Chapter 18: This Time the Dream's On Me
That night, Snape and Clancy slept in separate beds, but their thoughts were connected. They shared dreams that were similar enough in nature to be considered convergent.
Clancy dreamed of owls flying into the Great Hall to deliver the morning post. Seated at the High Table, she received a Between The Lines Howler, a form of Wizarding correspondence that conveyed both the conscious and subconscious thoughts of the sender. The missive opened itself in front of her, and began shouting in Snape's harsh voice:
MISS NORGARD:
Then, in a softer, more intimate tone:
(Clancy, my darling,)
IT IS MY INTENTION TO STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS POSSIBLE!
(How long will it take you to remove all your clothes, and come over here to sit on my lap?)
I THOROUGHLY WASH MY HANDS OF YOU! TRAVELING WITH YOU WAS, WITHOUT DOUBT, THE MOST LOATHSOME EXPERIENCE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!
(I wanted to make love to you that night in the graveyard, and the next night in the pasture, too.)
YOU FORCED ME TO WEAR A KILT AND TO PRETEND TO BE A MUGGLE MAGICIAN! HOW DARE YOU DEGRADE ME IN SUCH A FASHION!
(I'd put the kilt on again right now if you asked me too, dearest. My Neeps and Tatties are ready whenever you are. If it's a Muggle magician you require, then I am yours to command. I'll make magic with you all night long, Lulu, my pet.)
YOU AND THAT IDIOTIC PINEAPPLE CAN DANCE OFF A CLIFF, FOR ALL I CARE!
(I'll slice open the fruit and feed it to you in small, luscious chunks. I'll even hang a ring of it from my nose, and watch as you suck the juice.)
HAVE I MADE MYSELF PERFECTLY CLEAR? STAY OUT OF MY SIGHT!
(Do you know how much I adore you? Come to me, my love, and I'll prove to you the strength of my desire.)
PROFESSOR SNAPE
(Your own Snapini)
Snape dreamed he was seated at the High Table, and received a Between The Lines Howler from Clancy.
PROFESSOR SNAPE:
(Dearest Severus,)
I REALLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU! CAN'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME?
(I can decide for the both of us. Why not come over here, and I'll show you just what I mean?)
WHY DO YOU INSIST UPON DRESSING LIKE A SEXUALLY REPRESSED VICTORIAN?
(That's part of the turn on, wondering what's underneath all those little black buttons.)
REMUS IS TWICE THE MAN YOU ARE! WHY DON'T YOU STUDY HIS EXAMPLE?
(Insult me again, you bad boy. Give me long, deep, passionate kisses, then insult me some more, and make me like it.)
I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS I SEE IN YOU!
(I want you ... desperately ... take me now.)
MISS NORGARD
(Your lascivious Lulu)
Snape and Clancy awoke with a start. Soon, Clancy drifted back into a peaceful slumber; Snape reached for a book and began reading it upside down.
Beginning the new school term with a clear head was difficult for Clancy after last night's vivid dream. As she sat at the piano trying to focus on a musical arrangement, she was distracted by constant thoughts of Snape.
Professor Dumbledore came in to speak with her. "Clancy, may I have a word?" he inquired.
"Yes, of course, Albus." Turning to face him, she noted that he was in a serious mood. The customary twinkle had left his eyes.
Dumbledore handed her a scrap of parchment. "One of the house-elves on the laundry crew brought this to my attention. It's addressed to me, but it was found in the pocket of your jacket. There has been water damage from whatever it was you and Severus were up to in the lake, but the writing is still legible. Peruse it, if you will, and tell me what you make of it."
Clancy unfolded the note and began to read:
Dear Professor Dumbledore,
A Poem for You, FUN TRUE CLUE
One named for lust
Sends A SHARPENED GUST
Of clues to remove the wedge.
A RED GNAT PUSHES
Through mysterious bushes
Can you find me beyond the Hedge?
Love,
FIE! CUTE RUNE!
Clancy frowned, returning the strange communication to Dumbledore. "I don't know what to make of it, Albus. I don't even know how it got into my pocket."
"The handwriting is unfamiliar to me. You have no idea, then, how this came to be in your possession?"
"No, but, why are some of the words written in capital letters?"
"I've been wondering that myself, and I'm especially curious as to why the word 'Hedge' is capitalized." Dumbledore stroked his beard pensively. "Tell me, did you and Severus venture into the Forbidden Forest, by any chance?"
"Briefly, but we took a wrong turn somehow, and ended up back where we started."
"Do you recall anything unusual happening to you while you were in the Forest?"
"No ... YES! At one point, we became entangled in a shrubbery with glimmering leaves."
The twinkle returned to the headmaster's eyes. "Thank you, Clancy. I believe I may be on the way to solving this little puzzle." Before she could ask him to explain himself, the elderly wizard was already halfway out the door.
Snape's classroom behavior became more brutal than usual that first day. He excoriated the Gryffindors, especially poor Neville Longbottom.
Having to waste his lunch hour Flooing to Diagon Alley to purchase a new wand put him in an even fouler temper. By the time Mr. Ollivander finished deliberating over the selection of a suitable replacement, Snape only had time to pop into the Leaky Cauldron for a quick snack.
