This is how it feels to be Harry Potter, now:
You leave Dumbledore’s office silently. You feel that now, you should understand everything. Understand why it happened. How it happened. You think that, in your heart, you should feel gratefulness. For what Dumbledore has done for you. How he has done his level best to help you with what you must eventually face…
But you don’t.
There is a furnace where your heart should be and in it burns hatred and fury.
All you can think of is how your mentor, the man you trust – trusted – more than anyone has failed you. In his eagerness to aid you he has caused you unbearable pain. He has only added more horror to your life – forced you to see more death, more suffering, more of the corruption that plagues the world.
You spent a month in Salem.
It feels like ten years.
And in those ten years you have aged rapidly. You follow Ron and Hermione, but you have to drag your feet, repeatedly force yourself to focus on where you step.
Dumbledore’s words begin to haunt you. He could have saved you the torture, could have stopped you from experiencing something that, by all rights, you should never have been required to experience. Salem was not supposed to be a part of your life. It was only something to read about, something to hear Professor Binns drone on and on about – couldn’t he have left it that way?
However, I admit, that if I chose, I could have brought you back to this time, saved you the horror, and I could have dealt with the repercussions later.
And you hate him for it.
Hate that he could and he didn’t.
Hate that he is unable to see: you are not above human. What hurts others. hurts you. What tortures other, tortures you. And what they do not wish to witness, you do not wish to witness either.
You remember…
You remember the anger that enveloped you as he spoke, and how you felt once more what you had felt twice before: a snake rising inside you, a snake that wanted nothing more than the death of that blue-eyed man who stood before you. You remember the black hatred, the icy venom in the snake’s veins as he told you that Muggles had been blamed, that Naima had been killed… as he told you that he could have saved you the horror and did not.
You remember… Oh how the snake wished that his words were just another dream, another vision of death, that you could leave the room and sink back into the drowning darkness that had been your prison for twelve days. You remember the snake inside you thinking that if he had just brought you and Ron and Hermione back then they would not have died—
And in one blazing, horrifying moment, you understand. You realize… There is no snake. There never was one.
There was and is… only you.
Only Harry Potter. Only the Chosen One. Only the Boy Who Lived.
Only you.
You who hated Dumbledore with every bit of feeling you could muster.
You who wanted Dumbledore dead.
You…
It was your fault that Hermione died.
That Ron died.
That Naima died.
Your fault that Dumbledore had sought to send you to Salem in the first place.
Because he had seen something that you had been ignoring? Because he had known that deep down, you were hiding a fear, a fear even you didn’t realize you had… a fear which was not Harry Potter. A fear that Harry Potter could not have had. Not you.
But a fear you did – do – have.
As impossible as it sounds.
As incredible as it is.
A fear that no one and nothing could – can – banish. You know that now. Dumbledore has tried – and failed.
Failed badly.
And you lie down on your bed and realize.
You are alone now.
You always have been alone.
Because during the most momentous parts of life, the big comings and goings, you live and die alone.
Just you.
Your choice to turn back or move forward.
And because in the end, you must face the final, biggest transition, you know, you will always have to be alone…
And in a burst of pure hatred, fury that makes you want to scream and rage, you reach into yourself, with every drop of magic you have, to destroy the snake that hides in your heart. But as hard as you try you cannot reach it. Touch it. Destroy it.
In the end, you cannot.
In the end, you are too weary.
In the end, you know that if you were on a battlefield right now, you would just lay down and die… give up…
And in the end, you do not think you want to destroy that snake...
Because you know: you were born alone – and you will die alone. Unless you can stop it. Stop death. And the snake, the snake that resides in the furnace you call a heart, knows how to stop it.
You can embrace the snake. You can gather it unto yourself.
And you will never have to die again.
And you will never have to watch them die again.
And you will never have to be alone.
If only you become that snake.
You pull your covers over yourself and call goodnight to Ron.
You know – as intelligent as Dumbledore is, as perfect as his plan had been – there was nothing he could have ever done. It is all you.
You are the snake.
The snake is you.
And so it is yourself, you will have to fight.
Yourself, you must destroy.
And you do not know if you ever can.
You close your eyes.
And you see the snake.
And you know that you have never, ever, in your entire life, feared death more than you do know.
Dumbledore’s plan has failed him.
Has failed you.
The snake curls and uncurls, like smoke. And you hear its hiss – your hiss… its words…
Join me… join me… join me…
Your head falls onto your pillow and you sleep…
A/N: I didn't want to put this at the top, since it would give some details of the chapter away. :) So! We have finally reached the end! I can hardly believe it - the first story I have ever completed in my writing career! :) Not a very happy ending - if I say so myself - since Harry seems to have found a fear that should not exist in him at all! The epilogue revelations warrant a sequl to this fic... but I don't think there will be one. ^_^ An enormous thanks must go to my readers and reviewers who've made this entire story possible! If it weren't for you, guys, I would have quit ages ago! So THANK YOU! Thanks also to my sister who read each chapter and yelled at me for giving such horrible cliffhangers! Those you who actually would like to see more of my writing - don't worry, more will be coming very soon. Meanwhile, check out my latest Dark/Angsty One-Shot Sweat and Blood. For the final disclaimers: Harry and Co. belong to J.K Rowling (and thank God for that, I could never write as well as her!). The style for this chapter doesn't belong to me - it was used by author Matthew Strover in the Star Wars: The Revenge of the Sith novel. The Salem Witch Trials really did occur (though not in the way I described them) and I am in no way insulting any of the poor victims of the trials - take no offense from this! Also I have used a quote in this chapter: "You live and die alone". Not my words - but I'm not sure who made the quote either. And once again, thank you for reading and reviewing and I love you all! Until next time, your faithful author-in-training: Amel