, I hate it even more than you do, Hermione,” Ron said angrily. “And that Crabbe teased me all day about having a pet spork named Sporky (for explanation, see padfootgrim’s Insert Hilarious and Witty Title Here)!”
“Too much muggle fanfiction,” Hermione said, sniffing disapprovingly.
“What are we going to do?” Harry asked.
And suddenly a light came into Hermione’s eyes. Her face took on a mischievious grin. “I’ve got it!”
“Let’s hear it!” Ron said enthusiastically.
“I just remembered,” Hermione said breathlessly. “Professor Royal told them to do anything we tell them to. That means…”
“They have to do everything we tell them to!” Harry concluded.
“Exactly,” Hermione smiled wickedly. “Let’s put our heads together and brainstorm.”
***
“Turn out your pockets,” Hermione commanded as she, Harry and Ron came out from behind a bookcase.
Draco, Vince and Greg all looked rather taken aback. “What did you say, Hermione?” Draco snarled. (ugh, I cannot believe I have to call her HERMIONE!)
“I said, turn out your pockets,” Hermione said, looking obviously amused.
“And why should we do that?” Draco hissed in outrage.
“Well,” Hermione said airily, sitting down opposite them on a couch. “Your Professor Royal told you to do whatever we tell you, didn’t she?”
“How did you know?” Draco asked, his worst fear confirmed.
“Oh, it was on that contract we signed, remember?” It was Hermione’s turn to smirk. “And I believe Professor Royal said that to you in class. Now, turn out your pockets.”
Grudgingly, Draco reached into his robes and drew out the mirror. He saw, with a little bit of surprise, that Potter suddenly looked rather uncomfortable. He handed it to Hermione, who looked at it with interest.
“Hmm…there’s people in here,” she said, peering into the mirror. “Some sort of Dark Arts object, Malfoy?”
“No,” he snapped at her. “Don’t take too long with it.”
“Hmm…wow, fascinating!” Hermione suddenly breathed.
Despite how much he hated Hermione at that particular moment, Draco sprang from his couch to see the mirror. He groaned silently. There was his father in Azkaban, wearing some sort of ugly checkered skirt, a tight vest, and shiny black platform shoes. Beside him was Bellatrix Lestrange, her hair gleaming an energetic orange-and-yellow. They were tapping to the beat of Irish music.
The three Gryffindors nearly choked. “Y-your f-father must be really enjoying himself, Malfoy!” Harry was gasping for air. Ron, on the other hand, was twisting violently on the floor, laughing at the volume of approximately 100 decibels. Hermione’s face was red as she suppressed giggles and finally let them out.
“Man, this is better than seeing Voldemort perform with N’SYNC wearing a pink bikini,” Harry commented once he had stopped laughing and was clutching his stomach.
Draco grimaced slightly when he heard Harry mention the Dark Lord’s name. “My father…” he began, but Hermione’s voice drowned out his, shrieking, “Oh, look!”
The instructor, a dementor with a green Leprechaun coat, waved for silence, and the dancers stopped tapping. “Good work, everyone,” he said in a surprisingly deep voice. “I’ll see you next time. Remember, there’s a new Italian café that was just opened in cell #22, open 17 hours a day. Serves excellent pasta if you want to go try it. Bye.”
The prisoners flooded out of the cell. “This is simply wonderful, Luce,” Bellatrix said to Lucius as they set off for the Italian café. “I mean, the last time I was in here, I almost starved to death and had to endure the tedious gossipings of two volunteer dementors, AND I was the object of some sort of torture device experiment that didn’t work. But this place is all reformed! It’s like the Renaissance or something!”
“I know, Bella!” Lucius agreed. “This is practically a spa. I mean, there’s grooming, there’s beauty parlors, there’s restaurants, exercise gyms, boogie-woogie dance clubs, and so many other things! We should turn this place into a tourist attraction.”
“Oh, I simply ADORE those Muggle men in polyester shirts,” Bellatrix gasped. “They have such great taste in shirts. Do you think we should speak to the Head Dementor about advertising this place?”
“Absolutely, Bella!” Lucius said enthusiastically. “Let’s call him after we have some of that delicious Italian spaghetti. Déjà vu!”
“Luce?”
“Hmm?”
“Please don’t use that word again.”
***
“Welcome,” whispered Professor Trelawney. “Tonight, I will deduce the mysteries of your future in the arvalenence of my erbuqirp.”
“Is that even a word?” Harry asked Hermione under his breath.’
“No,” Hermione whispered back. “But who cares? We’re getting her to torture the Slytherins.”
And indeed they were. Professor Trelawney, being her loving, caring and generous self, had readily agreed to tell the fortune of Draco, Vince and Greg that night. The three Slytherins were absolutely appalled by the command, but as Professor Royal ordered them to obey the Gryffindors, they had no choice but to slump into Trelawney’s classroom and sprawled themselves onto the cushions.
