Chapter 26: There’ll Be Some Changes Made
Once classes resumed, Snape and Clancy fell into a comfortable routine of nightly trysts. Snape had been mistaken in assuming Dumbledore would connect their rooms by Floo before their return from the Kilty Pleasures. The headmaster had more weighty matters on his mind than a love affair between two teachers. Dumbledore approved Snape’s request in short order, but voiced no opinion concerning the arrangement.
Clancy set a few simple ground rules early on: Snape would have to come to her. Still plagued by allergies, she preferred to avoid Floo travel, and the prospect of a lover’s rendezvous in the dank, musty dungeons held little appeal. In addition, Clancy prevailed upon Snape to magically remodel her bathtub and shower. She had plans for their use that would require a bit more elbowroom. Also, the pair of dear old crones that cackled down at her from the portrait behind her bed would have to go. The first night Snape and she spent together, the elderly spinsters placed their hands discreetly over their eyes, but Clancy caught Prudence peeking through her fingers.
Snape obliged willingly. He didn’t mind coming to her room or making the improvements she’d requested. He didn’t have the foggiest notion why Clancy required built-in dispensers of whipped cream and chocolate sauce inside her shower, but he certainly couldn’t wait to find out. It took the formidable abilities of Dumbledore himself to reverse the Permanent Sticking Charm that anchored the portrait of the elderly witches to the wall. As compensation for displacing them from their happy home, the ladies were taken to a storeroom and placed facing the Mirror of Erised. Forever more, the ancient spinsters would see themselves as young and beautiful with throngs of male admirers worshiping at their feet.
Never one to give freely without gaining something in return, Snape demanded that Clancy discontinue her friendship with Remus Lupin. Her response to his unreasonable proposal was negative, although she did agree not to discuss their relationship with the Dark Arts professor.
There was one last concession Clancy insisted Snape make: Every other Thursday was Anagram Night. She intended to spend her time playing word games with Dumbledore, Flitwick, and Lupin. She encouraged Snape to join them, but true to his antisocial nature, he declined, preferring to use the time to mark essays and supervise detentions.
Meals in the Great Hall were as they always had been. Snape isolated himself at the far end of the High Table, while Clancy dined beside Lupin. She did take to wearing the pineapple pin on her lapel and would occasionally toy with it as a signal to Snape that she was thinking of him.
On school nights, Snape would visit her room but return to his own quarters before morning. The sudden increase in physical exercise coupled with lack of sleep had turned the Potions master into an absolute bear with his students, although none of them seemed to suspect the cause. Snape and Clancy relished their weekends together.
On Sunday morning, the 9th of January, Snape awoke late. He reached for Clancy only to find her space unoccupied. He called to her, but received no answer. Checking the bathroom and discovering it empty, Snape grew anxious. Mistrustful by nature, he had visions of Clancy and Lupin frolicking about the castle grounds and romping in the snow. In his mind’s eye, he could see Lupin fashioning a skinny snowman with a disproportionate nose and naming it Snivellus. Snape returned to bed and cursed the day he’d allowed a woman to get into his blood.
Moments later, the door flew open and Clancy entered carrying a square, cardboard box. “Good morning, Severus!” she called cheerfully.
“Where the devil have you been?” Snape demanded.
“Down in the kitchen picking up my order,” she informed him, placing the box on a table.
“Why bother? I could have summoned one of the house-elves to bring breakfast.”
“This isn’t our breakfast; it’s your birthday cake. Happy 34th birthday!”
Snape leaped out of bed to inspect the contents of the box. Inside was a round, white cake with a border of green frosting. One candle adorned the center. “How did you learn that today is my birthday? I never mark the occasion. The staff knows my wishes and none of them ever mentions it. Who told you?” he asked suspiciously.
“I’ve always known. Every year since I’ve been old enough to remember, Aunt Hilly baked a cake, and we’d celebrate your birthday together. She’d make a wish for you, and I’d blow out the candles.
“Really? What did she wish?”
“I don’t know. She never spoke the wish aloud. I remember her eyes would always get teary, so I’d try to do something to make her laugh.”
“This is incredible,” Snape said solemnly. “I had no idea that an aunt whom I’d thought had abandoned me and a girl whom I never knew existed were celebrating my birthday thousands of miles away.” He shook his head in wonder. “Why didn’t you tell me this last year?”
“You were barely speaking to me last year. If I’d thought of giving you a cake at all, it would have been to throw in your face.”
Swiping his finger through the frosting, Snape presented it to Clancy to lick clean, and she obliged. “Do you know what I would have done to you if you’d tried that?”
