a/n: Sorry it took so long! Personal problems, mixed with lack of inspiration, mixed with overall depression… But, good friends who encourage you (and make you feel bad about not updating), great reviews, and reading some other great fanfics, has brought me back. And I’m glad to be back, I missed this.
A million thanks to Ash (GryffindorGoddess) for beta'ing this chapter for me. And also to my usual beta Roxy Black, who got back to me just in time. On another note, the following song verse is from my new favorite R/Hr song… Behind These Hazel Eyes “ Kelly Clarkson
***
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable,
Like nothing could go wrong
***
Ron sat alone in the dark common room. Everyone had since gone to bed and he found himself content being alone with the flames of the fire warming his face. He had been spending a lot of time lately curled up in front of the fire after dark. After Harry had left, he found he had more time to sit morosely and think about everything that had happened.
He had a big decision to make: forgive Hermione and be a father to her baby, or leave it all behind and never look back. He was lost in a sea of thoughts, a sea that threatened to drown him on more than one occasion. Every time he thought about the baby, images of Harry and Hermione entwined in a romantic embrace flooded his brain. He wanted to scream, to hit something, to do anything to make the pain stop.
Ron was a broken man. The ungraceful act between his best friend and the love of his life had torn him apart inside. He couldn’t sleep, he could barely breathe, and he had no idea how he was hanging on. Sometimes he wished he could just let go. Those were the days that led him down into the common room so late at night. Those were the nights he would lose himself in the snapping flames and empty his mind.
Harry had been gone for little over a month and it was noticeable. He had been the glue that held them all together through this terrible mess, and without him, everything had fallen apart. None of them were talking. Ron could feel his wounds festering with rage, and he couldn’t stand being around Hermione.
Stop thinking about Hermione, you git, his mind screamed, you came down here to forget it all. As he let his mind drift back into the inviting inferno, his senses broke him from his reverie, alerting him to a presence behind him.
“Ahem!” Hermione cleared her throat. “Ron, are you awake? We need to talk.”
***
The day Harry left was the day Hermione realized just how little time she had left before her world came crashing down even more. The baby’s first kick signaled to her that it was now or never to reconcile with Ron if she hoped to ever have any kind of relationship with him. This had been a daunting task however.
The more she tried to talk to Ron or just be around him, the more he pushed her away. She understood that she had hurt him. She understood that he would more than likely have unresolved issues. What she didn’t understand was that why, in the five months of discovering the pregnancy, he had still not given her the chance to fully explain herself.
Not being the type to have a lack of knowledge on her subject, Hermione set to following Ron, intent on getting him alone. She discovered that he spent almost every night lying quietly in the dark common room. With knowledge in hand, she decided that tonight was the night, and she was going to get answers and give answers whether he liked it or not.
She quietly strode down the dormitory stairs, stopping briefly at the bottom to make sure he was there tonight. Seeing Ron curled in the chair by the fire, she silently walked closer to the hearth. Taking a spot behind the chair, she alerted him to her presence, “Ahem!” When she saw his body shift, acknowledging her company, she continued, “Ron, are you awake? We need to talk.”
Ron stood up huskily, not hiding the fact that he would rather be anywhere but in front of her. He walked within a few feet of her and stopped. The room was almost black save for the flickering orange around their bodies and the glow of the fire dimly reflecting on their faces. The silence cut through air, creating looming tension until finally he spoke, “I don’t want to talk!”
Hermione stared blankly at him. She knew the chance she was taking by cornering him. She knew what Ron’s temper was like, if provoked. She took a deep breath, hoping the silence would back him further away from the edge that she feared she was about to push him over.
“Ron, I know you’re hurting,” she chanced.
“DO YOU?” he emphasized the words, almost at a scream. Lowering his voice slightly, he added, “’Cause I really don’t think you do.”
His words stung at her heart. How could he not think she understood? Wasn’t she locked in this whole mess too? Wasn’t she the one who carried the biggest burden? She fought back tears as she collected her thoughts.
“Ron, please,” she begged, “Please don’t be hurtful. I’ve had to think about this just as much as everyone else involved. I’m the one that’s constantly replaying the biggest mistake of my life over and over again in my head.”
At her last words, Ron shot her a look of disgust. “Oh please, Hermione! I DON’T need another reminder,” he said sternly, his voice raising.
“I’m sorry! Ok? How many times do I have to apologize?”
“Until the day you tell me this was all a dream and none of it really happened!!!”
“I can’t do that, Ron!”
“Exactly, Hermione!!! So give it up and just leave me alone!” he screamed.
A tear rolled down Hermione’s cheek as Ron tried to push past her. “What about the baby?” she called out after him.
Hermione couldn’t believe she used the last card in her hand. All her cards were on the table now and it was up to him to make the next move. Ron froze in place. His body became rigid as he turned back to face her. His eyes were cold.
“The baby that might not even be mine?” he asked through tight teeth.
She couldn’t hold back her tears anymore and they began to flow freely from her eyes, cascading from her lashes and falling hard to the floor. As much as it hurt her to hear his words, she knew in her heart that it was good for him to finally let it out. She knew he needed to express his feelings instead of bottling them up.
“Is that all?” she asked through teary sobs, “You might as well let it all out now.”
