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Fool Me Once... by Crickette

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A/N: Contains sexual content. Reader discretion is advised (I've always wanted to say that).

Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place was beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

The smell of roasted chestnuts and fresh pine drifted throughout the house and replaced the usual musty, slightly stale odor. Shiny garlands of holly hung from every corner while heaping piles of snow formed a powdery carpet over the floors. A continual fire burned in the parlor, radiating warmth, and a grandly decorated tree stood proudly in the center. Though most everyone had retired to their bedrooms, the house still echoed of lively conversation and cheer. Harry and Hermione, along with the Weasley’s, had all returned from Hogwarts about a week earlier, and though Miriam was delighted to have them back, she sincerely wished the circumstances regarding their return weren’t quite so ominous. An incident involving Harry, Mr. Weasley, and a giant snake in the Department of Mysteries had landed Mr. Weasley in the hospital, and left Harry a bit traumatized, in Miriam’s opinion. However, he seemed to be coping well with the help of his friends, and Sirius’ pleasure in having the house full once again was enough to lift even the lowest of spirits. More than once, Miriam had caught herself humming along to his deafening renditions of Herbert the Holiday House Elf.

Much to Miriam’s satisfaction, Sirius was looking better than she had yet to see him. He had gained weight, and was beginning to look healthy, the gaunt look in his face seeming to fade more with each passing day. Miriam, despite being enormously skilled in mixing potions and boiling tonics could never quite master the art of cooking; yet Sirius, like he always had, downed whatever atrocity she managed to conjure without complaint and never failed to ask for seconds, though Miriam knew that each swallow took a mighty effort.

However, this did not come without some retribution. Whenever he could manage it, Sirius would somehow back Miriam into a corner, hallway, or closet, where a conveniently placed mistletoe just happened to hang. From Miriam’s perspective, this threatened the relatively comfortable friendship they had begun to reignite, yet she would feel foolish to protest; the incidents were made to seem brief and somehow casual. A kiss on the cheek, perhaps on her hand, her forehead. Nothing more, and to the casual onlooker, as harmless as a pat on the back, but for Miriam began to stir feelings and needs without the deepest pit of her belly that she had long thought dead. And he knew it too, she thought, oh how he knew it. It was infuriating, both the fact that she was aware of, yet couldn’t resist being the pawn in his ingenious and torturously slow game, and how her anger seemed the please him all the more. They were both conscious of the fact that sometime soon it would not be her hand or her cheek, and the idea both terrified and thrilled her. The question was, where would they go from there?

In spite of the troubles plaguing everyone’s minds, Christmas Eve had turned out to be a joyous, festive occasion. Mrs. Weasley had outdone herself with a feast so extraordinary, seconds, and then thirds were devoured in no time. Miriam then played a game of wizard chess against Ron, losing so miserably that her own queen actually began to wave her scepter threateningly in Miriam’s direction. Everyone roasted marshmallows in the blazing fireplace, and went up to bed with hot chocolate warming pleasantly in their stomachs. Miriam however, was did not feel the least bit sleepy. She sat on the floor in the sitting room, leaning against the cushy sofa and staring into the fireplace. Soon Miriam was lost in her thoughts, and she stared fixedly into the fire as though hypnotized. Sirius found her there. The room was dark but for the glow emitting from the flames, painting her face with a golden sheen and dancing bewitchingly her eyes.

Her gazed at her for just a moment, etching the scene into his memory. Without a word, Sirius took the floor next to her, their shoulders bumping companionably against each other. When he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and leaned her into him, she didn’t resist.

They sat together in silence, until the ancient grandfather clock struck midnight. Miriam sighed peacefully, her head resting comfortably on Sirius’ shoulder. At least for the moment, it was as though the fire had seemed to burn something away in her, something terribly sad and secret. For now, she was content.

“Merry Christmas,” she said softly.

Sirius was quiet for a moment, his only response to trail a hand lazily up and down her arm. He then got to his feet, pulling Miriam up with him.

“Come with me,” he said, taking her hand and entwining their fingers so they fit together like a puzzle. “I have something for you.”

