After two months, Hermione still remembered everything leading up to that day as though it were yesterday. This as well as the guilt she was feeling was almost unbearable. Her hand automatically went to the chain around her neck, and her fingers touched the pendant as the memories came flooding back...
~Flashback~
Hermione woke up one beautiful October morning with an unexplainable ominous feeling. Her heart felt heavy, and she could not concentrate on anything. However, she went about her business as usual; attending classes, answering questions, and doing homework. Though everyone knew the final battle was approaching and that it was inevitable, things were as normal around Hogwarts as possible. The only thing that comforted all the students and parents was knowing that Albus Dumbledore was present, and as long as he was here, nothing could go wrong.
How wrong they had been. For by dinnertime, Hermione's feelings had intensified and abandoning all her level-headedness, she stormed into the headmaster's office, Harry and Professor McGonagall at her side, demanding him to let her see her parents. Harry, however, stepped in.
"What if this is a trick, like the one he pulled with Sirius?" he asked.
Hermione was skeptical, while Dumbledore agreed with him. Harry also made a fair point in saying that the safest place was wherever Dumbledore was, and that if Voldemort found out she was away from Hogwarts, then he would undoubtedly strike.
"Why take a risk, Hermione? Besides, if something has happened, Professor Dumbledore would know," he said.
"You have to stay, Hermione. You're important to the Order. You wouldn't leave now, would you, not when we all need you so much?" Harry asked after a long silence.
"Hermione, dear, don't fret yourself. No one is forcing you to stay here. We all just believe it is the safest choice," said Professor McGonagall, rubbing her comfortingly on the back and glaring at Harry. He missed it though, and went on as if she hadn't spoken.
"You know that Hogwarts is the only safe place for Muggleborns. You said so yourself that your parents wanted you to stay here," Harry reminded her.
Another deadly glare from Professor McGonagall, and he shut up.
Hermione looked up from Professor Dumbledore's desk, her heart beating furiously.
"Are you sure everything's all right?" she asked him.
"I spoke to Remus just this morning, Hermione," he said comfortingly. "Everything is fine. It would be best if you stayed here, my dear."
"I'll stay, sir," Hermione finally said quietly. "But will you let me know if something happens?"
"Of course, Hermione. There is no need to worry. Nymphadora and Remus are staying with them. Your parents will be fine," he said gently.
Hermione nodded and reluctantly left Dumbledore's office with Harry, bidding the two professors a good night.
She knew she should feel better after having talked to Dumbledore. But something inside of her was out-of-sorts. It really wasn't anything she could understand or explain, yet it was there, almost like a warning.
That night, she trudged off to her lonely Head Girl room, her body and senses remaining alert. It was almost as if she was expecting bad news, and her body, without her knowledge, was preparing to hear it.
A few days later, Hermione finally heard the news she had so nervously been waiting for.
Both her parents had been killed by Voldemort's Death Eaters.
~End Flashback~
NO!!!
Hermione sat up in bed, tangled in the sheets, her nightgown sticking to her sweaty body. No matter how many times she thought of that night, it was always as if it was the first time. And it was always the same.
How much more could her heart take? It was enough that she thought of her parents all day long, but now her nights were filled with memories as well. Who could she turn to? Everyone was gone doing their own thing. She would have gone to the Burrow as well, but she had to stay because of Professor Snape.
After Hogwarts, Hermione was planning on going to the Wizarding University in London to study to be a Healer. The university required recommendations from her teachers. So far, Professor Snape was the only one who had not written her one. She would be working as his assistant for a month to gain experience with working with potions.
In all honesty she was looking forward to working with him. He had been surprisingly nice, well nice for Professor Snape, during the war, despite his ongoing troubles working as a spy for Dumbledore. He had been there with Dumbledore when she found out her parents had been killed. He'd kept her safe, looking over her personally, making her safety a priority. He'd seen her at her best and at her worst, and yet she knew that he didn't think any less of her.
Many nights, she'd had gone to him privately, seeking his comfort and assurance, and he'd given it with no reservations. Some nights she would talk, and he would listen without interrupting, letting her talk herself hoarse. Some nights they would sit in silence, him grading papers and her doing her work. Somehow, with him she'd felt at ease and safe.
But now that the war was over, and things around Hogwarts were finally back to normal, she couldn't find a reason to go to him to just talk. He was to back his usual snarky self, demanding and harsh in class, and unapproachable everywhere else.
She remembered how nervous she'd been about going to see him to ask for his recommendation. He'd been cold and calculated but eventually gave in.
Her hand twisted the chain around her neck as her breathing eventually returned to normal. What good was it sitting in here feeling sorry for herself? She needed some fresh air, and perhaps that would help her sleep.
She got out of bed and threw on her dressing gown. Grabbing her wand, she walked out the private entrance to her room, heading up towards the hall leading to the Astronomy Tower. She often went there nowadays for peace and quiet.
"Lumos," she whispered. Her wand lit up at once brightly.
She cast a warming charm on herself and slowly made her way to the tower. The various portraits on the walls blinked and grumbled at the light from her wand. Being the Head Girl, she had more advantages than the normal students at Hogwarts.
She climbed the stairs leading to her destination, her heart starting to thump again. She stood at the window, staring out at the stars, bright and twinkling in the clear night. Normally, it would snow at Hogwarts at this time of the year, but so far, there had been none.
"Nox."
She sighed and leaned over the low wall, tears threatening to fall. Her hand played with the little gold star pendant her parents had presented her with when she got accepted at Hogwarts.
They had been such good people. Even though she had been their only child, they'd agreed to send her away to a place no one had ever heard of, no questions asked. For as long she could remember, she never could recall one time when they'd been anything but loving and caring to her.
She remembered fighting with them about the little things. They’d always made up, but she never really got a chance to apologize for her actions. Of course, her parents had always forgiven her, even though she never really asked them to. And then she’d gone off to Hogwarts and never gave it much thought until now.
Time ceased to exist as she rapidly drifted away in her thoughts, happy thoughts and happy memories of her life before Hogwarts with her parents. Coming to Hogwarts had changed her life completely. And though she hated to admit it, sometimes she wondered if it hadn't changed for the worse.
True, she had made best friends; true, she had learned things she thought only existed in fantasy; and true, she was actually famous for fighting with the famous Harry Potter in the last battle, but what good were all those things if she had no one to share them with?
Real family and best friends were completely different. No matter how many times she told herself that they were her family now, it didn't fill the gap in her heart, nor did it help ease the pain.
Nothing was the same anymore. Her lips lightly kissed the gold star. She tilted her head back and stared at the bright stars overhead. As a child, she remembered many nights standing at her bedroom window, staring at the stars and making wishes she so truly believed would come true.
Her eyes closed on their own accord, and the familiar words came from her mouth before she could even give a thought to how ridiculous she sounded, wishing on a star and expecting it to really happen.
“Star light, Star bright,
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.
I wish for someone, anyone, to take this pain away. Someone to hold me, love me, and comfort me.”
She was a brave Gryffindor and most importantly, she was Hermione Granger, the strongest and most intelligent student at Hogwarts. She'd taken on Lord Voldemort. There wasn't anything she couldn't face. So why was she hurting so much? It had been almost two months already, and she still couldn't get away from the memories of her parents.
Tears had started running unchecked down her cheeks. She slid down the wall and sat against it curled up into a little ball, feeling miserable.
The cool air caressed her face gently, drying her tears as it went by, but Hermione paid no attention. Deep in her thoughts, the peace lulled her into a state of silence and ease, and she slowly slipped away into sleep, never noticing that she was being watched all the while.