Tom, the innkeeper, approached Snape's table. "Professor Snape, I've something for you." He dropped a purse down in front of the wizard. "I believe this belongs to your lady friend, Miss Norgard."
"So it does," Snape said, scowling down at the bag. "How did it turn up?"
"Those Muggles, the Grangers, brought it in yesterday. Their address was on a pill bottle found inside the bag, and a man turned it in. They said the bloke told them it fell straight out of the sky and bonked him on the head!"
"I'll see that it's returned to her, Tom." Snape waited for him to leave, then casually began rifling through Clancy's purse. His Slytherin instincts made him keen to learn her secrets.
The bag was stuffed with innocuous items: Clancy's passport, wallet, keys, lipstick; also wads of gauze and tissues. He felt down to the bottom and found an unsealed envelope.
Removing the photograph inside, he recognized an image of himself as a three-year-old boy. But, the woman -- who was she? She was smiling at him affectionately, and tickling the top of his head. Snape stared at the picture, expressionless, until comprehension dawned. "Aunt ... Hilly?" he breathed.
Snape pulled another photograph from the envelope. It was a picture of Aunt Hilly, but she looked a bit older. She had her arm around a young, fair-haired girl of about eight. Both of them were wearing black caps with big round ears. He turned the photograph over. On the back was written, "Clancy and Aunt Hilly at the Magic Kingdom, June 1974".
Question marks whirled through Snape's mind. Why had Clancy kept this from him? What other secrets might she be concealing? Was Aunt Hilly Clancy's aunt, too -- the one Dumbledore had mentioned? And, what was this Magic Kingdom?
"I'll get to the bottom of this," Snape muttered. He paid his bill, then placed everything back in the purse, and carried it beneath his cloak. In a fit of fury and confusion, he Flooed back to Hogwarts.
For the remainder of the day, Snape was a bundle of nerves. At dinner, he found Clancy seated next to Lupin, again. He glowered at her throughout the meal, believing that she had betrayed him in more ways than one.
After the meal, he hurried down to the dungeons to check his stock of Veritaserum. There was just enough for what he had in mind.
Lupin escorted Clancy to her room after dinner, and she invited him in. It seemed as though they were never at a loss for things to talk about.
"Clancy," Lupin asked, "would you mind explaining to me a little bit about Muggle culture?"
"No, as long as you don't consider the term to be an oxymoron, as Severus does."
Lupin laughed. "Not at all. I was speaking recently with an acquaintance of mine at the Ministry of Magic. He related to me a number of terms he'd heard bandied about by one of his American colleagues. He asked me if I were familiar with them. Frankly, I wasn't, even though I have a fair knowledge of your society. Would you happen to know what the 'Hokey Pokey' is?"
"It's a kind of a group dance in which the participants place various parts of their bodies across an imaginary line. As they do so, they sing a little song. That's what it's all about!"
"I assume you're joking," Lupin said, with a wary smile.
"No, I'm entirely serious. It's a dance intended for very young children, I should add."
"I see. Well then, what, precisely, is a 'Pet Rock'?"
"Oh yes, I remember those. A Pet Rock was something Muggles used to legally adopt and raise as their own child. They had to sign a contract promising to be responsible for its welfare and to see that it received a proper college education."
"You can't be serious!"
"No Remus, this time I am joking. A Pet Rock was a fad -- a gimmick for people to waste their money on."
"Clancy," he laughed, "you've a delicious sense of humor. Suppose you show me how to execute the Hokey Pokey, so I can explain it to my friend."
"All right, I don't mind. I believe it begins with the right foot." She guided him through the movements of the dance, while singing the song. Just as they were about to "put their whole selves in," someone rapped on the door. "Come in!" Clancy called out, as she and Lupin froze in a rather odd posture.
Snape entered, carrying a tea tray. "Oh," he said, glaring disapprovingly at the two of them, "I didn't realize you were entertaining."
"I always have been, Professor. Are you just now noticing?"
Lupin and Clancy broke into raucous laughter. Snape did not join in. "Perhaps another time would be more appropriate," Snape remarked coolly.
"Severus, come in," Lupin told him. "I was just leaving. I have lessons to plan for tomorrow." Turning to Clancy, he added, "I'll see you at breakfast, then?"
"Most definitely, Remus. Good night!" Lupin made a tactful exit, as Snape placed the tray down on a table near the fire. "To what do I owe this great honor?" Clancy asked him.
"A celebration is in order." He reached inside his cloak and presented Clancy with her purse.
"My purse! Where did you find it?"
"It found me. I stopped in for lunch at the Cauldron, and Tom gave it to me to return to you. Someone read your medicine label inside, and brought it to the Grangers; they brought it to the Cauldron."
"What luck! I'm so grateful to get this back. I hope -- " she began, rummaging through the bag, "oh, good, the pictures are still here. That's a relief! Thank you, Severus."
"Pictures?" Snape probed.
"Family photographs. They're very dear to me."
"May I pour you some tea?"
"No, thank you. I'm still quite full from dinner. I'll sit with you while you have some, though."
