A/N: Fyi, everyone, this story is mostly told from Tonks's POV. However, I am a whimsical person and occasionally switch narrators for no particular reason. Also, PLEASE correct me if I make any terrible canon time errors, in case the miraculous mods somehow miss one.
Molly Weasley liked being a mother.
After having seven children, eight if you included Harry, she was quite good at it. She also liked to cook, and was proficient in this as well, which is a very important trait in a successful mother.
At the moment, she was stirring a huge pot of onion soup and thinking of nothing in particular. It was half-past ten, and she had been expecting company for half an hour now.
Molly smiled wryly. More children for Mother Molly.
She sighed. Yes, she liked being a mother. Lately, though…
It was starting to worry her, the way people came to her for help, and the way some people were acting. Her own children were enough to keep track of. Then there was Hermione, who was sure to become her daughter-in-law someday, Molly reflected happily. Then Harry, poor dear, didn't have anyone to rely on at his godforsaken house, and he was nearly part of the family anyway. She was glad to have him.
Dumbledore, though…she wasn't used to having Dumbledore to take care of. The man was haggard and exhausted, and always appreciated her home-cooked meals when he could have them. Remus, too, nearly collapsed at the table when he found the time to come over. And Tonks…
Molly sighed again. Poor Tonks. It was no secret what was troubling her, of course. You'd have to be blind to ignore her new Patronus. Some passed it off as Sirius and grief over him, but those who knew her well saw only a wolf — Remus. And Molly certainly knew Tonks well.
It was, of course, hopeless. Molly knew that as well as the next person. Remus was too guilt-ridden and stubborn to let anyone in, no matter how much he loved them. He did love Tonks, she could just tell. He always looked at her with an odd light in his eyes, always asked after her, always tried to spend as much time as he could with her. Molly didn't even think he noticed it as a conscious habit. Love had a way of sneaking up on you.
Molly beamed fondly, thinking of Arthur. Yes, it certainly did…
She couldn't approve of the way Remus was handling it, though. He had been conspicuously absent for the past fortnight, on the grounds that he was on his spy mission for Dumbledore — where, he hadn't said. And Tonks was more depressed than ever. She hadn't been there for a couple of weeks, abandoning them right after Remus left.
In fact, Molly thought with a frown as she checked her watch, she should be here by now. It's nearly eleven. Can't say much for Tonks's promptness lately. Still, though…times like these, she could be held up…
Molly felt vaguely teary just thinking about it, but at that moment, there came a knock at the door.
Despite the fact that it was most certainly Tonks, her chest tightened. "Declare yourself!" she called at the door.
"It's me, Molly," came a depressed voice. "I mean, it's me, Nymphadora Tonks. Oh, hang on…right, what's Ginny's favorite color?"
Molly couldn't help but smile furtively. "Bottle green. And for you, what's the one thing you can't live without?"
A pause. Molly's heart skipped a beat. But then the answer came:
"I'll lie and say that it's the quilt my brother gave me before going overseas. But we both know that the answer has changed."
Molly's matronly heart melted. She hadn't known it ran this deep for the young woman, that it would change her identification answer. "Oh, Tonks, poor lamb," she murmured, swinging the door open.
Tonks took one look at her and burst into tears.
Molly was horrified and touched at the same time. "Oh, darling, come in, oh, don't cry…" she soothed Tonks, wrapping an arm around her and leading the sobbing young woman into the kitchen. Tonks sat blindly, tears still pouring down her wan face.
Molly quickly set some water boiling with a flick of her wand, then sat across from Tonks. Reaching over the table, she took Tonks's hands in her own. "Now, dear, why don't you tell me what's troubling you?" she suggested, even though she knew.
Tonks wasn't stupid. She yanked her hands away and dashed the tears off her face. "Oh, Molly, please don't play the fool," she sniffed piteously. "You know perfectly well what's troubling me."
"Well, yes," Molly admitted cautiously. "I do have a general idea. But if, perhaps, you could tell me exactly…?" She let the question hang in the air between them — not pushing just yet, merely casual and curious. You had to play these games with an unwilling youngster.
To her surprise, it worked right away. This was sad in and of itself: Tonks, so independent, was caving in and spilling what had happened, docile and sad.
"You know how the two of us had been talking," she began shakily, still sniffing and wiping away tears. "About…well, you know. Except that was only half of what bothered me. The other half was – was him. A couple weeks ago, the night before he left, I told him. I told him I love him. And he – he – he…"
Tonks's face crumpled under a new onslaught of tears.
Molly clucked sympathetically and got to her feet, fixing a hot cup of tea, her mind clicking away.
She loves him, he loves her. He turned her away, though, and now she's in a worse state than ever.
Molly was at loss for what to do. There were only two ways to fix it, and both of them relied on the dubious temperament of either Tonks or Remus. Neither way was entirely likely to happen.
But for now, at least, she could offer a listening ear and hear more of what specifically nagged at Tonks's mind. Molly turned and offered Tonks the cup of tea, which the young woman accepted gratefully. She had her forehead propped on one hand, almost shielding her face, as if she was too tired to raise her head herself and was trying to hide from the world. Molly's heart broke just a little more for her.
