“It’s official,” Lily announced the next morning as she breakfasted with the Marauders. Jocelyn had not come down from Gryffindor tower yet.
“What’s official?” asked James disinterestedly.
“Jocelyn and Hector,” Lily answered.
These three simple words produced a set of rather odd reactions from the Marauders. Remus set his goblet on the table with rather more force than he normally did, Peter let his fork clatter to the floor, James choked on a piece of bacon, and Sirius leapt to his feet, his face livid. Lily surveyed them all with a look that simultaneously displayed boredom and disgust.
“They’re not going out, or anything like that,” she assured them in response to their dumbstruck and angry faces, her tone matching her expression.
Sirius immediately sat again, his face stony. James was taking deep, steadying breaths.
“I simply meant I am officially sick of them,” Lily continued. “Every time we leave lessons we run into Hector. Jocelyn can’t study with me because she’s studying with Hector. And all I can ever get out of her nowadays is ‘Hector this,’ and ‘Hector that’. It’s driving me mad. You’d think he was the only person in the entire school. Sirius, you’re purple,” she added, catching sight of his face. “That can’t be healthy.”
Sirius’s face had, in fact, gone through a rapid succession of color changes before Lily had noticed.
“I’m fine,” he growled. “I’m fine. I’m “”
But just exactly what Sirius was they never found out, because both James and Remus chose that exact moment to leap to their feet and start shouting at him.
“This is all your fault!” Remus began angrily.
“If you had just listened to me!” James was yelling at the same time.
“If you didn’t spend all your time in that stupid flat “!”
“I told you “!”
“You’re always gone, it’s no wonder “!”
““ and this is all for a worm of person “!”
““ can’t you even spend one weekend “?”
““ is she worth this, is Bellatrix worth this “?”
“ENOUGH!” Sirius bellowed. He was on his feet, though he couldn’t remember ever standing.
James and Remus stopped and glared at him, their breathing heavy.
“Enough,” Sirius repeated, much more quietly. For a moment he looked around at all of them, and in that instant only Lily caught the flicker of pain that appeared in his eyes. Then, without another word, he turned on his heel and strode out of the Great Hall.
Every eye in the hall was now on Lily and the other three Marauders. James and Remus were glaring stonily at their plates, their fists clenching and unclenching. Peter was nervously avoiding everyone’s eyes. Lily, throughout the entire episode, had complacently continued to eat her toast. Now, however, she was gazing at the doors Sirius had exited through.
“Yes,” she said, so quietly no one else heard her words. “It’s official.”
The Marauders’ tempers, once only inflamed by Severus Snape and other unsavory Slytherins, were easily ignited in the weeks following their outburst in the Great Hall. Even Remus, who usually got on very well with everyone, was extremely tetchy. Lilac Brown, who kept a running tally of such things, counted no less than seven arguments between Sirius and James, and three between Sirius and Remus, in just one day alone. James in particular seemed to take an almost vindictive pleasure in reminding Sirius of his failure to keep Jocelyn at every opportunity.
“I’m thinking about starting a club,” he announced in Charms a few weeks later. He absentmindedly waved his wand, and accidentally transfigured his inkbottle into a teacup.
“Really?” said Lily uninterestedly, whose mood was also becoming fouler as the weeks progressed. “Would this be the I’m Failing Potions Club or the I Need to Pay More Attention in Charms Club?”
“How about the I Tutor My Girlfriend in Transfiguration Club?” James suggested pointedly.
Lily grinned and kissed him on the cheek.
“Point taken. So what is this club you’re thinking about starting?” she questioned.
“The I’m Sick of Hector Freemonte Club,” James declared, and Lily giggled.
“I’d join.”
“What about you, mate?” James questioned, looking over at Sirius.
Sirius was staring across the classroom at Jocelyn, who was sitting with Hector. As James addressed him he started.
“Wha “?”
“I said, ‘Do you want to join the I’m Sick of Hector Freemonte Club?’” James repeated. He sounded almost malicious.
Sirius didn’t answer. His gaze had strayed back to Jocelyn and Hector.
“What about the I’m Sick of Sirius Black Going Up to London Every Weekend to Plot Revenge Club?” said Remus very quietly, and so suddenly he made them all jump. He looked coldly at Sirius and continued, “I think that one would be a winner.”
“Lay off me, Moony,” growled Sirius.
“Lay off Bellatrix then,” Remus snapped uncharacteristically. “Can’t you even stay here one weekend, Sirius? Just one!”
“That’s one more weekend she’s alive, Moony!”
“It doesn’t make any difference, you’re not making progress, I know you’re not!” Remus cried angrily.
He had touched a nerve. Sirius leaped to his feet so fast he overturned his inkbottle. His eyes were blazing, and his wand was pointed straight at Remus’s heart.
“You don’t know what kind of progress I’m making!” he snarled.
“Well I know what kind of progress you’re not making!” Remus snapped, jerking his head in the direction of Jocelyn and Hector.
Sirius convulsively gripped his wand.
“What’s it to you?” he hissed angrily. “What business is it of yours? How does it affect you?”
“It affects me a great deal, Padfoot, as you’re proving at this very moment by your reaction to this conversation,” Remus answered evenly, his face stony.
“Shut up!” Sirius roared, and everyone in the class jumped. “SHUT “ UP!”
“Mr. Black, please!” squeaked Professor Flitwick in alarm, but Sirius wasn’t listening.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about! You’ve never had to deal with this! No one would ever give you the chance to deal with it!”
“Sirius!” said James warningly, placing a hand on the now very pale Remus’s shoulder and half-rising from his seat.
“Always the questions of trust and safety with you! Never letting anyone get close enough!”
“Sirius!” Jocelyn had gotten to her feet and was advancing toward him.
But Sirius was no longer aware of what he was doing. All he knew was that he wanted to shout and keep shouting, to hurt someone, to make someone feel even some small part of the agony within him.
“You’re even more ignorant than Peter here! You’re convinced that no one will have you because you’re ‘Too dangerous!’ Isn’t that what you’re always saying?”
“Sirius!” Jocelyn shouted.
“YOU DON’T HAVE A CLUE!” Sirius bellowed, no longer even really knowing who he was shouting at. “YOU DON’T HAVE A CLUE WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH!”
“SIRIUS!”
And, quite suddenly, her hands were cupping his face, pulling it downward so she could look him in the eyes.
“Sirius,” she said, quieter now, gentler, almost a whisper, “I love you.”
And without considering the fact that they were in a classroom full of students; without pausing to think that he had just been shouting; without even really being aware of what he was doing, Sirius kissed her. Her arms wound up around his neck of their own accord, her mouth opened, and she kissed him back. It meant nothing and everything all at once to Sirius, and he knew, somehow, that it meant nothing and everything to her, but he didn’t care, there was something so freeing about kissing her now. He felt the tears on his cheeks before he realized he was crying, tasted the salt on her lips before he knew she was as well. Finally, Sirius didn’t know after how long, they broke apart. Through his blurred vision he stared into her own watery eyes.
“I can’t do this, Jocelyn,” he whispered.
“I know,” she responded.
But before Sirius could answer a cough broke the silence, and suddenly they both became aware of the entire Charms class staring at them.
“Sorry, Professor,” said Jocelyn quickly. Then, without even bothering to collect her things, she rushed out of the classroom. This time, however, something had changed. This time Sirius was in hot pursuit.