I must have been waiting in that dark street in front of their house for hours waiting for him. Now regardless of what anyone said at Hogwarts, I have never been afraid of the dark.
That is until now.
Now that I know what can happen in the dark of night.
But there I stood trembling, waiting for what would soon be my friends’ demise. Was it the right thing to do? Betray the only people who had ever believed and cared for me? Who had given me anything a man could want…friendship, hope, laughter, popularity, and loyalty? Of course it wasn’t the right thing to do, it was the easy thing to do. And I had already made the choice and had told him.
He was gaining power all over the world, and people were dying.
Dying.
There was no sense in fighting; I mean nothing would be gained.
Except innocent lives you fool…
It seemed my thoughts and actions seemed to be in constant disagreement because I must have contradicted myself a hundred times that night. But there was that little fact of life that I had come to terms with many years ago; that the more powerful and feared you are, the safer you’ll be. And now there was an extremely powerful wizard that you didn’t want to go against, so unfortunately I offered my services to him. At least I would be offered protection, like I’ve had my whole life. And protection meant freedom to me at the time.
How wrong I knew I was.
The lives of my friends were just the terrible price that I had to pay in exchange for my freedom. Wouldn’t I rather die with the love and respect of my friends you say? You don’t know how much I wish that I valued my friendships and the lives of innocent over my own life.
But I don’t. And never will because I am a coward and have always been one deep down.
I still don’t know why they accepted me at Hogwarts now that I think about it; I mean what was their motive? Or were they just that good of people? At first I only wanted to hang around them because they were the most popular, idolized people in the school and I thought that they could protect me. Even from the moment they spoke on the train on that first day, everyone could tell they were different. I never was. So what was the reasoning behind their acceptance? They never used reasoning in the first place anyways, so you’re guess would be as good as mine. But eventually my priorities changed for a brief moment when I realized what true friendship meant. Having people who loved you and wanted to see you succeed, yes my friends meant the world to me back then and I never got the chance to thank them.
Now I never will.
What would they say if they saw how easily I could forget and replace them in order to save my own cowardly skin? Well they’d hate me, I know it. They could never even begin to imagine what I’m going through. They would never have the problems I have, they were always liked, the ones on top, and always would be. I hope one day however they understand the ugly circumstances that lead to their death. And how I had no choice in the matter when you think about it.
Choice. A word I hate because of course I had a choice, I always have. And this choice will save my life, which is better then the alternative, in my eyes. Through the eyes of a traitor that is.
So there I was, alone with those thoughts, just standing motionlessly in Godric’s Hollow in front of an expensive two story house. To my left, the red mailbox with the six golden letters.
Potter
It was the perfect mailbox for the Potters if you think about it; the colors reflected the people who owned it perfectly.
Gold for what everyone thought of them. They were looked up to as if they were royal. But they deserved to be royal, those two. Two of the best, funniest wizards in the Wizarding world with the brains to match.
And red for their fiery, energetic, mischievous, fun personalities. For the passion they had for each other, for their baby, and for their friends. But also for that unmistakably red hair that belonged to the wonderful Mrs. Potter.
“I’m so sorry Lily,” I whispered into the darkness.
The wind was extra strong for a dark October night and more then once I could have sworn that I heard someone or something walking behind me just to emphasize my paranoia. But every time I turned to look…nothing. I was alone in more ways then one. I don’t know why I arrived so early, it’s not like I was anticipating the incident, was I?
My thoughts quickly vanished about the mailbox, and my unwanted anticipation however when I heard the faint pop behind me. I instantly closed my eyes out of pure reflex preparing for the worst.
“Look me in the eyes you coward,” a low, malicious voice broke through the eerie silence I had been trying to preserve. This was the only voice that could make me shiver and break into a hot sweat at the same time every time I heard it. I opened my eyes as I took a deep breath and slowly turned around to face my master.
Wearing a raven black cloak, he reached one his long white hands into it and pulled out his black wand. He then began examining it before he spoke once more to me.
“That’s better Wormtail,” he addressed me with his icy voice before continuing, “now you are sure that Potter is completely unaware?”
“Yes master,” I stuttered to the Dark Lord.
My Dark Lord.
“Excellent. You have done well my servant. Now remember, after the Potters are taken care of, the Longbottoms are next,” he reminded me.
“I thought that you were sure that the prophecy was talking about the Potters…master,” I asked, praying that I wouldn’t anger the man towering in front of me.
“Better get rid of them both Wormtail. We’re not taking any chances tonight, nothing can go wrong,” he told me and I could do or say nothing except nod my head.
The Longbottoms too? I thought to myself.
Now that my master was here standing in front of me, doubt started running through my head and I let my thoughts take over;
Maybe this decision was the wrong one. Peter you fool, how could you have thought that killing your friends would solve anything? I mean he’s not even sure if Harry is the right boy! What was I thinking? James is as smart as the Dark Lord, maybe smarter, and I know it. He must have noticed something surely! What…
But I was interrupted from my thoughts by that voice again.
