A Slytherin Cheer
Disclaimer: I don’t own J.K. Rowling’s items or ANYTHING. I just love to play in it. This story is only a One-Shot. Sorry. Have fun reading, and Please Review!
If you don't like an OOC Snape, then DON'T READ THIS!
“Cheerleads Gryffon Maxima!” whispered Hermione Granger when the Potions Master walked by.
“Well, well, how is it that your potion, Potter, is fuming wisps of silver smoke when it should be giving off pink bubbles? This is a Dream Draught, not a Wolfsbane Potion. Ten points from Gryffindor, and-” Snape said with a swish of his wand. “No potion? Tut, tut, I fear that I’ll have to take another ten points for being lazy.”
“Why that little-!” started Harry.
“Harry, no! You’ll just make him worse! Look, you’ve already lost us twenty points today, mate. Just let it go,” said Ron.
“Well, Harry, if you’d like, give him this,” said Hermione, an evil glint dancing in her eye. “I’m sure he’d enjoy it.”
Hermione opened the box. In it, a red and gold leotard and red and gold pom-poms were in it. The leotard also had a lion on it, swallowing a serpent. It wasn’t very big, and it was Gryffindor colors, of all things!
“Um, Hermione, I hate to bust your bubble, but this is a LEOTARD with GRYFFINDOR colors on it. Why would Snape want this?” asked Ron. To Harry he muttered, “I think she’s gone loony. She must be taking lessons from Luna.”
“I have not, Ronald! Look, just walk up to his desk, put it down, and walk away. It should do the trick nicely,” she said haughtily.
Once the bell rang, each person filled a flask and handed it to Snape. Harry, being roped in to giving it to him, since Snape hates him, strolled up and put it bluntly on his desk.
“What’s this, Potter? Don’t flatter me, it earns nothing in life,” spat Snape.
“Well, if this is flattery, then I’m-!”
“Just leaving!” said Hermione as she covered his mouth and pushed him out the door, much to his dismay.
Snape, curious yet hesitant about what was in the box, opened it slowly. He was expecting some sort of bomb. ‘Probably from the Weasley’s shop,’ he thought sourly.
“Here, wear this on game day! Oh, remember to drink the contents of the small bag attached to your new right sleeve immediately after you put it on!” read the note on top of the gift.
He lifted the note off and saw the leotard, done up in gold and red.
“Oh, my God! This is the best thing in the world! But, I wonder, how will my butt look in it?” he said in a high, girlish voice.
“Ah, pathetic gift…but, should I put up my hair, or leave it down; Oh, I must decide…NOW!”
At the Great Hall, Harry, Ron, and Hermione all got a chance to talk and not be overheard.
“What did you do to Snape?” asked Ron.
“Well, I put a Cheer Charm, courtesy of Fred and George, onto him. Well, once he sees it, he’ll talk like a girl and worry about things like hair…and how his butt looks,” replied Hermione matter-of-factly.
“That is bloody brilliant!” exclaimed Harry.
“Well, yeah, but when will he wear it? I mean, his normal self won’t want to wear it, right? So, when will he want to wear it, unless he glances at it?” Ron pointed out.
“Just trust me, It should work,” said Hermione happily. “Trust me; tomorrow’s potion lesson should be interesting. Oh, and on game day, Ron, you are in my cheer squad. Snape’s going to be leader.”
“I AM WHAT??!!”
“You, along with Parvati, Lavender, Luna, and Padma are all in my cheer squad. It’s just for this game, since it’s the Cup Game. I convinced McGonagall it was the latest Muggle thing to do,”
“Good luck, Ron. While you cheer, I’ll be flying, laughing uncontrollably at you two and your friends. Have fun!” said Harry, laughing so hard he fell off his bench. Several people turned around.
“Harry, you okay?” asked Neville Longbottom.
“Yeah, just too much pumpkin juice,” he muttered, suppressing sniggers.
Well, as you can imagine, Snape was as good as Hermione’s word. In fact, it was creepy.