"Now, how has it made you feel? Besides the obvious, of course," she added quickly as Tonks opened her mouth furiously to respond.
Tonks closed her mouth and sighed hopelessly. "It makes me feel…not good enough. Like I'm not special enough for him." Her eyes filled yet again. "Like I'm worthless."
"Oh, Nymphadora." Molly squeezed one of her hands. "If his reaction is any indication, he thinks you're too good for him, too special. You…well, you know how Remus is. Guilty. He wouldn't want to tie you down."
"Why are you taking his side?" Tonks snapped.
"I'm not," Molly explained calmly. "I'm simply trying to clear up his point of view."
Tonks wilted. "Then I don't want to be so special," she whispered miserably. "I'd rather be below average and have him love me than be this 'special' and have him think I'm too good for him."
"Don't wish for that, Nymphadora. It's who you are now that makes him love you." As soon as she'd said it, Molly could have bitten off her own tongue.
Tonks raised her head and peered at Molly with red-rimmed eyes. "He doesn't love me," she argued stubbornly.
Molly sighed, growing exasperated. "Nymphadora, I know you. When you were talking to him about how you felt, you asked him if he loved you, and he refused to answer."
Tonks looked away. "He doesn't love me," she mumbled, less sure this time.
"Tonks, he does love you, and that's why he wouldn't answer. He can't lie, you know him. Maybe he even subconsciously hopes that one day you two will be together. But he also couldn't say yes, and make refusal even more painful for you."
"He's doing a damn good job without saying yes," Tonks said bitterly. She looked up into Molly's knowing face with huge, pleading eyes. "Molly, I don't understand him. It would be one thing if I didn't know about his condition. But I do, and I love him for it anyway."
"It's a burden he doesn’t want to share."
"Isn't that the point of a burden, though, to have someone else help relieve you of it after you've learned your lesson?"
"Remus doesn't see it that way. He sees it as his problem, and his alone. He's been hurt so in his life that he can't bear to think of having someone he loves hurt the same way."
Tonks was quiet for moment, save for a solitary sniffle. Then she muttered, "I was really good at Potions, even if Snape was a git…I'll bet I could make a Wolfsbane Potion with enough practice…"
Molly couldn't help but chuckle at Tonks's zeal, but subsided at Tonks's doleful glance. "Oh, come, I'm not laughing at you. I think it's wonderful and noble what you want to do for him, and the both of you certainly deserve some love in your lives. I was just thinking that it's a sweet idea."
"Wasted on him, though," Tonks grumbled. "Molly, how do you get over someone?"
Molly laughed, then sighed. "Oh, dear, if I knew, I would tell you."
Tonks glanced her curiously. "Haven't you had to get over anyone?"
Molly hesitated, then plowed on. After all, it was an encouraging sort of story, though granted, she'd never told anyone before…
"Well, technically, I should have. I had a crush of the worst sort when I was a first-year. The boy was absolutely adorable, and such a sweet lad too!" Molly turned pink with pleasure and leaned in conspiratorially. "They always thought I seemed less clever than I was, but it was only because I daydreamed about him too much!"
Tonks was smiling a bit by now, which made Molly very proud. Lately, it was a near-impossible feat. "What happened with him?"
"Well, by fifth year, I decided to try to forget him. It seemed useless. He wasn't particularly sought after, and nor was I, but he never paid extra attention to me. By then, we knew each other enough to chat occasionally, but that was it. So I tried.
"But Nymphadora, darling, it is far harder than it seems. I did try, with all my might, but every time it seemed that I might be able to move on, he'd do something that would make me fall in love with him all over again. My heart was wrenched this way and that every day that year.
"Imagine my surprise, then, when right after O.W.L.S, this boy came up to me – shyly, but he did so – and said that he felt so confident about how he'd done on O.W.L.S. that he'd mustered up the courage to do what he'd wanted to since second year: ask me to go with him." Molly beamed.
By now, Tonks had forgotten her tears and was listening with avid interest. At this point in the story, another small smile graced her elfin features. "That's so romantic," she sighed. "I'm not even one for romance, really, but that's such a lovely story."
"It is, isn't it? We dated all through Hogwarts."
"What was his name?" Tonks queried curiously.
If anything, Molly's smile stretched even wider. "His name," she said slowly, with relish, "was and is Arthur Weasley."
Tonks swallowed, her eyes huge, hope filling them. "Really?"
"Yes." Molly squeezed one of Tonks's hands. "It happened to me. So don't give up just yet, Nymphadora. Remus will come around."
At the mention of the name, Tonks deflated, suddenly small and sad again. "I doubt it. This isn't Hogwarts anymore, Molly. It's harder. He's very stubborn, you know that."
"Well, you'll just have to work on him, won't you? It's not like you to give up without a fight, dear. I've known you for more than a year now, and in all that time, you always had to have the last word. This should be no different." Molly let her voice grow a little stern at these last words.