“No, my dears, you will not be sitting there tonight,” Trelawney said, exercising her vocabulary of made-up words. “I will deduce your trebarks better in my office.”
“Office?” all six of them were confused. “You have an office?”
“Yes, I do,” she said, a little impatient. “Now come! My recharnorp will not last long.”
They followed her into her so-called office. Nothing was in it except some wine red drapes and a round wooden table, surrounded by a couple of wooden chairs.
“This is where I do my fortune-telling,” Trelawney said, waving her hands. “Oh, and…”
She was interrupted by a can-can that erupted from her waist. They then saw with shock that she drew a cellphone out of her pocket and turned it on. “Hola! Es Sybil. No, lo siento. Tengo poco estudiantes. Vale. Vale.”
She hung up, aware of everyone gaping at her. “What?” she exclaimed.
“You have no idea how much I don’t want to be here right now,” Draco said, shaking his head.
“Well…let’s begin,” Trelawney said, going back to her low, mystic tone. “Sit down.”
They all scrambled to get the farthest chair from Trelawney. Finally, an unwilling Draco found himself next to her.
“Ah, so you wish to go first,” Trelawney said.
(No, no, no.)
Instead, Draco kept his mouth shut.
“Give me your palm…”
(Euugh, she’s touching my hand…she’s touching my hand…I wonder if she’s pure-blood. Well, she’d better be pureblood if she’s touching my hand!)
“Let me see…”
(I wonder if that gold ring is real…looks about 18K to me.)
“Ah…mm…hmm…ah…mm…hmm…ah…mm…hmm…”
(She’s mumbling in a strange bizzaro kind of pattern!)
“Very interesting…”
(*singsong* Trelawney needs to get a life, Trelawney needs to get a life…)
“Let the rains fall down and wash away my sanity…” Trelawney was now singing under her breath.
(I’d say the rains have done a pretty job.)
“…skater boi, I’ll see you later boi…”
(Avril Lasagna?!)
“Love me tender…love me sweet…never let me go…”
(*sweating* how did she know about the Death Eaters Interest Club Song?)
The thoughts of the others:
Harry: I’m too bored to have thoughts right now.
Hermione: *imitating Trelawney* I see pain in your future…death…grave danger…a fat wife and a trailer park…
Ron: Love me tender…love me sweet….Hermione.
Vince: Trelawney’s not half bad at singing…is she a tenor?
Greg: I wanna be next. I think Professor Trelawney is amazing! She can predict so many things, and she is the coolest professor ever!
Vince: *rolls eyes* I think someone needs shock therapy…
Ron: Love me tender…love me sweet…mmm, steak!
Harry: I’m still too bored to have thoughts right now.
Greg: I should become a fashion designer and make Trelawney For President T-shirts!
Hermione: Why in the world is Trelawney singing Muggle songs?
“Baby don’t go breakin’ my heart…” Trelawney began another song. “Take it, Draco!”
Reluctantly, Draco opened his mouth. “I couldn’t if I tried.” He said at a B-flat level.
“Oh, come on, be happy!” Trelawney exclaimed. “Be hyper! Would you like some sugar and coffee?”
“No thanks,” Draco said dully. “Look, will you just take a look at my hand and tell me my future?”
“Fine,” sniffed Trelawney. She grabbed Draco’s hand and pinched it, making him wince with pain. “I see pain in your future…death…grave danger…a fat wife and a trailer park…”
Just then, a French maid appeared at the door. “Mademoiselle Trelawney, your shrimp gelatin is ready,” se said in a heavy accent. “And Once Upon a Millennium is on. Margaret is breaking up with John in today’s episode.”
“Ooh! My soap! My shrimp! My GELATIN!” Trelawney squealed, and she was out of the room in a nanosecond.
“Well, that was fun,” Draco said sarcastically.
Greg was sorely disappointed that he didn’t get a turn with Trelawney, but quieted down after the rest assured him hastily that he could always make another appointment with her. They walked downstairs to eat dinner. And then, when dinner was over, Professor Royal hurried toward them. “Your day is over,” she said. “You may go back to your own common rooms now.”
Draco turned to Harry. “Well, today wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” he admitted reluctantly. “I had some fun…and…well.”
“Yeah…” Harry said slowly. “Well…this is it.”
“Good night,” Hermione said uncertainly. Ron nodded from beside her.
They then turned around and began heading to their own common rooms. Draco suddenly heard Harry calling behind him. “Hey! Uh…Malfoy! Crabbe! Goyle!”
“Yeah?” they turned around.
“You guys…could come hang out with us in the Gryffindor common room,” Harry said.
Draco smiled slightly. “That would be good,” he said slowly. “Come on, guys. Let’s play a rousing round of POKER!”
“You’ll write us, right?” Harry asked as they walked side by side down the hallway.
“Not a chance.”
A/N: this is really, really random....but the other day (12/11 to be exact) I met a guy whose name was Mark Evans.