Miriam frowned, but followed him up the darkened stairs lit only by candlelight. Entering his attic bedroom, Sirius let go of her hand and strode over to the poorly-made bed, where an even more poorly-wrapped gift in shiny red with a green bow sat. Miriam, however, gazed curiously around the bare room. She had yet to see where he slept, and feeling ridiculously awkward, felt a warm flush rise to her cheeks. Miriam, thankful for the dim light, walked over to an old dresser where a single photograph framed in wood sat propped up. In the photograph, a younger and somehow noticeably more innocent Miriam stood in a bright kitchen, grinning delightedly. In her arms was a small infant with bright green eyes, smiling and reaching up to grab at her hair. Sirius stood with his arm around Miriam, gazing down at the baby Harry, and then back up at the Miriam who held the photograph.

Miriam suddenly felt her throat tighten up and her eyes begin to sting. She remembered everything about that scene; Lily and James had brought Harry back from the hospital that same day, and Lily had excitedly insisted on taking the picture.

“You’re his godparents, after all!” she had exclaimed while passing a gurgling Harry into Miriam’s arms. “You’re family.”

“Miriam?”

Startled, Miriam set the picture back down on the dresser a bit too hard, knocking it over. Struggling for casualty, she cleared her throat, set the picture back up, and turned to face Sirius with a horribly fake smile plastered on her face.

“Ah...” she sputtered, terribly flustered, “I was just looking. It’s…”

“A nice memory, isn’t it?” Sirius finished for her. “I have more, if you’d like to view them sometime.” She looked troubled for a moment but recovered quickly. However, before she could respond, he held out the present to her. “Here. I think you’ll find this…necessary.”

Miriam gave a puzzled smile, but walked with the gift to sit on the bed. She flashed him a quick grin, and then tore at the wrapping like an eager child, making him laugh.

“Oh,” she said at first, very quietly like a sigh. Then, she stood up and held the long, dark coat out in front of her, her voice growing louder and rising in pitch. “Oh. Oh wow. Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow!”

Sirius grinned and watched delightedly as Miriam rushed over to the full-length mirror in the corner of the room, slipping on the elegant coat and twirling around to admire her reflection.

“It suits you,” he said, placing his hands into his pockets and strolling over to her.

“You bet your ass it does!” Miriam exclaimed, sparing him a glance before returning her gaze to the mirror.

“If it’s not your size, I can always take it back “”

“Don’t you dare!” she growled, and he chuckled amusedly. “Mine.”

Miriam ran a hand greedily down the buttery black leather. The coat fit to her perfectly, skimming just below her knees. It was like standing in a hug made of pure luxury. Almost regrettably, she turned away from the mirror to him.

“Thank you,” she said, truly touched. “It’s perfect.” A thought suddenly occurred to her, and Miriam narrowed her eyes and stared shrewdly at Sirius.

“I really don’t want to know how you got this into the house, do I?”

When he only responded with a smug smile, Miriam sighed, defeated.

“I figured as much. It’s just lovely, really it is. I don’t know how to thank you.”

An odd gleam in his eye, Sirius stepped towards her and cupped a hand at the nape of her neck, squeezing lightly. Miriam found her eyelids wanting to flutter closed, and held up a hand between them, landing it on the spot where she could feel the steady heartbeat bump. Her fingers itched to curl around the fabric of his shirt and yank him towards her. For just a second, Miriam wondered when and where her mind had suddenly decided to take a holiday vacation.

“Wait,” she said, forcing herself to speak. “I have something for you, too.”

Miriam saw the hint of frustration and impatience in his eyes, and couldn’t resist the giddy flutter in her stomach. Only with Sirius had Miriam ever known the pleasure and thrill of being wanted just that much by another. She took his hand, and led him down the stairs to her second-story bedroom, quietly as so not to disturb any of the others. Closing the door behind them with a quiet click, Miriam reached beneath her bed and extracted two shiny packages, one a box, the other a lumpy sack of some kind.

“Open this one first,” she said with a smile, holding out the small bag to him.