“Hello, children! Today, we will do something utterly cool! Now, all of the girls gather round. We’ll show the boys our cheers!” said Snape in a high, girlish voice.
The girls began the routine as their song ‘Shake Your Tailfeather’ reached the eighth count. Snape started by shaking his butt, and the girls began whooping. Then, they waved their pom-poms as Snape…gyrated his…you know that part. Hermione then came out, grabbed Ron by the collar, and shoved him up there. Ron, being utterly confused about what to do, had begun a Muggle dance called ‘The Chicken Dance’. Everyone roared. Ron’s ears turned an almost violet color, he was so embarrassed. As the dance winded down, they all shouted ‘Go Gryffindor!’ at the same time, and Hermione was flipped up in the air by Parvati and Lavender. Everyone laughed at them.
“Hey, don’t laugh at us!” Snape yelled, and he began to cry furiously.
“Snape, cheer up. It’ll be better, once Ronald-” Lavender eyed Ron impatiently, “learns a different dance,” she cooed.
“I’M NOT IN IT!” Ron roared.
“Well, I didn’t know anyone had a soft spot for Snape!” whispered Dean to Seamus. They laughed uncontrollably.
“Shut up, or we’ll come in and paint your toenails an ugly shade of fuchsia!” Snape yelled to Ron.
After that incident, Snape was conspicuously absent. When Harry and Ron saw it, Hermione laughed.
“Eh, Hermione, won’t he remember it?” asked Ron.
“Nope! Isn’t it awesome?” squealed Hermione.
“Fred and George are bloody brilliant, not that they already weren’t!” he replied happily.
Saturday was the House Cup. Everyone was really excited, and all of the Cheer Squad was in costume. It was Slytherin against Gryffindor, and Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw were betting that Harry would catch the Snitch first.
“Well, Potter, ready to lose?” drawled the Slytherin Seeker, Draco Malfoy.
“Shove off, Malfoy! You know there’s no way in the world you can beat my Firebolt,” replied Harry coolly.
“You call that thing a broom? It looks like something the Weasley family gave you,” spat Draco.
“Well, at least they would care enough to give me something!” yelled Harry.
“Oh, enough fighting now, boys! Now, I’m off to the Quidditch pitch. You better watch me! Oh, I almost forgot this!” said Snape in his girlish voice. He drank the potion that was attached to his right sleeve. Instantly, he started lolling about, and his eyes were rolled up into his head. He had apparently either a) gotten high off the stuff Hermione gave him, or b) had some sort of allergic reaction. He then tried to kiss Malfoy, but Malfoy ran away before his lips could grab a hold.
“Professor, are you okay?” asked McGonagall.
“Yes, I’m fine,” he slurred.
“No, you’re not. Come on; let’s get you up to the Hospital Wing…”
“NO!” Snape bellowed in that girlish voice.
“Fine, go and make a fool of yourself. See if I care,” retorted McGonagall, but you could tell she was smiling.
“Oi, Hermione, where’s Ron?” asked Harry.
“I…dunno. Maybe he’s at the Pitch, already practicing for the Cup game…or he’s sleeping. I’m going back up to the Common Room as soon as I grab some toast. See you at the Pitch, Harry!” she hastily replied as she grabbed toast and skirted off up the stairs.
“WAIT!! What’s wrong with Snape?” called Harry.
Hermione stopped and came slowly back down.
“Fred and George also gave me some stuff that I forget the name of. It gets you high for about 6 hours, maybe longer. It won’t hurt him a bit, I think,” she said, and hurried back up the stairs.
In the cozy common room, Ron was nowhere to be found. Hermione even looked in the boy’s dormitory. No Ron. ‘Strange, he’s out of bed, but he’s not here,’ she thought impatiently. She asked everyone there, but no one would talk. They apparently knew where he was. Then, she heard a sniff and a sneeze coming from under his bed. She lifted up the bed skirt, and there he was, covered in dust!
“Ronald, what ARE you doing? It’s game day!” Hermione yelled.
“Neville!” yelled Ron.
“I didn’t say anything! She heard you sneeze!” he replied.
