Professor Severus Snape stepped out of the shadows on the Astronomy Tower, never taking his eyes off the sleeping figure curled up against the wall. He moved stealthily, his boots thudding faintly on the floor. As he stood gazing down at Hermione, powerless to look away from her tear-stained face, his mind flew back six years.
Severus sat at the Head Table in the Great Hall, waiting for the Sorting Ceremony to begin when his eyes fell on a small, bushy-haired girl standing next to Harry Potter. She was staring up at the Sorting Hat, like the rest of the first years, her mouth slightly open, her eyes wide.
He watched in distaste as she eagerly ran up to the stool, when her name was called, and jammed the hat on her head, something telling him to keep an eye on this one.
So he did. Simple as that. Severus Snape had never done anything in his life without reason or meaning. Joining the Dark Lord had been his way to achieve power. And spying for Albus Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix later on was his only way to redeem himself for all the awful sins he had committed.
So he could not understand his fascination with this buck-toothed, annoying little Gryffindor. She was nothing extraordinary, if you took away her brilliant mind and her friendship with one of the most legendary wizards, Harry Potter.
Steadily, however, over the course of the years, she came to occupy a special place in his heart, a place that had been empty up until he met Hermione. She became something more than a mere student, more than an extraordinary witch that he had the pleasure of teaching.
Of course, in all the years she had been at Hogwarts, no one would have guessed that Professor Snape was captivated by a Gryffindor, THIS Gryffindor. He thought he put on quite a show, expressing hatred towards her and everything she stood for.
In a way, he did hate her. He hated her for being such a know-it-all and for associating with Potter. He hated for being a perfect little Gryffindor, and he hated for always making his Slytherins look bad in front of the other teachers. Most of all, he hated her for being so untouched, so pure, and she had no idea what she did to him.
He detested himself for having such immoral thoughts about a student. And even though he'd done some terrible things in the past, he couldn't bring himself to touch Hermione and befoul her.
So he kept her at bay, insulting her at every chance he got. It was really the only way he knew how to show that he had no interest in her whatsoever. What Severus didn't realize was that he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else.
As far as he was concerned, he had no emotions. No woman could bring out the compassion in him, not that he had such a side. His gifted mind was the only thing going for him. He wasn't a handsome man, not by a long shot, and he didn't know the first thing about winning a woman over.
Therefore, he had never cared much for one in his life. He had had his share during his time as a Death Eater, and most of those had ended as rapes. Besides that and the occasional visit to Hogsmeade looking for quick release, he'd never bothered paying much attention to any woman, especially a student.
Try as he might to stop it, his feelings came undone the night she was attacked in the Department of Mysteries. Dumbledore had brought her back to Hogwarts unconscious.
He remembered sitting at her bedside that night in the Infirmary, longing to touch her, his heart thudding madly, knowing he shouldn't be there. He'd been through so much shit over the years, and his heart couldn't handle losing Hermione as well.
In truth, Hermione wasn't his to lose, but he liked to think of her as belonging to him, all his, just like he was hers.
That summer, he saw her almost everyday. Perhaps it was then they came to have a unique bond between them. He watched her at every Order meeting, resolutely coming up with ideas to help in any way she could. He was amazed at her determination and perseverance. Even Molly Weasley had not been able to overrule her decision to join the Order. Dumbledore gave in, unwilling to keep anyone in the dark after Black's death.
Or perhaps it was the hours they spent slaving over a sweltering cauldron, brewing potion after potion, researching together to come with an answer to defeat the Dark Lord that brought them together. Of course, their relationship was strictly as one between a student and teacher, but all the same, they came to understand one another.
He never expressed his feelings for her. She was, after all, still barely a woman and his student. For the first time in his life, Severus experienced moral thoughts when it came to his needs as a man. She grew into a lovely young lady with a sweet face and beautiful doe eyes, and as the months went by, it became harder and harder to keep away from her.
Gradually though, once school started, they both fell into their old roles and grew apart. In the time they spent away from each other, the war raged on outside the solid walls of Hogwarts, and Severus kept up his job as a spy.
Her sixth year morphed into her final year at Hogwarts and still he kept away from her, knowing no good would come from confessing the truth to her. He knew he could just as easily die tomorrow, and what good was it to get emotionally involved with her? Besides, he knew she would shy away, being the proper young lady that she was.
