Chapter 5
Let Me Go
A/N Characters and settings are not my own, they belong to JK Rowling.
I dreamed ahead to what I hoped for
And I turned my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing?
When I know what I’m going through.
~~Let Me Go~~3 Doors Down
Harry walked into the room he shared with Ron. Ron looked up expectantly, clearly wanting to talk.
“Tomorrow Ron, I promise anything you want to know I will answer tomorrow. It’s just been a really long day, a long few weeks actually, and right now sleep sounds like heaven,” Harry said to his friend.
“No worries mate. You just get some rest, take as long as you need.” Harry knew that Ron was chomping at the bit trying not to demand answers. He smiled wanly at his best friend, changed into his nightclothes and then lay down to go to sleep.
Ginny turned over for what seemed to be the thousandth time. She could not seem to get comfortable. What was she going to do if Dudley told Harry of her feelings? How did the overgrown oaf figure it out in the first place? This was going to be a strange few days.
Dudley was right though. There was no use in pretending that she was over Harry anymore. She knew that he saw her as nothing but Ron’s little sister. What if he saw her as a sisterly type as well? Eeww. That was just too sick to even think about, but it would also be just her luck.
Ginny really wished Hermione were around. It would be nice to have another female around, especially as Hermione was one of her best friends. Merlin, she needed someone to talk to, she thought rolling over yet again and trying to get to sleep.
~*~*~*~*
Dawn found Harry sitting on the couch in the library alone. He had so very much to think about. There was so much going on, so much to work through. Where would he begin?
Sirius is dead…not coming back…I may as well have cast the killing curse myself.
Yeah right. You went to the Department of Mysteries because you thought he was in mortal danger. Did you forget that the original purpose of going there was to save Sirius? Voldemort was just messing with your mind. That’s what he is good at you prat. Do you honestly think that Sirius would put up with you pouting and moping about like this?
But the prophecy, how can I deny that? I’m marked, and that marks anyone that is near me. I should pull away from my friends, from my, oh this is so weird to think, my family. It may upset everyone, but it will keep them safe.
That’ll work about as well as you snogging a dragon. Do you honestly think that they will let you get away with that? It’s your funeral man, but I would not want to be you when you try to draw away from everyone. I’ll be willing to wager that Hermione is the first to figure out what you are doing, but Ginny will be the one to blast you for it. And I agree, this new family thing is really a weird change, but weird can be good. Petunia knows about the prophecy. Shouldn’t you tell the others before they hear it from somewhere else?
I guess so. I just don’t know if I can take the pity looks. What if they cringe or pull away. Hey wait! That would keep Ginny from blasting me.
Ginny…when did she become such a beauty? Those legs, they seem to go on forever. She has such beautiful hair, down to her waist, the slight curls at the end. And Merlin, her figure…when did that happen? What am I doing? I can’t think this way about my best friend’s sister this way. Ron would shoot me.
You’re on your own with this one mate. She has definitely turned into a treat for the eyes. Didn’t she give up on you though? I mean, come on, she had boyfriends last year. That definitely sounds like moving on to me.
Oh yeah, right. I had forgotten about that. I need my arse kicked for waiting so long. Oh well.
Harry snapped out of his semi-dazed state and looked around. He had heard that talking to oneself was a sign of going completely bonkers. Funny though, the voice that was answering his thoughts was entirely too sarcastic. He shook his head and smiled. He still had not figured out what to do, but it did seem like it was time to spill the beans about the prophecy. Now if he could just figure out when and where to do so.
He uncurled his legs and rose from the couch to head to the kitchen to find something to eat. He was looking around as he walked toward his destination. The place was shaping up kind of nicely. He happened to glance at the stairs during his musings, and felt like his heart had stopped in his chest. There she was, coming down the stairs. Merlin, she had gotten so beautiful. She was still ruffled from sleep and looked so adorable.
Hey, watch those thoughts buster! She can see you. Please make sure you are not drooling. This could be embarrassing.
“Hi Harry,” Ginny said around a yawn.
Harry jumped as if he had been goosed. He really needed to get his nerves under control.
“Morning Ginny,” he said, blushing furiously.
Ginny did not seem to notice the blush though, thank Merlin. She continued down the steps and walked sleepily toward the kitchen.
It was definitely a night for lack of sleep. Petunia had found Molly pacing in the kitchen hours earlier. They had talked since the discovery and were forming a sort of tentative friendship. Molly wanted to trust Petunia, but she was very leery of seemingly sudden changes of heart.
“So,” Petunia said to try and fill another period of silence, “Mr. Dumbledore, Professor Dumbledore rather, was telling me that your family has been very close to Harry over the years.”
“Well yes, someone had to. Oh Merlin, forgive me for that Petunia. I am trying very hard to get used to being nice to you and actually thinking of you as a pleasant person. After so many years of seeing Harry come back to us in bad shape, I have had many years of disliking you. He was often underfed, had deep circles under his eyes. We had worried about some sort of abuse. Little did we know that you were being abused too. But I do have to warn you; it may take some time for the other Order members accept you. Please do not be put off if you receive a frosty reception.”