“Yes,” she said with a smirk. “To intimidate me you would have made some empty threat that you had no intention of carrying out. You had feelings for me even then but you were too pig-headed to admit it.”
“You think you have me sorted out completely, don’t you?”
Clancy dipped her own finger into the frosting and spread it across Snape’s thin mouth. “Not completely, but I’m learning. Shall we have our little celebration now?”
Licking the frosting off his lips, Snape picked up Clancy. “An excellent idea.”
“I meant shall we cut the cake?”
“I had something else in mind,” Snape revealed, lowering her to the bed.
Clancy looked up at him with a wicked grin. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
The first month of their affair was idyllic. Snape was on his best behavior when he was with Clancy. Around his students, however, he was as disagreeable as he’d ever been. Saturday, the 12th of February, was a particularly exasperating day for Snape. By the time he appeared in Clancy’s room that evening, he had worked himself into quite a lather.
As he stepped out of the Floo, Clancy sensed that he was in a dark mood. “What’s wrong, Severus?” she asked consolingly.
“I’ve had a most trying afternoon,” Snape said bitterly as he paced the room.
“If you’d care to talk, I’ll lend you a sympathetic ear.”
Snape paused for a moment to scowl at her. “It involves Lupin. I’m sure you’ll side with him.”
“Not necessarily. I feel I can be objective.” Clancy motioned for Snape to take a seat by the fire, and after a time, he did so.
“It began when I discovered Potter emerging from behind the statue of the one-eyed witch. One of the students from my House came to my office to report that he saw Potter’s head in Hogsmeade near the Shrieking Shack.”
“Just his head? Did you slip him a swig of your Invisibility Potion when he wasn’t looking?”
“No,” Snape said crossly. “I don’t know how he managed it, but if his head was spotted in Hogsmeade, it means the rest of him was there, too. I won’t rest until I find out how.”
“He’s only a boy. Boys that age are always getting into mischief.”
“Potter does a good deal more than ‘get into mischief’.” He’s an arrogant rule-breaker, just like his father. The young fool is making himself an open target for Black!”
“If you say so, Severus. Harry Potter isn’t in choir, so I don’t pay much attention to him. I still don’t know why everyone makes such a fuss over the boy or why he’s in danger from Sirius Black. What has Remus to do with this?”
“Lupin!” Snape growled, clutching the arms of his chair so tightly that his hands trembled. “I called Potter into my office and made him turn out his pockets. I knew he was hiding something. I found a magical map, and when I commanded it to reveal its secrets, the blasted thing insulted me.”
“I’m sorry, Severus. Tell me what it said,” Clancy urged.
Snape was enraged. “It told me I had an abnormally large nose which I should keep out of other people’s business. It called me an ugly git and registered astonishment that an idiot like me could ever become a professor! But it didn’t stop there. It concluded its remarks by bidding me a good day and calling me a slimeball who needed to wash his hair!” Snape rose and began pacing, again.
“None of that’s true,” Clancy said soothingly. “The map’s comments were childish. You shouldn’t take them seriously.”
“Then you disagree with the remarks it made about me?”
“Basically, yes…if you don’t press for details.”
“I BEG YOUR PARDON?” Snape shouted, veins bulging at his temples.
“I’ll tell you the unvarnished truth, if that’s what you really want to hear, Severus.”
Snape stopped his pacing and stood looming over her. “Tell me,” he insisted.
“Very well. Here it is, then: You do have a large nose, but it is not abnormally large. Sometimes you do act like a git, but your ugliness lies in your manner, much more than in your physical appearance. At times, you behave like an idiot, but you are obviously more than qualified to be a Hogwarts professor. I do not in any way, shape, or form, consider you to be a ‘slimeball’ and,” she added softly, fiddling with his buttons, “your hair has never looked cleaner than it has this past month.”
“Stop undressing me!” he sputtered, batting her hands away. “I haven’t told you about Lupin, yet.” He resumed pacing.
“I’m still listening,” Clancy said patiently, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.
“I called him into my office by Floo and asked him to explain the map, since he’s the expert on Dark Magic. He tried to convince me that he knew nothing about it and that Potter probably obtained it from Zonko’s Joke Shop. Potter’s cohort Weasley picked that precise moment to arrive and to provide his confirmation. Lupin pocketed the map, and then all three of the liars waltzed out of my office without so much as a backward glance! Can’t you understand why I’m upset?” Snape thundered. “My authority is undermined continually not only by addle-brained Gryffindors, but also by Hogwarts faculty!”