Tonks took another sip of tea. "But it is different, Molly. I don't know why, but it is. This…this rejection, this situation, this man…they take so much out of me. They sap me. I have no Metamorphmagus powers anymore. I'm surprised I even have magic left."
"If you think like that, Nymphadora, then you won't," Molly said severely. "Now, I think you should try to pull yourself together. Don't give up on him, but don't go around moping all the time. Your long face is doing no one any good."
Tonks sighed hopelessly. "I'll try, Molly, I really will, but I don't think it's going to do much good. I don't like this slump either, but every time I try to move on in the least little bit, I see his face and…" Tonks gestured wordlessly in front of her, eyes bright with unshed tears.
Molly melted and hugged the young woman. "Yes, yes, I know. Now just finish up that tea while I make sure the soup doesn't boil over, and you can talk to me while we do this."
Tonks did, bemoaning Remus's nature and repeatedly wondering why he was doing this. But she also shared memories of him.
"It's funny," Tonks said, snorting derisively. "When I didn't love him so much, I had so many wonderful times with him. And now that I do love him, it seems that all he does is cause me pain. I know he'd never want to do that, but if he doesn't want it, then why won't he just admit he loves me and be done with it? If he does love me, as you say."
Molly sighed. "Love is like that. And as for Remus…I've answered this. I think you know it, Tonks."
"Yeah, I do," she replied dully, another tear trickling down her cheek.
Molly was about to offer more sympathy when there came three knocks at the door. She dropped the soup ladle into the bowl with a splash, her heart all a-flutter. Tonks, she noted, hadn't even the heart to stir herself for this possible threat; she merely sat, staring into her half-finished mug of tea.
No time for her now, though, Molly thought distractedly. "Who's there?" she called shakily. "Declare yourself!"
"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry," came the welcome and unmistakable voice of Albus Dumbledore.
Molly was not expecting him yet, but she didn't bother to ask the identification question. She flung the door open and beamed at the two. Harry smiled back; she was glad to see him well after what had happened in the Department of Mysteries, even if he was a bit peaky.
"Harry, dear! Gracious, Albus, you gave me a fright, you said not to expect you before morning!" she said somewhat reprovingly as she stepped back to let the two enter. It struck her that Harry hadn't seen Tonks in her new state yet; how would he react?
"We were lucky," said Dumbledore. He steered Harry inside. "Slughorn proved much more persuadable than I had expected." At this point, he saw Tonks. "Ah, hello, Nymphadora!"
Molly saw Harry crane his neck about and finally spy Tonks. A faint frown of confusion crossed his features.
"Hello, Professor," Tonks managed to greet them. "Wotcher, Harry."
It was almost pathetic, the way she was trying to pretend she was all right, by using her old catch phrase. The fact was, she'd never looked more ill than at that moment. Harry murmured a greeting, clearly bemused.
Obviously, she didn't feel comfortable staying. "I'd better be off," she added hastily, leaping to her feet and unfurling her cloak. She paused, giving Molly a subtly grateful look. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."
Dumbledore appeared to think his presence unnerved her; Molly was perfectly aware that he knew the situation, however. "Please don't leave on my account," he told Tonks. "I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."
"No, no, I need to get going," Tonks said, averting her face. Molly realized that she was attempting to hide the tearstains on her pale face. "'Night — "
Molly made one last effort. A bit of matchmaking never hurt…"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming — ?"
She put slight emphasis on Remus's name. Mad-Eye, in fact, was not scheduled to come, but he could be persuaded.
It was useless; Tonks, at this stage, did not want to be near Remus. "No, really, Molly…thanks anyway…Good night, everyone."
And she was gone.
Molly could not keep an expression of concern off her face. This was getting quite serious, and unless one of the two gave way, both of their lives would suffer greatly.
At three o'clock in the morning, when Molly should have been fast asleep, she penned this letter:
Dear Remus,
It's time to stop pretending nothing is happening between you and one Nymphadora Tonks. You're making her life a misery, you know, and whether you realize it or not, you're going to ruin your own if you don't tell her you love her. And don't deny it, Remus, I know perfectly well that you love her. Can't you accept a good thing for once? You've had such a broken life, Remus, that you deserve something nice for once. A little bit of love will do nobody harm, and in this case will do a great deal of good. You're being absurd, and I certainly hope you think about this enough to come to a better, happier decision.
Love,
Molly
She received this answer some time later, two nights before he was to come to dinner at the Burrow a second time:
Dear Molly,
To be honest, I should have expected this. I'm surprised that the others haven't started in on me yet. Molly, I won't deny that I love her, but if you tell her that I don't think I'd be able to forgive you. Haven't you seen that my broken life has made me a broken man? I can't give that to her. She can't have second best. There's someone better for her out there, someone young, not careworn, normal. I hate to see Tonks so depressed; but I'd hate even more to see her with someone like me.
Love,
Remus
And that, Molly concluded angrily, was that.
She wants him, he wants her too
Broken message coming through
Same story for different fools…