“What is this ‘Order’ if I may ask?” Petunia asked cautiously.
“I think that is a question better suited for Professor Dumbledore,” Molly replied, not sure how much she was actually at liberty to divulge.
“Everyone seems to like Harry so much here,” Petunia exclaimed. “I never knew…” she trailed off into silence.
“He’s a very loveable boy Petunia. That is why we were all perplexed at the fact that you and your family appeared to hate him so much. He is also a boy that has been through so very much. He’s strong though; all he’s been through would have broken most men by now. His biggest strength is friends. My husband and I love him like he was one of our own. With seven children, what is one more? Two more actually. You will meet Hermione in a few days. She will probably be coming back here after the reading of the will. Such a bright girl.” Molly was as proud of Hermione and Harry as she was of her own. She was also proud of herself for keeping her temper in check.
“This reading of the will…. it’s for Sirius isn’t it?” Molly nodded. Petunia continued, “What exactly happened? Do you know? All Professor Dumbledore would tell me in his letter was that Sirius was Harry’s godfather, and that he had died. I don’t know anything else except that it is affecting Harry rather badly. He hasn’t said much of anything for days. He won’t eat, won’t talk to anyone. Well not that I am the one he’d actually be opening up to.”
“I can answer that Aunt Petunia, all you had to do was ask,” said Harry as he walked through the kitchen door behind Ginny. This was the first time he had really felt like talking about it since it happened. This brought Ginny to full consciousness rather quickly. She knew how reserved Harry could be and how little he liked talking about what was bothering him. She looked at Harry as her mouth dropped open.
Molly reached up gently and closed her daughter’s mouth with a smile. She had a suspicion that Ginny still had a thing for Harry.
“It was all my fault. Voldemort fooled me. He led me to the Department of Mysteries thinking that Sirius was being tortured. I was arrogant enough to think I could save him. It was all a farce. He wasn’t there at first when we got there. He showed up later to save me,” Harry said bitterly. “Here he was trying to save me while I thought I was trying to save him. Then, his cousin, the lunatic otherwise known as Bellatrix Lestrange, shot a spell at him and sent him flying backwards through the veil. There was more after that….an almost epic battle with Dumbledore and Voldemort, Voldemort possessing me and trying to get Dumbledore to kill me….the rest doesn’t matter. What matters is that now he is gone; and I can’t get him back,” Harry said quietly before he left the room.
Harry ran all the way up the stairs to Buckbeak’s room. He didn’t mean to slam the door, but guessed he did when he heard the bang. He leaned up against the cool wall and slid to the floor. He finally let the tears he had been holding in for weeks, fall.
Ginny met up with a very sleepy Ron on the way up the stairs. She filled him in quickly on what had gone on in the kitchen. He followed her up the stairs to the room they suspected Harry would be in. Outside of the door they stopped, trying to figure out if they should intrude. Ginny was tired of walking on tiptoes around Harry. Someone needed to tell him how wrong he was, and she was just the girl to do it. Ignoring Ron’s comment about knocking, Ginny opened the door and walked hastily into the room.
“Harry, what you said in the kitchen, it was not your fault. I can’t believe that you would blame yourself this way,” said Ginny.
“But it was my fault Ginny. Even then Hermione said I had a ‘saving people thing.’ I’m a danger to anyone who is around me. I supposed you two ought to be heading for the door now. I don’t want anything happening to you.”
“What are you on about Harry?” Ginny asked, getting angrier by the moment. “Why would we be heading for the door?”
Ron wisely decided to stay quiet, he could see the anger building in Ginny and knew she was going to explode soon. This was not going to be pretty.
“What part of ‘I am a danger’ was not clear? It all comes down to Voldemort and me. I have to kill or be killed. Don’t you get it? I don’t want any of you in the line of fire when this all comes to a head. I don’t want to be responsible for getting anyone else killed. Just please go,” Harry said sadly as he bowed his head back down.
“What are you babbling on about Harry? Why does it have to be you and Voldemort? The adults will handle Voldemort when the time comes,” reasoned Ron.
“They can’t ‘handle him’. It’s all in the wonderful prophecy that Professor Dumbledore showed me before school ended this past year,” Harry spit out sarcastically, his eyes blazing. He had to make them see reason. “The prophecy was about me. It said that I was the only one that could kill him. I won’t see anyone else hurt, so GO. The best thing you three can do is to get away from me. Merlin, it would have been better if I never came back to the wizarding world.”
“That does it! Harry James Potter, you are an arrogant, obnoxious prat. You have to have lost your mind completely if you think this rubbish is going to wash. I honestly cannot understand you. You think you have to do everything alone. Well you don’t, so get used to it,” Ginny said getting louder as she went. “You have friends, people that truly love you. That is something that Voldemort cannot even fathom. Yet you are willing to throw it all away because of some misplaced sense of honor? Well think again, it’s not happening in this lifetime. We’re not going anywhere, and you may as well get used to it. Even if you have to fight Voldemort, there is nothing that says you have to fight him alone.”
