“A beautiful and blinding morning -
The world outside begins to breathe.
See clouds arriving without warning.
I need you here to shelter me.
And I know that only time will tell us how
To carry on without each other.
So keep me awake to memorize you
Give me more time to feel this way
We can't stay like this forever
But I can have you next to me today”
-“Awake” by Josh Groban
For what felt like the millionth time, he paced back past her door. He remembered with momentary glee the last time he had been pacing outside a girl’s bedroom… but that was hardly the point.
He could hear her crying inside. She had, only hours ago, told James in no uncertain terms to sod off, and that he was no longer invited to follow her around like a drooling niffler after a disco ball. (Sirius reprimanded himself for being so insensitive, albeit honest.)
Despite all this, he knew she’d be even worse if anything happened to James.
With a deft movement, before he could stop himself, he turned the handle.
Sirius had to wait for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He flicked his wand for all the candles around the room to go ablaze with flame.
Lily looked up.
“Go away, Sirius,” she said, still teary.
“No,” Sirius told her firmly. She glared at him, but he ignored it. “This light is hardly helping your complexion, dearie,” he said.
“Leave, really,” she insisted, starting to get up.
“Evans, you need to help me find James.”
That got her attention.
She sat bolt upright, staring at him, more tears suddenly pouring down. “Whatever he did, I… I don’t want to hear it.” Her voice made it absolute in his mind that she did.
This squirming, childish Lily was frustrating, and was only going to make the entire situation worse. “Well you’re going to.”
She rolled her eyes, and he lost his temper. “For God’s sake, just sit up and take it like an adult!”
He had never told her what to do, and oddly enough, it worked. She tried to stop crying and finally accomplished it, still startled. Glad to have finally gained some ground, Sirius pulled a chair from the air with his wand and sat in it backwards, looking her in the eyes.
“What you did today…” She seemed embarrassed but he kept going. “I didn’t know one person do anything to save their own skin, and at the same time give up everything they wanted.”
“I didn’t do it for myself,” she said softly.
“Bollocks,” he said. An urgency was mounting in him “ so much time had already passed. “You know as much as I do what it did to James. He didn’t know what to do. He told me he was going to go after the Death Eaters tonight He’s gone, Lily. They’ve got him.”
He paused to see the effect his words had on her, but she seemed to be porcelain, frozen and lifeless, staring back.
This wasn’t right “ there was not enough time to sit here, speaking in platonics, debating. Death Eaters were meeting, and James “ whether already or not “ was in serious trouble.
“It’s not fair to ask you to grieve later, I know that, it’s despicable to demand it of you. But if you don’t put it aside, we’re both going to have something new to be grieving for!”
“I’m bad luck, Sirius, I can’t do anything anymore ““
“Stop!” he shouted, and she looked at him like a fallen lamb. A fear in her eyes seemed contagious, and he found emotion emitting from his words as he had not intended.
“It’s not your fault! Your parents’ deaths are not your fault! Nothing you could ever have done could have made that different. But James is in danger, now “ right now! I can’t go on without my brother, Lily… This we can change.”
She sat still, barely breathing.
Then something clicked inside her. Everything fell into place.
Sirius’ words repeated in her brain. It wasn’t her fault, it never was.
James was in danger. All the grief she felt seemed foolish… she would miss them, she always would, and there would be times, she knew, where it would haunt her. But now it was time to remove herself.
“What can I do?”
“Well, you can get off your bed and help me figure out where he went!” Immediately she rose to her feet, pulling her wand from her dresser, striding toward the door. Sirius only just jumped up to follow, his chair disappearing with a loud CRACK!
James can thank me later, thought Sirius smiling.
She strode away, moving rapidly through the gargantuan house, then realized that Sirius Black had just done his first good deed.
“James can thank you later,” said Lily, over her shoulder, racing down the stairwell. “Right now we “ Oi!”
He had Apparated inches in front of her, opening the kitchen door and moving to the hearth. “Floo powder?” he offered.
His ears rang with his own shouts, mingled at some points with mirthless howls from the group he unwillingly entertained.
“Yes, Potter…” hissed a Death Eater to James’ right. James had lost track, after being moved from their first location, who remained in the cluster. He heard names that whirled overhead, some familiar, others as foreign as the air he breathed.
“Now… where did you find this wretched piece of parchment?”
James’ pain flared, though he knew it was gone. He felt his legs twitch, and his knees still were raw from being dragged. “I… found it,” he said.
