She's a saint.
She's the salt of the earth,
And she's dangerous.
She's a rebel.
Vigilante.
Missing link on the brink of destruction.
Plan B, I had decided, was to be avoided at all costs. I had thought of it while the others were asleep. They would kill me if they knew what I was about to do.
But desperate times called for desperate measures.
We finished our meal in silence. I chewed absentmindedly on my dinner, running Plan B through my mind over and over again. It was risky. Very risky. I could lose a lot with it.
But then, I could gain so much.
And what was a life as a Marauder without the risks?
I stood quickly when she finished her dinner, even though I had barely touched my own. Sweat rolled down the side of my face. Pulling on the neck of my robes, I tried to look nonchalant.
It wasn’t working.
“Aren’t you going to finish that?” Lily asked, a steely glint in her eye.
“No, no,” I said. “I can’t stand to see you waiting. Besides, I’ve got something to show you. You’re going to love it.”
“That’s what you said about this date,” she shot back.
I winced. Blow, after blow, after blow! There was no pleasing this woman!
She took an agonizingly long time to arrange her utensils. Slowly, she eased herself out of her chair and smoothed her robes. Not that there were any wrinkles there. Oh, no. Of course not.
I closed my eyes and exhaled loudly, wishing she’d hurry up before I changed my mind.
“Well?” she asked after a while, putting her hands on her hips.
“This way,” I said with a grand gesture toward the Forbidden Forest.
Her eyes widened, if only slightly. “In the forest?” she asked. I noted with some pride that there seemed to be a little bit of incredulity on her voice.
“Yeah. Why?” I asked, succeeding to be nonchalant this time.
“That’s against the rules,” she said.
Oh, right, I thought. Head Girl. Out loud, I replied, “Since when have I obeyed the rules?”
“Fine,” she said with a sigh.
I walked toward the forest. She followed a few paces behind me. I could almost feel her tense as we walked past Hagrid’s hut. Glancing over my shoulder, I could see that her face was lined with worry.
“You don’t have to be afraid,” I said, gently.
“I’m not,” she snapped.
“Okay, okay,” I relented.
I continued on. The deeper into the forest we went, the more concerned she grew. She eventually took a deep breath and asked, “Do you even know where we’re going?”
I blinked in surprise, which I quickly quelled. Not everyone was privy to our midnight adventures. “Yeah,” I said with a smile, “I know the forest like the back of my own hand.”
“So not very well, then,” she muttered under her breath, barely audible.
I chose to ignore that.
I stopped when we finally reached our destination. Without pausing to think what I was doing, I found Lily’s hand and pulled her into the clearing. Her hands were surprisingly warm for a woman so cold.
She hesitated before pulling her hand back. “This is it?” she asked.
“Sort of,” I said. I lead her to the middle of the clearing, where the moonlight shone clearest. She looked simply dazzling, illuminated by a pale glow. Her eyes “ crystalline in this light “ swept the clearing.
“What now?” she demanded eventually.
“Well, this is the part where I leave you alone,” I began.
Her eyes nearly popped out of her head “ with rage or fright, I didn’t know. I paused, just to reassure myself that she wouldn’t explode.
“What?” she asked, voice dangerously quiet.
Rage it is, then.
“I have to leave you alone, or it won’t come,” I said.
“Or what won’t come?”
“That would ruin the surprise, my dear. You’re going to love this. I promise.”
“How long will it take?”
“Not long,” I said, slipping away. Then, more quietly and to myself, “I hope.”
“James!” she yelled as I disappeared between the trees. I bit my lip and hesitated, but only for a moment. She’d survive without me for a couple minutes.
I made a big show of stomping away, rustling branches and stepping on twigs. When I was sure that I was far enough away, I let up on the noise. There was no need to draw attention to myself.
I stopped when I got to a stream. Yeah, that would help, especially in this light.
I closed my eyes and concentrated, a smile on my face. My transformation always came easily. I heard the customary “pop” as my entire body writhed for that fraction of a second. It was a very eerie feeling; my skin became hot and irritated and I could feel muscle and bone slide past one another. Not that it hurt, or ever had, except for that first time.
I shook my head to clear my disorientation. The first few seconds after an Animagus transformation were very confusing; you had to adjust to the change in senses. I blinked a couple of times. My sense of smell had improved. I could see a lot better than I had before. That was a blessing.
I took a deep breath. If a stag could smile, I would have. I felt powerful in this form.
Quickly now, I waded into the stream and thanked Godric that my fur protected me from the cold. I leapt out and shook myself to rid my fur of excess water. Snorting, I turned and headed back toward the clearing.
The others were going to kill me.
I caught a glimpse of Lily through the trees. She looked anxious now. She clutched her wand in a bloodless fist, eyes darting around at the wall of trees. I felt a pang of guilt. I shouldn’t have left her alone in the forest.
That pang quickly left, replaced by an icy feeling of fear. It wasn’t something I felt often. The last time I been afraid of or for anything was when Remus got away from us in Hogsmeade. It made me feel stupid, fearing something like this.
Taking a deep breath, I put one dainty little hoof into the clearing.
Lily whirled around, wand at the ready. Red sparks flew from the tip. I rebelled against every stag-like instinct in my body to keep from bolting. My nostrils flared.