“Yes, Severus, I do understand why you’re upset. Would you like me to speak to Remus about it?”
Snape whirled on Clancy with a look of fury in his eyes. “I don’t need any help from you! You filthy, little““
“Severus!”
He crossed over to the bed. “Clancy, I “"
“Get out.”
“Please, I didn’t mean “"
“Take your bad temper and your Floo powder and go to blazes!”
Congratulations, Snape, he admonished himself. Keep this up and you’ll lose the only person who seems to give a damn about you. Control your emotions and do some fast thinking. “Valentine’s Day is only two days away. I’ve already“"
“You’ve already what? Composed a sarcastic poem to belittle me? I can just imagine how it might go,” Clancy snapped, and then began imitating Snape’s irritating, hissing voice.
“Now, with her, I am conjoined;
Two as one, we share a bed
My reason gone, thus purloined
By a worthless cotton-head”
“And that,” she continued, “would be your flattering poem!”
“Hmm,” Snape responded haughtily, evaluating her offering, “you are capable of rhyming four lines within a quatrain, after all.”
Clancy reached for the Summoning Bell that she kept on her bed table and threw it at Snape as hard as she could. He managed to duck. The bell crashed against the far wall.
“If you wish to summon me, a simple tinkle will suffice.”
“I am not summoning you; I am dismissing you,” Clancy retorted.
Snape held his ground. “Suppose we apologize to one another on the count of three, and then I’ll remain.”
“If you think that’s likely to happen, then perhaps I should register my astonishment that an idiot like you was ever made a professor! GOOD NIGHT!”
With a snarl and a swoosh, Snape entered the Floo with his cloak between his legs and disappeared in a burst of green flames.
As Valentine’s Day approached, Clancy prepared herself for a disappointment. She knew Snape was not the sentimental sort. In fact, neither had spoken to the other since their spat. The morning after their quarrel, Clancy made a deliberate decision not to wear her pineapple pin to breakfast. Snape noticed she wasn’t wearing it and stormed out of the Great Hall halfway through the meal.
When the 14th of February arrived, the atmosphere was much more subdued than it had been the previous year. Only last week, Sirius Black had managed to break into Gryffindor Tower, and security trolls were still guarding the portrait of the Fat Lady. Gone were the sour-faced dwarves and garish decorations that had been the brainchild of Gilderoy Lockhart. Aside from some cards exchanged among the students and some heart-shaped muffins, breakfast in the Great Hall was much the same as it was on any other morning.
Clancy was concerned that Lupin, in a gesture of friendship, might remember her with candy or flowers. That would not set well with Snape and she would be sure to be on the receiving end of one of his venomous glares. How many times had Snape told her he was not susceptible to jealousy? Humbug.
At lunchtime, Snape didn’t even appear. Clancy imagined him brooding over a cauldron or skulking morosely across the length of his office.
Directly after choir practice, Lupin called upon Clancy in the choir room. Seated at her desk, she saw Lupin enter and smiled up at him warmly. Snape sauntered in moments later and helped himself to a seat near the back of the room. Picking up a scrap of parchment from atop her desk, Lupin transfigured it into a small bouquet of flowers. Arms folded across his chest, Snape watched the werewolf’s performance.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Clancy,” Lupin said sincerely.
“Thank you, Remus. You’re always so thoughtful. I wish I were able to transfigure something for you, but unfortunately, I’m just not magical.”
“You’re magical in other ways,” Lupin assured her.
As their exchange was taking place, Snape held his stomach melodramatically and pantomimed retching. Clancy caught Snape’s act out of the corner of her eye. Lupin, standing with his back to Snape, was unaware that the Potions master had entered the room.
“You’re very sweet to say so, Remus,” Clancy told him, laying it on thick for Snape’s benefit.
“There is one thing you could do for me, if you don’t mind.”
“Yes?”
“Filius told me you can compose poetry extemporaneously. Do you suppose you could do so now?”
“I don’t see why not,” Clancy said casually. “How’s this?”
“A wizard schooled in chivalry
Beside him others pale
He bears his fate with gallantry
With or without his tail”
Lupin threw back his head and laughed heartily. As he was doing so, Clancy shot Snape her best what-do-you-think-of-that look. Snape responded by shaking his head slowly and pinching his nose.
“Clancy, your humor is so refreshing. I can’t tell you how tiresome it’s become always having people feeling sorry for me.”
“You have a positive attitude, Remus. That’s half the battle. If everyone could learn to face their sorrows with your good humor, the Wizarding world would be a much nicer place.”