Snape positioned himself between Clancy and the table. After he had poured two cups of tea, he reached into his pocket and withdrew the phial of Veritaserum. He hesitated for a moment, aware of the fact that the Ministry of Magic strictly controlled the use of this powerful truth potion. Still, Clancy had concealed things from him. She could be an agent of the Dark Lord himself, for all he knew. He needed to know about Aunt Hilly and this sinister Magic Kingdom.
Dispensing three drops of Veritaserum into one of the cups, he turned and offered the cup to Clancy. "Have a few sips, just to be sociable," Snape coaxed.
"Oh, very well." Clancy pulled a chair up close to the fire, and then began drinking the tea.
Snape seated himself in a nearby chair. He studied Clancy, waiting for the potion to take effect. Clancy's pupils began to dilate, so he knew it was safe to proceed. She gazed into the fire, as if in a trance, not realizing she was about to be interrogated. "Clancy?" he began.
"Yes, Severus," she responded slowly and evenly. She continued staring into the fire, hypnotized by the flames.
"What brought you to Hogwarts?"
"You did."
"I'm not referring to yesterday. I mean, when you first arrived here."
"The Hogwarts Express."
"Must you be so literal?"
"Yes, unless you phrase your questions more precisely."
Snape was growing impatient. "What was your reason for coming to Hogwarts last year?"
"You."
"Why are you talking in circles?"
"I'm not talking in circles. I'm answering your questions."
"Let's start from the beginning, shall we? Why did Dumbledore invite you here?"
"Before my aunt died, she left instructions for me to inform Albus of her passing. They were very good friends. I wrote to him, and he invited me to Hogwarts. He enclosed a train ticket."
"Why did you want to visit here?"
"To meet you."
"How did you even know of me?"
"My aunt told me constantly how kind, handsome, and wonderful you were. You had her fooled."
"Never mind the uncalled-for observations. Just answer my questions. Your aunt spoke of me, often?"
"Yes. She loved you. It broke her heart when she was forced to leave."
"Forced to leave? How?"
"Your grandfather threatened her, and my uncle, too. Aunt Hilly never wanted to leave you. You meant everything to her."
This was not at all what Snape had expected to hear. He had convinced himself that Clancy was deceiving him for some unknown, evil purpose. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from his heart. After years of bitterness, he had learned that his beloved aunt had loved him, and not deserted him, as he had been led to believe. And now, Clancy, whom he realized he also loved, had proven to him that she was guileless. "Why didn't you tell me any of this when you first came to Hogwarts?" he wondered.
"Albus thought it best to wait. He felt that you had enough on your mind. I wanted to tell you, but you treated me cruelly, so I gave up. I almost left the castle that first week because of you."
Snape, satisfied with her answers, decided to explore a new topic. "What were you and Lupin doing as I came in?"
"The Hokey Pokey."
"And, what is the 'Hokey Pokey'?"
"A Muggle dance."
"Oh. Are you becoming infatuated with Lupin?"
"How could I be, when I'm in love with you?"
"You're ... in love ... with me?"
"Yes."
"You find me handsome?"
"No. You're as ugly as sin."
Snape was getting more of the truth than he had bargained for. "How can you be in love with me, then?" he challenged.
"Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I think you're as cute as a bug's ear."
"But, why do you think you love me?"
"You're a complete mess; somebody has to. You're also brave, competent, intelligent and witty. I think I fell in love with you the night of the Dueling Club."
"Really?" Snape paused. Then, he asked, "What would you like to do right now, more than anything else in the world?"
"Play Ping-Pong."
This was not the response Snape expected. He gulped some tea, and found his courage. "Would you like me to remain here tonight, and make love to you?"
"Yes, and no."
"Which is it?" Snape demanded.
"Yes, I'd like you to make love to me, but not tonight. I want to be courted first."
"In what way? Candy? Flowers? Poetry?"
Clancy snorted.
"Well, what is it you want, then?"
"Romance."
"Define 'romance'."
"I can't."
"How do you expect me to understand what you want, if you don't?"
"I'll know it when I feel it."
"What do you suggest I do?"
"Be creative. Improvise."
What an impossible female, Snape concluded, as he stared vacantly into the fire. "I'll give the matter some thought," he mumbled. He gathered up the tea tray and started toward the door. Pausing, he said, "Oh, one more thing: What is the 'Magic Kingdom', and why is one required to wear black hats with ears?"
"It's an amusement park for Muggles, like Madame Tussaud's, but on a much grander scale. The hats are souvenir items, so people can pretend they're Mickey Mouse."
"Who is 'Mickey Mouse'?"
"A sweet little character with a comical face. He wears white gloves and short trousers with large buttons."
"You actually find such a creature appealing?"
"Yes, very. He's as cute as a bug's ear, just like you."
Snape shook his head. "Good night, Clancy. You had better go to bed." He let himself out the door, and lingered for a moment in the corridor, reflecting upon her last disclosure. "Hmm," he marveled aloud. "She finds both me and a mouse wearing clothes appealing? It must have something to do with the buttons!" Snape shrugged. With a jaunty step, he took off toward the dungeons.