Ginny was working up quite a head of steam now. Ron was almost hiding behind Ginny to keep out of the range of her anger.
“I have loved you for so many years Harry and now I am wondering why,” Ginny continued before she knew what she was saying, pacing back and forth and throwing her arms around almost wildly. “I’d stand at your side against anything, not that you would ask or even let me volunteer without a fight. You saved my life down in the Chamber of Secrets. If you had never come back to the wizarding world, there would have been no one there to save me. And who is to say that Tom’s diary never would have gotten into my hands. The Malfoys have always hated my family. But I guess my life doesn’t matter. You’d rather throw away love and friendships instead of leaning on someone else every once in a while. We all miss Sirius. I know it was a very poignant loss for you, but have you thought about Professor Lupin or anyone else for that matter? Have you thought about anyone but yourself? No, you’re too busy pushing people away!” Ginny threw her hands in the air and stormed out of the room.
The two boys sat in stunned silence for a few moments before Ron said, “Brutal, that one, but spot on. Never let it be said that Ginny doesn’t have a way with words. I guess I’ll give you some time to think things over. By the way mate, be glad we can’t do spells during the holidays, in this mood, she would have viciously hexed you.” With that Ron crossed the room, walked through the open door, and closed it very quietly behind him.
After he closed the door, Ron grinned almost wickedly. Did Ginny know that she just revealed to Harry that she loves him? Is Harry too much of a dunderhead to figure out that she said it? Would Harry get the clue and quit pushing his friends away? Ron walked down the hall with a small bounce to his step, chuckling to himself at this new turn of events. If anyone could pull Harry out of this, it was Ginny.
~*~*~*
Ginny had just barely gotten to her room before it hit her. She had just told Harry that she loved him. Oh Merlin, what was she going to do now? She couldn’t believe she had let her temper go so far that those words had come out of her mouth. She was just going to have to stay in her room or out of Harry’s way for the rest of the holiday and hope she did not die of boredom or terminal embarrassment. Way to go Gin, way to play it cool. She hid her head under her pillow and tried to pretend that the morning was just a bad dream. Somehow, this time, she was able to drift off quickly to sleep.
~*~*~*~*
Arrogant, how dare she call me arrogant. That’s what I get for trying to protect her; for trying to protect all of them. I get called an arrogant prat and told that I am ignoring everyone else’s feelings. Ok, so I haven’t asked Professor Lupin how he is doing with all this. I haven’t asked anyone. Why haven’t I asked anyone?
His inner voice or conscience or whatever it was that way talking to him earlier was not even speaking to him now. Just bloody great.
Wait…did she just say she loved me?
~*~*~*~*
Molly and Petunia were still reeling after Harry’s revelation.
“I can’t believe he blames himself. There was no way that this was his fault was there?” Petunia asked Molly with eyes almost pleading.
“No. But it seems he was raised to feel that everything is his fault. He did this last year after Cedric died. You may have had your own problems at the time Petunia, but you and your husband damaged one of the sweetest and most humble boys I know. That is going to take a long time to forgive, and I doubt it will ever be forgotten. Not everyone in this household or group that holds Harry so dear will accept what you said last night. You are really going to have to prove yourself if you want to be accepted here. And know this, we do NOT tolerate any type of prejudice in this household. If I so much as hear one adverse remark from you about anyone or even the Wizarding World as a whole, I will make it so you can’t speak that kind of filth again,” Molly’s eyes were blazing dangerously. Anyone who knew her would have been telling Petunia to duck by now.
“Don’t hurt Harry anymore, Petunia. I think of that boy as one of my own, and would lay my life on the line to protect him. Don’t think that the rest here will not back me with that either. You may have some tentative friendships started. But you hurt that boy any further and in any way, and we will tear you apart.” Molly said with her best withering look. She had had enough. She had seen the effects of Harry being with his relatives. Petunia made a choice to stay with Vernon and let herself be abused. But when she let Vernon take it out on Harry, and turn her into a monster against her sister’s child, she crossed the line.
“You want to make a new life Petunia? You want to start over in my world? Then start proving yourself. You’ll have to prove that you are no longer the prejudiced twit that raised that boy upstairs,” Molly watched tears fall from Petunia’s eyes as she finished speaking. She just calmly shook her head and walked from the room to find something to keep her busy before her temper went any further out of control.
A/N Again, I want to stress that abuse is not always easy to walk away from. Molly’s words are from one whom has never had a hand raised to her in anger by a loved one. Most would not, or could not, understand. I won’t be going into exactly what Vernon put Harry through in his childhood. I am not trying to gloss over anything, that is just not something that I would be able to write clearly, and I wouldn’t want to do it anything less than justice.
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Thanks also for putting up with my public service-type announcements at the end of this chapter and chapter three.