“Liar,” hissed the horrible voice, moving at his left. “Did you really think a teenage boy could fool me? I would be insulted “ if you had done a better job at defending yourself.”
The others chortled conspiratorially.
“I haven’t done anything to you!” said James before he could stop himself. His hope was fleeting and the pain of the last attack still filled his limbs.
“James…” spoke another unfamiliar voice. “James Potter?”
James did not reply. Wasn’t anyone going to find them? He could not Apparate like this, nor had he his wand, or anywhere to run to.
What if they kept on torturing him? He didn’t know how often it happened, but he knew he could only endure it for a little while longer. By then, he might be moved again, untraceable, lost in a wood by creatures whose only magic was to hurt, to kill. That was an even more disheartening thought.
“My Lord… his father!” exclaimed the strange man.
“I know, Panett,” said Voldemort dangerously. Footfalls came closer to James; he felt the earth shudder with every step. “Get up.”
James didn’t move, not knowing where Voldemort was, but sensing the danger in the air.
“Did you hear me, boy?”
James was buoyed up with a powerful rage: he was either going to go mad or die, but at least he could have some dignity, if there was any to be had. “Yes. I rather like it down here, thanks.”
He had crossed a line, and he knew it.
“Maybe you need a little persuasion.”
Pain coursed through James’ body again, worse than before. He screamed once, unable to contain his agony. Lifting the curse, Voldemort laughed coldly.
James thought of Lily, of why he had wanted to come in the first place. Unless someone found him soon, her tear-stained face would be his memory of her forever.
At the Ministry of Magic, the Aurors were gathered to hear Jack’s instructions. Helena stood faithfully by his side.
“Alright, everyone. Those of you on my team, you’re to Apparate to your points in and around Emerson’s Grove.” Even those who might have doubted his composure now saw, despite his ever more taxing age, that Jack was a leader and a serious threat himself to any adversary.
“When we get there, I want you three,” he gestured to the trio of men by the window nearest him, “to lead Elena’s team and create a huge distraction. You’ll draw the Death Eaters away, leaving You-Know-Who alone. Maybe ten or fifteen Death Eaters left around him. Use any spells you want, except the Unforgivables. Anyone found to have used any of those spells will be dismissed. Is that clear?” There was silence. “Good.
“Dumbledore will be meeting us there. He’ll deal with You-Know-Who. If any of you see my son, try to do anything you can, but save yourselves if it comes to that.” Jack paused, a shiver passing over his spine at this grim thought.
“Now, split into your teams, make a plan, and bring it to me when you all have it. GO.”
“We don’t know what’s going on,” protested Sirius.
“Are you kidding?” shrieked Lily. “James is out there, held HOSTAGE by the Death Eaters, and Sirius Black wants to wait and see!”
She was pacing the kitchen, Sirius sitting by the stove, leaving the fire to warm his second treacle tart “ he could not function on an empty stomach, after all. Lily’s wand was intermittently emitting sparks of fury and exasperation.
“No. I just think we shouldn’t jump into this thing, particularly in light of where that course of action caught our subject, with no extra thought of the afterward!”
I never thought I’d see the day when I had to tell Lily to think before she acted…
“Then what do you propose we do?” Lily asked him, half yelling in frustration.
“Well… I have one idea…”
“I’m open for suggestions,” she replied, flopping into a second chair.
The idea had been forming for several minutes now in his head. “What about his original plan?”
“He who? What plan?”
He spun “ his nose had been embedded in the second pudding “ and scowled at her. “James’ plan was to follow the Aurors and just blend in with them until… well, that part wasn’t clear, but the basic idea, you know…”
Lily paused for a moment, tapping her wand on her knee until the hem of her robe unraveled itself into a ball of string on the floor. Sleeveless, she said, “That’s not a terrible plan. How do we get to them “ the Aurors, I mean?”
“Go to the Ministry. Evanesco,” said Sirius, and his plates disappeared with a whoosh. “I know my way around that place.”
Lily raised an eyebrow at this, unsure of how reliable Sirius could be. He bowed and indicated for her to step into the fire. She paused.
“Only because of James,” she relented. “After this, we go back to being… well, whatever we were.” Shaking hands with him, Lily accepted the pot of Floo powder and tossed it into the fire.
“Let’s go!” Sirius directed, standing up.
“Where to?”
“I’m in charge?”
She grimaced. “Unfortunately. Where to?”
“I’ll go first, and you just Apparated to me, OK?” Lily nodded, and Sirius “ picking up his wand-- popped into thin air.