Ron looked at her stunned. He had fully expected her to storm off in tears while he was free to curl back up in the chair, alone, just like he liked it. Instead, she held back her pride and asked him to give her the worst.
“FINE!” he screamed, “but just remember, you asked for it!”
***
Ginny couldn’t sleep. After tossing and turning for hours, she finally gave up and began the descent into the common room. As she emerged from the base of the stairs she could hear an awful row. Realizing it was her brother and Hermione, she kept herself hidden in the shadows and snuck closer to eavesdrop.
“Is that all? You might as well let it all out now.”
“FINE! But just remember, you asked for it!”
“I fully accept your tirade, just please don’t scream, or you’ll wake the whole house,” she pleaded.
Ron admitted to himself that he didn’t want everyone knowing their torrid situation, but he found lowering his voice to be extremely difficult with the rage coursing through his veins. Summoning possibly his last ounce of strength, he lowered his voice to a normal volume and continued.
“I still can’t believe that you, the love of my life, and my best friend, could so easily stab me in the back...”
“But, Ron,” she interrupted.
“NO,” he said through clenched teeth, “you’re listening to me now. I’ve had enough of listening to your excuses!”
She opened her mouth to speak again, but he shot her a stern look and she quickly snapped her jaw shut. She would just have to make her points when he was done venting. And how could he call them excuses?
“The two people I care about most in this world are the two that hurt me the most. I have NO one to turn to. I can’t trust anyone. I can’t even trust my own thoughts right now. How could you turn my whole life around in such a horrible way?
“My skin feels like it’s crawling every time I’m around you. Without even asking the question of if I’m ready to be a father or not, I must first ask the question, if I want to father a child that might not be mine. I don’t know how to answer either question.
“I know that, it’s not fair to ask myself if I’m ready to be a father when you don’t have the choice to ask yourself if you’re ready to be a mother. However, you made your own bed, so you should lie in it. And don’t tell me I’m being cruel because you deserve to hear everything I’m telling you and SO much more.
“Look, in my heart I know I want to do the right thing and step up as a father, but I can’t get past my mind telling me that it might not be my place. I don’t care if Harry goes and relinquishes his role to keep our relationship intact, because as far as I’m concerned our relationship is over. It was permanently broken the day you chose him over me.
“Nothing can ever be like it was. Maybe one day we can start something new. I still love you Hermione, no matter how much my mind tells me not to. You just need to give me time.”
Hermione stood intently, listening to Ron’s every word. She took in everything he said and admired the passion behind it. Maybe she hadn’t truly understood the depth of Ron’s pain, but now she could. She was startled at the extent that he had opened up to her, but she was even more startled when he admitted that he still loved her. It was the one thing she hadn’t expected him to say, and she began to cry silently.
Ron turned his back, walking silently back to his chair. He couldn’t believe the things he had freely admitted to her. He was scared at finally releasing his most prized secret of still loving her, but at the same time he felt at ease and free from burden at not having anything to hide.
As he sunk into his chair, the sound of stomping feet caused him to swing his head back towards Hermione. Both were caught off guard as Ginny, eyes blazing, stormed out of the shadows towards them.
“HOW COULD YOU LET HER OFF SO EASILY?” she screamed angrily at her brother, waving her finger violently in Hermione’s direction.
Ron stumbled out of his chair as his sister approached with fury dripping from her words. “RONALD WEASLEY, HOW COULD YOU LET HER OFF SO EASILY?” she repeated, now prodding her finger into his chest.
Ron chanced a scared glance to Hermione, causing Ginny to turn as well. Seeing the stunned and fearful look on Hermione’s face made Ginny want to smirk, but it was so unlike her. Everything that had happened to them all lately had caused her behavior to change so contrastingly.
“I couldn’t keep it bottled up anymore,” Ron started shakily. “Look what it’s doing to us,” he said pointing his finger the full length of her body.
“You’re not the only one she’s hurt, Ron!”
“I know, but we can’t change what happened!”
“But she knew how I felt about Harry! She knew more than any person and yet she still did this to us…to…to…to me,” Ginny seethed, a slight stutter appearing in her voice.
“Ginny...” Hermione spoke up.
“NO!” Ginny screamed, “I don’t want to hear a single thing out of your mouth!”
Before Ginny could rage anymore, Hermione let out a painful scream and dropped to the floor. Ron rushed to her side in a panic. Ginny froze, unable to comprehend the situation.
“Hermione?” Ron voice shook with panic, “What’s happening?”
“Tt-the ba-baby…” Hermione managed to get out before screaming again.
She was gripping her stomach tightly. Ron lifted her into his arms, screaming at the frozen Ginny to run and get Madame Pomfrey and meet him in the Room of Requirement. Ginny helped him through the portrait hole, and took off down the stairs as Ron carried Hermione down the corridor and entered the newly formed door on the 7th floor. They didn’t need Hermione’s screams to draw any unneeded attention to their situation. He laid her down on a couch in the room and stroked her hair. It’s too soon, his mind screamed, six months is too soon!
a/n: Dun-dun-dun….ooh a cliffhanger! Never seen one of those from me before huh? Well I figured after writing over 2000 words (my longest chapter yet) this story deserved a surprise ending. Hope everyone enjoyed! And I hope this extremely long chapter made the chapter worth the wait after my hiatus. =) And please tell me you understood the title of the chapter!