Touched that she had even thought to get him a gift, Sirius flashed her a mischievous grin, and pulled the ribbon at the neck of the back, peering inside. Sirius stared into the bag for a moment and then threw his head back, laughing heartily. Miriam felt the color rise to her cheeks, and she shifted, slightly embarrassed.

“I felt bad,” admitted Miriam, smiling sheepishly.

Sirius plucked out one of the honey-colored toffees and popped it into his mouth. He closed his eyes and sighed in an almost dreamy manner.

“Delicious,” he said thickly, the sticky candy making it difficult to speak clearly. “Thanks.”

“And this,” said Miriam, picking up the boxy gift and handing it to him. “I think you’ll like this, I…I’ve had it for a while now, but I thought you’d “ well, you’ll see.”

Sirius tore open the neat wrapping to reveal a plain, white shoebox, and lifted the cover. A moment later, he lifted what appeared to be a pair of miniature binoculars, and shot Miriam a curious glance.

“They’re from France,” she explained. “Go ahead, look into them. Tell me what you see.”

Interested, Sirius peered into the eyeholes.

“It’s the Eiffel Tower,” he said, amazed. “I’ve never seen it like this before…only in photographs. It’s like I’m staring straight at it. And there are people, strolling along, holding hands…” Sirius shifted slightly, and the view shifted with him. Turning slowly, he saw little cafes, pigeons scavenging the crumbs. He lowered the binoculars and looked at Miriam. “Is all of this happening right now? Am I looking into Paris at the present moment?”

Miriam nodded.

“They’re called Window-Scopes. It shows Paris, or whatever other city you purchased them in, exactly as you would see it if you were looking through a window right now. I thought you might enjoy them since, well, you don’t really get out much. And even if you did look out a window, this neighborhood isn’t exactly…y’know. Scenic. Do you like them?”

Suddenly overcome by emotion, Sirius found he couldn’t speak for a moment. When he did, his voice was rougher than usual.

“They’re perfect,” he said, walking towards her. “And so are you.”

“No. I’m not,” she said, and feeling both flustered and jumpy, walked over to the door, placing a hand on the knob. “And it’s late. We should both…you should probably leave, before “”

“Before what, exactly?” Sirius asked, undiscouraged. He was so close their toes bumped together, and he plastered his hands against the wall on either side of her waist, trapping her where she stood. With a self-satisfied glint in his eyes, he leaned down to nibble at her jaw line, pleased to hear her sharp intake of breath.

Miriam heard a dull buzz in her ears, and she felt a rush of heat flood her system, her brain, making it cloudy and difficult to concentrate. Focus, she told herself, but the voice sounded very meek and feeble.

“Before we do something we’ll both regret,” she managed, pressing her weight against the wall and off of her wobbly knees.

“You’re right,” said Sirius. “I guess that means I’m not leaving just yet.” And before she could respond, Sirius lowered his head and captured her mouth in one fell swoop, swallowing her thin squeak of protest.

It was like being swallowed whole, sip by torturously slow sip. She clung to him, hanging on for dear life as passion fused with need, pushing them towards a dangerous cliff. Miriam could feel his restraint, the near violence of it as they edged that slippery slope, yet she was already falling, plunging into a darkness she couldn’t navigate, couldn’t control.

Sirius could feel his own control slipping away from him. He had meant to be slow, patient, but her immediate surrender had his blood up, and he dove his fingers into her hair, releasing the prim bun and filling his hands with her. Not yet, he told himself. Not yet. But here she was, all lax and soft in his arms, molding to him in a perfect fit. He knew he could have her now, knew she would not resist. But she wouldn’t be his. With great reluctance, he dragged her head back and gazed over her face. Miriam’s eyes were glazed over and she looked disorientated, as though she had just been awoken from a dream. Her mouth was swollen, her breathing short and erratic. It was a moment before either of them spoke.

“What are we doing here?” Miriam asked, her voice unsteady.

Sirius thought for a moment. “Well,” he said casually, “I don’t know about you, but I’m trying to make you fall in love with me again.”

For once, Miriam wasn’t flustered or unsure. Suddenly, she felt very calm. Boldness, it always seemed, managed to strike her at the oddest of times.