Lily waited a few seconds after he Disapparated, thinking how responsible she was for the entire mess. Without Sirius as a distraction, her sadness seemed to blanket her thoughts.
The guilt she had felt about her parents came back in a slow trickle “ not too obvious but creeping in all the same.
Realizing that she was just stalling by waiting, Lily dashed away with a significant *pop*.
Next second, after the crushing blackness of Apparating, she found herself in a very dark room, stuffed with posters of various Quidditch players and teams zooming and maneuvering in their frames. Around her feet were several fallen broomsticks she had knocked over upon reappearing. Dusting herself off, Lily heard Sirius calling her in a whisper.
“Evans! Evans! Are you there?”
Rolling her eyes Lily untangled herself from the brooms, turned the corner and found Sirius peering into a closet nearby. “I’m right here, Sirius, you dolt!” she hissed back. He jumped when she spoke, turning to see her in the dark.
“Where are we?” she asked, looking around.
“The Quidditch storage division, I think,” Sirius replied, also viewing their surroundings. Trunks of supplies and brooms, jerseys and nets all littered the floor.
“Yes “ definitely storage. I once nicked a set of old beaters’ clubs from here,” Sirius declared proudly.
“When, and why, pray tell, were you at the Ministry?” Lily asked, turning to him, appalled at his theft.
Sirius shrugged, checking his watch while absent-mindedly swinging a bat in his other hand. “Jack took James and me to his work once a few years ago. We got bored” “ she rolled her eyes “ “so we took his cloak and went exploring. Do you know how many secret chambers there are in this place?”
Lily stared, open-mouthed. “You… you can’t do that!”
“Ah, but we did.”
Lily fumed. Stuttering with utter fury at is lack of responsibility, she spluttered, “I…You…. Ugh! We… need to go! Now!” Lily grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the room, stopping in the hall. “Now where do we go?”
Sirius took his wand from inside his cloak, laid it in his palm and muttered, “Point me!” The wand spun like a dial, finally pointing towards the left corridor.
“Doesn’t that point North?” Lily asked as they slinked down the hall.
“The Aurors’ department is on the East face of the building “ something about the sun.”
They used the spell two more times, and after a quarter of an hour they found themselves at the center elevators of the Ministry. Suddenly, a large group came up from behind them, whispering and looking very suspicious. All the figures wore emerald robes, hooded and fully disguised.
“Hide!” Sirius whispered frantically. Both Sirius and Lily hid behind a desk close by, listening to what had interrupted their search.
Whispers from the crowd were hushed, but Sirius and Lily caught a few phrases.
“Yes, well, we’ve got ‘em now!”
“His own son!”
“Can’t believe he’d let us go above-”
“Have the whole force out for little Edolphus, right Geilich?”
“Merlin, I can only hope the boy’s not mutilated… can’t see another body like that last one in Devon…”
“I told Irena not to tell the kids “”
Lily stared in horror. Sirius didn’t look at her; if Jack was allowing the Aurors to save themselves rather than get James back safely, maybe the situation was worse than they knew… or had something already gone wrong?
The group stopped at the Atrium, gathering in groups, then, in unison like a gigantic whip crack, they turned and were gone.
Sirius slumped down into a squat.
“He’d give his son to Death Eaters for his career!” he whispered disgustedly.
“It’s not… we don’t know everything they do!” Lily reasoned quietly.
“For his own pompous goals, he’d let James die!” Sirius went on, ignoring Lily.
She shook her head, fiery hair swinging with each movement. “It was probably the hardest thing… he’s ever had to do…”
“No, it wasn’t,” Sirius fumed, voice rising, and he looked straight into her eyes as he said it. “Never mind that he’s probably in some godforsaken cave or dungeon! His own father isn’t even trying to get him back!” He shook visibly with anger, his fists clenching and face lined with fury. “If he dies, I swear I’ll “”
Wham!
Lily slapped Sirius across the face. Hard.
“Don’t you dare!” she hissed. “We can’t go into this with that kind of attitude, so get a grip!”
She turned away in time to see the final straggling Aurors vanishing into thin air.
Thinking fast, she stretched a corner of her own cloak, pointed her wand and said, “Esverde!” The cloak instantly turned the same muted green as the cloaks they had seen on the Aurors. She did the same to Sirius’ cloak while its owner sat, paralyzed, hand on his check where she had hit him.
He nodded and closed his eyes. Trying to drown out the thought of a dead James, Sirius Apparated after the Aurors. Lily raised her own cloak hood, held her wand tightly and followed, hoping for the best, even as she expected the worst.