"But Hermione, why would you want to stay?" Ron asked for what seemed to be the tenth time today.
"I told you," Hermione began, somewhat edgily, "I have to if I want to be able to go to the university."
"Couldn't you possibly come for just a couple of days, then? Maybe for Christmas?" Ron demanded.
Hermione looked up from her Charms essay, knowing why he was being so insistent. She appreciated his concern and did not want to give him another reason to nag at her.
"Yes, I suppose I could," she said at last just to please him.
"Great! I'll go owl Mum now. She'll be so pleased," Ron said practically bouncing in his seat. He quickly scribbled a note to Mrs. Weasley, planted a sweet kiss on her cheek and left the common room.
Hermione stared after him, amused, wondering how he could be so mature and intense and yet so childish at times. Ron was the only one who still possessed that childlike innocence that she cherished so much. The war had destroyed that special quality in many of her friends. Everyone had changed so much in the last two months, but no one more than Harry.
And just like that, as if her thoughts had conjured him, Harry emerged from the stairs leading to the boys' dormitories. He looked around, and spotting Hermione, made a beeline for her.
"Hey," he said, collapsing on to a chair next to her, rubbing his eyes.
"Hey, sleepyhead," she smiled at him. "It's almost lunchtime."
He didn't look surprised at her announcement.
"Great, I'm starving," he groaned.
"You and Ginny got in pretty late last night," she grinned a bit.
Harry went a brilliant shade of red at this.
"Well...you know....I..." he stuttered. "Where's Ron?" he said abruptly, changing the subject. She burst out laughing at this, feeling like it was the first time in years, before answering him.
"Owlery, he's sending Mrs. Weasley a letter letting her know there'll be one more person for her to feed at Christmas dinner," Hermione answered, straightening the roll of parchment in front of her.
"So you're coming to the Burrow for the Holidays then?" he asked hopefully.
"Yeah, Ron finally convinced me. I'll be there for Christmas."
"That's wonderful! You could do with a few days off. You're working too hard, Hermione," Harry said, eyeing her closely.
"I'm not working any harder than usual. Besides, how am I supposed to qualify to be a Healer if I give up studying now?" she said briskly, arranging the numerous books on the table, not quite meeting his eyes.
"No one's telling you to stop studying all together," he argued with her. "You just need to relax." When she didn't respond, he softly said, "I'm really glad you'll be with us on Christmas."
"Yes, me too," she smiled at him.
After a pause he said, "So, everything is set, isn't it? I mean--- at home?"
The atmosphere around them got grim almost at once. Hermione felt a pang somewhere in her heart at these words. She knew what it must have cost Harry to bring it up with the two month anniversary approaching. They had not really gotten over it; no one had for that matter.
"Yes," she said, absently fingering the chain around her neck. "The house is finally cleaned out. Practically everything is out, and their practice is sold. I don't know what I would have done without Professors McGonagall and Snape. They took care of the legal procedures so all I really had to do was figure out what to do with the house," she said, trying to stay in control.
"So you're keeping it then?"
"I have to, don't I? I owe it to them. Mum and Dad had it specially built when I was born. They loved it," she said heavily.
Harry took her in his arms.
"I’m sorry," he whispered softly into her hair. "I'm so sorry. If I hadn't you made you stay maybe..." his voice trailed off, leaving a painful silence it its wake. Hermione felt him shaking.
"It's not your fault. You did what you thought best. I don't blame you, you know that," she said firmly.
"You could have held the Death Eaters off. I was selfish. All this time I've been running from it, but the truth is I wanted you and Ron with me if something happened. I had already lost Sirius because of my stupidity, and I wasn't going to take a chance with either of you."
"Harry---" she began, but he cut across her.
"How can you stand to be around me? It's all my fault. It's my ruddy fault that you have no parents, Hermione. It's my fault that Charlie, Percy, and Sirius are gone," he spat bitterly, pulling away from her. "I thought he would give up when he saw Dumbledore; I figured we were all safe, but I was wrong." He was pacing in front of the fire, breathing hard.
Hermione kept quiet and let him talk. Honestly, she had no words of comfort for Harry, because she was hurting as well, so much more than him. Surprisingly, Ron was the one who was good at comforting in times like this, when both she and Harry were down. Ron had matured alarmingly fast in the past few months. They all had because of recent events. She vaguely remembered in their fifth year sneering at Ron for not being able to understand her complex feelings. Now, it seemed he was the most perceptive one in their trio. Funny how things work out, she thought idly.
"You know, in a way I'm no better than Voldemort was," Harry continued in a hard voice. "We both caused so much death and destruction. He was right."
"Harry, what are you talking about?" Hermione demanded.
"In the Chamber of Secrets, he--he said we were the same, alike, and I didn't believe him then. I thought that being a Gryffindor made a difference, but it didn't. Strong, courageous, and heroic Gryffindor, indeed," he said, sneering. "I couldn't even save my best friend's parents. War brings out the best in some and the worst in others," he said sagely. “I came off looking like a selfish coward in front of the people I care most about," he finished, staring into the fire. The reflection from the fiery embers bounced onto his emerald eyes making them glow. They were filled with sadness and anger. Harry stood still, blinking rapidly. Hermione stood and went over to him
"It's not your fault," she said softly, making him look into her face. "You did not make me stay; I chose to on my own. Even if I had been there, what chance did I have? Those Death Eaters overcame both Tonks and Lupin. Me staying here means I was a part of ridding the world of Voldemort. I'm so proud to say that I fought side by side with Harry Potter. I'm so proud of you, Harry; we all are. No one thinks of you as anything other than a hero. You're so very different than Voldemort. You're brave, loyal, and GOOD. Don't ever compare yourself to him," she said to to him, desperate to make him understand. A few tears fell down Harry's cheek when he heard this, and he broke down completely.
He pulled her into his arms again and held her. They stood there quietly, softly crying. No one paid them much attention. Everyone was still grieving in their own ways.
A few moments later, Hermione felt another pair of arms wrap around Harry and herself. She opened her eyes and saw the trademark Weasley hair.
"I'm sorry," Ron whispered. She did not know whom he was addressing, nor did she care. She simply let herself be held by her two best friends. The hole in her heart where her parents had been had never seemed bigger.