“What d’you mean, ‘We can’t go after them?’” Lily demanded incredulously.
“Lils,” James explained, the patience in his voice obviously wearing thin, “I’ve already told you: We don’t know where they’re going.”
“So figure it out!” cried Lily, exasperated.
“How?” James challenged.
“I don’t know! You’re his best mates!” Lily pointed out. “You and Remus and “” she stopped very suddenly, looking around the dormitory. “Where’s Peter?”
“His mum fell ill yesterday; he went home the moment exams were finished,” answered Remus promptly. “Surely we told you that?”
“No, but you didn’t tell me you let Sirius march off to his death either, so that’s not really surprising,” answered Lily sarcastically.
James rolled his eyes.
“Come off it, Lils,” he sighed. “Sirius did not ‘march off to his death!’”
He might have been believable if he hadn’t looked at Remus for confirmation as he spoke. The truth was, James silently admitted to himself, he wasn’t entirely convinced that he would ever see Sirius alive again.
Lily was glaring at him.
“Your best mate is going to die,” she said quietly, her voice a deadly calm, “and you don’t even care.”
James’s face twitched, but when he spoke, his voice was as calm Lily’s.
“I care a lot more than you seem to think,” he told her.
“Then why aren’t you doing anything about it?” Lily growled.
Something inside James snapped. Everything he had wanted to say to Jocelyn, everything he had been suppressing for the past six weeks, everything came tumbling out of his mouth so quickly he was barely intelligible.
“You think I like sitting around like this, do you? You think I don’t want to be doing something? My best mate is going to die, don’t you get it? I’m never going to see him again! Or if I do, it won’t be him, just some mangled body that’s barely recognizable! You think I wouldn’t prevent that if I could? Because I would, but I can’t! I can’t!” he repeated, so upset he was shaking now. He felt as though he was drowning in his own helplessness; felt as Sirius must have felt the day he had started shouting in Charms class, like the world was slipping out of his grasp, out of control; like everything he’d ever held onto was crumbling beneath his fingertips. “And unless you can, stop harassing me about it! Because I can’t, I can’t think about it; I don’t want to think about what I’m going to find in the morning, the owl I’m getting at breakfast tomorrow, so just SHUT UP!” James was holding onto his bedpost now, shaking uncontrollably. He felt drained, scared, and … something else. Was he about to start crying?
Lily had gone extremely white.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her lip trembling.
“It’s not your fault,” said Remus abruptly. He, too, was extremely pale, but his voice was surprisingly strong. “Prongs, sit down!” he barked, as James’s hold on his bedpost loosened, and he slipped down several centimeters.
James obediently sat “ or, more accurately, collapsed “ on his bed. Remus’s face softened.
“Are you going to be all right?” he questioned, looking at his friend in concern.
James nodded, but seemed to be afraid to open his mouth. Perhaps this had something to do with the fact that he looked as though he was about to be violently sick.
“But Sirius and Jocelyn aren’t going to be all right, are they?” asked Lily quietly.
Remus turned to her, his hands spread out in front of him.
“Lils, what do you want us to do?” he questioned, his voice no longer as controlled as it had originally been. “If you have any information concerning their whereabouts, please, share it!”
“So we’re not going after them?”
“It was never an option!” Remus spat. “Sirius told us not go after him, and as I’ve already let him down on one count, I’m not about to let him down again!”
“But you’re going to let him die alone?”
Remus flinched, but when he spoke his voice was quite steady.
“Sirius’s life is out of my hands,” he said quietly. “Please don’t keep reminding me of that fact.” He turned away from her as he spoke. It sounded as though every word was causing him pain.
“And Jocelyn?” said Lily quietly.
Remus’s head snapped back at her.
“Jocelyn’s dead, all right?” he snarled. “Jocelyn’s dead, Sirius is dead, and yes, maybe it is our fault, maybe it’s my fault, but unless you have a time-turner there’s absolutely nothing we can do to change things, so either take James’s advice and shut up, or leave!”
“But “”
“Goodbye!” Remus interrupted loudly, in a mock-cheerful voice, ushering her toward the door and opening it for her. Lily passed through without another word. If Remus hadn’t been purposefully numbing his emotions, he might have felt a pang of guilt when he caught the expression on Lily’s face. He certainly couldn’t help but feel a small twinge when he distinctly heard a sob as he shut the door behind her.
Number twelve, Grimmauld Place, the house Sirius had grown up in, had been in the Black family for generations, and only those in the Black family could truly appreciate all it had to offer. Only Blacks knew of the secret passageways and chambers, which had originally been built for no other reason than that it was customary to have secret rooms, and now were used to store Dark items, should the Ministry call unexpectedly.
It was rumored among the Blacks who did not reside in Grimmauld Place that there was one secret door in the house that none of them could open, or even find, unless they had been told by someone who lived or had lived in the house. Behind this door there was said to be a long, winding staircase; then a curving, sloping tunnel; and then, finally, many miles below the house, there was one more secret chamber, a master chamber. No one was sure if it was true, or where the door might be if it was, or what precisely was in the chamber, if it existed at all. But it was widely believed the chamber did exist, and that it contained the summary of the Black family, though in what form, no one knew. And because it contained the summary of the Black family, the Blacks had christened it with their own family maxim:
Toujours Pur “ the secret chamber of the Blacks.
Jocelyn and Sirius had been walking down the long, sloping tunnel for nearly half-an-hour, an uncomfortable silence hanging between them.
“You told me the legend wasn’t true,” said Jocelyn abruptly.
Sirius started, but recovered almost immediately.
“It isn’t true,” he replied.
“So I suppose this ‘curving, sloping tunnel’ we’re walking through is just a figment of my imagination,” she said sarcastically.
Sirius gave a heavy sigh.
“All right, parts of it aren’t true. Why does it matter?”
“Because I want to know what to expect at the end.”
“Even if, by some strange chance, the legend is true, it never specifies, does it?” Sirius pointed out. “No one knows what form it takes.”
Jocelyn nodded slowly.
“You’re not even sure Bella’s down there, are you?” she murmured.
“Yeah, well that’s not really important now, is it?” Sirius questioned, an edge in his voice.
Jocelyn gave a small growl.
“Isn’t that just like you, to march blindly to your doom?”
“Isn’t it just like you to follow me?” Sirius retaliated.
Jocelyn smiled slightly.
“Yeah,” she said softly, “… or at least … it used to be …”
Sirius looked down at her, his gaze softening.
“Isn’t it still?”
She looked away from him.
“Well that’s not really very important now either,” she said quietly.
“No,” Sirius agreed in a whisper, “I guess it’s not.”
She had no time to respond, for even as he spoke they came upon a door. The door. The door that would either validate or disprove the legend…