“How can you compose rhymes in your head so easily?” Lupin wondered.
“My aunt taught me when I was very young. We used to carry on long conversations in verse just to amuse ourselves. I’ve been doing it for so many years that it’s become second nature to me.”
“Well, it’s a rare and wonderful gift.”
“It’s not that special. Severus can do it, too.”
Lupin cocked his head dubiously. “Severus?”
“Yes.” Looking over at Snape, she called out, “Why don’t you join us and impress Remus with your brilliance?”
Lupin made a half turn, noticing Snape for the first time. “Hello, Severus. I didn’t see you come in.”
The Potion master’s scowl deepened. “Surely the headmaster retained you for more important tasks than transfiguring parchment into posies. Please don’t let us keep you from your duties.”
Lupin told Clancy he would see her at dinner, and then made a diplomatic exit.
“Grow up, Severus,” Clancy scolded, as soon as they were alone.
“You’re speaking to me, again?”
“I never stopped speaking to you. I thought you had stopped speaking to me.”
Snape rose and approached her desk. “If an apology will help, I’ll make one,” he offered.
“All right, go ahead.”
“I’ve already done so. That was my apology.”
Clancy made a show of picking up Remus’ bouquet to admire it. Aiming his wand, Snape blasted it out of her hands, reducing it to dust.
“That was a petty thing to do.”
“You’re mine. I will not allow you to receive gifts from other men -- especially Lupin.”
Clancy laughed weakly. “I will assume that you've just imbibed a Possessiveness Potion, and for your sake, I hope it wears off quickly.”
“Why are you no longer wearing your pineapple pin?” Snape demanded.
“Its absence signifies my disappointment in you.”
“What must I do in order for you to wear it again?”
“Change. Radically.”
“I can make no guarantees.”
“In that case, neither can I.”
“Will you come down to the dungeons with me for a moment?”
“What for?”
“Your Valentine’s gift is there. I wish to present it to you.”
“Why not bring it up here to me?”
“That would be rather hard to do.”
Snape had aroused her curiosity. “All right,” Clancy agreed, “but this had better be good.”
As they descended the long, stone stairway, Snape asked, “Are you giving me anything?”
“I'm giving you just what you deserve -- nothing.”
Silently, Snape led Clancy through his office to a door behind his desk. “Your gift is in here,” he told her, guiding her into a dark storeroom.
“Brrr,” Clancy shivered, “it’s colder than an icebox in here.”
“That is precisely why I selected this location. LUMOS!” Snape commanded, and a wall sconce lighted.
Clancy looked around. The room was filled to capacity with cans of Diet Dr. Pepper. “How did all this get here?”
“I arranged with Tom to acquire them from a Muggle shop. He purchased several large shipments over a period of weeks and had them delivered to the Leaky Cauldron. I Flooed there during lunch today, applied a Shrinking Charm to the crates, and then returned with them to the castle.”
“Severus, this is absolutely amazing! How many cans are there?”
“Six thousand.”
“Six thousand?” Clancy repeated in disbelief. “Even if I drank five cans a day, it would take me over three years to finish all of this. Why so many?”
“To prove a point,” Snape informed her imperiously. “Lupin gave you six cans for Christmas. This is my way of illustrating that I am one thousand times better than Remus Lupin.”
Snape’s male logic confounded Clancy. It was quite apparent to her that he’d spend an exorbitant part of his salary in a rather juvenile attempt to show up Lupin. He could have given her a ring for far less than what he must have paid for this cache of carbonation, but would the obvious ever occur to Snape? To the contrary, it seemed to be his goal to embrace the obscure, which probably explained, in part, why Clancy was so madly in love with him. It had just begun to dawn on her, however, that her Potions master paramour was emotionally stunted.
She decided to give the devil his due. “Thank you, Severus. I can say in all honesty that this is the most…unusual Valentine’s gift I’ve ever received. It’s rather romantic in an odd way.”
“Then am I invited back to your room tonight?” Snape inquired hopefully.
“As long as you can control your temper, but consider yourself on probation. And Severus,” she added in a seductive whisper.
“Yes?”
“Be sure to arrive early and bring me what I’ve been craving.”
“My Neeps and Tatties are eager for your attention,” Snape assured her.
“I didn’t mean that. I meant a couple of cans of ice-cold Dr. Pepper!”
