Coming Undone
“You are not working fast enough girl,” raged a robed figure, whose whole body was covered except for a thin white hand that pointed at the girl wistfully. Harry could only see from his point of view though and still couldn’t see the girl, her head was bowed and her long hair covered her face.
“How will I ever rule the wizarding world, if I have worthless servants like you,” snarled Harry glaring at the girl and then turning away from her. “You must get a hold of that boy. What are you waiting for? You can’t keep toying with me, our plan needs to be in place, I cannot wait much longer. I have been patient with you for too long!” Harry yelled and anger surged within him. He paced quietly around the room, the girl kept her head down. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder and he grabbed it sharply.
“Harry!” yelled Ron jumping when Harry grabbed his hand. Harry jolted awake, jumping up from his laying position. Ron looked at him wide-eyed and surprised. Harry shook his head angry.
“Ron I was so tired, and I couldn’t help it, I just fell asleep, it’s…it’s…damn it!” cursed Harry.
“What is it Harry?” asked Ron, who was thrown, looking bewildered.
“Voldemort was in my head, or I was in his…or whatever the hell it is…I didn’t clear my mind last night and I dreamed I was him, or he was me…I don’t know,” replied Harry angrily trailing off.
“We better tell Sirius,” murmured Ron calmly, apparently thinking, and looking a little nervous.
“No we can’t!” exclaimed Harry, “we can’t tell Sirius. We can’t tell anyone. We won’t tell anyone.”
“Harry, don’t be stupid,” replied Ron, shaking his head seriously.
“Ron please, if it happens again…just not this time, c’mon Ron, it’s not a big deal. Besides it wasn’t really informative we will tell them if it happens again okay?” pleaded Harry trying to pull it off as no big deal. The truth was he didn’t want anyone to find out that he failed at Occlumency.
Ron didn’t look at all pleased, “What about Hermione?”
“Especially not Hermione, you know she would make me tell Sirius,” warned Harry, he sighed learning his head against the wall. He was so angry with himself, but he was filled with the same excitement that came to him from his dreams at the Department of Mysteries. Even if was dangerous he could learn something valuable. He just wouldn’t do anything stupid or make irrational mistakes. He realized how many people he could have hurt last year at the Department of Mysteries and he knew he wouldn’t do it again.
“I don’t like this Harry,” said Ron shaking his head, “next time this happens I’ll tell Sirius myself. I trust that you think you’re doing the right thing for now. I won’t say anything.” Ron seemed a little disappointed in himself and a little reluctant to agree. Harry smiled at his friend, thanking him.
“What happened anyway?” asked Ron who couldn’t help but be a little curious. Harry hesitated at first to tell Ron, but Ron wouldn’t have any of it, so Harry told him about it.
“Why would Voldemort want you to see that?” asked Ron, “it seems like something he’d want to hide.”
“Yeah, it’s not like he was winning and wanted to show it off. It’s showing he has a weakness, a worthless death eater. And without that key factor, he is losing, hopefully, she can hold off on whatever she is supposed to do,” commented Harry thoughtfully.
“You know that’s another odd thing that strikes me,” mused Ron, “it’s a girl…or a woman, Voldemort doesn’t have a lot of women followers. You think that means anything?”
“I don’t know” replied Harry shrugging his shoulders, “but I do know, Hermione and I have to finish homework this morning.”
“You mean you didn’t finish, the two over achievers of the school didn’t finish their homework. What is the world coming to?” asked Ron dramatically.
“Oh come off it Ron, I am not an over achiever,” disagreed Harry leading the way out of the common room.
“Harry? Are you kidding? You always come in early in the morning, and sometimes you don’t come in at all. You look like the living dead half the time now. At least Hermione does a better job of hiding that she gets no sleep. And you always have to get your homework done on time, completed perfectly. You hardly come to practices. You’ve turned into Hermione you have, I don’t even see you half the time anymore,” countered Ron.
“At least I’m getting it done Ron, at least I know I’m going to get something accomplished in life. I’m going to do something worthwhile, and maybe I don’t come to practices because I don’t need to!” yelled Harry defensively stopping mid hallway to look at Ron angrily. Ron flushed, looking embarrassed at first and then angry, but he didn’t say anything all the way to breakfast. Harry didn’t feel bad at all; he couldn’t believe Ron would try to make him feel bad about doing well. He was just jealous again; Ron didn’t have a world to save.