“I should tell remind you that I can read minds very easily you despicable rat and I have no time for this. Never compare me to a Potter,” he said, hate dripping from his every word. And before I had time to respond, he raised his wand and pointed it directly at my face before muttering:
“Crucio.”
I immediately fell to the ground as my eyes rolled into the back of my head and the familiar pain started to numb my bones. I shut my eyes once more and covered them with my hands but that did nothing to dull the excruciating pain of the curse that was now inside of my body. I could hear Voldemort laughing over my screams as if this was all a big game to him. Which it probably was.
My eyes watered as my voice started to become sore from yelling for him to stop. Just as the pain was reaching its climax and I was almost wishing death upon myself, the Dark Lord mercifully lifted the unforgivable curse. I was left panting on the ground with water still in my eyes and my body now weak and tingling all over.
“There’s more where that came from, Wormtail,” he said quietly before he turned to face in the direction of the house.
I just stood as if tranquilized, still feeling the effects of the curse on my small body and watched as his attention turned to the more important matter at hand. Voldemort glared at the house as he started walking slowly over the path that led to the front door.
This was it, I thought to myself as I watched him take each individual step to the house in what seemed to take no time at all. He raised his wand to the doorknob and magically unlocked the door, stepping into the house. He was now in the front foyer of the house I had been in so many times before.
“I’m sorry James,” I whispered as I sat down behind one of the trees on the lawn. My face was in my hands when I heard that screams that were sure to haunt me forever.
I tried to picture the scene in my head as I heard the voices of my old friends screaming for each other’s lives. It wasn’t really that hard to imagine. James was bravely telling Lily to run with Harry and get out while he tried to take on the Dark Lord himself. But no one could win when my master had a specific thought on his mind. And in this case it was to kill.
Then I saw it. That green flash that shone through the upstairs window followed by Lily’s screams and I knew that James was gone. All those years of great times were finally over and would be no more. I had killed one of my best friends, what was wrong with me?
Not thinking that I could bare to listen to or see what would happen to Lily and Harry, I covered my ears and closed my eyes trying to stop the tears in the process. But even through my eyelids I saw that green flash again. Now Lily was gone. The girl who used to be so kind to me. To everyone. This is how I repaid her?
I opened my eyes, uncovering my ears in the process and what happened next happened so fast. That was when I heard Voldemort’s final curse, this time directed at Harry. But as soon as I heard the words leave his tongue, the whole house before me all of a sudden blew up into a thousand pieces and set on fire right before my eyes. Something was really wrong.
My eyes opened wider in fear as I watched the house of my friends turn to ruins along with, it seemed, my master. Something happened that we never expected. Everyone seemed to be dead as all I heard was the crackling flames in front of me.
That is until I heard a faint muffled noise. A baby’s cry.
I was in such shock that I hadn’t even realized that it had started raining on me. Well that took care of the fire at least. But what about Harry? How on earth could a baby defeat Lord Voldemort when I myself cowered in fear at the sight of him? It was impossible. But if anyone could accomplish such a feat, it would’ve been a Potter no doubt. But was I to leave him? I couldn’t bare to look into his tiny face though after what I just did to his parents.
So I just sat there in the cold pouring rain unaware of what to do. I knew I had to get out of there, but where would I go? My master was gone as well, and I was even more alone now. I dried my eyes wishing to be put under the Crucio curse again, because now I fully deserved it. But no punishment would justify betrayal. None. I had committed the worst kind of crime against a friend no less, and I full out knew it.
After what had to be at least an hour of sitting on the front lawn in front of the remains of the house in silence, I heard a sound coming from the air and it was getting louder, which meant it was getting closer. I glanced up and saw the big, black, familiar motorbike I myself had ridden one or twice.
Sirius, I thought to myself realizing just what that meant, Sirius will kill me for sure.
Now I really had to go for fear of my old friend who I knew would hate me for rest of his life. For he wasn’t one to easily forgive, I knew that much.
The motorbike landed in front of the house and Sirius just stood gaping at what was left of a house and of his best friend. I watched him, sheltered from my tree, fall to his knees and place his tearstained face into his hands.
It was quite the scene but I remember everything of the night perfectly well. Every horrible detail. But the thought of Sirius on his knees crying for his friends, his family, was enough to make me hate myself. It was as if he had lost everything that mattered in his life, and in a way it was true.
I don’t know how I managed it, but knowing I had to get away from everything, I slowly stood up by help of the tree. Sirius, who had always had unnatural hearing, slowly turned his head to where I was standing and our eyes met for what was for sure the longest moment of my life. I stared into the face of Sirius Black, my old best friend, for what seemed like forever, watching him cry. It was a new experience for me, for Sirius Black never broke down in front of me. And I knew at that moment that the choice I had made was defanantly worse then I ever imagined.
But it was only about to get worse as I watched his wet face turn from shock and sadness, to one of madness. And so his hate began as I heard the low menacing voice of Sirius Black;
“Peter, what did you do…”
I turned and ran. Ran into my new life of darkness, of solitude and shame, but more then anything else, regret.
Oh the regret.