Reconciled once more, Clancy decided to concentrate on Snape’s positive traits instead of his negative ones. Unfortunately, the scale was tipped decidedly in the wrong direction. Unpredictable at best, his temper seemed to be growing worse. She found it disturbing that Snape had lashed out at her when she had offered to speak with Lupin on his behalf, but she tried to rationalize that he had been under a great deal of stress that day. Still, she would not allow him to get away with surly behavior.
The next few months passed without incident, and for the most part, Clancy was happy. She assumed that Snape was satisfied with their arrangement, as well, although he never expressed his feelings in words. In fact, the more they were together, the less communicative he became.
Snape worked hard trying to please Clancy in unconventional ways. He became obsessed with perfecting his Acne Potion, not out of empathy for Eloise Midgen, but to be hailed by Clancy as a genius. He substituted veela eyebrows in place of eyelashes, doubled the amount of bubotuber pus, and added one chin hair from a Himalayan hag, just to keep Eloise’s hip gyrations under control.
The night before the Spring Concert, Clancy insisted that Eloise test the potion for the dress rehearsal, just to make sure the actual performance would run smoothly. The young singer performed beautifully, with clear skin and no untoward side effects. Unfortunately, the potion’s curative properties were still temporary.
The following evening, the show was a great success. Both choirs outdid themselves, and Eloise was the hit of the show. After the performers took their bows, Professor Dumbledore stepped forward to present Clancy with a large bouquet of roses in recognition of her achievement. The students and guests applauded enthusiastically, although the response from the Slytherins was rather restrained. Wearing the thinnest trace of a smile, Snape stood in the back of the Great Hall with his eyes fixed on the choir teacher.
As Clancy searched the room trying to locate Snape, she glanced in the direction of the Slytherins and locked eyes with a silver-haired wizard with a pale, pointed face. He regarded her with a disturbing expression that made her feel as if he disapproved of her, as he brought his hands together lightly, clapping superficially. Uncomfortable, she looked away.
Later that night, when Snape and she were alone in her room, they discussed the evening’s events. “Severus,” Clancy asked, “is it my imagination or don’t Slytherins like music? No students from your House have ever auditioned for choir.”
“Aside from an obligation to support our Quidditch team, I never concern myself with their extracurricular activities.”
“Then you’ve done nothing to discourage them from participating?”
“No, nothing at all. I rather enjoy music apart from your singing. I would even go so far as to concede that Miss Midgen has a pleasant voice. She will never achieve the melodic perfection of Miss Warbeck, however.”
“And who is Miss Warbeck?”
Snape made no attempt to mask his disdain for her ignorance. “Miss Celestina Warbeck is the greatest living singer of Wizarding music. She is hailed throughout Britain and all of Europe as the divine Singing Sorceress, yet to Muggles she is unknown. The ignorance of your society astounds me.”
“Hmm. Is she pretty?”
“What has that to do with anything? I believe she will be turning 77 this year.”
Clancy breathed a sigh of relief. “There are plenty of famous Muggle singers with whom, I am sure, you are unfamiliar.”
“Let’s keep it that way, shall we?”
“As you wish, Severus.”
“Let’s get to bed,” Snape suggested eagerly.
“Severus?”
“Yes?” he answered impatiently.
“Who was the light-haired gentleman with the pointy chin that was standing near the Slytherin table?”
Snape started. “Why do you ask?”
“He looked at me as though I were dirt beneath his feet; in fact, he frightened me a little. At times I get the feeling that it’s me the Slytherins object to, more than the choir.”
Snape was uncertain how to address Clancy’s question. The less she knew about Malfoy, the better off she’d be. “He’s a former school governor. His son is in my House.”
“Is his son that horrid boy who made a big squawk about being attacked by the hippogriff? I remember some of my students discussing it. The man was standing directly behind the boy; they look a great deal alike.”
“Yes,” Snape confirmed cautiously. “The Malfoys are a very old and aristocratic Wizarding family.”
“Is he one of those pure-bloods you were telling me about?”
“Er…yes. Now put him out of your mind, and let’s retire. I’m sure you only imagined that he disliked of you.”
“All right, Severus. Whatever you say.”
Once they were in bed, Clancy dozed off quickly, exhausted from the excitement of the show. Snape lay awake cradling her in his arms. Yet another worry to distract me. Potter is always up to something, and Black is on the loose. Lupin’s mere presence stirs up painful memories, and now Malfoy. He closed his eyes willing himself to sleep, but sleep would not come. It’s nearly June, Snape realized. Surely the remainder of this abysmal school term will pass without incident. At last, he allowed himself to drift into an uneasy dream state, a twisted nightmare of full moons, maps, and Malfoys -- and a wily werewolf pilfering Dr. Pepper.