We locked eyes across the clearing. Her wand slipped from her fingers and fell to the grass. She sucked her breath in through her teeth, eyes huge with wonderment.
I stepped further into the clearing. The moonlight caught the water droplets on my fur and lit them up like tiny stars, giving me an almost unearthly glow. I thanked Godric that I wasn’t human; Lily would have slapped my cocky grin right off my face.
Lily seemed to be glowing herself. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as I stepped tentatively toward her. Her breath was short and anxious.
Slowly, she extended her hand toward me. I bent my head so that it was level with her hand. She rested her shaking fingers on my nose and gently felt up my face. As she ran her hands down my neck, I nuzzled her shoulder.
“Wow,” she breathed. She laughed softly, breathily. I could feel it.
I snorted into her hair as she ran her hands along my flank. “This is just like a fairy tale,” she whispered.
I snorted again, only this time it sounded vaguely like a laugh.
She turned to look at me again, still smiling, and stared into my eyes. I resisted the urge to become human again and snog her.
She gently caressed my face. “Eyes... those eyes... they look so familiar...”
I froze, almost unable to breathe. She couldn’t possibly recognize me...
Somewhere in the forest, near the clearing, a twig snapped. My head swivelled around. Whatever was in there was “ thankfully “ upwind and I caught a noseful of its scent. I recognized it immediately.
Of course!
It was also the excuse I needed. I carefully leapt away from her and fled into the woods. I raced back to the stream, where I shook off the rest of the water and changed back. I checked myself out. Most of the water was gone, but I was still a little damp. Oh, well. No matter. I was dry again with a flick of my wand.
I ran back to the clearing, again making sure to cause a ruckus the whole way back. Lily still stood awestruck in the middle of the clearing when I came back. She turned to face me, a shadow of a smile on her face.
“Did he come?” I asked, voice quiet, as I picked my way across the clearing.
“Yes,” she said breathlessly. “That was... amazing.”
I smiled “ and, I realized with surprise, I didn’t have to put any effort into making sure it wasn’t a cocky one. “I knew you’d like it,” I said softly.
I was so close to her now that she had to tip her head back slightly to see me. She cocked her head to the side. “Have you ever shown anyone else?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I didn’t dare. I wanted it to be something special. For you.”
“Really?” She was staring at me, into my eyes.
I nodded without breaking her gaze.
“No one has ever done something like this for me before. None of my boyfriends. My other boyfriends treated me as a sort of trophy, as a pet... You’re almost kind of...” She trailed off, eyes widening. She looked away from me, biting her lip.
“I’m almost kind of...?” I repeated.
“I didn’t mean to tell you that,” she said quickly. “I mean, well, I did... but...” she floundered. With a deep breath, she looked into my eyes again. “It was very sweet of you to do this for me.”
“It was?” I asked, shocked. I winced, then said in a much firmer way, “It was.”
She put her hand on my arm. A thrill ran up and down my spine, causing the fine hair on the back of my neck to prickle. “Thank you,” she said. I could tell by the resolution in her voice that she really, sincerely meant it.
She looked away again, this time down, so that I could see her long lashes. She began to move away from me, but I caught her hand and held her in place. Her eyes met mine again. She stopped and didn’t try to pull away.
“Lily,” I began, because I didn’t know how else to start. I took a deep breath. “I might be a jerk sometimes. I might be a show-off, a bigot. But I was that way because I wanted to impress you. I didn’t know how else to do it. You made me feel... different. Strange. Small. Weak. I didn’t know how to deal with it. You amazed me. You’re smart. You’re beautiful. You’re brave... and I didn’t want to lose you forever. I’ve wanted you to understand that ever since I laid eyes on you, but I... I...”
I closed my eyes. My throat worked furiously, but no sound came out. If there was one way to win her “ finally win her “ this was the way to do it.
“I never told you because I was afraid.”
Her face went slack with surprise for a moment. She held her breath. Her eyelids fluttered as she looked everywhere but at my face. Finally, her eyes flicked up to meet mine again. “Did you just admit to being afraid?” she asked, incredulous.
I attempted a smile. “Yeah.”
She slipped her hand into mine. I squeezed gently. She chuckled softly, almost inaudibly. “I never thought I’d hear you say something like that.”
“Think again, Lily,” I said. I leaned in toward her. When I stopped, our faces were only inches apart.
“Maybe I was too hard on you,” she breathed.
“Maybe I was just an idiot,” I whispered back.
She smiled.
I closed my eyes and leaned in. Our lips met. Her arms lifted and pressed against my neck, drawing me in closer. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her tighter to me. A strange feeling filled my chest. Our lips moved together, almost in a sort of groove, and I lost myself in the wonderful sensation.
It seemed like an eternity had passed before she pulled away. She leaned her head against my chest. I hugged her, leaning my head against the top of hers, and we stood swaying for a long time.
“First kiss, huh?” she mumbled to my chest.
I winced. “Could you tell?”
She chuckled. I could feel it reverberate through her body. “Not really.”
“Good,” I whispered to her hair. “I’ve already humbled myself too much than is good for my health today.”
Instead of insulting me, she laughed again.
I closed my eyes and smiled. This was how I had dreamed it.
This was perfect.