I am the Hogwarts Sorting Hat.
Step up when you hear your name.
Whether or not you so desire,
I will sort you just the same.
You think fate is yours to control
and choices are yours to take.
Stupid kids, you're barely twelve!
Such decisions are mine to make.
Will you land in Gryffindor
for actions without prudence?
Or perhaps in Hufflepuff;
those slow, delusional students.
Maybe you're a Ravenclaw,
Slowed by your wit and vision.
Or will you slide into Slytherin;
extraordinary ones bound for prison?
I'll cast you losers to where belong,
to suffer each and every day.
Begging me will not change my mind,
but a handful of galleons just may.
Run if you must, but you cannot hide.
Your parents sealed for you this fate.
Unwanted children, lowly first years,
for you, salvation will come too late.
I do not tell tall tales or lies.
You have every right to fear.
To be forever marked and judged,
be wary for your end is near.
A/N: This is totally non-canon (and unlike the other sorting song). I'm just having a bit of fun.