“You’re wasting your time then,” she said matter-of-factly, and pushed open the door, gesturing him outside. Seeing his angry expression, anticipating the protest, Miriam surprised them both with her easy laugh.

“Come on, Sirius. Let’s be realistic here. Do you honestly think I could have possibly hated you as ferociously as I have, for fifteen years, if I had ever stopped loving you?”

And with that, Miriam shut the door smartly in his face, forcing between them what seemed to be the only wall she had left.


Miriam couldn’t sleep. Her sheets, tangled and twisted around her splayed form, were a testament to the restlessness she felt. Even now, her nerves sizzled with the memory of that kiss.

Miriam knew that it was inevitable, had accepted the fact that sooner or later things between she and Sirius would escalate to a higher level. But the punch, the sheer power of that kiss had shaken her. Miriam had expected to feel something like a release, perhaps even pleasure. Pleasure indeed, though it had been of a darker nature, but release? To the contrary, the pressure now building inside of her was thicker than ever before. It was unnerving to think that after fifteen years, Sirius still held that kind of influence over her. How was it possible that after fifteen years, passion could still be as mighty of a force?

Miriam rolled over onto her stomach, burying her face into the pillow. Unable to breathe, she shifted to lie on her back, then her side, bent her knees, lowered them, rolled her head left, and then right. At last, she resigned herself to another sleepless night and threw back the covers with the intent of tiptoeing down to the kitchen and fixing herself some tea. As soon as she set her hand on the doorknob there was a knock, startling Miriam enough to have her yelp and leap backwards. Annoyed at her jumpiness, Miriam composed herself, running a hand through her hair and pushing back her shoulders. With a deep breath, she opened the door.

Sirius stood there, waiting on the other side. Miriam had known it’d be him, had braced herself, but seeing him there, watching her with eyes dark and intense, her heart still gave one, fast leap. An aching heat spread right to her center. Sirius watched the acceptance seep into her eyes.

They dove for each other.

Miriam wrapped her legs around his waist, fusing her mouth to his. She would have dragged him to the floor right there, but he stumbled backwards, somehow managing to kick the door closed in his hurry before tumbling with her down onto the bed. Need, the sheer force of it pummeled them both, burning them in a delicious form of torment. For the first time in years, it seemed, Miriam felt alive.

Sirius filled his hands, his mouth with her. With one hand, her pinned her arms above her head by the wrists. He pulled back to look at her, and watched as her eyes clouded with desire. With his free hand, he trailed his knuckles lovingly down her cheek and lowered his brow to hers, murmuring her name.

The heat, Miriam could handle. She could match the blinding lust, the smoldering blaze of longing. She had expected it, anticipated the fast, hot flood of sensation. But the sudden tenderness simply overwhelmed her with emotion. The hand on her cheek, the voice quietly saying her name was like a key, unlocking the most secret parts of her. Sirius was here, wanting her…loving her. She could have him again. He was not the monster she had painted in her mind, but the man she had fallen utterly and completely in love with. She had hated the monster. But Miriam had never stopped loving the man. And she had missed him all too much.

“I can’t,” she said suddenly, mortified at the tears that escaped from her burning eyes. ‘Let me go, I can’t.”

Sirius had sensed the change in her before she even spoke. Her body had tensed, her arms straining against their captivity. Temper now mixed with passion, a dangerous combination. But he didn’t release her.

“Can’t what? Damn it, Miriam, just tell me. Can’t what?” She was silent. He found that he badly wanted to shake her, but brushed the tears away instead. “Why can’t you just let me in?”

Still, she didn’t speak. Instead, she strained up against him, reaching for him, pressing heat to heat. With a groan, he crushed his mouth against hers, cursing her even as he loved her. Once again the passion ignited instantly, drowning them both in its power. Surrendering to it, they sank into each other.


Miriam lay in the bed quietly, her body still vibrating. With the very last ounce of strength she had left, she managed to roll from her current position, head resting atop of Sirius’ chest. She didn’t hear his sigh of frustration as she turned away from him, squeezing her eyes shut. Within minutes, she was asleep, yet even now the dreams chased her.