Ron threw his bags on the table and had a short breakfast, mumbling something about having to study. Hermione took only a stab at asking what was wrong, and after an agreed chorus of “nothings” she didn’t try anymore. She was more afraid someone was going to blow up in the middle of breakfast, and she would find out later. Malfoy seemed to think so too as he kept glancing back at their table with glee. Hermione was the only one who noticed and pointed her wand at him mumbling words under her breath; he looked away pretending to see something on the floor. She grinned and opened her transfiguration book to study for the test.
***
Ron was just as angry when he got to potions, and sat in the back as far away from Snape as possible. The last thing he wanted was to be harassed by Snape. He was seething when Kira came in, and she noticed, she sat in the back with him.
“What’s wrong?” she asked him, her eyes a sad silvery blue stared at him, searching for an answer.
“Nothing,” he replied, not really wanting to talk about it, though not trying hard to hide his anger.
“Is it Harry?” she asked him calmly but sweetly as she pulled out her potions book. He looked at her quickly with a questioning eye.
“Why do you say that?” he inquired cautiously, pulling out his own book, and other supplies that were listed on the board.
“Anyone within the country could have heard him yelling this morning,” she replied, looking a little embarrassed.
“Really?” asked Ron, turning red, as if the argument wasn’t bad enough he didn’t expect the whole school to hear about it.
“Well it might have been only a couple people, everyone was at breakfast, so maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal. But really Ron how could you take his wrath like that. It really is unfair of him to pick on you. He made you out to be a worthless idiot Ron, and that’s not what you are,” replied Kira kindly, touching his hand.
Ron blushed, “He didn’t mean it, he was just upset. Harry does it all the time lately; he has a lot of pressure. He does have something to live to, I just…”
Kira looked at him with the same sad eyes, seeming to pity him, “Are you sure?” Ron started to respond, but didn’t get a chance, Professor Snape started barking out a lesson. Ron and Kira didn’t talk any more about Harry or anything besides the potion the rest of class. But at the end of class, Kira approached Ron with an interesting proposition.
“I know you have practice today, but I thought while everyone was packing this afternoon you could go on a walk with me. I’m sure you could get out of practice being captain and all,” she said coyly.
Ron grinned, “I think I could do that, just give me a couple minutes after three, I have something I need to do.” And he couldn’t think of a better way to show Harry that he didn’t have to go to practice either.
***
“What do you mean you aren’t going to practice?” asked Harry through gritted teeth, he was angry enough with Ron as it was without this.
“I mean I’m not coming to practice tonight. I’m sure that isn’t a big deal since this is the first one I’ve missed all season as supposed to you who has missed…what is it now four?” retorted Ron smartly, with his arms folded confidently.
“Fine!” responded Harry angrily, “but so help me if we fall behind because you are too pompous to come to practice.”
“Maybe I’m not the one that needs practice Harry,” spat Ron, who then proceeded to leave him in the middle of the dormitory, shaking with anger.
***
Kira met him just outside the castle; she was wearing sapphire robes with a muff of the same color. The snow that was falling lightly outside the castle rested lightly making soft crystals lay perfectly upon her midnight black hair. Ron smiled at her as he walked over to join her.
“I am so glad the famous Ronald Weasley could take time to see me,” she said grinning broadly. He was going to object but she took her finger to his lips. And so they walked around the castle on the stone paths, finally stopping to sit on one of the castle walls, which magically remained dry. They hadn’t spoken a word since their greeting, which was fine for Ron; it gave him a chance to think, and Kira as well.
“I do hope Harry apologized,” remarked Kira breaking the silence.
“Not yet,” remarked Ron lightly, secretly hoping they could have avoided talking about Harry.
“Hmm,” murmured Kira thoughtfully, “are you sure everything will be okay between you two, I’d hate to have you two fighting. Even if I do get to see more of you, it’s no good with you all upset.”
“I’m fine, besides I took your advice and stood up to him,” responded Ron smiling at his own little trick.
“Really? Did you tell him you weren’t worthless?” asked Kira mildly surprised, “I’m impressed with you Ron, standing up for yourself like that.”
“Oh we’ll just say Harry got what was coming to him,” remarked Ron lightly, enjoying Kira’s affection a little more then he should have. They sat in silence a little longer.
“I see the carriages are leaving,” said Kira standing up, “will you walk me back Ron?”
“Of course,” replied Ron standing up, sliding his arm through hers, which she accepted and he breathed a sigh of relief. She laughed at him, and they walked arm in arm back to her common room.
“That was nice,” whispered Kira, letting go of Ron’s arm to face him.
“Yes, we should do that again,” said Ron speaking softly to match her tone.
