~~~
“I’m in trouble, aren’t I?” Remus sighed miserably to himself. He was getting very confused. One second everything was fine, ‘normal.’ And in just one brief moment, one caring touch, it had all crumbled down, faster than a ton of bricks. Sirius was his oldest friend in the world. Their bond ran deeper than anything else, but that was what it had always been: friendship. Remus was indeed in deep trouble, because what he was feeling right now had the potential to destroy everything.
Now he just kept wishing that Sirius would kiss him.
“What am I thinking?” Remus wondered with a little bit of despair. “I must be going out of my mind.”
He had to do something. “Sirius?” he asked softly.
Sirius turned around almost instantly. “What’s wrong, Remus? Is it your arm, does it hurt?” he asked with concern.
Remus blushed fiercely. Sirius was worried about him; this was not helping the problem at all. “No,” he answered calmly as he tried not to look into Sirius's eyes. “My arm’s fine. I just thought that maybe we should take separate rooms again so we can finish more quickly.”
“Oh,” Sirius responded, sounding a little disappointed. “If that’s what you want.”
Remus nodded instantly; if he didn’t get away from Sirius right this instant he might do something he would regret later. “I think that would be best,” he said, controlling the tone of his voice.
“Fine, then,” Sirius said in a low tone. “You can take the rooms on this floor while I go check the attic.”
Remus walked into the room directly to his right as soon as Sirius spoke. He closed the door behind him and listened as Sirius's footsteps got farther away. He finally released the deep breath he had been holding, and his pulse started to calm itself down. He pulled his hair back with both hands, still not believing the thoughts that were going through his mind.
“I have to snap out of this!” He shook his head in a very wolfish manner, forcing all Sirius-related thoughts out of his mind and feeling instantly better. However, the movement made him wince.
He had lied to Sirius.
He had lied because his arm did hurt. It had been true that it hadn’t hurt just after he had gotten the wound, but the pain was excruciating now, even with his fast healing. Mrs. Black must have reached a vein, he thought. Remus tried to ignore the pain in his arm. He didn’t have time for this; he had a job to do.
The rooms on the second floor were all bedrooms. He followed the same procedure that he and Sirius had built up and soon found himself inside the room at the end of the hall. This one appeared to be the most neglected of all, and somehow Remus knew that this had been Sirius's bedroom many years before.
Dust covered everything, cobwebs laid in practically every single available corner, and the only furniture in the room consisted of a bed and a small desk with a chair. They resembled shadows of some long ago past in the dim light that came from the landing. Remus walked slowly toward the desk, forgetting to light the room itself and leaving it with just the light that came from the hall. There was something about that desk that caught his attention.
There were two drawers in the desk. Both were empty at first glance, but closer inspection revealed that one of the drawers appeared to have a smaller storage space than its twin. Remus tapped softly on the surface of the drawer with his wand, making the disillusionment charm on it disappear. Three pictures laid inside the hidden compartment.
The first was of Sirius himself when they were on their third year. He was smiling broadly as he stood under the comforting shade of a tree by the lake at Hogwarts. The young Sirius kept calling him forward with a motion of his hand as if wanting Remus to join him by his side.
The second picture included all of the Marauders. It had been taken shortly after James and the others had found out the reason he kept disappearing the nights of the full moon. He and James stood by each other with Sirius directly behind them and arm around both their shoulders, while Peter sat on the floor looking mildly distracted by something in front of him. The Sirius on the picture kept ruffling Remus's hair into disorder with a big grin on his face and laughing at the reaction it caused. A soft smile formed on Remus's lips as he remembered that day.
But the third and last picture stole that smile away, replacing it with confusion. He saw himself in the picture, just him, sitting on his bed as he read a book. His picture self would sometimes looked up to offer a smile, just to return afterwards to the depths of the book.
“What are you looking at, Moony?”
Remus jumped, startled, and instantly turned toward the doorway where Sirius stood with his arms crossed.