How wrong he was. That year, the war reached the peak, taking many lives with it, Hermione's parents included. He'd been somewhat taken aback when she turned to him for comfort. Of course he'd given it, not knowing how to say no, really.
Many nights would find him pacing in his office, keenly listening for the timid knock. He'd often wondered what in the hell she was thinking, coming willingly to see the most detested professor at Hogwarts. At some point he even suspected a spell, but one look into those big brown eyes gave him all the reassurance he needed.
As much as he hated to acknowledge, it was comforting to have her with him. Her mere presence put him at ease. Some nights, after his regular meetings with Voldemort, he would come home to his gloomy dungeons, only to find Hermione sitting by his office, patiently waiting his return. He'd berated her countless times for being out after dark, particularly in the Slytherin part of the castle, and taken numerous points from her House, but she paid him no mind. Besides, Severus knew Dumbledore watched over her as well, so she was as safe as a person could be.
Innumerable times he even thought about inviting her into his rooms and offering her his many potions books, knowing she wouldn’t have said no. But he figured that would be going too far. In any case, she would stop coming to him after the initial shock of her parents' death set in.
And just as he'd suspected, the war ended, and she stopped talking to him. Not one friendly word had passed between them since then. He expected as much. How many disappointments had he had in his life? So this was just one more to add to the list.
Severus stared down his nose at Hermione, resenting himself for being there. He was just setting himself up for another heartache, really. She had no idea how much it hurt when she walked out, not even looking back to give thanks.
He'd been of half a mind to refuse flat out to give her a recommendation letter, but he could hardly do so when she'd been standing right under his nose, her chocolate eyes pleading with him silently.
She would be by his side for a month, working as his apprentice. It all truth, he was looking forward to teaching her potions that so greatly surpassed a normal seventh year's skills. It would be that much harder to stay away from her. She would run if she knew just what he thought of her.
It surprised him just how lonely she was. He could be the "someone" she'd wished for tonight. He'd comforted her before, and he could do it again. It hurt him that she would rather suffer alone than come to him.
But of course, it was impossible for Professor Snape to have any feelings; he thought bitterly, his lip curling.
She was a selfish little chit, walking out on him the minute she felt better. But she wasn't better. He knew that from listening to talk to the stars tonight. So why wouldn't she come to him? What had he done wrong? He supposed he could have made more of an effort to be a little nicer when he had the chance, but allowing her to come and talk to him was nice enough in his opinion.
He sighed deeply and kneeled in front of Hermione, not knowing what to do. He couldn't just leave her there; she would freeze. He should take her back to her room, if he could get the nerve up to touch her, that is.
When she shivered slightly, Severus made up his mind and moved to pick her up in his arms, praying that she wouldn't stir.
He smoothly scooped her up, shocked at how light she was, and quickly moved away from the drafty window. She automatically snuggled into his warmth, her nose burrowing into his chest. A delicate arm came up around his neck, and she clung to him tightly.
He walked carefully, as to not disturb the precious cargo in his arms. He somehow managed to get to the private entrance to her room without her waking and whispered some well-chosen words, and the wards came down.
He stepped through the door and moved across the room to gently drop her onto the bed. A small sigh escaped her lips when he tried to move his arm from under her head. Using magic, he removed her dressing gown and shoes off, relieved that she had on a modest nightgown underneath. He pulled the covers over her and stood staring down at her face, engraving it into his memory. He stared to his heart's content, knowing he could never again come this close to the sleeping angel.
A shaky finger came up and gently ran down the silken skin of her cheek. Hermione stirred at the touch, a small frown crossing her features.
Severus abruptly stepped back from the bed and left the room, not trusting himself to stay any longer. A quick look back at the door and then he was gone, not even realizing his angel had started crying in her sleep the moment he'd left her bedside, blindly reaching out for his touch.
Author's Note: I want to thank all you wonderful people for reviewing my story, and especially to one person who e-mailed me about updating. Unfortunately, they didn't leave their name, so if you're out there and reading this, thank you so much for being so nice and supportive. The next chapter should be up in a couple of weeks, as I have finals in college now. Thank you so much for being so patient. Peace and love to you all!!! ~Katy