“Shit,”
Ron hoisted himself out of the bed to be greeted by Hermione with…A KISS?!
“What the bloody hell are you doing, Hermione?!” asked Ron incredulously.
“I’ve wanted to do that for over six years,” she replied breathlessly.
“Well, in that case…” said Ron.
He then pulled her in for a kiss. It was hot and passionate! Hermione’s hands explored everywhere, and Ron ran his hands down her breasts as they rolled around on the floor. Hermione let a moan escape her, and she breathed in his own manly scent. He was lost in their own world that they were perfect in. Finally, it was time to go, but it was all too soon.
“Ron, are you ready?”
“Yes. Now, let’s go, before I try to change your mind.”
“Oh, you won’t.”
At the Pitch, everyone filed in. The cheerleaders were there, waiting for both of them. They ran to make it in time.
“Ready?” asked Hermione.
“Ready!” replied all of the cheerleaders, but Snape said more of a “Rejee!”
They began doing the cheer before the game started to get everyone pepped up. Snape wasn’t even in time! His eyes were all rolled up, and he kept trying to kiss Lavender. Hermione and the cheerleaders just simply worked around him. He did still gyrate and shake (he wasn’t deaf; he could hear the music), but he tried to do a split in the middle of the song. BAD IDEA! His leotard ripped, and he tripped Parvati, Lavender, and Luna. He didn’t even get all the way down for a real split, but everyone saw his orange boxers covered in red roses with the words ‘I Love White Bubbles’ written across his crotch. He got up, and by then, every student was laughing, the teachers were stupefied, and Harry had lost control and fell off his Firebolt that he’d been riding during the routine. He only fell 4 feet, so it was no biggie. Ron finally came top his senses after the whole squad yelled ‘Go Gryffindor!’, and he conjured up a Bludger, levitated it to Snape, and plopped it on his head. Snape was out cold and levitated to the hospital immediately after by Dumbledore, who was laughing hysterically, but was trying to make it look like coughing. It wasn’t working out so hot.
As it turned out, Gryffindor won, and Malfoy was as mean as ever, but once the word ‘Bubbles’ was mentioned, he would stalk off, cursing them. He knew his own Head of House had made a fool of himself, and he guessed it was Hermione’s idea. Everyone, even the teachers, laughed about it all day, and up until the train came Sunday. No one had ever seen Snape have humor that didn’t involve blasting other people, so they thought it funny.
McGonagall, the Head of Gryffindor House, went to visit Snape in the hospital wing after the students left (for their safety). She was very pleased at the fact that his eyes were now facing the right direction.
“Good to see you normal again, Severus,” said McGonagall.
“Why am I here? And why am I wearing boxers that say ‘I Love White Bubbles’?” he asked suspiciously, as if it were her fault.
“Well, let’s just say that this year wasn’t too serious,” she said with a smile.
“POTTER!” shouted Snape.
“Snape, they’re gone. The train left yesterday,” she said.
“Why that little-”
Afraid of Snape, and wanting to get away before her *virgin ears* were harmed, she spelled Snape.
“Petrificus Totalus!” she bellowed.
Snape went as still as a rock, mouth open, yelling, eyes full of rage. McGonagall left him like that.
Madam Pomfrey later came in to discover him in his state of stiffness, and undid the spell with a simple potion.
“Thank you, Madam, for undoing what a teacher did to me,” replied Snape after his mouth was no longer an ‘O’.
“Teacher? Snape, you are way out of your mind!” scolded Pomfrey.
“It was Minerva! Poppy, I swear!” sputtered Snape.
“Teachers. Ha! Snape go to sleep. Your high still apparently hasn’t worn off,”
‘I must check about how long he’s to be in this state with Fred and George,’ she thought admiringly. ‘Now THEY know how to have fun!’
A/N- One-Shot. *Virgin ears* was off of a review from my friend, hpgurl2121. I don’t own that phrase, either. PLEASE REVIEW!! I need them! Hope you enjoyed ‘A Slytherin Cheer’!