“I was just looking at some old pictures I found,” he answered swiftly as he recovered from the surprise.
“Pictures?” Sirius asked, a little bewildered, as he walked inside his old room, lighting it in the process. The pictures could be seen much more clearly now that there was sufficient light in the room. Sirius stopped right behind Remus and looked over his friend’s shoulder at the pictures on his hands. Remus glanced over his shoulder to look at Sirius and he noticed when Sirius's eyes widened in reaction to the pictures.
“I forgot I had hidden those there,” he exclaimed with some excitement. “Was I always that cheerful?” he asked.
Remus smiled as he returned his gaze to the pictures. “Actually, yes. It was when we were about to go home for the summer that you got mildly depressed.”
“Of course I got depressed, I had to spend the summer here. I hate it that Harry has to go through the same thing. If only Peter hadn’t gotten away...”
Remus frowned a little. “Don’t dwell too much on things you can’t fix, Sirius; they could become all you think about.” He kept starring at the pictures as he spoke the words, then suddenly he felt one of Sirius's hands on his shoulder, then the other against his forehead as his back was pressed against Sirius's chest. He gasped.
“You don’t have a fever, Moony. I don’t understand why you’re being so thoughtful all of a sudden,” Sirius said in a mild tone.
“I guess I’m just tired.” Remus replied leaning closer to Sirius. “I missed you, Sirius. We’ve hardly seen each other this past year.”
Sirius released Remus and turned him around gently in order to look at his eyes. “Are you sure that you’re all right?” he asked with more emphasis.
Remus's heart skipped a beat. “I’m fine, just a little dizzy.” Sirius opened his mouth to reply when a loud crash was heard downstairs. Both Sirius and Remus instantly turned towards the opened door, wands ready. Remus was the first at the top of the stairs with Sirius right behind him.
“Be careful, Remus.” Sirius whispered.
Remus nodded as he moved forward. He placed one foot on the first step, forgetting all about the grime Sirius had warned him about earlier. His foot slipped almost instantly and Remus found himself grabbing the closest thing he had for support. But that thing was the hem of Sirius's robes, and Remus had a brief second to stare at Sirius's shocked gaze before he pulled him down the stairs with him. The fall seemed eternally long, a combined mess of arms and legs along with a thunderous noise. Remus finally landed at the bottom of the stairs facing the ceiling, his arm screaming with pain. Sirius landed face down right on top of him and the brutality of it forced Remus to voice the pain he was feeling in an agonizing scream.
Warm hands were instantly on his face, soothing him, comforting him. “Are you okay, Moony? Did you hit your head?”
Remus heart completely stopped, and his arm suddenly didn’t hurt anymore. He could feel Sirius's breath against his skin, could see that their lips were only inches apart. He lost himself in the depth of those grey eyes, and before he realized what he was doing, he was leaning upward, closing the distance between them and placing a chaste kiss on Sirius's lips.
The contact was brief as Sirius immediately sat up in a flash. Remus opened his eyes, not exactly remembering when he had closed them. When he looked at Sirius's eyes, the first thing that crossed his mind wasn’t a fear of rejection or even disgust towards him but instead a worry that Sirius might not talk to him ever again after this. He sat up quickly, not letting go of Sirius's gaze.
“I... I’m sorry... I don’t know why I did that,” he muttered nervously. “It was stupid and thoughtless and I just... I...”
“Remus!” Sirius interrupted suddenly, placing both hands on Remus's face once again, successfully shutting him up. Remus's heart seemed to stop for the fifth time that day as grey eyes bore down on him.
“Shut up, Remus.”
And with those words, Sirius closed the distance between them once again, planting a hungry kiss on a Remus's warm lips.
A silent bliss started to overtake Remus at the touch of Sirius's hands on his face and Sirius’s lips on his own. Before he knew it he had wrapped his arms around Sirius's waist, forgetting all restraint and giving himself to the kiss, returning it.
Only one thought passed through his head.
“I could die tonight.”