“I’ll let you know,” said Kira, speaking softer then a whisper now, as she was getting closer to him. Before Ron knew what was happening, they were kissing in the hallway. When he opened his eyes, she had already disappeared into the common room. He blinked in surprise, wondering if the whole day had actually happened or if he were dreaming. He wandered back to his own common room in a dream like daze. Pondering quietly whether or not they could be a couple. He smiled as if he had a secret and had just been made the winner of a million galleons. Though when Ron arrived back at the common room, he was sure that he was not dreaming and if it was, the dream was becoming a nightmare.
“What the hell are you trying to pull Ron?” roared Harry angrily as soon as Ron walked through the entrance. Ron rolled his eyes, and walked right past him not wanting to fight with him, he was floating on air, and Harry would not bring him down.
“Don’t turn your back on me! Whose side are you on?” yelled Harry after him, not taking the silent treatment as an answer.
“Harry, I’m on your side! How long is it going to take you to get that? But for once Harry, for once, why can’t you be on mine?” retorted Ron twirling around halfway up the stairs.
“You skipped quidditch practice to walk around the school with Kira!” shouted Harry though a little quieter this time, because of Ron’s quieted tone.
“You know what Harry, why does it matter, if it had been your girlfriend, you would have taken the evening off as you are “too good to practice”. But when it’s me, second rate Ron, you have a fit. But you know what Harry it’s not all about you! Believe it or not, all these things you go through, I go through them too, because I am your best friend. And I know it might be harder for you, and I know you are going to do something amazing and great but that doesn’t mean what I do isn’t worth it. And if it isn’t worth it to you, then maybe we shouldn’t be friends,” said Ron calmly with a touch of anger.
After he went back up to the dormitory he felt silly about what he had said, it came out as if he were two arguing with another little kid. But he said what he had wanted to say, and he wasn’t going to let Harry take advantage of him any longer. And that was the way it was going to be. Ron cooled down and returned to the dreamlike state he was in before, remembering the way Kira admired him for standing up to Harry, he almost wished she could have seen him. He smiled and fell into a deep sleep.
***
Harry came in late that night for no good reason. He was still angry trying to figure things out. When he lay on his bed, he purposely let thoughts fill his head; instead of pushing them away he welcomed them, pulling the defenses in his mind down. Finally after a while these thoughts drove him to a deep and unfortunately for him, dreamless sleep.
***
There were only a few days until Christmas, and Hermione was getting worried, Harry and Ron were still on edge, it was awful to live with them the way they were acting. There was no escape from them, everyone from Gryffindor had left on winter break, even Ginny, Hermione’s sole companion, had left for a friend’s house to spend the holidays. Harry had already asked if the three of them could stay at Grimmauld Place over break, but Sirius wouldn’t let them, as activity was high at the moment. So Hermione was stuck in between her two arguing best friends, hopelessly. She had begged Lupin for another lesson with him on Christmas Eve just to get away for a couple hours. But even that proved to be worthless in the state of anxiousness she was in.
Lupin helped her up from the ground for what seemed like the millionth time. “You aren’t on top of your game today, you almost had it last week, and now you can barely manage. What’s wrong?”
Hermione sighed, “I’m worried about Ron and Harry they have been fighting non-stop, and it’s almost Christmas, I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow. Neither of them will tell what’s going on. So I guess I haven’t been able to clear my head, and I wanted to be able to finish this by Christmas!”
Lupin laughed, “You still have a few more lessons to go before you get this anyway. If you had learned it before Christmas I would have been amazed. Even James and Sirius had their fair share of months before they got it. As for Harry and Ron, don’t worry about it too much, things somehow seem better on Christmas. And I bet things will be different tomorrow. I think we should put this off for a while, you could do something irreversible and I’d hate to be responsible. Besides I do have work to do.”
Hermione sighed again, “Yes I suppose your right. Happy Christmas then.” She turned to leave back through the path under the tree.
“Hermione,” he called and she turned around reluctantly, frustrated tears filled her eyes but stayed there.
“Everything is going to be okay tomorrow, trust me,” said Lupin, pretending like he didn’t notice her tears. She just nodded and turned around again climbing back through the tree, letting cold tears fall down her face. As much as she wanted to believe things were going to be better tomorrow, tomorrow was still very far away.
When she returned to the common room, Ron was on the floor in front of the fireplace playing exploding snap, and Harry was working hard on something in the corner. By the expression Ron’s face she could tell they still weren’t talking. She brushed a tear from her eyelash and walked past them both up to the girl’s dormitories, without saying a word to either of them, hoping tomorrow would come faster then she imagined. Ron watched her wipe away the tear, and Harry’s gaze followed her up the stairs. But neither of them were moved enough to make up just yet.